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Ch 5 - Confusion and Clarity
Disclaimer: These characters in no way belong to me. They are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, and Twentieth Century Fox. The story, however, is totally my own creation. This is the second book in my Kindred Series.
Kindred Series
Kindred: (noun) A group of related persons, such as a family, clan, or tribe.
(adj.) Having a similar or related origin or nature.
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BOOK TWO
THE PAST REVISITED
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Chapter Five
Confusion and Clarity
To say Xander was beyond confused would have been an understatement. His whole world-view had been turned upside down in the past few weeks and the changes just kept coming. First he learns about Spike getting a soul, which had thrown him for a real loop. Then that very scary bit with Willow’s resident demon rising from her like some freaky mist from a horror flick…taking shape and solidifying over her head. Brrr. Makes my skin crawl just to think about that. Horror flick! That’s funny considering that my life became a b-rated horror flick when I learned the truth about vampires. Stupid vampires. Hate ‘em all. And that was really the crux of Xander’s confusion these days. He did hate vampires. Always had since his first experience. Even before Jessie’s death, but especially afterward. And although the others had learned to trust Angel, he never had liked the guy. And don’t even get him started on how much he had hated Spike over the past few years. And all this was reinforced by the nightly reality of bloodsuckers that infested Sunnydale like a plague. Xander had learned the hard way not to expect anything good from a vampire. Maybe Spike has made some a decision or two that I can respect – getting a soul, sacrificing himself to save Dawn. Okay, okay already. Yes, I can admit those are definitely good calls on Spike’s part. Even if I’m not a hundred percent convinced of his motives as far as the soul goes…I really can’t see an angle for him to exploit by saving Dawn at his own expense. Not that Xander would have missed Spike after he was kaput, but he had decided that he could find a reason or two in there to fondly remember the peroxide pest for the benefit of the Summers sisters. After all, the bleached menace would be gone for good, so Xander had figured he could afford to be a little generous, and considerate as to how it would affect both Buffy and Dawn. But, no, he had to go and come back as this William character and throw a monkey wrench into everything.
And Xander knew that the others thought he had been unreasonably hostile toward William that first night when he’d regained consciousness, and maybe he had been. Okay, I can admit that I might have been a little bit unfriendly to the guy. How was I to know that it wasn’t just Spike and another one of his plans? Not like he hasn’t tried to con us on more than one occasion in the past. Based on past experiences, Xander was totally okay with how he had initially reacted to the newest vampiric version – Spike 3.0 or William or whatever – that they had originally encountered. The problems started when William’s recollections had affected him on a deeply personal level. Xander was properly horrified along with the others by William’s memories of Angel’s presence in his childhood. And having personally experienced a few impressionable terrifying childhood moments that had stayed with him through to his adult years, Xander had found himself in the odd and rather uncomfortable position of empathizing with someone that he really didn’t want to feel anything for…EVER. Would have been perfectly happy to keep on living in the happy little blissful world of denial. But, no, instead I’ve got to feel sympathetic, compassionate even for William. And that had opened the door to a whole other slew of emotions that were keeping his mind working overtime trying to sort through everything.
It had been nearly a week and a half since the big revelation and Xander had been on an emotional roller coaster ride since then. William seems like a nice guy. Dawn’s crazy about him. Giles respects him. Willow and Anya both think he’s “precious” and just how nauseating is that? He’s been more than respectful around all the girls, even Buffy…especially Buffy. And even Angel acts differently around him. And surprise, surprise! William’s a shy guy – like me, kinda nerdy – like me, not that great with the ladies – like me, has plenty of insecurities – like me. And therein lies the problem. I don’t want to see myself in this guy. I don’t want to understand him and possibly like him, even. ‘Cause somehow, somewhere Spike’s going to come back…I just know it. Just like a bad penny. He always turns up. Can’t get rid of him, even if you try. He can’t even get rid of himself when a prophecy foretells it. And how screwed up is that? AND I DON’T WANT TO LIKE THAT GUY. I can’t allow myself to like that guy. Because what would happen if I let my guard down around William and then Spike did come back? Where would that leave me? Or the others? Would he screw us over? Or would he hurt someone when I could have stopped it? Or what if I actually confided something in him and he used it against me? That would be the worst!
Xander had been the butt of enough jokes to know that you had to be careful who you trusted with your true self or they’d screw you over and expose your flaws to the world. It had happened to him enough times that he’d built up some pretty big walls. And he just couldn’t see letting a vampire in, no matter what. Problem with that is that I get William, and I think he’s someone I could like. And it would be really nice to have a male friend who actually understands me for a change. So, do I dare take a chance? Is it worth it? As Xander was wrestling with this question on his way to work, he noticed William walking into the Sunnydale Hospital as he drove by. That was the fifth time he’d seen William going into or out of the hospital in the past week and a half. Always during the day, but at different times. Sometimes he’d walk in carrying something, but he always walked out empty-handed. Today he had a brown paper bag in his hand and a book. What’s up with that anyway? Xander’s curiosity was getting the better of him, and so he decided that he would seek William out and talk to him. Maybe if he could get a few answers to some questions, he’d have a better idea of how to feel about William. Yeah, and maybe pigs will fly. ‘Course, this is Sunnydale, so that is a possibility. With a smile on his face at the image of winged pigs hovering over the town with the added benefit of being able to control who they crapped on below, Xander pulled into the construction lot to start his day.
As Anya raised the shades and turned the “Open” sign on, she wondered what this day would bring. She’d been around long enough to know that anything could happen at any time and that things could change in an instant. Yet despite knowing that, she’d taken a chance and planned a future with Xander. And just look at how that turned out! I got screwed over in the process, thank you very much. Should have known better than to count on anything like that working out. Never trust that something will pan out. And yet…maybe that was because it was me and Xander. Doesn’t have to be that way with every man. Not like some men can’t be counted on…just a matter of picking the right one. As she went about her morning routine of dusting, artfully arranging the sales displays, and deciding what item to put on “special” that day, Anya’s mind wandered to her business partner. Ever since she’d first noticed Giles in a manly way as someone she could be attracted to, she’d spent more than a few minutes each day contemplating the possibility of a relationship with him. While most women would have spent a great deal of time wondering if the man in question was attracted to them or not, that consideration had honestly not crossed Anya’s mind. Of course Giles would be interested in me. What’s not to be interested in? I’m smart, funny, knowledgeable about the things he’s interested in, business-minded, sexy, pretty, financially stable… As a matter of fact, with the investments I’ve made, I’m actually well on my way to being financially independent. I’m the whole damn package in a pretty wrapper! So, just what man wouldn’t want me? Well, Xander didn’t! Actually, that’s not true. He did want me – just not in the same way I wanted him. And I don’t know how Giles would want me. An occasional date? A serious relationship? Just sex? Hmm, bet that would be hot with him. I know there’s a wild side he keeps hidden away. Of course, that started Anya on thoughts of orgasms, and as her mind calculated how long it had been since her last sexual encounter, she discovered that deciding to take a chance on another man wasn’t that difficult a decision after all. I’m just going to have to be more careful this time, guard my emotions, and pay attention to the warning signals!
