"She's missing!" Dawn screamed, barreling down the stairs at breakneck speed.

The others, who had been preparing breakfast, came rushing out of the kitchen. Tara reached her first, reaching out her hand to calm her down. "Dawn, w-what's the matter?"

"Buffy's missing!" Dawn cried again. "Her bed hasn't been slept in. Her slayer bag isn't hanging up in her closet and she's not here!"

Giles could tell that the girl was a hairsbreadth away from hysteria and put his arms around her, hoping that the pounding of his own heart wouldn't alarm her further. "Spike called and said they were tracking a demon. And then late last night a storm brewed. If I know Buffy she found shelter and stayed inside. Nevertheless, I'll call Xander and we'll begin looking for her."

Xander stepped through the door with Anya and glanced at them. "Who are we looking for?"

"Buffy's missing," Tara told him in a soft voice. "She didn't come home last night."

Anya rolled her eyes. "You can't just expect Xander to drop everything, namely me, and go searching for Buffy! We had plans! She probably fought some hell-beast, realized that she knew his cousin in hell, and they had a beer somewhere." Off of everyone's look, she added, "What? It happens!"

Willow, who had rushed back into the kitchen to turn off the stove, emerged again, pulling her apron over her head. "Xander won't have to go anywhere, Anya." To Tara, she said, "We'll locate her with the Gorvax spell."

Tara's eyes widened. "G-Gorvax? That should only be done at night. And during full moons."

"I think it'll be okay," the redhead replied, shrugging her shoulders. "We'll need the sage, the chicken feet, and that packet of-"

"Have you lost your damned mind?" Giles suddenly snapped, his arm still around Dawn. "You *think* it'll be okay? You *think*!? Have you no idea of the consequences of magick, Willow? For every spell you do, mystical energy is expelled into the atmosphere. Need I remind you that we are already converged on the Hellmouth? You feed it with every spell you do."

Willow whirled on him, eyes blazing. "I wasn't directing my comments at you. In case you failed to notice, I'm not doing any black magic so there are no consequences."

"Magic is magic," Tara corrected her softly. "Giles is right. Even white magic takes something from the fabric of things ... unbalances it for a while."

"Well, fine!" Willow snapped. "We'll just sit here on our asses and do nothing and *hope* that Buffy is okay."

"I don't think Buffy will ever be okay again," Giles gruffly told her. "You've seen to that. So if you choose to sit on your ass and do nothing further, I think we'll all be better for it."

Buffy, who had stopped on the porch when she heard the shouting, listened to most of what was said. She had slept in Spike's bed, slept better than she had in the days since her return, and had woken only a short while earlier and rushed home though puddle-filled streets. She had hoped that she'd be there before anyone noticed she was missing, but the loud voices inside told her otherwise. She took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Every eye in the room turned to look at her as she quietly shut the door and leaned against it.

"Where have you been?" Giles demanded, still fuming from the words he had exchanged with Willow.

"I got caught in the storm," Buffy told him in a voice without inflection.

"We've been worried sick!" Dawn made a move toward her, but Buffy sidestepped and headed toward the stairs.

Willow noted the hurt look on Dawn's face and quickly said, "Are you hungry? We're cooking pancakes."

With a small sigh, Buffy turned and looked at her friends. She hated the way they made her feel. They watched her every move, questioned everything she did, made her feel like she wasn't living up to their expectations. Most of all, they reminded her how much she didn't want to be a part of their world. Willow, in her blinding orange shirt. The smell of food permeating from the kitchen. Dawn imploring her to be something she wasn't with her big blue eyes. It nauseated her. It exhausted her. And it made her painfully aware that she was the square peg in their world- having been to the other side and seen things they could never hope to grasp. Being a Slayer was no longer what made her different - what she remembered of Heaven set her aside - blinding her to anything that the world could bestow.

Giles held up his hand when Dawn started to speak again. The Slayer had gone completely white, her skin pale and peaked. "Buffy?"

"I'm going upstairs," Buffy replied. She put her hand on the banister and began to climb the stairs.

Willow shook her head, glancing at Tara who shrugged. When Buffy reached the fourth step, Willow called out, "Maybe you could call us next time, Buffy. Dawn was really freaking out and you should-"

"The phone is off, Willow. Remember?" Dawn asked, still watching Buffy.

"Then she should have come home," Willow snapped angrily. "A little rain never-"

Buffy clenched the banister so tightly that they all heard the wood splinter. Willow's words died on her lips as the Slayer turned and looked at her with eyes that were so devoid of emotion that it stole her breath. "I'm sorry my being back from the dead isn't everything you'd hoped it would be, Willow. Maybe you should return me and get a refund."

Dead silence.

All eyes fell on her, unblinking, and for the briefest moment, she reveled in their shock. Finally, she forced herself to smile. "Gee, guys! That was more of my post-death humor. You just don't laugh anymore."

