We could be...soon as our needs are fed
You'll give in to me and the whole heartache
Makes me feel alive, same typical offering
And you always knew we make it all the way in...

~Deftones


It had been two days since the “Insane Buffy” incident, and she had been preoccupied with her job, spending more quality “sorry I tied you up so a demon could maul you” time with Dawn, and now, finally patrol. As opposed to the last time she went out to patrol, which was in the more than near vicinity of Spike’s crypt, Buffy headed to another cemetery on the other side of town. She just needed to clear her head for a bit, be alone, enjoy the scenery…

Of course, none of this mattered, for when Spike wanted to seek her out, he always managed to find her— eventually.

“Feeling better, I see,” Spike commented to Buffy as she pummeled a vamp. He grabbed the vamp’s accomplice by the back of his shirt from his perch on a stone pillar atop the cemetery gate. He continued to watch her calmly as she and the vamp traded blows, thinking she was back to her normal self.

“Yup. A hundred and ten percent,” she replied, blocking a punch to the face and giving a snap kick to the vamp.

“Good to hear. Though I’d wager this one here could give you a bit of the nasty,” he said in reference to the one he was holding.

“Well, stake him if you like,” Buffy said, trying to quickly wrap up her current fight so that she could keep moving.

“I would, really. Don’t have a stake on me, though.” Buffy, seeing her opening, stakes her vamp.

“Toss him down, then. I have more rounds to make. Feeling a bit rusty.” Spike looked at her thoughtfully for a moment before pulling out his lighter, setting the vamp’s shirt on fire. He let go of him as the flames spread. The vampire’s screams of agony were cut short as he turned to ash upon impact on the ground.

“No harm there, Slayer. ‘Nough fun to go round.” He gave her a smirk. Buffy nodded up at him before glancing around at her surroundings.

“Well, I was hoping I could put this off for awhile longer, cause hey, majorly awkward, but I’m sorry for trying to stake you the other day.”

“You weren’t yourself. No harm, no foul. Sorry for head butting you,” he said a bit sheepishly.

“Safety precautions. I get that.”

They both stared at each other for a moment, unsure of what to say. Buffy, feeling terribly uncomfortable, decided to break the silence. “Well, gotta run. See ya around,” she said, turning away.

“See ya,” he muttered silently. The uneasiness, the heartache, the mixed signals… Spike decided that he had had enough. Either he had to leave town, or he had to make his feelings for Buffy cease and desist.

Something’s gotta change…

*****

Buffy, at home alone in the late afternoon, found that Paula Deen, Jerry Springer, nor Roseanne could hold her attention. No, her thoughts repeatedly drifted back to him… It was beyond disconcerting that she didn’t know how to be around him anymore. And painful that she couldn’t be around him the way she wanted to.

She was steadily becoming quite tired of focusing on her own personal problems, and headed over to Xander’s to focus on his instead.

Well, it’ll certainly pass the time.

Except when she got there, he couldn’t seem to stop talking about the one person she currently didn’t want to ponder.

“Xander really, it wasn’t that serious,” Buffy said to him, getting a bit annoyed with the conversation. “I understand you’re looking for any distraction possible since Anya is kinda refusing to talk to you, but there’s no need to—”

“No, Buff. It’s really not like that. Aren’t you the least bit concerned that he can hurt you at a moment’s notice?”

“Spike wouldn’t do that, Xander.”

Hurting my emotions is his forte.

“I am not dis-inviting him from my house!”

Not that he stops by when I’m home anyway—he just waits till I go to work and checks on Dawn…

“He just knocked me out for everyone’s protection. And hey— I did the same to you when you were possessed by that hyena spirit or whatever. And I used a desk,” she pointed out. Xander made a face at her, but didn’t have a retort for the statement. He heaved a weary sigh.

“Okay. I just worry about you. You’re one of my best friends.”

“I know,” she said softly. He reached forward and grabbed a beer from the coffee table. He looked at it a bit disdainfully and put it back down.

“Maybe I need to come up with a plan of some kind,” he said, changing gears. “I have to get Anya back—I have to be Proactive Guy. Not Sit Around And… Watch the Rest of Your Life Turn to Crap Guy.”

“Totally. You should get right on that apology. Followed by much groveling…”

“Buffy, I know this is asking a lot, but do you think you can talk to her for me? Break the ice? Or at least perform a little defrosting action.” Buffy groaned a bit, but felt herself giving in once she looked into his eyes.

Stupid, manipulative brown eyes…

“Xander, I—”

“I mean, normally I wouldn’t ask, but I just thought that maybe she’d listen to you since, you know, you don’t have… male anatomy parts. And you know that I didn’t mean to hurt her, but she just can’t see it, or just doesn’t believe me.”

“Ugh! Fine… Stop by the house later, and I’ll give you all of the details.”

“You’ll be home?”

“Yeah, I got the night off.” She got up to head for the door. As she opened it, she paused, looking back at him. “I know you can make this right, Xander. Even if you do need help.” She gave him a little smile.

As she left, her thoughts turned to Anya, and how she must be feeling right now. Betrayed and beyond anger came to mind… The two had never really quite been on the same page in regards to most things, but Buffy felt that now they’d finally have something in common, and therefore things to discuss. Even though Anya didn’t exactly know that Buffy had been seeing anyone, let alone Spike.

Before opening the door to the Magic Box, Buffy took a deep breath, and mentally prepared for imminent battle.

