AN: was going to point out that there is no angst warning category, then realized it was under genre so I will go back and change that for Chapter One. Please remember this is part of a series and just as happened on the show, it might be a while before there is anything resembling a happy ending...



Chapter Seven

When Buffy showed up the following evening, Spike’s old Desoto was parked in the driveway and he met her at the front door, rather than in his bedroom. Panic crossed her face as she looked back and forth between the car and the vampire and her voice shook slightly as she asked simply, “When?”

“A few days,” he answered quietly. “Brought the car round ‘cause walking long distances is still a bit of a chore, but I can get around pretty well if I use it.”

Buffy nodded numbly. Somehow she had never really expected this day to come, in spite of her spirited insistence that he leave as soon as he was able. She walked aimlessly around the big roofless room, unable to look at him. She could feel his eyes burning holes in her as she deliberately kept her face turned away from him. Finally, the vampire could control himself no longer.

“Buffy—“

“This is because of last night, isn’t it? You think I’m going to expect—“

“I don’t…it’s just best, pet. Surely you can see that? There’s no way this can end well.”

She finally turned to look at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “I know you don’t want to…that you don’t really want me. That it was just a physical response. I understand that. I'm not expecting... I just thought--” She drew herself up and took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Spike. You’re right, of course. You have to go. Vampire, Slayer. Been there, done that, didn’t work out very well.”

“Bloody hell, Slayer. I’m not leaving because I don’t want you. I’m leaving because I do! I want you so bad I can’t sleep. It’s all I can do to keep my hands off you. And you deserve better than that. Better than another vampire; better than…better than me. I’m beneath you, pet. You just keep those fired up hormones in check until you find the right bloke and get yourself the life you deserve.”

She stared into his face, reading the truth of what he was saying there, and nodding almost to herself. When she raised her head again, it was to meet his eyes with determination.

“I want you to make love to me before you go,” she said flatly. Ignoring the way he was shaking his head vigorously, she walked up to him and stopped just short of touching his body with hers. “I want to know what it will feel like with somebody I…with somebody I like and trust. So I’ll know when the right guy comes along. I’ll know what it should feel like.”

“Buffy…Slayer…you don’t know what you’re sayin’.” He was shaking with the effort required to keep his hands off the willing body so close to his, and he backed away as he continued to argue. “When it’s the right man, you’ll know, love. You don’t need to practice. You’ll know.”

“So, you’re going to leave me with my only sexual experience being that I was raped by a sadistic vampire? With no idea what it is like to make- have sex with someone who cares about me? My only experience with a man’s mouth will be the memory of how someone forced you to… Do you want to leave me believing that you would never have done that if they hadn’t made you do it?”

“I did it for you,” he growled, unintentionally confirming what she’d instinctively already known. “Thought I might make it easier for you and to close up the cuts so it wouldn’t hurt so much.” He paused and huffed angrily. “Wasn’t exactly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do either, so don’t go pretending you think it was. Under different circumstances—“ He stopped, realizing from the smile on her face how she had tricked him.

“Bloody sneaky bint,” he growled. “You’re cheatin’. Tryin’ to guilt me into…”

“Is it working?” she asked softly. “Will you feel bad if you leave here knowing you could have made me feel like somebody… attractive and special? That you could have taught me what it feels like to enjoy sex, but that you left me thinking you didn’t want me, that you wouldn’t touch me unless somebody was forcing you…”

She jumped when his fangs descended and his eyes glowed yellow at her. “Enough!” His snarl reminded her suddenly that she was baiting a master vampire who had already killed two slayers.

He quickly faded back into his human guise, but the anger remained. “You don’t know what you’re asking for, little girl,” he snarled. “I’m not some fumble-handed school boy, some nancy-boy that just wants to play bump and tickle with you. I could hurt you.”

Remembering what Angelus had done to her so deliberately, he had the grace to look ashamed for a second and she picked up on it immediately.

“I’m the Slayer, Spike! You think I can’t take what you dish out? You already bit me once. I know what you’re capable of.” She moved close to him again and reached a hand toward his cheek, stroking it gently. “I also know that you can be gentle and caring, and that you can make a terrified girl feel…something…in spite of being in pain and having an audience. I can only imagine what you can do, given time and privacy, to someone who is willing.”

“Bloody stubborn bint,” he groaned as he put his arms around her and pulled her closer.

“Is that a ‘yes’? “ she breathed into his descending mouth.

