Chapter 9. Decisions

Summary: Buffy and Spike each have a decision to make.

Buffy may have thought she was prepared to die, but she definitely was not prepared for Spike’s violent refusal. “Buggering fuck, girl! Are you insane?”

“Why not?” she demanded, straightening up and putting her hands on her hips. “You’ve killed Slayers before!”

Lowering her voice to a more seductive pitch, and offering her neck, she tried again. “I know you’d love to drain me. Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to do every since you came to Sunnydale? Well, this is your chance. I’m telling you I won’t resist. I won’t fight back…”

Spike looked like he was ready to throttle her, if only he could stand. Clenching and flexing his fists, his jaw was drawn up tight in an expression she couldn’t quite read, but she knew it meant trouble.

“You still don’t get it, do you, you stupid girl! No one defies Angelus. You don’t lie to him, and you don’t disobey his orders. Not unless you’re willing to pay the penalty or take him down. And I’m NOT willing to have him stake me over you. Because of you I’m not in any shape to stand up to him, and neither are you.” He hadn’t been this angry in a long time. He’d been too busy feeling sorry for himself. There was the Slayer, right in front of him, offering herself to him, and he couldn’t have her!

“What were you thinking, you stupid chit? You just lay down your weapons and strolled into his stronghold? He is NOT Angel! But he is Master here, now. We will both do as we’ve been told, and if you don’t think that was an order, well I bloody well do! If you think this is punishment, then you’ve got a lot to learn. Go ahead and defy him! See if I care!”

He stopped shouting, and wheeled himself away from Buffy and closer to the bed. Then he turned the chair around again and locked his cold blue eyes on hers while he licked his lips. He spoke so quietly she had to strain to hear him.

“I’ll ask him to let me watch while he flays the skin off your naked body. Maybe he’ll let me lick the blood from your thighs while he does unspeakable things to the rest of you…or, you can stop yapping and do as you’ve been told. I won’t ask again. Take your clothes off and get on the bed.”

“You’re lying. He wouldn’t do that to me,” she protested. Still there was that part of her that didn’t believe it. Angelus wouldn’t ever threaten her with such a thing. He must know that she would never put up with this kind of treatment!

Spike shrugged as if it was of no great consequence to him. “Perhaps you’re right. Maybe he’ll just let the staff have a go. Everybody has already had a gander at the two of you going at it like dogs in the park. They’re all hot to see what all the fuss is about.”

Spike was pleased when the Slayer turned beet red upon finding out that they’d had an audience. Well, what did she expect, doing it in public places like that? She really was just too cute.

He wished he’d had the opportunity to watch the two of them at it himself. Stuck here in the house the only channel was the Angelus and Drusilla show. Spike had found early on that he really didn’t have the stomach for that, and did everything possible to be elsewhere whenever they went at it.

Spike shrugged as if he really didn’t care one way or the other what she did. He ought to get an academy award for acting. “On the other hand, maybe he’ll just drain you dry. Well, then we’ll just have to wait and find out.”

They sat in silence for several minutes. The girl wasn’t giving in. Spike couldn’t decide if she was simply stubborn, really brave, or just plain stupid.

He’d try to talk sense into her one final time, then he’d leave her to her fate. Like he said, he was certainly in no position to force her against her will. Besides he’d never had to resort to that in his unlife, and he wasn’t going to start now.

“Let me try to explain this in terms you can understand. This is his house now, Slayer. Angelus can’t afford to let you or anyone else defy him. Every servant is a potential enemy. If they sense just the slightest weakness, they could turn against him. Even if you’re right, and he doesn’t want to hurt you, he’ll be forced to, if you openly defy him.”

He softened his voice, rolled closer so that he could take her hand. Caress it softly. More flies with honey and all that. “It doesn’t have to be this way, Buffy. This doesn’t have to be painful. It’s your choice. What’s it going to be?”

Warring emotions flitted across Spike’s face as he saw that Buffy was finally going to give in. Spike didn’t know what had changed her mind, whether she’d really finally thought about the consequences of her actions. Whether she thought she could avoid torture at Angelus’s hands indefinitely. One way or another, Spike thought, that was where she was going to end up.

For whatever reason, Angelus had manufactured this little drama tonight. No reason why he wouldn’t do so again. Only difference was, if it was tonight, Angelus really might have let him watch. But then he never would have let him bed the girl.

Spike wasn’t too disappointed with the result. It was probably a fair trade. Cheerfully Spike came to the realization that the promised rape or flogging would probably only be postponed by her acquiescence tonight. If he had just a little luck, it was likely he could witness her death throes later on. Ever since his spine had been crushed, the other vampires had avoided him as if he were coated in holy water. Not even Drusilla would touch him. And he was getting awfully tired of spending his nights alone. He could really use a good shag right about now.

Apparently quiet and complacent, Buffy stepped out of her panties and lay on Spike’s bed. Resigned to go through with it, she was determined to give him as little enjoyment from it as possible. ‘I mean, how bad could it be,’ she wondered. ‘Sleep with one evil vampire, sleep with them all.’