Dawn sighed deeply as she looked again at the assignment on the board and then down at her math book. She hadn’t been paying attention to the teacher during the lesson and had no clue how to work the equation on the page. She felt very put out at the moment anyway, thank you very much. How can anyone expect me to sit here and learn trigonometry after spending five years traveling dimensions with my best friend? Well, not that any of them know that. Not like any of them have bothered to ask me either though. That was true…to an extent anyway. Buffy, Willow, Giles and all of them had asked her where they’d been, what had happened, and how she and Spike had gotten back to Sunnydale after their portal closed. Giles, in particular, had been very persistent on that last issue. Not that she’d answered a single one of their questions. It’s not that I don’t want to tell them. Really, I do. Most of it anyway. It’s just that not a single one of them bothered to ask the most important question. How long were we gone? If they had asked, they’d have learned that Spike and I spent five years together. I did a lot of growing up during that time, and I got used to Spike treating me like an adult. And then I come back here and bam! I’m suddenly sixteen freakin’ years old again. Well, that just sucks. They expect me to go to school and learn this crap and listen to all the grown-ups talk. Let the adults make the decisions. Not a single one of them asked me my opinion on what to do about Spike when he was unconscious. Oh, no. Buffy and Angel just took right over and decided to move him to the mansion, and then Buffy wouldn’t even let me stay there overnight? That’s just a load of bull. Treat me like a kid and send me home with someone to watch me. Give me a break. I may only look sixteen, but I’m just as adult as any of them…and more than some. And although her reaction here was a tad on the childish side, Dawn really didn’t have a problem with that at the moment. Since none of them could be bothered to even think about what might have changed for her while they were gone… Their lack of insight was being rewarded with a lack of information. She knew exactly – er, more or less anyway – what was going on with Spike/William and things would be fine in time. It had been mostly explained to her when she made the deal to get him home. And maybe I can’t tell them everything because of what comes next, but I could have at least answered a few questions. And I so could have gotten him to wake up sooner if I wasn’t forced to sneak over there in the middle of the night to renew the connection. Stupid Buffy. Stupid Angel. Stupid Scoobies. But most of all, stupid trig! And with a baleful glare at her math book, Dawn attacked the equation the way Spike had taught her to approach every fight – head on.
Buffy yelped as the contents of the hall closet assailed her head immediately upon opening the door. As umbrellas and shoes and old toys and picture albums and comforters and more stuff than ought to be capable of fitting into any closet piled up around her on the floor, she sighed the sigh of the deeply tormented. She was frustrated in general to begin with, and this was just a minor annoyance on a scale of one to ten. On any other day she probably would have thrown everything back in the closet violently and then forced the door shut. Today, however, this was the final straw. She burst into tears and sat down on the pile of junk. Why do these things keep happening to me? Seriously, I’m not a bad person, am I? I’m the Slayer. I protect people every day. I go out at night and get rid of evil. I may not be perfect, but I try. I try to be a good friend. I try to take care of my sister. And I know that I make a ton of mistakes. But don’t I get any credit at all for trying? No! I just keep getting dumped on…literally this time. The tears were overcome by slightly hysterical giggles at that thought and she sat there for some time shaking, before reaching for an old jacket. Should probably get up and get a Kleenex, but that takes more energy than I’ve got at the moment. And it’s my old coat anyway, so who cares? she thought defiantly as she blew her nose on the sleeve and then proceeded to use the lapel to wipe her eyes. As the tears dried up and the laughter waned, she closed her eyes and tried to imagine what she’d done that was so awful to merit this kind of punishment. Because surely she was either being punished or a curse had been put on her this time. There just couldn’t be any other explanation that she could see. Dawn avoids me as much as possible. She’s polite, but that’s it. For the most part she might as well not even be back for all the connection we’ve got these days. William will barely talk to me. It’s like he’s scared of me or something. Giles is so wrapped up in research that he rarely comes up for air. Xander’s all with the job and avoiding. Who knows where Willow is most days? It’s not like she’s been spending time with me since she got back. Even Angel would rather be at the mansion with William than spending time with me. And what’s up with that? Since when does Angel not want to be around me? What, do I stink? And that thought was frightening enough to have Buffy up on her feet and checking for any offensive odors. Relieved not to find any, she began to pick up the mess in the hallway and decided to organize it while she was at it.
As she sorted things into piles to keep, throw away or donate, Buffy tried very hard to think what else she could do to fix things with the people she cared the most about. Unfortunately, relationships were not her strong suit and never had been. She was great in a fight and always knew what to do. Her instincts were usually dead-on. But when it came to dealing with people one-on-one, she was pretty much at a loss. She had no skills whatsoever in this area and wasn’t sure how she could fix that. How do you learn to relate to others when it’s obvious that you pretty much suck at it? Are there lessons I can take? Exercises to practice developing those skills? Maybe Sunnydale U offers a night class. I could go there from work and then patrol afterward. I can just see myself trying to do my homework on a potential slayee. Excuse me Mr. About-to-be-Dust but I’m curious about how you feel at the moment. Do you think I’ve listened to your views and validated you as an individual? Or do my people skills need some practice? A wry chuckle issued forth at that mental image and Buffy felt marginally better about things. She walked into the bathroom to wash her hands and was aghast at the sight in the mirror. She was a total mess to behold, and for the tiniest moment, she was glad that no one else was around to see her. As she got into the shower that feeling passed as quickly as it had come and she admitted the truth to herself. I’m lonely. I miss my friends. I miss my Watcher. I miss my possible boyfriend. And I miss my sister. But most of all, I really miss my mother. The good thing about crying in the shower is that if you try hard enough, you can convince yourself it’s just water flowing down your cheeks. Today was the first time in her life that Buffy was surprised to learn she had reached a point where there was no denying that it was tears she felt. She was even more surprised by how liberating that particular admission was. But she was most surprised by the desire she felt to find one of her friends – anyone would do at this point, even Anya – and actually talk about things instead of dancing around the issues. Actually, Anya’s probably the best one for that. She’s the most likely to be honest with me…or painfully blunt, as the case may be. But maybe, just maybe, it’s time I tried being open with someone and see what happens.
