Title: 2 AM
Author: Goddess Hecate
Song: Breathe (2 AM)
Artist: Anna Nalick

A/N: Everyone knows I own nothing. Sorry it took me forever and a day to update. Stupid job. Thanks so much to Immortal Beloved, who made this story into something readable. Thanks for sticking with me. Enjoy!


Tara couldn’t sleep. The air had a feeling of foreboding about it, and something refused to let her find rest. She wondered if the rest of the Scoobies were ok. To worry about Willow crossed her mind more than once; but, somehow, Tara felt she would have known with more certainty if something were wrong with her former lover. No, Tara suspected that this had more to do with a certain blond couple. With a sigh, she turned over in her bed and waited for the magic hour to roll around.

~*~
2 AM and I’m still awake writing this song
If I get it all down on paper its no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of a crowd
Cuz these words are my diary screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them however you want to
~*~

Awakened by a hammering at her door, the first thing that Tara noticed when she opened her eyes was the red glow of the numbers on her alarm clock: 1:45 a.m. The pounding on her door resumed. It was a little early, but Tara knew instantly that it was one of two people visiting her. Tara slipped out of bed and pulled on her robe before opening the door in time to receive an armful of sobbing Slayer.

“Buffy, what’s wrong?”

“I told him,” Buffy sobbed. “I lied to him, but I finally told him that it had to stop.” Tara guided the slayer to her bed, not bothering to close the door behind her.

“You said you lied to him?” Tara asked after several minutes of gently calming the slayer. Buffy nodded weakly.

“I told him I don’t. I looked him in the eye and told him… I lied to him Tara. I told him that I don’t love him.” Tara gently guided Buffy’s face so that she could look into her puffy red eyes. Buffy nodded. “I finally figured it out, Tara. Riley showed up tonight, and I figured it out. I know exactly what’s wrong with me. I’m in love with him. It’s wrong, and it can only end badly, but he’s there for me no matter what.” Buffy paused, deep in thought. “You could call him dependable, but he’s not. Riley was dependable; he’s always there. There’s a difference, you know. With someone dependable you can plot out how they’re gonna respond, but I never know how he’s gonna respond to anything I say or do, except that I always know that he’s gonna love me. He loves me, and I love him. And I didn’t think life could get any more complicated, but—“

“Buffy, who loves you? Who do you love?” Tara’s gentle questions cut through Buffy’s rant, although Tara suspected that she already knew the answers.

Buffy paused, gathering her courage. “I’m completely head-over-heels, madly in love with Spike.”

~*~
‘Cuz you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable
And life’s like an hourglass glued to the table
~*~

Spike was angry to hear students crying in the dorm. What right did they have to be sad? It was his time to cry, his time to mourn. He had so much to grieve, too. He had lost not just a lover, but the woman who made him who he was. In the same way Drusilla had made him into a monster, Buffy Summers made him into a man. And not just any man--a good man. What right did anyone else have to mourn when he had lost so much? The sobbing continued, and Spike felt the overwhelming urge to scream, yell, to do anything to make the crying stop. The heartbreaking sound was too close to the one that he felt his heart make every time he lost her. The sound his heart was making now at the knowledge that he had lost his Buffy, his Slayer, his sunshine, permanently. Spike followed the sound, not paying attention to where it was leading him. The sobbing was now quieting, replaced by hushed murmuring. The anger faded, replaced by a morbid curiosity. Spike stood just to the left of the door, listening.

“You said you lied to him?” With a start, Spike realized that it was Tara’s voice he heard. He looked around and realized that he was standing outside her door. Spike smirked. Sounded like Glinda was expanding the business.

“I told him I don’t. I looked him in the eye and told him… I lied to him Tara. I told him that I don’t love him.” That was Buffy’s voice. Spike tensed, waiting to hear about how her time with Captain America had gone. There was a pause before she began again. “I finally figured it out, Tara. I know exactly what’s wrong with me. I’m in love with him.” Spike couldn’t stop himself from coming into the door way. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, Spike planned to beg her forgiveness for embarrassing her in front of her former boyfriend for whom she apparently still harbored feelings. He paused and took deep breaths to calm himself and was stopped dead in his tracks by her next words: “I’m completely head-over-heels, madly in love with Spike.”

At some point Tara had sensed a familiar presence approaching, but she was too engrossed in Buffy’s tearful confession to pay much attention. It wasn’t until a figure moved into her doorway that she looked up, and Spike’s presence registered. By the time it occurred to Tara to inform Buffy of their audience, it was too late.

Buffy looked up at Tara at that moment and realized that the witch wasn’t looking at her. Tara’s attention was focused directly behind her. Buffy followed the direction of Tara’s panicked stare. Her gaze met deep blue eyes.

“Oh, God.”

~*~
No one can find the rewind button now
~*~

Tara excused herself quietly before leaving her dorm room. She paced up and down the hall and sighed. She couldn’t help wondering why tonight, of all nights, had made Buffy finally realize her feelings. Tara suspected that it had a great deal to do with her ex-boyfriend’s reappearance. Tara knew without a doubt that Buffy had never felt much more than loyal affection for Riley. Perhaps Riley’s reappearance in Buffy’s life had forced her to juxtapose the two men. Shrugging, Tara glanced at the clock hanging on the opposite wall, watching as the hour hand came to point at the bold-faced two. It was now or never.

