A/N: Thanks to the fantabulous Kar for betaing this, and to all of you left a review :D



"He's a monster, but if he likes you, he'd be your monster, and he would protect you above all things. But he is a monster. I don't think women mind if he's a monster as long as he's their monster. Take note guys", he grins, "You can get away with anything as long as it's all for her!" - James Marsters


“Rude Awakening”

“Oh my god. How lame is that?” she asked him. How could she think such a beautiful, sacred thing as having a soul to be lame? Well perhaps, it is a bit… lame he thought to himself. But he didn’t see someone like Joan ever being with someone like him if he didn’t have a soul (though he didn’t know Joan was thinking pretty much the exact opposite). He decided to try and convince her.

Joan, realizing that she was sitting on him and his parts for way too long, slowly stood. Randy, nearly groaning at the loss of contact, stood as well, and began his spiel on the greatness that is him and his shiny soul.

“I’m a hero, really. I mean to be cast such an ugly lot in life, and then to rise above it,” he started off, pacing to and fro. She watched in amusement at first, pleased that he was trying so hard to keep their friendship in tact. He almost looked like a politician, what with the thumb gestures as he ticked off his points and all.

“To seek out, better, nobler things. It’s inspirational, innit? The two of us, natural enemies, thrown together to stand against the forces of darkness. Lot of trust.” Now Joan was simply becoming annoyed. If there’s like this abundance of trust between us, then why is he so freaked out about me all of a sudden attacking him for no reason? Didn’t I explain to him at that magic store place that I felt the need to protect him? Geeze!

“No thought of me hitting you; no thought of you staking me.”

“Depends on how long you keep yapping.” Before further conversation was able to take place, the gang of vampires showed up. Joan, on autopilot, stood right in front of Randy as if it were the most natural thing in the world. The two of them didn’t even have to look at each other. It was as if this unspoken agreement were between them as they began to face off against the vampires. Randy, wanting to feel all manly, ran in front of Joan, attacking the bulk of the group of vamps. Two strays came after Joan. She was able to take out the first one easily. The two strong warriors, one a slayer, the other vampire, never took notice of how well they worked together, how Randy, for the most part, kept his back to her, knowing in his deep subconscious that she would always keep a watch out for him- protecting him.

Joan felt an adrenaline rush. Even though they were being attacked by a huge group of vampires, she somehow felt it was fun. Though she was struck many a time by her opponent, the entire situation felt like this big, learning experience. She soon got into the swing of things.

“Don’t mess with the Joan the V-" Before she could finish her declaration, Willow’s spell had been broken by Xander, who had stepped on the black crystal. Suddenly, Buffy’s mind was slammed with all of the memories of her true reality. And nothing had felt so painful in that moment of pure, undiluted truth. She was so numb that she had not even felt the vampire hitting her and repeatedly kicking her in the abdomen. Her adrenaline rush was gone, and she felt as if she couldn’t breathe.

“Buffy- Buffy!” Spike yelled out to her in desperation, realizing with dismay that she wasn’t even trying protect herself. Spike assessed the situation quickly, seeing that it wasn’t that many vamps left. He dusted them quickly. She lay on the ground in a fetal position. Just as he was about to go over to her, Sharky struck a conversation with him.

“You’re an odd duck, Mr. Spike. Fighting your own kind…"

I don’t have time for this, you sod… Spike, fed up at being interrupted by some demon or other every time he wanted to talk to Buffy, grabbed the loan shark by the lapels and got up in his face.

“You’ll get paid. I’m no welsher.” The shark, realizing that Spike wasn’t afraid, all of a sudden looked uneasy. He mumbled something to the vampire before skulking away. Nearly all of his lackeys had been dusted, after all. Spike watched him for a second before turning his attentions to the Slayer. She was still lying still, looking off into space.

“You okay?” he asked her gently, reaching out his hand to help her up. Buffy looked at him and his demon face angrily. Ignoring his offered hand, she got up on her own and stormed away from him.

Spike looked at her with squinted, yellow eyes. Dammit! What does it take?! I didn’t bloody do anything! Feeling like a ponce in that suit, he headed back to his crypt and put on his usual threads. He knew the slayer wasn’t heading home or to the Magic Box. And since she isn’t here, then she must be at the Bronze. Lord knows she isn’t in any mood to patrol he reasoned. Just before he headed back out again, he allowed a few curls on his head to show- just for her.

Just as he suspected, she was sitting alone, at the bar at the Bronze. She wasn’t even drinking anything, just sitting there all sorrowful. Spike approached her easily. He hadn’t said a word, but she felt his presence beside her. She turned her head and looked at him then she turned around in the opposite direction. Spike gritted his teeth before turning around and walking away.

Where is he going? Buffy thought as she got off of the bar stool to follow him. She clearly expected him to just sit next to her, offering his silent support even if she did blatantly ignore him. She didn’t want him to go.

“Spike, where are you-"

“I’ve had enough, Slayer.” He hasn’t called me ‘Slayer’ in a long time. He must be really ticked off…

“Here I am, trying to help you. I- I’m trying to do the right thing here, alright? But you won’t cut me a bit of slack. I know that you’re hurting and that you’re upset and…” Spike sighed and dropped his head. He couldn’t figure out what to say to get through to her. Buffy took in his defeated demeanor and noticed that his hair was a little curly. She remembered seeing him right before he sang that song to her, and how as Randy, he still looked at her with those same, penetrating blue eyes, all soft like. He liked her when he didn’t even know who he was- who she was. It didn’t matter. A vampire is what he is, but not who he is. Spike is so much more than… Why didn’t I see it before?