Willow wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen at this point, but she kept thinking that it should be clearer to her. She was the one who always had the answers, or knew where to find them. But these days she was confused and unsure of herself. She had woken up from her coma as a shell of her previous self – physically, emotionally, and mentally. Her last clear memories were of rage and revenge, followed by intense despair. After that, the demon-thingie had started taking her over, and that was where it started to get fuzzy. She had some disjointed thoughts, sensations, fragmented voices, and other negative things floating around in her head that didn’t make any real sense. And she knew that the best thing she could do would be to get on with her life in a healthy manner. But that seemed to be an option that was just slightly out of her grasp at the moment. Between her abject fear of the possible consequences of ever using magic again to her own innate insecurities to her grief over losing Tara to her regrets over the things she had done afterward… Maybe it shouldn’t be such a surprise that her inner voice lately was highly accusatory. It was the fact that the voice kept sounding remarkably like her friends that bothered her the most. She thought they had forgiven her, but she wasn’t positive, and that voice kept renewing her doubts. The only thing she was totally sure of was that she had in no way forgiven herself for the terrible things she had done. So, she kept looking for things to do that would help her serve penance. She wasn’t sure what it would take, but surely making cookies wasn’t going to help this time.
The first thing she had denied herself was a pretty image. Vanity leads to pride, and pride leads to a fall. She had stopped wearing make-up, not that anyone else seemed to have noticed with everything else going on these days. But she knew, and it was a start…quickly followed by an unflattering self-administered haircut and the return of shapeless clothing. In addition to being vain, being attractive leads to relationships and I apparently don’t handle them well. Oz thought I was cute and we dated. I cheated on Oz, he cheated on me, he left me, and I did a spell with nearly disastrous consequences. Tara liked me and we dated. I tried to control her, lied to her, she left me, and I did a spell with nearly catastrophic consequences. Relationships are not for me. No way. Un, uh! No sirree, bob! If anyone shows interest in me in the future, we’d all be better off if I ran screaming for the hills. Best to avoid that ever happening again. Beyond that she wasn’t exactly sure what else would be appropriate to punish herself beyond denying herself any pleasures. She didn’t deserve to have fun after what she had done. So, every day she went to the Magic Box and spent her time researching, and although this was the part she usually enjoyed, the task brought her no joy now that she viewed it as part of her punishment. Also, there were so many memories of Tara there that it was usually torturous to sit there and research hour after hour when the voices of the past were all around her.
Angel was used to hearing voices. Between the soul and the demon, most days there was a three-way conversation going on in his head. Generally speaking, he could control the flow of thoughts and the soul was the voice of reason to steer him on his path of redemption. But lately, he hadn’t felt that his path was very clear at all. Being around Will was confusing at best and tearing him up at worst. The soul haunted him regarding the incident from Will’s childhood, while the demon reveled in his obvious terror that first night and had since itched to get its hands on the fledgling and teach him respect for his sire. William avoided him as much as he possibly could, and Angel really couldn’t fault him for that. He knew that Will was uncomfortable around him and he understood why – the shock of remembering, the adjustment to living in the future – all of these were valid reasons. Angel knew this and accepted it on one level, but it grieved him mightily. Spike and I have had our ups and downs over the years. More downs than ups, but that was all changing before he went into the portal with Dawn. We had reached an understanding and possibly even a tentative friendship. Now he can’t stand to look at me. And I can’t stand that. Even when he was a fledgling, we enjoyed each other’s company on more than one occasion. He respected my position for the most part, and we were family. He was devastated when Darla kicked me out and I left without him and Dru. I know he was or he wouldn’t have carried that anger for so long. If he were really glad to be shut of me, then he wouldn’t have still hated me when we crossed paths in Sunnydale all those years later.
The part that got Angel the most wasn’t that William didn’t want to be around him. It was that HE desperately wanted to be around William in spite of that. He knew that the smart thing to do would be to go back to L.A. His people kept calling wanting to know when he was returning, and he really should go and just let Buffy and the others handle things here. But he couldn’t seem to let go and leave. That’s my boy. Not theirs. No matter how he feels right now…Will is mine. Always has been and always will be! Damn demon wouldn’t shut up on the subject lately, and it was about to drive Angel round the bend. Of course Will is ours, but he’s also theirs. He lives here now. He has a whole life here – a life we left him to years ago. We have no claim on him anymore beyond that of family. Just what would you know about that? You left him! Angelus never would have deserted his kin – no matter what. He was ours to have and protect and punish and love. Not to leave! Only a pussy like you would walk out on his family. No wonder he hates you. He hates us! Do you hear me, you miserable bastard? He hates you for killing his friends and then turning him into a monster. He doesn’t know me at all. He’s just resentful because when he looks at me, all he can see is you…the monster. Loud laughs echoed in his head. You keep on talking that shit soul-boy. I’m not a separate entity. You ARE the monster. I haven’t gone anywhere. I’m still in here with you, and everyday we walk the exact same path. And no matter how much you try to filter your choices and reasoning through that pathetic little soul… inside you are still me. I’m you. We are one, no matter how you look at it. And you want the same things I want. To kill, maim, taste warm human blood again, take our boy and show him who he belongs to, paint this town red, repay old debts with torture and death, to fuck… SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I don’t want to hear it. You may still be a part of me, but I’m different now. I am a champion. I strive for better things every day…for my redemption. And I will not do any of those things you said. So just shut your filthy mouth. Silence reigned in his head for the first time in days and Angel heaved a sigh of relief. Unfortunately the silence didn’t last as a low dark chuckle rolled through his mind. You may not choose to do any of those things now, Angel, my boy. But you still want to do them, don’t you? And this time there was complete quiet as Angel was afraid to answer that question.
