Note: Thanks to my betas MadRog and t_geyer for their unending patience, perseverance and support.


SECTION 5 - WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE

Welcome to my nightmare
I think you're gonna like it
I think you're gonna feel that you belong
We sweat laugh and scream here
'cuz life is just a dream here
You know inside you feel right at home here
Welcome to my nightmare
Welcome to my breakdown
Yeah

(Alice Cooper, Album - Welcome to my Nightmare)




Chapter 5.06
Wednesday, May 15th, 2002

Buffy had never thought that just eating could be such an erotic experience, but each mouthful of the dessert that the vampire fed to her was like drowning in his kisses. First there was the tingling, mouth-watering, slow burn on her tongue from the chilli seasoning in the cookie base, like the fire he could ignite inside her with just a lazy glance. Then, there was the rich, velvet-soft darkness of the chocolate filling, decadent as the darkly sensual world to which he had introduced her, its taste enhanced by that gentle heat in a way she could never have imagined. Lastly, the cool sweet taste of whipped cream with the lightest hint of vanilla, soothing and cleansing her mouth so that the fire died down low until the next mouthful, like the coolness of his touch offering comfort and solace.

"Oh god, that should be illegal."

Spike smiled. "I guess you like it, then?"

"Mmhmm." Buffy managed as she savoured the next piquant-sweet mouthful. Her eyes drifted closed, to better concentrate on the sensations in her mouth. Long seconds passed before she spoke again. "Think we could get them to do enough for the reception?"

Spike's smile went up another notch. "I guess you're not easy scared off then, love. Thought there's still things we need to sort out."

"Things we need to sort out, sure," Buffy agreed, "but there's nothing we can't sort out. Is there?"

"I don't know, love. I really, honestly don't know. That depends on how much we're both prepared to bend. Whether you can accept the parts of me that I can't change."

"We'll just have to see, won't we? But I'm thinking any guy that would give up half of his share of this cheesecake is one I want to hold onto."

"And I thought the saying said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

"Yeah, well they got that wrong by about six inches."

Spike took on a mock-aggrieved expression.

"Fool," Buffy giggled. "You know that's not what I meant."

"And you know that I would love you even if we had never so much as kissed each other."

"But the attraction came first."

"You know it did. You know there was a heat between us even back when I was chained up in Rupert's bathtub. Even the bloody watcher knew."

"What?" Buffy looked shocked at the suggestion.

"All that sexual tension. Rupes walked into the living room and said that if we didn't kill each other he might just lend a hand. He's not naïve, you know. He probably recognised it for what it was before you did."

"That so was not about sex. You were unbearable. A total pig."

"And it provoked a reaction and it scared you so much you had Bit subbing for you for the rest of the week."

"I was so not afraid of you."

"Didn't say you were. You were afraid of how I made you feel, and if truth be known, I wasn't exactly over the moon about the state of play either, but I'd have gone with it."

"Id boy."

"This from someone who nearly wet her knickers just eatin' that cheesecake."

"Shhh." Buffy hissed. "You are still a total pig."

"Never denied it, love. Now, here." Spike held out the last mouthful of his dessert just in front of her mouth and after a second's hesitation her lips closed over the fork to draw the confection in.

"D'you know that's the exact same look you get when-."

"Don't!" Buffy cut him off with a low hiss and a kick to the shin under the table. "Don't even think of saying whatever it is that you were going to say."

"Me? What could you possibly think that I was going to say?" His eyes twinkled with mischief as he teased her mercilessly.

"My mom didn't bring me up to repeat the sort of thing I suspect you were going to say."

"No," Spike's voice softened. "She brought you up to be just perfect." For the first time since they had entered the restaurant Spike relinquished his grip on Buffy's hand. His fingers brushed against her neck and jaw line as he drew her close for a chocolate flavoured kiss. They skirted over and around her claim mark and then back to her jaw, only to return again tantalising seconds later.

She moaned his name as she finally drew back for air, her eyes glazed with need.

Spike tossed enough bills on the table to cover their food and a generous tip. "C'mon, pet I think it's time we found somewhere a bit more private." With a wave to the watching waitress, he took Buffy's hand once more and drew her toward the exit.

---

They stopped often as they made their way along the beach, to kiss, or sometimes more, as their hands explored familiar curves and planes beneath their coats. Yet, for a long way in either direction the beach, though not crowded, was too populated to allow more than an occasional furtive caress.

Finally, they rounded a headland and saw the beach stretching clear before them. Buffy dropped her small backpack down on the sand and started to shrug her way out of her coat, but before she could, Spike's hands were there, easing it from her shoulders. He folded it over his arm before removing his own, more battered coat and laying it out for them to rest on. He placed hers so that it acted like a pillow without actually resting on the sand itself. He looked on, amazed, as Buffy pulled her top off over her head, not expecting her to be so brazen when they were still scant yards away from the beach's other occupants, and then he realised that she wore her bikini top underneath.

Pushing her top into her backpack she moved over to the vampire, tugging his shirt free from the waist of his jeans. "It's only fair."

"All I can say to that is, if you're plannin' on taking those jeans of yours off, you damn well better hope you don't get me arrested for indecent exposure." All the same, his hands moved to undo the shirt's buttons at her bidding.

"That would be why those cut-offs of yours are in my backpack, but for now I just want to know what you're feeling while we talk all this stuff through."

"I guess we have to?" Spike asked, his gaze wandering up and down the curves of Buffy's body.

"You're the one who pointed out that we don't know how long we've got until the next crisis. And if it's having the sort of effect on you that it did last night, then we can't just ignore it."

"Sure? They say ignorance is bliss."

Buffy lay down on the outspread coat. "Come here, you, and hold me."