His response was entirely non-verbal as he allowed himself to once again enjoy the soft warm lips beneath his and to feel the strong, lithe body that melted into him. As they had the night before, they kissed standing up, the vampire taking the Slayer’s weight on his arms as she allowed her knees to give out.

It wasn’t until she felt Spike trembling with effort, that she realized how long they had been standing there kissing, and how much of her weight she had been expecting him to hold up. Tearing her lips away with an effort, she stood up straight and put her arms around his waist.

“Maybe we should sit down,” she breathed, pulling him towards the hallway that led to his bedroom.

“Good idea, luv,” he agreed, walking instead directly to a big wooden chair that had somehow survived the fire with minor scorching. He sat down, pulling her onto his lap as he had so many times already when she needed comforting about something. This time, rather than the platonic cuddling and reassurance that had marked their other physical contact, he continued to kiss her, his tongue tangling with hers, stroking the inside of her mouth and leaving goose bumps wherever else he put his lips and tongue.

His hands stroked her sides and brushed the bottom of her breasts as he took his time, giving her every opportunity to change her mind and recoil from his increasingly intimate caresses. When she was lying across his lap, shivering with anticipation and moaning as his fingers slid under the elastic around the crotch of her underwear, he felt himself shift as his demon emerged; he jerked his head, pulling back and turning it away from her while he struggled to control it.

“Spike?” Her breathy whisper pulled his attention back to the girl on his lap. With a supreme effort, he pushed the demon down and turned back to the lust-dazed eyes staring at him anxiously.

“Not going to do this now, pet. Not like this. You deserve better. We’ll do it tomorrow night, yeah? Give me some time to…to suss out what’s best for you—“

“What’s best for me is you,” she said, sitting up and pushing down her skirt. “But if you don’t want to do it, I’m not going to beg you.”

Her face was flaming with a combination of embarrassment, disappointment, anger, and barely concealed sorrow. She struggled feebly to get up as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly and pleading with her for understanding.

“Know you’re not the beggin’ type, love. Knew that the first time I fought you, didn’t I? I don’t want you to beg; I just want to make it good for you. ‘S going to be like your first time, yeah? I want it to be special.”

She pouted, relaxing back into him as he coaxed her into giving him until the following night to prepare. She reached up and nibbled on his ear lobe, earning a heartfelt groan and a tightening of his embrace as she experimented with using her tongue, lips and teeth to explore his face and neck.

“Don’t you think you could give me a little preview?” she whispered, sucking gently on the skin of his throat and smiling at the sounds she was evoking. “A little something to prove to me that you aren’t just putting me off until you can leave?”

In the midst of his genuine response to her inexperienced, but enthusiastic attentions, he gave a start of surprise at her perceptiveness.

Bollocks! That IS what I was thinkin’. The chit knows me too well.

As if to prove his point, she stopped running her mouth over his neck and asked tremulously, “You were thinking that, weren’t you? You were going to stall me until you could leave here.”

Knowing there was now no way he could leave her wearing the heartbroken expression she was showing him, he shook his head vigorously and said, “No, love. I swear. Tomorrow night - I promise. I’ll have my room all cleaned up and ready for the deflowering of Buffy Summers.”

“Deflowering?”

He shrugged and cursed his Victorian upbringing. “That sounded much more modern in my head,” he admitted with a small laugh. “It just means…”

“I think I know what it means,” she said quietly. “But it’s a bit late for that, isn’t it?”

He tipped her chin up, forcing her to look him in the eye.

“All that bloody wanker did was rupture a bit of tissue that wasn’t doin’ you any good anyway. As far as I’m concerned, I’m going to be teaching a virgin about the pleasures of having a man make love to her. And you’re going to be experiencing those pleasures for the first time. Are you with me here, Slayer?”

Buffy nodded hesitantly and settled against his chest, allowing him to stroke her hair and pet her the way she’d become used to his doing when he was trying to soothe her. Although Spike remained in a semi-aroused state, he was able to keep her from noticing and they passed the rest of the evening in chaste, but affectionate cuddling and conversation. When she was ready to go home, he insisted on driving her there, giving her a goodnight kiss that promised so much of what was awaiting her the next night that she had to hold on to the car door for a second until she was sure she could stand upright.

“Night, luv,” he said, curling his tongue behind his teeth and giving her a heavy-lidded leer. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” she echoed, as she watched the car’s taillights disappearing.