William had always had lots of questions. The inquisitive precocious boy had grown into the man who was confident and secure in any scholarly or medicinal setting. He had shown skill and certainty in everything he attempted to do, and his professors and superiors had lauded both his mind and ability on numerous occasions. But they only knew that one side of him. His mother knew another side – the shy gentle poet who longed for love, the doting son who became the man of the house after his father’s passing. Outside of those arenas, William was as uncertain of his steps as a baby that had yet to walk. He knew his position in society and respected the niceties of polite company. He was a gentleman through and through, particularly in the presence of a lady. Partly because he found a measure of safety in that role. When he was abiding by the rules of his class, he could usually count on being safe from the taunting and cruelty that he had endured in the past whenever he tried to step out and share of himself. Classmates and others of his social standing had made sport of him on more than one occasion, while women pretended not to notice any gestures on his part of a more romantic nature. Regrettably, being impeccably polite afforded him very little protection internally against those things. Thus William had rarely been truly comfortable in any kind of social setting. But at least he could retreat to the safety of his home, the school campus, or the hospital.
Now, however, he found himself in a strange new world with no safe haven to speak of. He didn’t know these people who all looked at him as if expecting a specific reaction. As he had no idea just what that might be, they tended to make him more and more uncomfortable as the days passed. He was still staying at the mansion, but it was not at all a homey place. Can’t imagine the dusty old place ever being home to anyone respectable. Then again, I’m not exactly respectable anymore, am I? And then there was the matter of the presence that was Angel. Bloke makes me bloody uncomfortable. Not just because of what happened in the past – what I remember anyway… I always feel like he’s watching me in that house, and even when I’m out in the garden…I can feel his eyes on me. I really don’t like that at all. And why does he seem so tense when I’m playing piano? William had found an old baby grand and spent a few hours tuning it as best he could so that he could at least enjoy his classical music. More proper to him than what he heard playing on those infernal contraptions that seemed to be everywhere – in the motorized vehicles passing him on the street, on people’s heads, and blaring from every shop. The music was meant to be soothing, and he felt calmer each time he played. But more often than not, he would look up afterward to see Angel standing in the shadows above staring fixedly down at him. Of all the people who have ever made me uncomfortable, and there were many…I have to say that he is the best at it.
The rest of these people who went by the odd nickname of “Skubee” (which is most assuredly stranger than ‘Spike’) affected him on different levels. While Rupert was definitely more of the ‘colleague’ variety than anything else, William felt as if under a microscope around him. Completely on a scholarly basis, and not at all in an unkind manner, but discomfiting none the less. He had only been around the sad quiet girl and the oddly forthright girl a couple of times thus far and had been unable to form solid opinions of them as of yet. Unfortunately Alexander’s opinion of him was quite glaringly negative. While he still wasn’t sure exactly what he’d done to offend that young man so, it didn’t appear that he would learn the answers to that anytime soon. So he avoided spending too much of his time pondering that matter. Other than Angel, the one who made him the most uncomfortable was Buffy. She was always so distraught around him that it kept him on edge. Have no idea what’s affecting her so greatly, but it can’t be good, as she never smiles when I’m around. Poor chit looks to be on the verge of tears every time she looks at me. Not exactly a reassuring feeling in any case. Dawn was the only one of the group that he could really be himself with, but she was spending so much time catching up on her schoolwork that they had spent relatively little time together. So it was that he found himself at loose ends far too often. Eager to get out of the house and away from the oppressive atmosphere that pervaded that place as well as its inhabitant, William had been spending his days exploring the town. On his second day out he had discovered the Sunnydale Hospital. Longing for some sense of familiarity he had wandered inside and spent the greater part of the morning walking the halls. It was around lunchtime that he discovered the terminal ward and a very special patient by name of Emma. These two unlikely friends had formed an instant connection and he had stayed with her that day until visiting hours were over, leaving with the promise to return the next day. A gentleman always keeps his promises and as one day followed another, he soon became a regular fixture in Emma’s room. And although it may have been a bit of an oxymoron, William had found his safe haven amidst death.
Giles was a man of logic, which was a bit odd considering that he dealt in the supernatural every day. Nevertheless, he firmly believed that nothing happened in nature without an explanation. There was cause and effect for all actions. It was just a matter of deciphering the reasons for and possible consequences of any action. These days he was besieged by the certainty that there was a deeper power at work in William’s presence than any of them suspected. He had spent the past two weeks in constant research trying to ascertain what had happened when the portal opened. He had gone over the prophecy translations that Spike had given him multiple times. There was no mistaking the part about the Warrior not returning. And while he didn’t come through the portal they had opened… It couldn’t be as simple as that, could it? A second portal opened and through it Dawn and William had appeared and… No, that’s not what it’s talking about. I’m sure of it. Although I still don’t have an explanation for how that happened, I’m certain that is not why the Warrior didn’t return. And I realize that William is quite obviously not the Warrior, but still…there’s more to it than that. What is it I’m missing? What have I overlooked? Something in these prophecies is a clue and I’m not seeing it. A groan escaped Giles as he tiredly removed his glasses and wiped them clean in his usual fastidious manner. As he put them back on, Anya walked around the corner with a customer in tow, and she filled his field of vision. He was struck yet again by how exceptional she was. Such a lovely girl. Silly of me to nurse this growing attraction. A young woman like that could have anyone she wanted. Why would she want someone so much older than herself? Then again…she’s actually much older than I am if I consider that logically. As his thoughts followed a muddled path, Giles found himself lost in a daydream of being part of a romantic relationship and wondered if it were still possible for him to find love. After losing Jenny, he had resigned himself to a rather lonely existence. And sporadic visits with Olivia not withstanding, he despaired of being alone for the rest of his life. I truly do not wish to live the rest of my life out as a lonely old man. I’ve still got opportunities if only I’m willing to take a chance. And if William can start a brave new life, than so can I, by God. Mind made up, Giles waited patiently for Anya to finish up with her customer and then made the rather bold suggestion that they close up shop early and have dinner together. Although Anya seemed momentarily flustered by this, her token protest of missing out on possible capitalistic gain opportunities was weak at best. And her shy smile of agreement only strengthened his resolve to take the risk and see what came of it.
The blonde man stood rigidly still as he watched them all going about their daily business. Only the occasional facial twitch or sudden gripping of the scrying pool basin betrayed his emotions. He had been instructed to watch and wait, and he respected the one who had asked this of him too much not to obey. And while he had always watched others…waiting was simply not his strong point. The past weeks had been taxing on him at best and torture at worst. As he watched them muddle through each day, he was growing increasingly frustrated by it all. He didn’t understand what it was that he was supposed to be seeing and as he saw Harris approach William with an offer of beer and conversation, he was more confused than ever. As he watched William lift the bottle of Guinness to his mouth and realized how long it had been since he himself had tasted alcohol, the breaking point was breached. The sound echoed throughout the chamber as Spike roared his displeasure at the current situation. “TESSA! Get your lovely arse over here and tell me what the bloody hell is going on!”