~*~
So sing it if you understand
~*~

”I … I really…” Buffy paused. She didn’t know what to say, what to think. Her mind seemed to shut off at the sight of the blond man standing before her. She wished Tara hadn’t left; Tara always seemed to know what to do or say to calm someone’s nerves. And calmed nerves were exactly what Buffy needed right then. Calmed nerves would allow her to think. How could she confess her love to Spike? After all that she had put him through, he would have no reason to believe her. What would be the point? But, then, how could she not tell him? With this knowledge newly conscious in her mind, she felt as though her body would burst if she didn’t tell someone. She wanted nothing more than to sing out her love, scream it out at the top of her lungs. So, why wasn’t she? Buffy shook herself mentally and took a deep breath to calm herself. It was now or nev—

“It’s alright luv. I understand. People say those words all the time without meaning them. I’d just rather not hear you take them back. Let’s just pretend you never said anything, yeah? No harm, no foul.”

~*~
And breathe
~*~

“I… I really…” Spike watched as Buffy’s mouth seemed to open and shut of its own accord. Emotions flickered through her usually cold green eyes. Confusion. What did she have to be confused about? How he had entered without her knowledge? Odd. Being a slayer, she should have sensed him. Fear. What was she afraid of? He had done everything he could in the past few years to show her that she had nothing to fear from him. Determination. Spike imagined the lines running through her head, her determination to let him know, once again, that she could never be with him, even if he could make her happy. Certainty. Spike knew the time had come. She was going to take back those glorious words. He couldn’t bear the thought. He needed to give her an out. Anything to keep from having to hear her take back what she had said.

“It’s alright, luv. I understand. People say those words all the time without meaning them. I’d just rather not hear you take them back. Let’s just pretend you never said anything, yeah? No harm, no foul.”

~*~
Just breathe
~*~

Buffy stared at Spike for a moment. How could she convince him that she meant it, that she could feel her love for him coursing through every fiber of her being?

“No, Spike, that’s not what I was going to say. I don’t know how I could possibly say it.” Here it was–the moment of truth. Was Buffy Slayer or mouse? “I love you with everything that I am. I don’t want to because, the way I see it, love only ends badly; but, I’m in love. I don’t have a choice in the matter. I don’t know what you did to me; but, God help me, I want you to do it again. ‘Cuz this feeling inside of me, this warm glow-y goodness, I don’t ever wanna stop feeling it.” By now, the tears had returned. Buffy wasn’t sure whether they were the result of joy, fear, relief, or a combination, but she couldn’t pause to try and stop them. “It’s like… this feeling inside of me, it makes me feel warm and safe. I don’t have to be the strong one. I get to rely on you, and that’s wonderful. It’s like heaven. Being in love with you is like heaven. So no, I don’t think I will pretend I never said it because I kind of like saying it. I, Buffy Anne Summers, am madly in love with William the Bloody.” There, it was out. That wasn’t so scary. Buffy chanced a look into Spike’s azure eyes. The look of amazement and pure adoration that stared back at her was breathtaking. Buffy remembered seeing it once before when she had walked down the stairs on the 148th night. She had hidden from it ever since.

~*~
Oh breathe
~*~

“I, Buffy Anne Summers, am madly in love with William the Bloody.”

Well, that was bloody well unexpected. For the longest time, all Spike could do was stare at Buffy. He watched her closely as she spoke, looking for any trace of insincerity or mocking. Never once did he see any hint of mocking. Spike felt his face take on the look of adoration that had so often earned him harsh blows or cruel words. Now, Buffy looked into his eyes and smiled shyly before glancing away, embarrassed. Spike bent down beside her and took her chin in his hand, guiding her face so that she looked into his eyes.

“Well, alright then, luv.” Spike had meant to say something very clever about how he had been right all along, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to wipe that shy smile off her face. Buffy’s smile grew at his words, and she laughed. Her laughter lacked the harsh bitterness that had marked her actions for the past few months. This was a laugh of joy and relief. Spike found himself laughing, too, and soon they had collapsed into each other’s arms, laughing until their stomachs hurt.

“I love you, Buffy.” Spike said after a comfortable silence. Buffy looked up at him and smiled again.

“I love you, too, Spike.”

~*~
Just breath
~*~

Tara sighed. It had been half an hour. If they hadn’t started to resolve their issues by now, it just wasn’t going to happen. Gently, she opened the door and smiled at the sight of a sleeping vampire sitting on her floor, back propped against the edge of her bed, holding a sleeping Slayer in his arms. Cute. Not that it wouldn’t have been nice of them to let her know that she could have her room back, but she couldn’t manage real irritation. With a shrug, she threw an extra blanket over the sleeping couple and drew the curtains over her window before she crawled into bed. It wouldn’t hurt them to sleep there for the night. Tara was glad that they had resolved their differences. It gave her hope. If Sunnydale’s own Romeo and Juliet could find a happy ending, maybe it wasn’t a bad idea for her to give Willow a second chance.

The end.