“Grind”

“In the darkest hole
You'd be well advised
Not to plan my funeral before the
Body Dies

Come the morning light
It's a see-through show
What you may have heard and
What you think you know

Let the sun never blind your eyes
Let me sleep so my teeth won't grind
Hear a sound from a voice inside

Sure to play a part
So you love the game
And in truth your lies
Become one and same

I could set you free
Rather hear the sound
Of your body breaking
As I take you down

Let the sun never blind your eyes
Let me sleep so my teeth won't grind
Hear a sound from a voice inside

In the darkest hole
You'd be well advised
Not to plan my funeral before the
Body dies

Let the sun never blind your eyes
Let me sleep so my teeth won't grind
Hear a sound from a voice inside” Alice In Chains (“Grind” Alice In Chains1995)


Tick. Tick. Tick.

Someone needs to check the clock. Bloody things too loud.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Did anyone hear me? No, guess not. No one has any hall passes. Not allowed to enter without a pass.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Oh, here she comes. Can hear the tapping of her shoes. Wonder if she can do anything about the clock.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

No one sees me. No one hears me. Can’t see each other either. Never bloody could.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

From beneath. What’s beneath? Me? It? Not her. Never her. I’m beneath her. Not worthy. She’s told me so.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Some one shut that bloody clock off! So loud I can barely hear myself not think.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

It’s her again. The Other her. Not the one from above but the one from below. Tells me I’m disgusting and worthless. I already know that.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Can’t get the bloody ticking from my head! It’s too crowded in here already. All these voices. Those from the past, the thing from below, and now this ticking. I wish it would all just fade away. Wish I could just fade away.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Can’t hunt. Can’t kill. Not a man. Not a monster. Nothing but dust.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Love her. Can’t have her. I don’t deserve her. Never did. Never will. I belong in the dark places where it comes from. Beneath.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Kill her? Kill the girl? Can’t do that. Can I? No. Never again. Won’t hurt the girl. Never hurt the girl.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hearing Spike’s disjointed ramblings, Buffy hurried around the corner. She was only down there for information, nothing else. She did not care what happened to Spike. She never would, Buffy kept trying telling herself. He had hurt her in the most unforgivable way and he deserved nothing but her disgust and hatred.

Rounding the bend, Buffy came to an abrupt stop. Squatting against the filthy wall of the basement, Spike held a sharp stake to his chest. It was the stake she had lost three days ago. Buffy had been looking all over for it and had given up on finding it. Now Spike held it in a crushing grip, the tip tearing into his cold flesh. He was looking at something only he could see and hear. When he turned to look at her, Buffy could see that the mad light in his bright blue eyes had dimmed some. He was more himself at this moment than she had seen since his return with his soul.

“Spike..” Buffy started, unsure of what to say.

“It’s ticking Buffy.” Spike said. “Can you hear it? I can. All the bloody time. Can’t seem to get away.”

Puzzled, Buffy remained silent. She could not hear any sound.

“Didn’t think you could, pet.” Spike whispered. “Only those deserving. Clock ticks the hours away, you see. Tells you when it’s time to leave. It’s time Buffy. Won’t hurt the girl. Never hurt the girl.”

Before Buffy could respond Spike shoved the stake into his chest. His dust drifted slowly to the ground. Unnoticed by Buffy, tears spilled from her hazel eyes leaving salty paths down her cheeks. Faintly in the distance Buffy could hear the steady ticking of a clock.

Tick. Tick. Tick.