Buffy, still dressed in her bikini, stumbled through the cemetery and into Spike’s crypt, sobbing as if the world had ended. How could she be immortal? How could she wake up every morning knowing that this was her life now, never ending, one more battlefield to find and rule? "Spike!" she cried, throwing down her bag.

He was startled from sleep and grabbed his jeans, yanking them on. He raced up the worn, stone steps from his underground lair just in time to catch her as she raced into him him. "What happened?" he rubbed her back, marveling at the soft warm skin that was exposed to him.

She didn’t reply, just wrapped her arms around him and cried as if she had been broken down the middle. He scooped her up and returned to his bed, lying her back against the cover. Tugging her sandals off, he nudged her aside and laid next to her, pulling the cover up over them both. Wrapping her in his arms, he let her cry against him with no questions or comforting words. She had gone past that. All he could do now was let her cry.

At some point, she slept and he joined her.

He awoke when she stirred, her breathing hitched, and she began to weep once more. Nuzzling her neck, he whispered, "It’s okay, love."

"It’s not," she cried, but she could bring herself to tell him why it wasn’t okay, why it could never be okay again.

"Giles loves you. He’ll come back. You’ll see."

Buffy sat upright in the bed suddenly. She had forgotten Giles! Checking her watch, she leapt from the bed and frantically searched for her shoes. Spike sat up, enjoying the amount of flesh her string bikini showcased. When it was apparent what she was doing, he swung his legs off the side and handed her the shoes he had neatly placed under the edge of the bed.

"Thanks," she said absently, hopping around as she attempted to put them on.

"Where are you going?"

"To the airport."

"Dressed like that?"

She stared down at herself. "Shit."

He followed her up the stairs, watching as she pulled a sun dress from her bag and slipped it on. "His flight is leaving in a few minutes, love. You’ll never make it."

"Can you just shut up and drive me?"

Wordlessly, Spike went back down to his sleeping quarters and pulled on his shirt and shoes, then plucked the keys to his motorcycle off a coffin that stuck out of the wall. "Let’s go."

They rode through Sunnydale at breakneck speed, darting onto sidewalks when the traffic became congested. They arrived at Sunnydale’s only airport with a few minutes to spare. Buffy jumped off the bike and ran as fast as she could into the airport and straight into Dawn, who yelped and fell backwards into Xander’s arms. "Watch out, freak!" the young girl cried at the helmet wearing wrecking ball. Then he did a double take. "Buffy?"

Buffy removed the helmet, smoothing her hair. "Where is he?"

"His flight boarded a few minutes ago. It’s already gone," Xander told her, his voice cold. "Where were *you*?"

"I had problems with a demon."

"At the beach?" He indicated her sunwear. "And on a motorcycle?"

"Spike brought me after I -" She trailed off when Willow and Tara came around the corner. Willow was crying softly and Tara was whispering something to her. They paused when the red head saw Buffy. "I’m sorry," Buffy said softly, recognizing the anger on their faces. "I tried to make it in time."

Willow regarded her with a stony expression. "He waited until the last possible minute. He kept looking for you."

Swallowing hard, Buffy simply nodded and turned on her heel to leave. "Wait a damn minute," Xander called.

She stopped walking, but kept her back to them. Xander, his arm firmly around Dawn, said, "When are you going to wake up, Buffy? Huh? When are you going to start living the life that Willow suffered to give you and stop acting like a zombie?"

Spike walked into the airport, his gaze immediately falling on her. She looked as defeated as he’d ever seen anyone look. He had caught part of what Xander had said and took a step forward. "Buffy?"

She turned on her heel and stared at her friends. "When are you all going to wake up?"

"What?" Dawn asked her, stepping away from Xander.

"I don’t want to be here." Buffy shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself to stave off a chill that only she could feel.

"But we need you." Dawn reached out for Buffy, but the older girl took a step back. "We love you, Buffy."

"You can’t love someone back to life, Dawn. You can magick them back into existence, but that’s all it is. It’s not a real life. I’m just existing." Buffy felt her eyes welling with tears and looked down. "I don’t want to be here," she repeated as if willing some higher power to take her at her word and make it happen. "Don’t *you* get it?"

Spike knew she was a hairsbreadth away from blurting out the truth about where she had been and stepped forward, resting his hand on her shoulder. "Don’t, Buffy."

She turned and looked at him, drew strength from his deep, blue eyes. "Let’s get out of here."

"Okay," he said softly, holding out his hand.

Buffy slipped the helmet back in place and took it, letting him lead her into the darkness.

When the bike roared the life, she leaned her head against his back, willing it to drown out the ache in her chest.

*~*~*~*~

Spike wasn’t sure how long they had ridden away from town. He had hit the highway and traveled north, the beach constantly on their left as they sped away from Sunnydale and away from her demons. After a while, she tapped him on the shoulder and pointed at a convenience store. He nodded and pulled in, parking next to the gas pump. She slipped off the bike and pulled the helmet off again. "Want something?" she asked him.

"I’m just going to top her off, love." He took his wallet out and pulled out a twenty. "Get what you need."

"I have money." Her eyes widened when she realized just how much she had in her bag. The very bag that had been haphazardly wrapped around the back of her seat.

"Just take it, love." He lifted her hand, put the money in her palm and closed her fingers.

She watched as he slid a gas card from his wallet and slid it into the pump, then started fueling the bike. "Since when do banks give *vampires* credit cards?"

"The bank of Giles does not discriminate." He gave her a weak smile. Her eyes were red and puffy and her voice sounded nasally from her earlier breakdown and he was concerned. Bottom line, she had a death wish and that made him uneasy. Slayers who gave up didn’t last long. "Are you hungry?"

She nodded. "I’m going to go use the restroom and maybe find something to snack on."

"We’ll grab something when we start back."

"About that." She bit her bottom lip for a second. "I need to be away for a couple of days. Try to get my head back on straight. You can go back if you want. I’ll find a hotel or something."

"I’m not going anywhere."

An awkward moment passed between them, but neither acknowledged it. After the kiss the previous night, they were both tiptoeing around one another. Buffy was actually grateful that he would be staying. With a small nod, she headed to the bathroom, then into the store where she bought a bottle of water and a candy bar, which she quickly ate while Spike picked up a map and tried to figure out where they were.

She leaned over his shoulder and closed her eyes, letting her pointer finger fall on a random spot. "Let’s go there."

"That’s Death Valley, love."

"Oh, right. That doesn’t sound good."

He glanced back down at the map. "How about Los Angeles?"

"Hell to the power of no." Buffy shook her head vehemently. "Grew up there. Not aching to revisit that sparkling childhood."

"So, where to then?"

"I’m all for winging it. Let’s just drive until the sun is almost rising and find a place wherever that is."

"Sounds like a plan." He climbed onto the bike and waited for her to settle behind him. Whatever it took, he'd get through to her. "Ready?"

"Set and go."

They flew down the highway, destination unknown.

But with every mile that separated her from Sunnydale, Buffy felt a little more relaxed.

*~*~*~*