TBC
Kindred Series
Kindred: (noun) A group of related persons, such as a family, clan, or tribe.
(adj.) Having a similar or related origin or nature.
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BOOK TWO
THE PAST REVISITED
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Chapter Five
Confusion and Clarity
To say Xander was beyond confused would have been an understatement. His whole world-view had been turned upside down in the past few weeks and the changes just kept coming. First he learns about Spike getting a soul, which had thrown him for a real loop. Then that very scary bit with Willow’s resident demon rising from her like some freaky mist from a horror flick…taking shape and solidifying over her head. Brrr. Makes my skin crawl just to think about that. Horror flick! That’s funny considering that my life became a b-rated horror flick when I learned the truth about vampires. Stupid vampires. Hate ‘em all. And that was really the crux of Xander’s confusion these days. He did hate vampires. Always had since his first experience. Even before Jessie’s death, but especially afterward. And although the others had learned to trust Angel, he never had liked the guy. And don’t even get him started on how much he had hated Spike over the past few years. And all this was reinforced by the nightly reality of bloodsuckers that infested Sunnydale like a plague. Xander had learned the hard way not to expect anything good from a vampire. Maybe Spike has made some a decision or two that I can respect – getting a soul, sacrificing himself to save Dawn. Okay, okay already. Yes, I can admit those are definitely good calls on Spike’s part. Even if I’m not a hundred percent convinced of his motives as far as the soul goes…I really can’t see an angle for him to exploit by saving Dawn at his own expense. Not that Xander would have missed Spike after he was kaput, but he had decided that he could find a reason or two in there to fondly remember the peroxide pest for the benefit of the Summers sisters. After all, the bleached menace would be gone for good, so Xander had figured he could afford to be a little generous, and considerate as to how it would affect both Buffy and Dawn. But, no, he had to go and come back as this William character and throw a monkey wrench into everything.
And Xander knew that the others thought he had been unreasonably hostile toward William that first night when he’d regained consciousness, and maybe he had been. Okay, I can admit that I might have been a little bit unfriendly to the guy. How was I to know that it wasn’t just Spike and another one of his plans? Not like he hasn’t tried to con us on more than one occasion in the past. Based on past experiences, Xander was totally okay with how he had initially reacted to the newest vampiric version – Spike 3.0 or William or whatever – that they had originally encountered. The problems started when William’s recollections had affected him on a deeply personal level. Xander was properly horrified along with the others by William’s memories of Angel’s presence in his childhood. And having personally experienced a few impressionable terrifying childhood moments that had stayed with him through to his adult years, Xander had found himself in the odd and rather uncomfortable position of empathizing with someone that he really didn’t want to feel anything for…EVER. Would have been perfectly happy to keep on living in the happy little blissful world of denial. But, no, instead I’ve got to feel sympathetic, compassionate even for William. And that had opened the door to a whole other slew of emotions that were keeping his mind working overtime trying to sort through everything.
It had been nearly a week and a half since the big revelation and Xander had been on an emotional roller coaster ride since then. William seems like a nice guy. Dawn’s crazy about him. Giles respects him. Willow and Anya both think he’s “precious” and just how nauseating is that? He’s been more than respectful around all the girls, even Buffy…especially Buffy. And even Angel acts differently around him. And surprise, surprise! William’s a shy guy – like me, kinda nerdy – like me, not that great with the ladies – like me, has plenty of insecurities – like me. And therein lies the problem. I don’t want to see myself in this guy. I don’t want to understand him and possibly like him, even. ‘Cause somehow, somewhere Spike’s going to come back…I just know it. Just like a bad penny. He always turns up. Can’t get rid of him, even if you try. He can’t even get rid of himself when a prophecy foretells it. And how screwed up is that? AND I DON’T WANT TO LIKE THAT GUY. I can’t allow myself to like that guy. Because what would happen if I let my guard down around William and then Spike did come back? Where would that leave me? Or the others? Would he screw us over? Or would he hurt someone when I could have stopped it? Or what if I actually confided something in him and he used it against me? That would be the worst!
Xander had been the butt of enough jokes to know that you had to be careful who you trusted with your true self or they’d screw you over and expose your flaws to the world. It had happened to him enough times that he’d built up some pretty big walls. And he just couldn’t see letting a vampire in, no matter what. Problem with that is that I get William, and I think he’s someone I could like. And it would be really nice to have a male friend who actually understands me for a change. So, do I dare take a chance? Is it worth it? As Xander was wrestling with this question on his way to work, he noticed William walking into the Sunnydale Hospital as he drove by. That was the fifth time he’d seen William going into or out of the hospital in the past week and a half. Always during the day, but at different times. Sometimes he’d walk in carrying something, but he always walked out empty-handed. Today he had a brown paper bag in his hand and a book. What’s up with that anyway? Xander’s curiosity was getting the better of him, and so he decided that he would seek William out and talk to him. Maybe if he could get a few answers to some questions, he’d have a better idea of how to feel about William. Yeah, and maybe pigs will fly. ‘Course, this is Sunnydale, so that is a possibility. With a smile on his face at the image of winged pigs hovering over the town with the added benefit of being able to control who they crapped on below, Xander pulled into the construction lot to start his day.
As Anya raised the shades and turned the “Open” sign on, she wondered what this day would bring. She’d been around long enough to know that anything could happen at any time and that things could change in an instant. Yet despite knowing that, she’d taken a chance and planned a future with Xander. And just look at how that turned out! I got screwed over in the process, thank you very much. Should have known better than to count on anything like that working out. Never trust that something will pan out. And yet…maybe that was because it was me and Xander. Doesn’t have to be that way with every man. Not like some men can’t be counted on…just a matter of picking the right one. As she went about her morning routine of dusting, artfully arranging the sales displays, and deciding what item to put on “special” that day, Anya’s mind wandered to her business partner. Ever since she’d first noticed Giles in a manly way as someone she could be attracted to, she’d spent more than a few minutes each day contemplating the possibility of a relationship with him. While most women would have spent a great deal of time wondering if the man in question was attracted to them or not, that consideration had honestly not crossed Anya’s mind. Of course Giles would be interested in me. What’s not to be interested in? I’m smart, funny, knowledgeable about the things he’s interested in, business-minded, sexy, pretty, financially stable… As a matter of fact, with the investments I’ve made, I’m actually well on my way to being financially independent. I’m the whole damn package in a pretty wrapper! So, just what man wouldn’t want me? Well, Xander didn’t! Actually, that’s not true. He did want me – just not in the same way I wanted him. And I don’t know how Giles would want me. An occasional date? A serious relationship? Just sex? Hmm, bet that would be hot with him. I know there’s a wild side he keeps hidden away. Of course, that started Anya on thoughts of orgasms, and as her mind calculated how long it had been since her last sexual encounter, she discovered that deciding to take a chance on another man wasn’t that difficult a decision after all. I’m just going to have to be more careful this time, guard my emotions, and pay attention to the warning signals!
