A/N: Sorry for the long break between updates. I had family in town and went on vacation. Hopefully, the Spuffy goodness in this chappie will make up for it. =)

Chapter 11: More Than a Monster

“God, I wish everyone would stop saying that!” She stood up and took a few steps before turning back to him with anger burning in her eyes. “They don’t want to hurt me, you say. Well, it’s a little too late for that. You want to know where I was, Spike? Where I spent the last few months? Where my so-called friends yanked me out of? Heaven. I was in Heaven. And now…” she shook her head, “now I’m in Hell.”

Spike sat speechless in his chair, trying to process what he had just heard. Buffy had been in Heaven? Suddenly, the reason behind the way she had been acting was clear. She resented her friends for pulling her out and forcing her to live life and fight evil once more.

He shook his head at their ignorance; there were always consequences with magic. He didn’t know how long it would take Buffy to forgive them, that is, if she ever did; but he knew that now she needed him more than ever. What she had just confessed to him proved that, and it comforted him to know she trusted him that much.

“I’m sorry, Buffy,” he said after a long moment.

She turned sharply at that,seeming startled by his voice. Then a small, half-smile tugged at her lips. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, and I know you had nothing to do with bringing me back.” Her voice was calm as she sat back down on the sofa. “Please don’t tell them. I’m not ready for them to know, not yet.”

Spike nodded. They sat in silence for a while, lost in their own thoughts about Buffy’s revelation.

“I should go,” she said, breaking the friendly quiet, “Dawn is probably worried.”

“Are you gonna tell her?”

“Soon, but not today.” She stood up and walked to the door. Spike got up to open it for her in a chivalrous gesture.

“I’m here, y’know, whenever you need someone. No matter what for.”

Buffy smiled warmly and stepped closer to him. “I know. Thank you.” She leaned forward then and brushed her lips against his. The kiss was quick, but it meant more to Spike than any kiss he had ever experienced with Drusilla. Buffy’s kiss held not only gratitude, but strength, vulnerability and something he had never felt from her before. He smiled as she left after promising to return at nightfall.

Spike closed the door, feeling happier than he had in a long while. He felt like a moth to a flame; drawn to it even though it could harm him. Only, he knew Buffy wouldn’t hurt him. She was the sun bathing him in her light, but he wasn’t being burned.

***

“What should we do about Buffy?” Willow asked the group sitting around the table in the Magic Box.

“We can only let her come to terms with what we’ve learned. She is still unstable,” Giles explained.

“This still doesn’t explain why her and Bleachface are suddenly bosom buddies,” Xander growled.

“Actually, I believe it does,” replied Giles, “Buffy felt the power and authority of Spike’s demon, and hers was drawn to it.”

“But she hates Spike!”

“Not quite,” the Watcher muttered.

“What!?” Xander jumped up from the table, his chair falling to the floor.

Willow chided, “Xander, sit down.”

He turned to her. “How can you be so calm about this? It’s Spike. Evil, bloodthirsty, tried-to-kill-us-multiple-times Spike.”

“He hasn’t tried to kill us for a long time. He’s been fighting on our side.”

“I can’t believe you’re defending him. He’s a vampire, Will.”

“I know that, and I’m not saying we should be best friends with him, but he watched Dawn all summer without us asking. He took over patrol most nights. He even helped at the Magic Box sometimes.”

“That doesn’t change what he is. Now that Buffy’s back, he’ll start his crazy obsession again.”

“And she can handle it.” Willow stood up now, leaning over the table so she was face-to-face with her friend.

“She shouldn’t have to. We should have dusted the idiot when we first met him. The dirt Buffy walks on is better than him.”

“Well, he’s the only one she trusts right now so you’re gonna have to deal.” Her eyes turned black for a minute, before returning to their normal green.

“This is ridiculous. I’m gonna go find Buffy and talk to her.” He grabbed his coat from where it had fallen off the chair and turned to leave.

“You will do no such thing,” Giles shouted.

Xander stopped and gaped at the older man. “You’re siding with Dead Boy Jr., too?”

“Confronting Buffy right now would not be wise.” Giles avoided answering the boy’s question. He did not approve of the budding relationship between the Slayer and vampire, but Buffy was going to do what she wanted whether he agreed or not.

“So what, we just let her be with him?”

