..:~*~:..

She took a deep breath and looked up into the intense blue gaze of the blond vampire. How am I going to say this? I don’t even know if he feels that way about me any more. Focus Buffy, its only three little words. How can they be so hard to say? Buffy was brought from her inner thoughts as the vampire shifted and moved closer to her body, lifting her chin with his soft hands.

“You wanted to tell me something luv?” whispered Spike, not daring to think that she might actually say what he wanted her to say.

Buffy looked at Spike and held his gaze for a moment before moving away from him. Pacing, she thought about what she was going to say and how she was going to say it without sounding like the bitch she usually was.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I’ve been putting the pieces together and I think I’ve finally figured it out. You’ve been here for me, in more ways than anyone else has ever been. Angel, he was there for me when I was the love-sick teenager experiencing things for the first time. But he left at the first sign of temptation.” Buffy stopped to glance at Spike and when he didn’t say anything, she continued.

“Riley, he was there for me when I was experiencing life for the first time. I was starting college and starting to live out there on my own. But, like Angel, he left when he realised I was too much for him. Its now or never Buff, cant back out now. And then, there’s you.”

Spike watched the slayer have what looked like a mental war within herself. He stood and held her hand within his. “Whatever it is pet, just say it” he said softly. Buffy again took a deep breath and readied herself for what she was about to say.

“You were there for me when my mom got sick. Sure, you might have come to kill me but you stayed and just let me cry without questions. You were there for me after mom died and you helped me out with Dawn. Even though you still were an annoying pain in my ass, you were still there. When Glory tortured you for information about the key, you nearly died to keep Dawn safe. You risked everything to become a better person so that she was always protected. Then I died and you stayed. You looked after Dawn and the gang knowing you weren’t going to get into my pants. You stayed. And now, even amongst all this chaos with the potentials and the First, you still have time to comfort me and just hold me. When I woke up that morning, I was not expecting you to be there beside me. I thought that you would have left like all the others. But you stayed. You always stay.”

Buffy took a breath and prepared herself for those words she knew she so desperately wanted to say.

“What im trying to say is that, I’m just exhausted. The potentials are exhausting. The First is exhausting and you, hating you is the most exhausting. I don’t wanna do it anymore.” Buffy paused and allowed herself to look at the master vampire standing in front of her. He looked hurt. Her words had once again caused him pain. She could see it in his eyes. There was no trace of the kind, loving expression they once carried. Quick Buffy, tell him now before its too late. He’ll be lost to you forever.

“But Spike, I love you. I think I always have, I was just to stubborn to realise it.”

Spike was amazed. Here was the tiny woman he loved with all his heart confessing her love for him. He couldn’t think, his head was spinning too much. Where did they go from here? Did he still love her? Are you kidding yourself mate? Of course you love her! Now go let her know that you do. And with that thought, Spike smiled and picked up the blond slayer and held her in a close embrace.

“God Buffy, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that. I love you too”

Buffy laughed and placed her lips down onto his and kissed him deeply as the sound of chattering girls signalled the end of their time alone.



~ All of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

You and me - Lifehouse ~