Besides, Spike was injured. And he seemed to take Angelus’s orders seriously. He’d been ordered not to hurt her, and if he really meant what he said, he meant to do exactly as he’d been told. She decided that she’d just have to buckle down and bear it; it would probably be over quickly anyway, and then she’d get to go home. Angelus had always let her go before. Why should this time be any different?

Only this time she wouldn’t go home, she resolved. She’d go and tell her Watcher what had happened, (a VERY censored version of the truth at any rate). Then they’d make plans to come back here and exterminate the entire nest. Who was Angelus that he thought he could do this to her? Pass her around to his pals like a trashy novel. She…

This wasn’t what she had been expecting. Instead of a heavy body pressing hers into the mattress, she felt Spike’s hands removing her shoes and caressing her feet. She hadn’t realized until this moment how cramped her toes had been.

“Don’t know how you survive that ridiculous footwear, pet. It’ll give you pains, you keep it up.” He was kneading the balls of her feet, and it felt really, really good. The constant thrum of her desire seemed to be abating somewhat at his touch. Perhaps the touch of one vampire was as good as another?

She felt her whole body relax as he continued his inane patter while caressing her feet. This shouldn’t feel good. He was her enemy. She was going to stake him the first opportunity she could.

His hands were on her shins now, still working their magic. She started to panic a little when his hands passed her knees and started work on her thighs. She tried not to be disappointed when instead of heading towards more intimate areas, Spike’s hand moved to her right palm and massaged it slowly. She didn’t protest as he raised her hand to his lips, and let his tongue travel around her wrist and down the side of her pinky. Then he carefully placed one finger at a time inside his mouth and sucked on it gently. Putting her arm down again, he reached towards the other, just the barest of touches grazing over her breasts as his hand stretched across her body. He had to stop short of his goal; in his current condition he couldn’t reach over that far. Before he could say anything, the Slayer folded her arm across her stomach to where he could easily reach it. Smiling, he treated the left hand as he had the right.

Finally removing his hands from her body, Spike rolled his chair closer to the head of the bed.

“Right then,” he said. “Turn over.”

‘Turn over?’ she thought. ‘With my back to him, I’d be completely vulnerable. Plus, ewww.’

“Go on. I won’t hurt you,” he whispered. “Just want to rub your back and shoulders for you.”

“Why would you want to do that Spike?” The fondling her thighs she could understand, maybe even her arms, but him wanting to rub her back – not so much.

“You’re all worked up, tense.” He had taken her hand in his again and was caressing it much as he had her feet. “You won’t enjoy it in that state.”

He tried to lean towards her but winced and pulled back. Instead he took her face in his hands and brought her closer to him, until he was whispering in her ear. “He said we had to shag, yeah, but he also said we had all night, or near enough. As much as you might not believe it, I’d rather have you a willing participant.”

The Slayer was nonplussed. “Willing? And you think you can make me willing by giving me a backrub? I can tell you without doubt that I will never willingly sleep with you, Spike.”

“Right. Just like you’d never willingly sleep with Angelus.”

He knew he’d gone too far when he saw her eyes narrow. He didn’t even have time to duck as her fist hit him full in the nose.

Screaming, Spike reached for a towel to staunch the bleeding. “Bloody hell, Slayer, it’s not enough you have to put me in this sodding wheelchair, you’ve got to break my nose too? I was trying my best to make this pleasant for you. Trying to help you make the best of a bad lot, yeah. But if you’re so bound and determined to let him hurt you, I’m not gonna stop it. Do what you want. I wouldn’t shag you now if you begged me.”

Grabbing hold of her arm he hauled the Slayer up close to him again. “If you want to try and take him on, I won’t stop you pet. Heck, if I was up to it I might even help you. I’m just saying you need to choose your battlefield, is all. Take him by surprise. There’ll be no surprise or home field advantage if you choose to make your stand tonight. Hell, that’s probably what he wants. But if you let me fuck you, you’ll live to see another night. Get a chance at taking him down another time. At any rate it’d be a sight better than offering your neck to me like a lamb to the slaughter. You go down without a fight, and the bastard’s won.”

Buffy had never been so confused in all her life. In that one moment of weakness she had been so upset by Angelus’s betrayal that she had been willing to let Spike kill her. But what Spike said made a weird sort of sense. If she was ready to die, she shouldn’t throw her life away. She should do it like a Slayer. She should go down fighting. And if she could take Angelus down with her, so much the better.

What did it matter, really, what she did or didn’t do with Spike in this locked room? She was probably going to die soon, anyway, so what did it matter? If she gave in to Angelus’s demands and slept with Spike, he wouldn’t anticipate her attack the following night. If she could just get through tonight, she could face Angelus whenever she was ready. When she was fresh and rested. When she had made up her resolve. It made sense.

Reluctantly she closed her eyes and gestured for Spike to join her on the bed.