“Yes.”

***

Patrol was quiet. Buffy had arrived at nightfall like she promised and off they went without a word. Spike could tell she was not in a talking mood, which was fine with him because he wasn’t either. They both had things to ponder; Buffy, the new information about what being a slayer meant, and Spike the kiss.

If he died tonight, he would die happy. Buffy had finally shown him that he meant more to her than an extra piece of muscle. Even though it had happened hours ago, he could still feel her on his lips.

Spike had kissed the Slayer before, but never like that. The magically induced kisses during Willow’s spell weren’t real, no matter how much he wanted them to be. The only other kiss they had shared was after Glory tortured him, and it was merely a thank you, nothing more.

This kiss, however, was so much more than that. Spike could tell Buffy’s feelings for him were changing, he just hoped he wouldn’t scare her off before they even got started.

The couple had made two rounds through all four cemeteries, only coming across one fledgling. They were heading back to his crypt now and Spike stuck his hands in his duster pockets to keep from fidgeting. He had smoked through all his cigarettes and hadn’t had the chance to nick more.

Though they had stayed silent the whole night, it was a comfortable silence. It felt like they were good friends out for a stroll and neither one was ready for it to be over.

“Here we are,” Buffy stated when they stopped in front of the heavy, iron door.

“Yep.”

“I don’t really want to go.”

“Don’t really want you to. You could come in ‘f you want.”

She smiled. “Okay.” She walked through the doorway, quickly followed by Spike who then went to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

“How are you holding up?” he asked, handing her the bottle.

“Still a little freaked. I’ll have to talk to Giles about it tomorrow, no matter how badly I don’t want to. I still can’t handle being around the gang. They don’t understand why I’m not dancing around in a meadow singing about the hills being alive or why I haven’t said thank you.”

“Sod them, luv.”

“I know. I’m just so used to having them around to confide in. I used to want their opinion and approval on everything. Now I’m realizing I won’t always get it and it’s strange. I know I keep saying it, but thanks for just being here. I’m not sure what I would’ve done without you. I’d probably still be crazy or catatonic or maybe dead.”

Spike winced at that.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to say the ‘d’ word. That’s another thing you did, got me off that tower.”

“Still don’t quite know how.”

“I trusted you. Somehow, I knew I’d be okay. That I’d be safe.”

Spike had nothing to say to that. He could only look at Buffy with an expression of awe on his handsome face.

“Didn’t expect me to admit that, huh?” She giggled. “I guess dying can give a person some clarity.”

“What do you mean?”

“Before… I never saw you as anything more than a monster or at least I told myself that-”

Spike interrupted, “I am a monster.”

“No, you’re more than that. Angelus was a monster. Adam was a monster. You’re a man who fought the monster inside him and beat it. I never wanted to see how you’d changed. I was happy on my little island of Denial, but I can’t stay there anymore.” She stepped forward so she was directly in front of him. “Now I see your strength, your kindness,” she looked into his eyes, holding his gaze, “your love. I can’t deny what’s right in front of me. Not anymore.”

“Buffy…” The whisper died on his lips.

“Once you asked me for a crumb, but I think you deserve more than that.” She wrapped an arm around his neck to pull him down and touched her lips to his. They were warm and soft, but he could taste her strength and power. As she nibbled on his lower lip, he wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her to him. She smiled against his lips as her other arm joined the one around his neck, the unopened bottle of water falling to the floor.

Their hands explored each other; his running up her back and tangling in her hair. Buffy’s fingers played with the blonde curls at the nape on his neck while her other hand ran down his chest, then captured his hand that had stopped on her waist. Their fingers intertwined.

Spike sucked her bottom lip into his mouth before running his tongue over it, asking for entrance, which was immediately granted. Their tongues battled for dominance as they pulled each other impossibly closer.

Reluctantly, after what seemed like days, Buffy pulled away to catch her breath. She leaned her forehead against Spike’s and they both closed their eyes. She was breathing hard, her heart was pounding against her chest and he could smell her arousal. His jeans had become uncomfortably tight but he didn’t want to ruin the moment. He knew acting on his impulses might be moving too fast and he was smart enough to know better.

“I love you, Buffy,” he said instead, hoping it wasn’t the wrong thing to say.

“I know.” She pecked his lips. “I know.”