Author’s Notes: Thanks to Kar and my reviewers. I can hardly believe I’m nearing the end of this story. You guys have made this really worthwhile.

In our eighteenth installment there is a character death.

Chapter Eighteen: Seeing Red


Buffy paced around the empty crypt wishing she had some idea what else to do. Mom had collected Faith, but they were staying in LA for a few days so Joyce could pick up her pre-Columbian pottery and Faith could get in some quality time with Angel and Wesley, which was so a situation Buffy didn't even want to think about.

Then, as if she didn't have enough stress, Willow had intercepted some email traffic that suggested that Warren and his moronic sidekicks were planning to rob a freaking bank. She was sure there was going to be some ridiculous shrink ray involved or something, so they couldn't just turn the tip over to the police.

At least they had a location. The nerds were apparently hiding out in some abandoned vineyard outside of town. She wanted to check it out before the bank caper was supposed to go down, but she wanted her second there in case they got creative with the demon-summoning or something.

Only he was nowhere to be found and she was freaking out. No one had seen him, or at least, no one would admit having seen him. No signs he'd been back to the crypt. What if he'd been dusted? She'd never even know. The thought made it hard to breathe. He'd ridden off somewhere two nights ago, and that was the last she'd seen of him.

She was about to leave, because it was the middle of the afternoon so he wasn't likely to come back from wherever he'd been -- if he was even anywhere -- when there was a splashing sound from the lower level. He was limping in from the sewer tunnel. Buffy wasn't sure whether she wanted to hug him or slug him. Now that she knew he was okay, she was furious at him for making her worry.

Except that maybe he wasn't all that okay. "Spike, what the hell happened to you? Where have you been?"

He was covered in bruises and there was dried blood all over his clothes. She guided him to the bed, but he remained silent. Buffy stripped off his coat, noting the tears in the leather. His back was one giant bruise and his scalp was purple under his hair.

Her breath hitched. "Spike?"

"It's my fault," he husked blankly.

She tipped his chin up, but he wouldn't look in her eyes. "What's your fault, Spike?"

"They're dead."

She furrowed his brow. Was he having some sort of flashback? She'd never heard him talk like this. "Who's dead, Spike?"

"Children. On the road. I did that. Three of them. My fault."

Buffy tried to figure out what the hell he was talking about and finally remembered something on the news. "On the highway? Those kids? The guy's blood alcohol was like four times the legal limit. You were there?" She struggled to put it together. The car had ended up wrapped around a tree. No sign of another vehicle. "The police thought they were avoiding something in the road."

"Yeah," he snorted. "Me."

"Oh, Spike." She stroked his cheek carefully. Very little of him was not cut or bruised. "That's not your fault."

"Wouldn't have run off the road if I hadn't been there. So fucking young. Girl in the back looked just like Dawn."

"You stay here," she insisted. "Let me get you something to eat."

"My fault," he repeated. He still wasn't looking at her, wasn't responding to her touch. "What have you done to me?"

Well, that was a whole lot of huh? "Spike, what--"

"All torn up and blood everywhere. Shoulda been hungry. Not come over sick."

Buffy struggled to absorb this nauseating confession. "You're upset because dead teenagers didn't make you think 'snack time'?"

"Vampire here!" he reminded her forcefully. And he was finally looking at her, and it was a little scary. Because he was in full-on fang face and roaring at her. But then he was just Spike again and collapsing on her shoulder. She held him as tight as she could without making him even more purple. "Least, I used to be. Don't know what I am now. Think you made me something else. Something I don't know how to be."

She was afraid her tears would sting in his cuts, but she couldn't stop them. Stupid crazy vampire, all torn up because dead people weren't supposed to upset him. "We'll figure it out, okay," she promised quietly. She would help her boyfriend learn how to deal with not reacting with hunger when people got killed in grisly ways. Her life was so beyond twisted.

"Know what I have to do," he whispered. "Don't want to go from you."

She felt a wave of panic. "Then don't. Don't go. I'd really rather you didn't. Okay?"

Spike slumped against her. "Why do I have to love you so much?"

Eerily this was a question she used to ask herself about Angel all the time. "I don't know. I'm just really glad, Spike." And I love you too. Why was it so hard to say it?

She carefully laid him back on the mattress and tucked him in. "Relax for a minute, okay."

Buffy hurried up to above-ground level where his battered old fridge held a few jars of pig's blood. Hoping it was fresh enough, she put a mugfull on the hot plate while she scoured the kitchen for that weird stuff he liked to crumble into his blood.

"Drink this," she ordered him when it was ready. "And then maybe you can tell me where you've been all this time."

He gulped his food. Buffy wasn't quite sure when she'd gotten over being grossed out by his feedings habits. It also occurred to her that he wouldn't look like he'd gone a few rounds with Glory again if he had indeed drunk from the dead kids. "You went off the road, didn't you? Lost control of your motorcycle?" She struggled against picturing it. From the damage to his clothes it looked like maybe he'd gotten caught and dragged.

Spike wasn't real forthcoming with the details. "Was on my way somewhere when it happened. Just had time to get there before dawn when I came to. Bike's in better shape than me." Every word seemed to be an effort for him. "Had some questions needed answering before I could come back." He closed his eyes. "Came out of fucking nowhere."

"Get some rest," she instructed. She glanced at her watch and winced. "I'm so sorry, but I have to go. You were right about the geek trio. They're up to something so I have to take care of it. But I promise we'll talk later." She bit her lip. "I love you." It really wasn't that hard to say out loud after all.