Dawn sighed deeply as she looked again at the assignment on the board and then down at her math book. She hadn’t been paying attention to the teacher during the lesson and had no clue how to work the equation on the page. She felt very put out at the moment anyway, thank you very much. How can anyone expect me to sit here and learn trigonometry after spending five years traveling dimensions with my best friend? Well, not that any of them know that. Not like any of them have bothered to ask me either though. That was true…to an extent anyway. Buffy, Willow, Giles and all of them had asked her where they’d been, what had happened, and how she and Spike had gotten back to Sunnydale after their portal closed. Giles, in particular, had been very persistent on that last issue. Not that she’d answered a single one of their questions. It’s not that I don’t want to tell them. Really, I do. Most of it anyway. It’s just that not a single one of them bothered to ask the most important question. How long were we gone? If they had asked, they’d have learned that Spike and I spent five years together. I did a lot of growing up during that time, and I got used to Spike treating me like an adult. And then I come back here and bam! I’m suddenly sixteen freakin’ years old again. Well, that just sucks. They expect me to go to school and learn this crap and listen to all the grown-ups talk. Let the adults make the decisions. Not a single one of them asked me my opinion on what to do about Spike when he was unconscious. Oh, no. Buffy and Angel just took right over and decided to move him to the mansion, and then Buffy wouldn’t even let me stay there overnight? That’s just a load of bull. Treat me like a kid and send me home with someone to watch me. Give me a break. I may only look sixteen, but I’m just as adult as any of them…and more than some. And although her reaction here was a tad on the childish side, Dawn really didn’t have a problem with that at the moment. Since none of them could be bothered to even think about what might have changed for her while they were gone… Their lack of insight was being rewarded with a lack of information. She knew exactly – er, more or less anyway – what was going on with Spike/William and things would be fine in time. It had been mostly explained to her when she made the deal to get him home. And maybe I can’t tell them everything because of what comes next, but I could have at least answered a few questions. And I so could have gotten him to wake up sooner if I wasn’t forced to sneak over there in the middle of the night to renew the connection. Stupid Buffy. Stupid Angel. Stupid Scoobies. But most of all, stupid trig! And with a baleful glare at her math book, Dawn attacked the equation the way Spike had taught her to approach every fight – head on.
Buffy yelped as the contents of the hall closet assailed her head immediately upon opening the door. As umbrellas and shoes and old toys and picture albums and comforters and more stuff than ought to be capable of fitting into any closet piled up around her on the floor, she sighed the sigh of the deeply tormented. She was frustrated in general to begin with, and this was just a minor annoyance on a scale of one to ten. On any other day she probably would have thrown everything back in the closet violently and then forced the door shut. Today, however, this was the final straw. She burst into tears and sat down on the pile of junk. Why do these things keep happening to me? Seriously, I’m not a bad person, am I? I’m the Slayer. I protect people every day. I go out at night and get rid of evil. I may not be perfect, but I try. I try to be a good friend. I try to take care of my sister. And I know that I make a ton of mistakes. But don’t I get any credit at all for trying? No! I just keep getting dumped on…literally this time. The tears were overcome by slightly hysterical giggles at that thought and she sat there for some time shaking, before reaching for an old jacket. Should probably get up and get a Kleenex, but that takes more energy than I’ve got at the moment. And it’s my old coat anyway, so who cares? she thought defiantly as she blew her nose on the sleeve and then proceeded to use the lapel to wipe her eyes. As the tears dried up and the laughter waned, she closed her eyes and tried to imagine what she’d done that was so awful to merit this kind of punishment. Because surely she was either being punished or a curse had been put on her this time. There just couldn’t be any other explanation that she could see. Dawn avoids me as much as possible. She’s polite, but that’s it. For the most part she might as well not even be back for all the connection we’ve got these days. William will barely talk to me. It’s like he’s scared of me or something. Giles is so wrapped up in research that he rarely comes up for air. Xander’s all with the job and avoiding. Who knows where Willow is most days? It’s not like she’s been spending time with me since she got back. Even Angel would rather be at the mansion with William than spending time with me. And what’s up with that? Since when does Angel not want to be around me? What, do I stink? And that thought was frightening enough to have Buffy up on her feet and checking for any offensive odors. Relieved not to find any, she began to pick up the mess in the hallway and decided to organize it while she was at it.
As she sorted things into piles to keep, throw away or donate, Buffy tried very hard to think what else she could do to fix things with the people she cared the most about. Unfortunately, relationships were not her strong suit and never had been. She was great in a fight and always knew what to do. Her instincts were usually dead-on. But when it came to dealing with people one-on-one, she was pretty much at a loss. She had no skills whatsoever in this area and wasn’t sure how she could fix that. How do you learn to relate to others when it’s obvious that you pretty much suck at it? Are there lessons I can take? Exercises to practice developing those skills? Maybe Sunnydale U offers a night class. I could go there from work and then patrol afterward. I can just see myself trying to do my homework on a potential slayee. Excuse me Mr. About-to-be-Dust but I’m curious about how you feel at the moment. Do you think I’ve listened to your views and validated you as an individual? Or do my people skills need some practice? A wry chuckle issued forth at that mental image and Buffy felt marginally better about things. She walked into the bathroom to wash her hands and was aghast at the sight in the mirror. She was a total mess to behold, and for the tiniest moment, she was glad that no one else was around to see her. As she got into the shower that feeling passed as quickly as it had come and she admitted the truth to herself. I’m lonely. I miss my friends. I miss my Watcher. I miss my possible boyfriend. And I miss my sister. But most of all, I really miss my mother. The good thing about crying in the shower is that if you try hard enough, you can convince yourself it’s just water flowing down your cheeks. Today was the first time in her life that Buffy was surprised to learn she had reached a point where there was no denying that it was tears she felt. She was even more surprised by how liberating that particular admission was. But she was most surprised by the desire she felt to find one of her friends – anyone would do at this point, even Anya – and actually talk about things instead of dancing around the issues. Actually, Anya’s probably the best one for that. She’s the most likely to be honest with me…or painfully blunt, as the case may be. But maybe, just maybe, it’s time I tried being open with someone and see what happens.
