Author’s Notes: Thanks once again to my beta Kar and to my wonderful reviewers. Kar ended up beta-ing twice for me this time. Based on some feedback from my readers, I decided to revamp a few sections in order to get deeper into Buffy’s head, which is still pretty messy at this point. Please keep the comments coming. It does help me write. The first draft of ten is done, but it may also get a few tweaks once youall weigh in on this part.

In our ninth installment Buffy wakes up, Dawn makes a discovery, and Buffy has a number of awkward conversations.


Chapter Nine: Wrecked


Upon waking a bolt of realization sat her straight up. Her eyes skittered around to the heap of clothes, the sputtering candles, the smirking face of Spike looking up at her. She inhaled deeply and hopped up out of the bed. They’d made it onto the bed at some point in the evening. She wasn’t sure when. She was a little fuzzy on the details.

He grabbed her elbow and tugged her back onto the bed with him. “Buffy, don’t go,” he whispered, running a trail of kisses along the ridge of her ear. And really, she meant to go, she meant to get off his lap and go, but somehow she had ended up kissing him again instead.

“Have to,” she insisted, wincing a bit at how weak her voice sounded.

“Not yet sunrise, Slayer. Not for another hour.” She felt a little light-headed. Not yet sunrise? She had been there since before sunset. She’d sort of lost track of time, what with the ensuing sexcapades. She cringed and dropped her forehead against his, which he took as an invitation to start kissing on her again. “Not safe up there, knackered as you are,” he added.

She snorted at him and drew back. “Full of yourself much, Spike.”

“Not as much as you’re about to be, Slayer,” he retorted as he turned them again, pinning her arms with one hand tight around her wrists. Really, she was a modern woman plus super strength. She shouldn’t find it so hot being cornered by him like that. ,But she just let her thighs fall open.

“Gonna fuck you, Slayer.”

“Will you shut up and just do it already,” she snapped.

“Didn’t mind so much last night, did you?” he husked against her neck. “Let me whisper all kinds of dirty, pretty things in your ear. Had a few things to say yourself, as I recall.” But at least he just got on with it, at last, and she knew her body shouldn’t be thrumming like that, not because of Spike. This was not the plan! If he would just keep his mouth shut, she didn’t have to think about it as much. With her eyes closed it almost didn’t matter who it was, and—

“None of that, pet.” His free hand had gone around her throat, not choking, just getting her attention. “Be here now.”

He held her gaze – was it thrall? It didn’t feel like thrall. It certainly didn’t feel like anybody else either. It felt like… “Spike.”

“That’s more like it.” He beamed down at her and did that twist/flex thing again and before very long she was reminding him of his name repeatedly.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. She wasn't supposed to spend the night and be thinking about spending the day. When she had decided she was going to do this, she had figured it would be weird and then there'd be some sort of unpleasant altercation afterward. He would say something stupid about bagging his third slayer, she'd kick him in the head and run away, she could later say it had obviously been a mistake and it would be over and they could get on with their lives without thinking about it all the time. But that plan had gone out the window pretty much the second he touched her, and now she was planless. Not good.

Especially because, what he doing to her? Really good.

When he finally wore out, she was pretty sure the sun had risen. She managed to teeter around on wobbly legs to gather up what was left of her clothes. She paused at the foot of the ladder and stared at him. Stupid vampire, breathing in his sleep, all sleek and naked and she really needed to get home. This wasn’t a couple of kisses she could just write off as mistakes. No way that twelve hours of sex hadn’t meant anything.

Should she leave a note? Wake him? Crawl back in there and – what the hell was she doing? She had to get out of there. Some insane impulse made her tuck the covers around him and then she heaved herself up the ladder..

------------


Screw Buffy. He was her friend, too. That whole summer when she'd been.... gone, he'd been over all the time. Watching over her and Mom, snarking at dumb TV shows with her, teaching her to play cards. Anything to avoid thinking about her sister.

Now that Buffy was back, Spike was still around, but not like before. She wanted to ask him if he could help her get into the file cabinets at the Magic Box. But it seemed like Buffy was always with him. Not that Buffy had anything better to do with her time anymore; she was always either moping or slaying.