“Hi Anya,” she greeted over the ringing bell above the door. When she saw that Anya was just finishing up with a customer, she walked up to the roundtable and sat down to wait for her.

“Have an auspicious day!” Anya said in false cheerfulness to the departing customer, who haggled profusely over her wholesale herbs.

“So, Buffy—it’s interesting that you were to stop by. I was actually on my way to see you. Very urgent matter you could tell I’m sure—I mean, I was going to close the shop early, well, briefly.”

“Yeah. I… well, I came by to see h-how you were doing,” Buffy said, trying to feel her out a bit.

“How I’m feeling? Hmm… well, do you know what it’s like to have your heart ripped out and stepped upon, publicly, I might add, while simultaneously having your hopes and dreams smashed into itty bitty pieces?”

“Well actually, I—”

“Oh, of course you have! Squish, squish, squish. Guys have been running roughshod over you for years.” Buffy nodded, pouting, reluctantly agreeing with her. “Aren’t you sick of it? Don’t you just wish—”

“For the record, Xander’s had his heart broken too. Albeit not at the altar.”

“Oh right, I should’ve known— you’re on Xander’s side because you’re only his friend, right?”

“No, of course not Anya. I’m just saying that Xander didn’t fully verbalize why he—”

“Abandoned me at the altar on my wedding day? What should have been our wedding day?”

“Anya, he’s hurting—really badly too. He still loves you. Very deeply. I know for a fact that he wishes he could take it back.”

Damn! At least she used the word “wish.” Just gotta get her to use it in the right context…

“What? Proposing to me in the first place?”

“No! Of course not!”

“You don’t think he should be punished for what he did? A little torture, perhaps? Don’t you just wish that his penis, and the penis of all the guys who ever—”

“I’m saying he’s being punished right now with his own guilt and remorse. I know exactly how he feels. He knows that he betrayed you. Just like I…”

Anya gave her a funny look, wondering if this was somehow going to be shifted to being about Buffy. Of course, she was right.

“And—and I know that if that had been me, if I were Xander, that I’d have trouble with telling you how I really felt, therefore not being able to explain how I screwed things up so horribly… I guess I wish that for just one moment I could be one hundred percent honest with the person that I loved so that he’d know that I truly meant how I felt about him. Just once, without holding anything back…” Buffy trailed off, looking down at the table, feeling defeated, and forgetting her mission of “defrost jilted bride” altogether. She didn’t notice Anya turn her head with subtlety, mutter “Damn it. Wish granted,” as her face changed to that of her demon visage before shifting back again. Anya turned back to face her, looking more than petulant, for Buffy had used up her wish, just not in the way that she wanted her to. Not at all…

And who in the blue hell is she talking about?

“I’m sorry. I’m doing this all wrong.” Buffy, jarring herself from her inner turmoil, finally looked at her.

“Pft. Tell me about it,” Anya replied, sitting down on the bench across from her. Before either could say anymore, Hallie walked in, all smiles.

“Hello Anya, Anya’s friend. The Slayer, right?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, eyeing the woman warily.

“A um… close friend of William’s?” she asked with a saccharine smile.

“Excuse me?” Buffy asked, a hint of anger coming out at the woman addressing him as “William.” Hallie backed off immediately. She figured she could just ask Anya how William, or Spike as it may be, was doing as of late.

“Never mind. Sorry to disturb you two girls, but really Anya, we’ve got to go and have ourselves a sit down. Drinks on me.”

“I don’t know, Hallie…”

“Come on, you! I’ve got to get that frown upside down. A night off when one of your closest friends should do the trick. Or at least, come out for a couple of hours.”

“Hallie, you know that making money is the only thing that I have to look forward to these days. No sex, no prospect of little, pink babies—”

“Anya, this place is practically dead. I mean really…” Hallie trailed off, giving her a “come on” look.

“It’s okay Anya. You go on—I’ll watch the shop for a couple of hours for you,” Buffy offered.

“You sure?”

“It’s the least I could do.” Anya looked at her curiously.

“For free, right? I mean, since it’s the very least you can do…”

“Of course. Free of charge. I’m doin’ the whole ‘friend favor’ thing. Now shoo—go out,” Buffy insistedd. Anya shrugged her shoulders, and followed Hallie out.

Once they were gone, Buffy continued to sit at the table, drumming her fingers restlessly on the table top. She supposed she could go in the back room and train for a bit, but upon further thought realized she just didn’t want to. It just wasn’t the same without Giles pestering her about her form. She began to pout, resting her head upwards on her fist, looking at the door and the lack of customers coming through it. Not that it was a bad thing, of course. Buffy and customer service were almost un-mixy things.

“Looks like it’s just gonna be me and my shadow,” she said softly to herself with a sigh.

*****

Spike had finally come to a decision: since he couldn’t bear leaving Buffy or the Bit indefinitely, he decided that a nice, harmless spell of getting rid of his feelings for the Slayer was the only viable solution. Just enough so that he’d still care for her, but his love for her would be eliminated. Then maybe they could finally coexist, and carry on normally.

Since he didn’t know what would be required for the spell, and didn’t feel like breaking into the store later (for later would entail more waiting) to find out what he would need, and the proper book, etc., he entered in through the front door.

“Hey, I need a thing…” Spike trailed off when he saw it was Buffy, and not Anya who was in the shop. Buffy’s eyes grew wide, and felt her mouth begin to form words that she hadn’t even had the time to process…