She placed a hand tenderly on his cheek, lifting his face up. No words are spoken. He can see everything in her eyes. Just one look… Simultaneously, they lean into to each other, meeting the other half way. They give each other a long, soul kiss that seems to last for hours. In that moment to Buffy, everything felt right.

“Goodbye to everything that I knew.
You were the one I loved…”

******

About forty-five minutes later, long after Michelle Branch had left the stage, Buffy and Spike were still making out. On several occasions, Buffy felt as if she would collapse, her knees continuously buckling from his skilled tongue (though he was only kissing her mouth). She was sure of the fact that no one in the free world could kiss like him. Every time she felt as if she would fall, he would hold on to her tighter, clasping at her lower back with his strong hands, then caressing her sides with his fingers. Buffy felt her flesh burn, her skin tingled, and yet it still felt as if something were missing. Soon after having that particular thought, someone walking pass bumped into Spike, pushing the two of them closer together, making their pelvises touch. Spike, not being able to resist, slowly began to grind into her. Oh god, that was it Buffy thought to herself as she began to grind into him (and his erection) as well. She threw her head back and gasped repeatedly while Spike decided to entertain himself further by kissing and nipping at her neck. And then the nipping turned into light biting, breaking Buffy from her lustful haze.

Oh no, the chip. He’s biting at my neck! She thought wildly. The fact that he was a vampire nearly blinded her to the fact that the reason he was probably suckling and nipping at her neck was purely a manly thing- and having absolutely nothing to do with him being a vampire. Well, maybe just a little…

She knew it was absurd and that he wouldn’t hurt her, but what scared her most was that she was enjoying the biting, his biting, way too much.

>God, he’s gonna leave a mark. How will I explain to…

She couldn’t stop herself from pushing him off and away from her. He looked confused, with his hair all mussed and his eyes squinted, panting unnecessarily. While attempting to control her own breathing, she gave him an apologetic look before turning away and leaving him behind.

Spike looked up at the rafters, then down at the floor, uncertain of what just happened in the last several seconds. And then realization dawned on him- the chip.

She thought that I’d actually…

Spike laughed at the revelation that once again, Buffy doubted him and his intentions.

Right. Cause I’m the Big Bad again. Chip goes all wonky, and I’m Mr. Dangerous. Can’t be trusted and all that rot. Good on you, Slayer he thought sarcastically as he headed towards the alley exit- in the opposite direction of which Buffy had left.

“You're a tease, you know that, Slayer? Get a fellow's motor revving, let the tension marinate a bit, then bam! Crown yourself the ice queen,” he thought aloud and angrily to himself.

He was through chasing her.

Well, he had been through chasing her for the night.

The next evening was an entirely different day and didn’t count. After checking her house and then oh so stealthily at the Magic Box and seeing that she wasn’t at either place, he decided to check her usual haunts for patrol. But since she was avoiding him, she didn’t turn up at any of those places either. Walking around town, he finally picked up her flowery scent, lightly coated with frustration.

Gee, wonder what Buff’s all frustrated about he wondered sarcastically.

He found her in an alley way fighting what he thought were two demons. Turns out they were human, and Spike was on the ground with a migraine the size of Texas. The two thieves immediately scampered off during the distraction.

“What the hell are you doing?” Buffy asked all in a huff, hands planted firmly on her hips. He took note of the turtle neck she was wearing.

Guess she’s not too fond of vampire inflicted hickies…

“I thought they were demons,” he said irritably, standing up as he clutched his head.

“Way to go with the keen observiness, Jessica Fletcher,” she said sarcastically, while mentally restraining herself from going over there to see if he was all right.

“Remind me not to help you,” he spat angrily, but not meaning it one bit.

“More often?” she asked rhetorically.

She can really be a pain in the arse he thought.

He can really be a pain in the ass she thought simultaneously.

“Hey. Little sympathy for the man with the mi—" He trailed off, realizing that in fact he had a migraine.

The chip’s not busted he thought with worry, swallowing hard. That must mean that… she doesn’t know.

“Buffy-"

“You’ll just have to get your rocks off fighting demons.”

How is it that nearly everything I say to him ends up having some sort of sexual connotation? Stupid Freudian slips. Stupid subconscious…

Expecting a completely sexual innuendo response from him, she was shocked to see the look of worry on his face. He walked up to her, picked up her hand, stroked it lightly before slapping it. She jerked her hand back before slapping his arm.

“God, what is with you?!” she asked, perplexed and angry.

“Buffy, the chip does work, but not on you, luv,” he said quietly. Her eyes grew round and wide as she involuntarily took a step back.

“What are you saying? That I- Willow brought me back wrong or something?” she asked, breathing harshly. Her heart was beating wildly, and she felt the need to sit down.

“I’m not- not saying that, luv,” he crooned, reaching out to her. She stepped back some more, shaking her head. Her eyes were welled up with tears.

“Yes you are. I’m a freak. That chip is supposed to work on humans, and it doesn’t work on me. It doesn’t…” She wiped furiously at her eyes.

Oh god, what did Willow do? What did she do to me?

Spike walked up to her once again, cautiously, and gripped her arms, putting his face close to hers.

“Buffy, you are not a freak, I promise you. We’ll figure this out, yea? I know there’s a reasonable explanation for all this. Hell, you’ve been your normal self anyway. What difference does it make?”

She wanted so desperately to believe him, but it was too much to accept in one moment. Not saying anything, she slowly pulled away from him (once a-friggin’-gain) and slowly backed away. He stayed where he was, watching her go.