Something was going on with her big sister. Buffy had apparently found something else to occupy her evenings, because she hadn't come home at all last night. In fact, Dawn had caught her sneaking in while she was getting ready for school. Her jacket was buttoned up all the way, which was way dorky and her hair was all tangled.

Lucky for Buffy that Mom was in the shower and had no idea that her older daughter had been out all night.

But Buffy didn't have to know that.

"You okay? Mom was worried that you got pounded by some monster."

She had no idea her sister's eyes could get that big. Buffy looked busted. Hmm, curiouser and curiouser.

"Just kidding! Geez! Mom has no clue."

But Spike might, she mused to herself as she chomped her Trix. He was probably following Buffy around all the time since he was Mr. Obsesso, so maybe he'd know where she'd been all night. School was longer than forever, and then she had to blow off Janice so that she could scurry over to Spike's crypt.

Which seemed to be empty.

"Spike!"

There was no answer, and he wasn't down in the bed pit either. He must have used the sewers to go running off somewhere. For cigarettes or, whiskey or a poker game. Or to spy on her sister.

Oh, hello.

That totally couldn't be what it looked like.

Only it totally was what it looked like, which was Buffy's tank top. Or what was left of it. And not just any top, but that one she'd been wearing the day before when she'd kicked Dawn out.

Pounded by some monster had been right after all. Ha! And also: ew.

Buffy was staring blankly at the wall in the kitchen when Dawn got home. Well, she was going to wake her up from her stupor.

She tossed the shredded shirt on the table. "Lookie what I found!"

Buffy goggled at her. "It's not what you think," she tried, way unconvincingly.

"Hmm. Not what I think. Okay. So you've got a different reason you were half-naked in Spike's bedroom?"

"What? You were naked where?"

Dawn cringed. She'd forgotten that Mondays were Mom's day off.

"Dawn, upstairs," her mother ordered. "I need to have a word with your sister."

Oops.

She gave Buffy a 'sorry' face and then rushed up to Joyce's room to the vent over the kitchen.


--------

When the door cracked open later, Buffy lifted her head and nodded for Dawn to come in. Her sister turned down the music and took a seat on the end of the bed.

"Watcha doing?"

Buffy propped herself up on her elbows and tried to think of a better answer than 'I have no idea.' "Moping. I'm pretty sure this is a grade-A mope."

Dawn kicked off her sneakers and curled on the bed next to her. "I'm really sorry. I just meant to give you a hard time. I didn't mean to out you to Mom."

Buffy managed a smile and tugged on her sister's hair. "I know."

"She's really upset, isn't she?" Dawn nudged her sister's leg.

Buffy gave her sister a knowing look. "How much of it did you overhear?"

Dawn tried to look guilty. "Not all of it. A lot about how you need to be careful of Spike's delicate feelings so he doesn't like get loaded and burn the town down. Oh, and how apparently you're an adult now and it's none of Mom's business who you have sex with."

That was pretty close to how she remembered it, too. Her ears will still ringing with all her mother's warnings. All 'I like Spike, but he is a vampire', which -- yes, she was all too aware of that. She wished she could talk to someone. Someone who wasn't Dawn. "Don't say sex, please."

Dawn poked her in the stomach. "So you can do it, but you can't talk about it?"

"Not with my kid sister, no." Not with anyone else either though. Tara was too... Maybe Anya. Anya probably wouldn't get all judgey. But then Anya wasn't known for keeping her mouth shut.

Dawn snorted and rolled her eyes. "And, after you gave me that lecture on Halloween."

Buffy drew herself up. "Hey! That lecture stands." At Dawn's eye roll, she brought up her sternest face. "I'm serious, Dawn."

Dawn threw up her hands. "Okay, okay. I get it. You're the only one who gets to make with the vampire smoochies."

Buffy settled back down on the pillows. "Just so we're clear."

Dawn wriggled her eyebrows. "So how were the vampire smoochies?"

She couldn't help it. She had to grin at her sister's antics. Even though she should be furious with the little twerp for getting her in trouble in the first place. She was about to smart off something back when...