Willow wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen at this point, but she kept thinking that it should be clearer to her. She was the one who always had the answers, or knew where to find them. But these days she was confused and unsure of herself. She had woken up from her coma as a shell of her previous self – physically, emotionally, and mentally. Her last clear memories were of rage and revenge, followed by intense despair. After that, the demon-thingie had started taking her over, and that was where it started to get fuzzy. She had some disjointed thoughts, sensations, fragmented voices, and other negative things floating around in her head that didn’t make any real sense. And she knew that the best thing she could do would be to get on with her life in a healthy manner. But that seemed to be an option that was just slightly out of her grasp at the moment. Between her abject fear of the possible consequences of ever using magic again to her own innate insecurities to her grief over losing Tara to her regrets over the things she had done afterward… Maybe it shouldn’t be such a surprise that her inner voice lately was highly accusatory. It was the fact that the voice kept sounding remarkably like her friends that bothered her the most. She thought they had forgiven her, but she wasn’t positive, and that voice kept renewing her doubts. The only thing she was totally sure of was that she had in no way forgiven herself for the terrible things she had done. So, she kept looking for things to do that would help her serve penance. She wasn’t sure what it would take, but surely making cookies wasn’t going to help this time.
The first thing she had denied herself was a pretty image. Vanity leads to pride, and pride leads to a fall. She had stopped wearing make-up, not that anyone else seemed to have noticed with everything else going on these days. But she knew, and it was a start…quickly followed by an unflattering self-administered haircut and the return of shapeless clothing. In addition to being vain, being attractive leads to relationships and I apparently don’t handle them well. Oz thought I was cute and we dated. I cheated on Oz, he cheated on me, he left me, and I did a spell with nearly disastrous consequences. Tara liked me and we dated. I tried to control her, lied to her, she left me, and I did a spell with nearly catastrophic consequences. Relationships are not for me. No way. Un, uh! No sirree, bob! If anyone shows interest in me in the future, we’d all be better off if I ran screaming for the hills. Best to avoid that ever happening again. Beyond that she wasn’t exactly sure what else would be appropriate to punish herself beyond denying herself any pleasures. She didn’t deserve to have fun after what she had done. So, every day she went to the Magic Box and spent her time researching, and although this was the part she usually enjoyed, the task brought her no joy now that she viewed it as part of her punishment. Also, there were so many memories of Tara there that it was usually torturous to sit there and research hour after hour when the voices of the past were all around her.
Angel was used to hearing voices. Between the soul and the demon, most days there was a three-way conversation going on in his head. Generally speaking, he could control the flow of thoughts and the soul was the voice of reason to steer him on his path of redemption. But lately, he hadn’t felt that his path was very clear at all. Being around Will was confusing at best and tearing him up at worst. The soul haunted him regarding the incident from Will’s childhood, while the demon reveled in his obvious terror that first night and had since itched to get its hands on the fledgling and teach him respect for his sire. William avoided him as much as he possibly could, and Angel really couldn’t fault him for that. He knew that Will was uncomfortable around him and he understood why – the shock of remembering, the adjustment to living in the future – all of these were valid reasons. Angel knew this and accepted it on one level, but it grieved him mightily. Spike and I have had our ups and downs over the years. More downs than ups, but that was all changing before he went into the portal with Dawn. We had reached an understanding and possibly even a tentative friendship. Now he can’t stand to look at me. And I can’t stand that. Even when he was a fledgling, we enjoyed each other’s company on more than one occasion. He respected my position for the most part, and we were family. He was devastated when Darla kicked me out and I left without him and Dru. I know he was or he wouldn’t have carried that anger for so long. If he were really glad to be shut of me, then he wouldn’t have still hated me when we crossed paths in Sunnydale all those years later.
The part that got Angel the most wasn’t that William didn’t want to be around him. It was that HE desperately wanted to be around William in spite of that. He knew that the smart thing to do would be to go back to L.A. His people kept calling wanting to know when he was returning, and he really should go and just let Buffy and the others handle things here. But he couldn’t seem to let go and leave. That’s my boy. Not theirs. No matter how he feels right now…Will is mine. Always has been and always will be! Damn demon wouldn’t shut up on the subject lately, and it was about to drive Angel round the bend. Of course Will is ours, but he’s also theirs. He lives here now. He has a whole life here – a life we left him to years ago. We have no claim on him anymore beyond that of family. Just what would you know about that? You left him! Angelus never would have deserted his kin – no matter what. He was ours to have and protect and punish and love. Not to leave! Only a pussy like you would walk out on his family. No wonder he hates you. He hates us! Do you hear me, you miserable bastard? He hates you for killing his friends and then turning him into a monster. He doesn’t know me at all. He’s just resentful because when he looks at me, all he can see is you…the monster. Loud laughs echoed in his head. You keep on talking that shit soul-boy. I’m not a separate entity. You ARE the monster. I haven’t gone anywhere. I’m still in here with you, and everyday we walk the exact same path. And no matter how much you try to filter your choices and reasoning through that pathetic little soul… inside you are still me. I’m you. We are one, no matter how you look at it. And you want the same things I want. To kill, maim, taste warm human blood again, take our boy and show him who he belongs to, paint this town red, repay old debts with torture and death, to fuck… SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I don’t want to hear it. You may still be a part of me, but I’m different now. I am a champion. I strive for better things every day…for my redemption. And I will not do any of those things you said. So just shut your filthy mouth. Silence reigned in his head for the first time in days and Angel heaved a sigh of relief. Unfortunately the silence didn’t last as a low dark chuckle rolled through his mind. You may not choose to do any of those things now, Angel, my boy. But you still want to do them, don’t you? And this time there was complete quiet as Angel was afraid to answer that question.
William had always had lots of questions. The inquisitive precocious boy had grown into the man who was confident and secure in any scholarly or medicinal setting. He had shown skill and certainty in everything he attempted to do, and his professors and superiors had lauded both his mind and ability on numerous occasions. But they only knew that one side of him. His mother knew another side – the shy gentle poet who longed for love, the doting son who became the man of the house after his father’s passing. Outside of those arenas, William was as uncertain of his steps as a baby that had yet to walk. He knew his position in society and respected the niceties of polite company. He was a gentleman through and through, particularly in the presence of a lady. Partly because he found a measure of safety in that role. When he was abiding by the rules of his class, he could usually count on being safe from the taunting and cruelty that he had endured in the past whenever he tried to step out and share of himself. Classmates and others of his social standing had made sport of him on more than one occasion, while women pretended not to notice any gestures on his part of a more romantic nature. Regrettably, being impeccably polite afforded him very little protection internally against those things. Thus William had rarely been truly comfortable in any kind of social setting. But at least he could retreat to the safety of his home, the school campus, or the hospital.