"Yeah," he murmured. "Go on and save the world, Buffy."

"You'll be here when I get back?"

But he was still, barely breathing against the pillow. She couldn't imagine he had the strength to wander off.

-----

Dawn dried the dish Tara handed her and listened to the freaky silence of the rest of the house. Mom was gone and Buffy had spent the past coupla days either planning daring heroics or wigging about her boyfriend.

"Thanks for coming over and making me dinner tonight," Dawn said. "I know Buffy appreciates you taking care of her kid sis."

"I'd like to think I'm your friend too, Dawnie."

Dawn beamed at the woman. "Thanks. I mean, not that I'm not totally thrilled that Buffy's back and all, but some people don't feel that way so much now that she's around again."

Tara ducked her head a little and smiled. "They're in love. When it happens you'll see how the universe seems to temporarily shrink down to just the two of you for a little while."

Dawn sighed and tried to imagine a universe of just her and Jeremy Sutter. It seemed like it would get really boring. How many burped alphabets could a girl really listen to anyway?

"They seem pretty happy, don't they?" Dawn asked. "I mean, as happy as those two ever get."

Tara nodded and wiped the sink down. "Kind of glowy."

"Their auras?" Dawn asked.

The witch shook her head. "Vampires don't have auras."

"So, marathon sex glow?"

"Dawnie!" Dawn shrugged and put on her best observe how grown up and nonchalant I am face. "Okay. Maybe that is it," Tara relented. "Go take out the trash, smarty girl."

Dawn hefted the back and stepped out on the back porch. She was coming back up the steps when she heard a twig snap.

"Bit."

Dawn nearly jumped out of her skin. "Geez Spike! Stealthy enough?"

"Sis isn't home?"

"No, but I'm fine, thanks. She's out stopping a robbery. She'll probably be home soon if you want to have a seat." She scanned him carefully. "You look like crap. What happened to you?"

"I have to go, so can you give her a message for me?"

Dawn frowned. "Go where? Can't you just tell her later?"

"No, going off a ways. Don't know when I'll be back."

She felt a sick heat rising in her stomach. "Great. You're bailing now too."

"No, Bit." His voice was firm. "Gonna be back. That's what I need you to tell her. That I'll be back, soon as I can. If I can."

"If you can!" Dawn gaped at him. "Well that's just great, Spike. What the hell does that mean?"

"Can't tell you now. Something I've got to do, Niblet."

"Where are you even going?" Dawn demanded. "Why are you even going?"

"Have to fix it," he said, and then he was all swooshing black coat and vanishing into the night.

Dawn sat on the steps and tried to find him in the dark, but he was gone, almost like he'd never been there at all. Spike was gone, and now she had to tell Buffy.

----

Another beautiful day in Sunnydale. And thanks to the Local 408, Xander was free to enjoy the sunny afternoon off-site. The Magic Box was humming, so he'd decided to let Anya enjoy her prosperous morning and get some exercise. His walk brought him to Revello Drive where Buffy was hacking at something in the garden, her shoulder slumped, bags under her eyes.

“Hey.”

She looked up, squinting at him. “What’s up?”

He shrugged. “Out for a stroll. Just thought I’d stop by.”

She stretched and stood. In the sun it was impossible to miss how exhausted she was. "Looks like we've got an impromptu Scooby meeting. Willow's inside talking to Giles. The Council thinks they might have a lead on a spell to make a little Slayer explosion."

"Again?" If they were wrong, it would be the fourth false lead. "What else is new?"

"I thwarted a bank robbery last night!" she announced with false cheer.

He grinned at her. "I heard. Anya's very grateful, by the way. Our savings account is with that bank."

She smiled back, and because it looked like such an effort for her, he grabbed her up in a big hug. At first she was stiff, but then she squeezed him back.

"Dawn said he promised to come back, Buff." She gave a brusque laugh so he held her tighter and stroked her back.

"I cannot believe you, of all people, are defending him."

"Oh, I'm not. He's just way too obsessed to stay away from you. Why would anyone want to stay away from you?"

He felt her stiffen in his arms. "A few people have found reasons."

"Well, those guys are idiots." Not that Spike wasn't an idiot too, just a different species of idiot. Plus he just couldn't imagine Stalker Boy staying away from Buffy permanently. Even though that didn't strike Xander as such a tragically bad idea. But even if Buffy weren't in love with the guy, Xander had to admit the vampire was good in a fight.

Buffy pulled back to look at him. "I'm glad you're here, Xander."

“I’m not going anywhere, Buffy. I love you.”

“I love you too, you know that?”

Yeah, he knew that. He started to tell her so when I sharp noise shattered the peaceful afternoon.

“You think you can just do that to me? That I’d let you get away with it? Think again, bitch!”

It was all happening so fast. Willow’s scream from inside the kitchen and he instinctively lunged in that direction, drawn to his best friend’s distress. But there was still Warren, waving the gun and pointing it at Buffy. Another bullet fired and he heard his own shout as it caught Buffy in the shoulder and spun her around.

Warren took aim again. Xander had a fleeting vision of Anya, her face and hair aglow in the candlelight as she came down the aisle, radiating happiness as she smiled at him. Then he was moving, lunging back the other way, his eyes meeting Buffy’s, and then—

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Already working on the next part, as much as I can with my in-laws around. This was a hard thing to do in many ways, but it’s what I had planned from the beginning. Please review!