"The who smoochies?"

Buffy felt her entire body seize up at the sound of Willow's voice.

"You know, Halloween," her fabulous little sister covered. "We were comparing notes."

"Well, Buffy would be the expert," Willow cracked.

"Um, yeah," Buffy replied carefully. She studied Willow carefully to see if she was buying it. All signs pointed to convinced, so she relaxed.

Willow hefted her messenger bag over one shoulder. "I have to head right back. Study group. But you guys want to catch a movie or something later?"

Poor Willow with her sad mouth and itching hands. She watched her friend scratch absently at her palms. It was a feeling Buffy knew all too well. "Sounds good," Buffy decided.

As soon as they heard the front door shut, Dawn rounded on her again. "You're not telling the gang?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "It would just freak them out. Especially Xander."

"Xander's marrying a demon."

"Ex," Buffy quickly pointed out.

Dawn stared at for so long she started to wonder if she had something on her face. "Well, Spike's not killing people anymore either and you were still all 'I know it's wrong' with Mom."

Buffy banged her head against the headboard. "He's still a demon, Dawn. Anya's human now."

"I guess," Dawn huffed. Buffy could almost hear the wheels turning in her sister's head. She really didn't want to be talking about any of this, or even thinking about any of it, but even if she kicked Dawn out, she's just be coming at her with it again later.

"Is it a soul thing?" Dawn asked. "I mean it's not like a soul makes you good."

"I know that, Dawnie."

"Dahmer ate people and he was human."

Buffy felt a nasty knot forming in her stomach. "That comparison? So not making me feel better."

Dawn pursed her lips. "Okay, but he stopped, right? He could be globe-trotting with Drusilla, having her bring him yummy corpses. But he blew her off for you. I mean, that's something isn't it?"

Buffy closed her eyes and nestled deep into the pillows. "But he's not sorry, Dawn. You know that. He tells you all those gory stories. Is he confessing or bragging?" she asked, but she knew the answer.

"'Sorry and a dollar gets you on the bus'," Dawn mimicked. "But he knows it's wrong."

"Vampires always know it's wrong, Dawn. They just don't care."

"Well, he cares now!" Dawn insisted. She grabbed her sister's hand and squeezed it tight. "He's changed, Buffy. He's really trying. Doesn't that count for anything?"

Buffy stared into her sister's pleading eyes and considered the question. Her mind wandered through the memories of the night before and found his sleepy voice in her ear Feel alive when I'm with you, Buffy. Feel like a man. "Yeah, it counts," she decided aloud.

Her sister perked up and grinned at her. "So, are you going to keep seeing him?"

"You think he's going to stop stalking me?" Buffy asked glibly.

“You’re the one who popped up at his crypt!” Dawn retorted. Then her face exploded with glee. “Oh my god! That’s why you were so pissed that I was there! I totally ruined your seduction plan, didn’t I? Ha!” She bounced on her knees. “Guess you worked something out.”

Dawn was spared a severe throttling when Buffy’s cell phone rang. She was almost relieved by anything that shut Dawn up until she heard Tara's voice on the other end announcing, "I've got something for you. Could we meet somewhere?"

-------


Buffy’s phone snapped shut and he heard her address her friend across the table once more. "So there's nothing wrong with me?"

He sighed and readjusted the newspaper, curious as the slayer to hear Tara's explanation.

"This is really.... I mean, you were starting to ... decompose so when you recomposed... You're not exactly the same as you were before, but you're definitely human."

"God, that's -- that's just a really weird thing to think about, Tara. Is there anything else?"

There was a silence and then the witch said softly. "I don't know how to say this, Buffy. Some of the tests said… it’s possible that you can’t… I mean, you might be… your biology is so strange, I can’t be sure and I wouldn’t want to—“

Spike was beginning to wonder if Tara was ever going to spit out whatever it was. Her tone was making his every cell tense up. But Buffy burst in with an eerily calm, “Are you trying to tell me that I’m barren, Tara? ‘Cause I know.”

“Oh.”