Spike let his shirt drop onto the pale dry sand, and then he lay down beside her, one arm propping up his head so that he could watch her while his other hand began to trace lazy patterns on the bare flesh of her midriff, side and back. As Buffy wrapped her arms around him drawing him in closer against her, Spike would have been the last person to admit out loud that his feelings weren't about sex or desire, but all about home and belonging. But then, it wasn't as if he needed to say them aloud for her to know.

She looked up, meeting his gaze. "We went into this claim thing blind. We didn't know how it would work or even if it would work, but I believe that last vision we saw together, the one of our wedding day, was a true one, or at least a possible outcome. So, I don't think there's anything in your thoughts that can affect me enough that I would ever want to give you up."

"Buffy, you shouldn't be touched by thoughts like that."

"Try me. I'm tougher than you think."

"I know that, love, but you still have feelings for the big bland wanker. It's there in your eyes every time you try to defend him or make up excuses for him. It was there in the way you needed comfort when you found out he had a new life, if I'd but realised it at the time."

"Spike, just let it out. All of it. Riley, the Initiative, the chip, whoever's watching us now, everything. Let it go. We need this out in the open."

Buffy gasped for breath as if she were drowning when he finally was unable to deny her demands any longer and the wave of cold, intense, black hatred swamped her. Her grip on him loosened at the shock of the almost physical impact, but then she consciously pulled him close once more, determined to ride out this roller coaster to the end. Bloodlust, jealousy, pain and a thirst for vengeance roiled through her as she held him tight.

Through it all, she struggled with her shock and her horror, to offer him her love. He had never offered her anything less, even when she had acted out her darkest impulses, so how could she condemn him for mere thoughts, however corrupt they might be? She called to mind Wesley's words as she had drifted off to sleep earlier that same day, all the joy, love and caring Spike had brought, in just a few precious weeks. She knew that the time when she might have been able to let him go was long past.

"Spike, it's okay. We'll be okay, me and you, all of us. Just try to hold back on doing anything rash. There's no hurry. We've got plenty of time to sort all this out. We'll find a way to deal with it that doesn't involve anyone getting hurt. For our sakes as well as theirs. Think about Rosa if she lost Clem or Lily. or her Uncle Will, or if we start something and they took Rosa.

If this turns into a war, you're going to end up being their number one target, and I need you here with me. I'm never going to not need you. Just give us time to find a way through this where no one gets hurt, please."

"Buffy, this is bigger than you think. Word's been filtering through from Central America, Africa, all over the world, ever since Finn upped and ran. Remember what I said about the Indians that Thanksgiving? Well, that's what's been happening all over the globe, except this time 'round we've got demons instead of Indians, and Finn and his band of brothers aren't setting up reservations or sending missionaries. It's genocide. Communities that have existed in isolation for centuries are being sought out and exterminated like vermin all because men can't be happy until they have the whole world to themselves, and if the demons defend themselves or their territory then that's just proof that they needed killing. And when they run out of things to kill in the jungle or the mountains, where do you think they'll come next?"

"Don't tell me you're going all politically correct on me?"

"No. If I'm honest, I don't give a toss about a bunch of lizard men in darkest Borneo or wherever, but I needed to put it in terms that you would understand. Sooner or later, they'll be coming for me and Clem and Lily and Rosa. Maybe even the spell-casters, too. Didn't I hear they locked up that fella that turned Rupes into a Fyarl demon, just put him in a box and threw away the key? No civil rights. No trial. So, where does that leave Red and Glinda, maybe even Wes? Then there's Bit and Anya. They're human as far as anyone knows, but I'm sure Finn and his goons'd like to check up on that. And what exactly is it that makes a slayer a slayer? Is it something they can replicate? How do you fancy being the donor for some cloning experiment or something? Do you get my drift, now? Buffy, I was around for the rise of the Third Reich. I watched people deny what was happening until it was too late. I don't want that to happen to the people I care about."

"It won't. When and if they come, we'll be ready. Willow is more powerful than they could ever dream. With time, we can get contingency plans in place. We took on a god and won. We can take whatever they throw at us."

Spike's voice was deadly serious. "Not without losses. Not without losses."

"That's why you're so keen to bring in all these other demons, isn't it?"

"Why did you think? You think I want to use m- your nearest and dearest as cannon fodder?"

"I think, it doesn't matter. I think, together, we'll get through this, whatever happens. And as for some of the rest of the stuff in your dream, I also think that while mum might have had her worries when she found out you had feelings for me, that she would approve if she could see us now. If she could see how supportive you are, and how much better both mine and Dawn's lives are with you around. I know that she liked you, and she never really got beyond the whole best behaviour thing with Riley. He was never just himself around her. And... I think that up to a few months ago I'd have said that that cheesecake was better than sex."

"You're just trying to divert my attention," the vampire accused.

"Is it working?"

"Can't you tell?" Spike's eyes travelled down between their bodies.

"Let's go home, Will." Buffy suggested. "We've talked enough."

---

"You still need to eat something, love," Spike protested as they made their way back along the beach.

"I'll be fine. I skip meals all the time."

"And it shows. We're out here now. Might as well have something to eat before we go back."

"Thanks. I don't hear you complaining about my figure when we... you know."

"Buffy, I'm not complaining about anything, I'm just saying you need to take better care of yourself... or let me do it. Besides, maybe I think you need to build up your energy." His tongue ran over his teeth in that way that always made her knees go weak.

"Sounds like someone's got big plans."

"Or maybe I just want some quiet time alone with my girl."

"Some quiet time alone with a picante fajita, more like."

"That too."

With a noise that was half a laugh and half a snort Buffy resigned herself to her fate. "Okay, we eat and then we go home."