****

When Giles knocked on her bedroom door a few minutes later, Buffy was sitting on the edge of her bed. Instead of waiting for her to tell him to come in, he slowly pushed the door open and peeked inside. She looked so much like a little girl, hugging a stuffed animal against her chest, staring at nothing, that his heart cracked down the middle. He had things to tell her, things that he was sure would hurt her, but things she had to know nonetheless.

Olivia had called him the previous day, imploring him to return to England. He had told her that he simply could not, that Buffy needed him, and that his place was here in Sunnydale. Then she had dropped a bombshell on him. One of the nights they had spent together a few weeks before had resulted in something much unexpected.

She was pregnant.

He was going to be a father.

But as he looked at Buffy now, he knew he already was. And he knew that he was about to break her heart. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. "Buffy, we need to talk."

Buffy jumped, clearly unaware that he had even come into the room. "You scared me."

"Where were you just now?" Giles sat next to her. She had dark circles under her eyes and up close, he could smell cigarette smoke and alcohol on her clothing. "Oh, Buffy, tell me that you didn't get drunk again."

"Okay. I didn't get drunk again." She said it quickly, staring down at the floor.

"Now tell me the truth." Giles leaned down a little so he could see her face. "And did you happen to turn inside out again?"

Buffy smiled, weakly, and nodded. "Maybe I'll learn my lesson one day."

"Maybe," Giles replied. "Did Willy give you alcohol? You are only twenty and-"

"And sixteen year olds can score kegs in this town so that doesn't matter." Buffy stood and went to hang her bag in the closet. "But that's not what you wanted to talk to me about, is it?"

Giles studied her closely. Her shoulders slumped, her eyes stayed out of focus, like looking at him too closely would hurt her, and he almost told her that it was nothing, that they'd discuss it another time. But he also knew that she wasn't his only charge anymore. He had a son or daughter on the way. "No, it's not."

Buffy almost asked him if he knew she'd been in Heaven, but she just couldn't do it. "You may as well say it, Mr. Something Face Man." Then she braced herself. Because in her world, men who wore 'Something Face' rarely said anything to make things easier for her.

Giles remained seated, clasping his hands in his lap. "Do you remember Olivia?"

"Sure."

"She came to visit me here in Sunnydale a while back. Before - before you returned. She- we -" he trailed off, looking up at Buffy. She was waiting patiently and he drew upon every ounce of strength that he had to finish the statement. "She's pregnant."

Buffy's eyes widened and she actually felt a small flicker of real emotion - happiness for Giles. But it was quickly replaced when she realized what else it would mean. She would no longer be the biggest priority in his life. "That- that's great, Giles," she finally managed to say. "I bet Olivia is really happy."

Giles frowned a little. Olivia was anything but happy. Olivia wanted him to return to England and be a part of their child's life. Olivia refused to even entertain the notion that she could move to America, to Sunnydale to be more exact, and live on the Hellmouth. Her exact words were colorful, and left no room for compromise. If he wanted to be a father, he would come. And he did want fatherhood - with every ounce of his heart. "She's surprised. We both are."

"Is she coming here?" She heard that her tone didn't hold any pretense of happiness for the couple.

Giles heard it as well and stood. "Buffy-"

"You'll get married, right? I mean, that's the right thing and you're all about the right thing." She turned and looked out the window. "You're going to tell me that you won't really get to be as involved with the Slaying stuff. I understand that. No big."

He crossed the room slowly and laid his hand on her arm. "I'm trying to tell you that I'll be leaving for England tomorrow. She won't come here. I- I have to go."

Buffy spun to face him, her eyes wide. "You're leaving?"

"I can't stay."

"You *have* to stay!" Buffy cried. Fear seized her heart and twisted it. "Giles, I need you. Me and Dawn -"

"You're an adult now, Buffy."

"And I'm still the Slayer! And you're still my Watcher! Don't you remember that I got you your job back? With retroactive pay? And you-"

Giles silenced her with a wave of his hand. "I hadn't anticipated this, Buffy. If you hadn't died, perhaps I would have been more careful, but I wasn't in the best frame of mine and this- this- it can't be undone. Olivia is going to have my child and I should be there with her."

"Make her come here!" Buffy shouted.

"And force a baby to grow up on the Hellmouth?" Giles asked.

"Why the hell not? You forced me to!"

Giles' stood up straighter, ready to fire off a comeback, but he remained calm. "What would you have me do?"

"Give it up. Just like I gave up a normal life. And I gave up Angel. And I gave up Riley."

"A child is nothing like a lover, Buffy."

"I'll never know, will I?" she demanded.

Giles reached for her, trying to comfort her in any way he could, but she sidestepped him. "Please, Buffy, try to understand."

"I understand. I understand that the Buffy Summers curse of running men out of town has now extended to you." She snatched up her jacket and shoved her arms into it. As she stormed out of the room, she added, "I won't even try to act shocked anymore."