Her tone was flip as she went on. “Yeah. All part of the wonder of being ‘chosen’. Everything just sorta stops in that department.”

He sat completely still, straining to hear the unsaid in her tone. He’d noticed, of course, that the Slayer never seemed to have a monthly bleed, but he’d chalked it up to the mysteries of modern contraceptives. “Slayers can’t have children?” Tara rephrased.

Her spoon tapped against her cup. “Our blood. It’s like vampire ambrosia. So having it, um, seeping out every month? Not of the wise. So the eggs go bye-bye. I think there were a few slayers with kids, but they must have gotten an early start.”

“Wow Buffy, that’s… I’m sorry.”

“No big,” she tossed back.

“No, Buffy. It is a big. I just—“

“Tara, I’m sorry, but could we please talk about anything else? This really isn’t something I like to discuss, and also only you and Giles know this, okay? I just don’t think it’s anybody’s business. So, new topic okay?”

“Spike?” Tara’s tone was teasing and he was instantly slavering to know how much the witch knew.

Buffy laughed. “Right. The staying away from Spike plan? You want to know how that’s going?” He could hear her exaggerated sigh. “Considering that he’s two tables over pretending to read a newspaper while he eavesdrops, I’d say not that great.”

He yanked the paper down. “Slayer,” he said quietly. He had no idea what to do now that he’d been caught. Was one thing having her find him out, another all together that Tara was there, too.

“I’m just gonna...” The blond witch stood up quickly and gathered up her book and bag.

“Thank you, Tara. Really,” Buffy told her as the blushing woman made her exit and Spike took her abandoned seat.

"Slayer," he repeated. Best to keep it cool. Wasn't sure how to play it after waking up alone. He'd gone up through the sewers to the Magic Box, but Anya said she hadn't seen Buffy all day and he'd had to listen to a long ramble about the relative merits of Arash Ma'har and American wedding traditions. He'd advised a Vegas elopement. It was merely happy coincidence that he'd happened into the Espresso Pump for a scone moments before she arrived.

Buffy just sipped at her coffee and looked at him expectantly. Right, she wanted him to go first. Alright then. He squared his shoulders and glowered at her. "So, this where you tell me how it was all a mistake or a spell and how we're never doing it again?"

She furrowed her brow at him. "Do you want me to say any of that?"

"Christ, no!"

"Well then drop the attitude for five seconds. That's really obnoxious, Spike."

He was fairly certain his confusion was showing. To cover he asked, "Want to go back to my place then?"

She laughed. Not a mean laugh or an exhausted laugh, but a real laugh. He was fairly certain he'd never had quite this effect on her before. "I'm meeting Dawn and Willow for a movie."

"So, later?" he tried. Gave her the eyebrow and the tongue behind the teeth and got quite a satisfying response in the way of some squirming and cutting her eyes briefly toward his lap.

"I don't know," she whispered, staring thoughtfully at her cup. "But I don't want us to stop talking," she announced forcefully, pinning him with her gaze.

Stop talking? What was she on about? She had her chair pushed back and was sliding into her jacket before he could form something comprehensible.

"I'm going to be late," she explained.

He trailed out after her, fell into step beside her, a familiar dance. "Care to explain that a bit, Slayer."

She hugged her chest and kept her eyes straight ahead. When the theater's marquis was in sight, she spoke again. "I'm just saying, this isn't me teasing you. This is me needing some time to think and I know you said in that stupid song that you didn't want me bothering you unless..." she waved her hand to conclude her little speech.

Until you do, I'm telling you, stop visiting my grave. Just when he'd managed to kill the memory she brought it roaring back to life. Was that why she’d gone to bed with him? So they could remain 'talking buddies' or whatever Scooby-speak term she had for it? Several thousand additional questions popped into his head, but he'd not gotten out more than her name when there was a nearby squealing of tires and a sickening crunch.. Followed by a familiar shrieking. Their eyes met just long enough to establish that the other understood, and then they were barreling down the sidewalk together toward the sound of Dawn's agony.

-------


By the way, I am not implying that any of the reproductive stuff is canon. It’s just part of this particular AUniverse. Please keep the comments coming!