Now, however, he found himself in a strange new world with no safe haven to speak of. He didn’t know these people who all looked at him as if expecting a specific reaction. As he had no idea just what that might be, they tended to make him more and more uncomfortable as the days passed. He was still staying at the mansion, but it was not at all a homey place. Can’t imagine the dusty old place ever being home to anyone respectable. Then again, I’m not exactly respectable anymore, am I? And then there was the matter of the presence that was Angel. Bloke makes me bloody uncomfortable. Not just because of what happened in the past – what I remember anyway… I always feel like he’s watching me in that house, and even when I’m out in the garden…I can feel his eyes on me. I really don’t like that at all. And why does he seem so tense when I’m playing piano? William had found an old baby grand and spent a few hours tuning it as best he could so that he could at least enjoy his classical music. More proper to him than what he heard playing on those infernal contraptions that seemed to be everywhere – in the motorized vehicles passing him on the street, on people’s heads, and blaring from every shop. The music was meant to be soothing, and he felt calmer each time he played. But more often than not, he would look up afterward to see Angel standing in the shadows above staring fixedly down at him. Of all the people who have ever made me uncomfortable, and there were many…I have to say that he is the best at it.
The rest of these people who went by the odd nickname of “Skubee” (which is most assuredly stranger than ‘Spike’) affected him on different levels. While Rupert was definitely more of the ‘colleague’ variety than anything else, William felt as if under a microscope around him. Completely on a scholarly basis, and not at all in an unkind manner, but discomfiting none the less. He had only been around the sad quiet girl and the oddly forthright girl a couple of times thus far and had been unable to form solid opinions of them as of yet. Unfortunately Alexander’s opinion of him was quite glaringly negative. While he still wasn’t sure exactly what he’d done to offend that young man so, it didn’t appear that he would learn the answers to that anytime soon. So he avoided spending too much of his time pondering that matter. Other than Angel, the one who made him the most uncomfortable was Buffy. She was always so distraught around him that it kept him on edge. Have no idea what’s affecting her so greatly, but it can’t be good, as she never smiles when I’m around. Poor chit looks to be on the verge of tears every time she looks at me. Not exactly a reassuring feeling in any case. Dawn was the only one of the group that he could really be himself with, but she was spending so much time catching up on her schoolwork that they had spent relatively little time together. So it was that he found himself at loose ends far too often. Eager to get out of the house and away from the oppressive atmosphere that pervaded that place as well as its inhabitant, William had been spending his days exploring the town. On his second day out he had discovered the Sunnydale Hospital. Longing for some sense of familiarity he had wandered inside and spent the greater part of the morning walking the halls. It was around lunchtime that he discovered the terminal ward and a very special patient by name of Emma. These two unlikely friends had formed an instant connection and he had stayed with her that day until visiting hours were over, leaving with the promise to return the next day. A gentleman always keeps his promises and as one day followed another, he soon became a regular fixture in Emma’s room. And although it may have been a bit of an oxymoron, William had found his safe haven amidst death.
Giles was a man of logic, which was a bit odd considering that he dealt in the supernatural every day. Nevertheless, he firmly believed that nothing happened in nature without an explanation. There was cause and effect for all actions. It was just a matter of deciphering the reasons for and possible consequences of any action. These days he was besieged by the certainty that there was a deeper power at work in William’s presence than any of them suspected. He had spent the past two weeks in constant research trying to ascertain what had happened when the portal opened. He had gone over the prophecy translations that Spike had given him multiple times. There was no mistaking the part about the Warrior not returning. And while he didn’t come through the portal they had opened… It couldn’t be as simple as that, could it? A second portal opened and through it Dawn and William had appeared and… No, that’s not what it’s talking about. I’m sure of it. Although I still don’t have an explanation for how that happened, I’m certain that is not why the Warrior didn’t return. And I realize that William is quite obviously not the Warrior, but still…there’s more to it than that. What is it I’m missing? What have I overlooked? Something in these prophecies is a clue and I’m not seeing it. A groan escaped Giles as he tiredly removed his glasses and wiped them clean in his usual fastidious manner. As he put them back on, Anya walked around the corner with a customer in tow, and she filled his field of vision. He was struck yet again by how exceptional she was. Such a lovely girl. Silly of me to nurse this growing attraction. A young woman like that could have anyone she wanted. Why would she want someone so much older than herself? Then again…she’s actually much older than I am if I consider that logically. As his thoughts followed a muddled path, Giles found himself lost in a daydream of being part of a romantic relationship and wondered if it were still possible for him to find love. After losing Jenny, he had resigned himself to a rather lonely existence. And sporadic visits with Olivia not withstanding, he despaired of being alone for the rest of his life. I truly do not wish to live the rest of my life out as a lonely old man. I’ve still got opportunities if only I’m willing to take a chance. And if William can start a brave new life, than so can I, by God. Mind made up, Giles waited patiently for Anya to finish up with her customer and then made the rather bold suggestion that they close up shop early and have dinner together. Although Anya seemed momentarily flustered by this, her token protest of missing out on possible capitalistic gain opportunities was weak at best. And her shy smile of agreement only strengthened his resolve to take the risk and see what came of it.
The blonde man stood rigidly still as he watched them all going about their daily business. Only the occasional facial twitch or sudden gripping of the scrying pool basin betrayed his emotions. He had been instructed to watch and wait, and he respected the one who had asked this of him too much not to obey. And while he had always watched others…waiting was simply not his strong point. The past weeks had been taxing on him at best and torture at worst. As he watched them muddle through each day, he was growing increasingly frustrated by it all. He didn’t understand what it was that he was supposed to be seeing and as he saw Harris approach William with an offer of beer and conversation, he was more confused than ever. As he watched William lift the bottle of Guinness to his mouth and realized how long it had been since he himself had tasted alcohol, the breaking point was breached. The sound echoed throughout the chamber as Spike roared his displeasure at the current situation. “TESSA! Get your lovely arse over here and tell me what the bloody hell is going on!”
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