Chapter 16

’just the way that her hair fell down around her face
And I recall my fall from grace
Another time another place’
- “lady writer” by dire straits

Buffy had closed the shades of her window when she had gotten up to use the bathroom. Now, only a little of the grey sunlight filtered into the room.

The Slayer sat, her knees pulled up to her body, on her easy chair in the corner of the bedroom. She wore Spike’s shirt that fit even more loosely on her frame that it did on his.

The vampire still lay in bed, sound asleep. The bedsheet gathered around his hips; one hand bent beneath his head, the other across his belly. His face was twitching in his sleep, and although Buffy would never admit it, it was the cutest thing in the world.

She had made herself a cup of instant coffee, her hands now clamped around the mug. A chill ran down her spine when memories of last night bubbled up inside her. A good chill for good memories.

They had done it a few more times that night. Sometimes sweet and slow. Sometimes, if not exactly wild, then a little more playful. That last time had almost been in slow motion, as if they were trying to memorize each other’s bodies down to the last detail.

They had fallen asleep in each other’s arms, their limbs entangled, her head on his chest. On some occasions in the past, she had fallen asleep in his arms after an exhausting night but she had never felt this… safe. Secure. Home, even.

“You know, it’s pretty rude to stare at people like that.”

Buffy nearly jumped out of her chair, sending her coffee flying, as Spike suddenly addressed her. He hadn’t even opened his eyes but an amused smile tugged at his lips.

“Thank god you’re not people,” she replied with a smile that he hopefully heard in her voice.

Spike blinked his eyes open, first one, then the other. He eyed her almost curiously. “This is new,” he said.

“What?” She took a sip from her coffee.

“You, hanging around after a good night’s shag,” He sat up, bunching the bedsheet around his hips.

“It’s my apartment,” she stated matter-of-factly. “And you really don’t have to make it sound so naughty.” She sounded a little pissed.

“Oh, it was naughty,” he raised an eyebrow at her. After a beat when he saw her expression, he added, “We suck at this, don’t we?”

“The morning after? Yeah.” A grin appeared on Buffy’s face.

Their eyes met for a long moment. “Spike?” Her tone was quiet, almost shy. “When this is over… are you going to go away again?”

He remained silent for a few seconds, then rose from the bed to slip into his pants. When he looked at Buffy, she stared at him with huge, green eyes.

“Are you leav--?” she started but he cut her off.

“No, this just feels like a ‘pants on’ moment.” He buttoned up his jeans, came over to her and crouched down in front of her. “Buffy,” he began, deadly serious, taking her free hand into his. “Did anything happen in the last few hours that makes you think that I’m going to spend another second away from you?”

When she spoke, she sounded all but childlike, embarrassed. She even pouted a little. “No.”

“Well, ask me again, then.”

“Are you going to go away again?”

“No,” he replied. A simple word that meant so much more.

Buffy put her mug down on the little end table by her chair, cupped his face, and placed a long kiss on his mouth. When she wanted to pull back again, he held on to her, deepening the kiss, taking her breath away.

Breaking away from him, she smirked at him. “We really don’t have to spend every second together, you know.”

He grinned at her. “Hell, no. I was just trying to be romantic.”

She let out a relieved sigh. “Thank god. ‘Cause that would be really annoying.”

In an instant, she had her arms wrapped around his neck, tussling him to the floor. The vampire let out a surprised yelp but welcomed her with a hard kiss.

His hands slipped underneath his shirt. Much to his surprise, she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. He cocked an eyebrow at her and she mimicked it with a naughty look.

Buffy started trailing little licks and kisses down his throat, grinding her pelvis against his. He let out a strangled groan but kept her hips in a firm grip.

Suddenly, a thought popped up in his head, something that had already bugged him the night before. “Cookies?” he asked out of the blue.

She looked up at him, resting her head on his chest. “Yeah.”

“Last night you said ‘I’m cookies’…” he let his words trail off, leaving her room to answer.

She hesitated for a long moment. “The night Angel came to Sunnydale, he asked me how I felt about you. I told him that… I wasn’t ready for a relationship, that I was… cookie dough, waiting to be baked. And now…”

“You’re cookies,” he finished for her.

She blinked, then nodded. “Yep.”

He brushed hair from her forehead, then tilted her head up. “What does that mean? For…,” he took a deep breath. “For us.”

Lying there on his stomach, Buffy looked away from him. “I don’t know,” she said quietly. “I mean… I know that… I do know that I want… this. For all those years, I thought about what things would be like if you came back. And I figured that… I really… really wanted this. But at the same time…” When her voice started to shake, she drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes to collect herself. “All of my relationships have failed because of what I do, because of who I am. People die all around me, people I love and care about. For all I know, I might die tonight. I can only look as far as the next fight. As much as I want this, as much as I want to look ahead and think about puppies and white picket fences, I just can’t.” Again, she hesitated. “I have no idea what the future holds. But…,” she looked at him again, “What would you say if… we found out. One step at a time.”

For a long moment, he just looked at her. Then, a slow smile spread on his lips. “I love you,” he shrugged, matter-of-factly. “I told you so. I showed you. And now that you love me back, I’m not going to let you go. So wherever this is leading – preferably not to the pointy end of that picket fence of yours – I’ll be there.”

Buffy couldn’t help but blink a stray tear away. “Were you always like this? Saying things like this?”

He smiled lopsidedly. “I guess.” Then he rolled his eyes. “It’s just that in my day, nobody wanted to hear it.

“Well, at first I didn’t want to hear it either. But now…,” she crawled up his body again, straddling his hips, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

Spike’s smile became impish. “Yeah, but that’s just my wit and charm.” She circled her hips against his and he drew in a breath. “Among other things.”

The kiss became more heated, his hand tracing lazy patters over her thighs and up to her lower back. She ground her pelvis against his, making him moan in pleasure. He pressed her closer to him, seeking the friction against her pliant, half-naked body.

Without a warning, she pulled back from him, hopping to her feet. Whether she was aware of it or not, she gave him a nice view underneath the shirt. “I have to take a shower. It’s going to be a long day.” For a teasingly long moment, she stood over him before she disappeared on her way to the bathroom.

For a minute, Spike just lay there on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He could still feel the warmth of her body lingering against his skin. If he had missed one thing in those past ten years, it was her warmth.

She was right. They couldn’t have a real relationship. They didn’t have a future. Although he was immortal (or at least a whole lot tougher to kill), he had never thought about the future before. He had always lived for the moment, had savored every second of his un-life. The best thing they could do now was to do exactly that.

One step at a time.

It was more than he had ever hoped for.

Slowly, Spike rose to his feet, headed over into the living room. “You’re a real tease, you know?” He called out to her.

“Why?” came her voice from the bathroom.

“First you rev up the engine, than you just leave me hanging like that. Well, not hanging exactly but… At least, you could have left me my shirt.”

“So, I guess you guys made up.” Willow stood in the door to the apartment, a cheeky smile on her lips.

Spike froze on his way to the kitchen, slowly turning on his heel towards the door. If he had been able to blush, he would have done so then.

“No, we just got naked and played with our clothes,” he replied dryly, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pants.

The redhead flashed him a smile. “Thought so.” She bounced a little on the balls of her feet. “It’s good, though. We can’t have your extra drama added to the whole apocalypse thing.”

“Hey, how about you get in here with me, and we can finish where I left off?” Buffy poked her head out the bathroom door, wrapped in nothing but a pink, fluffy towel. When she spotted her best friend by the door, her face flushed with deep crimson. “Willow, hi.”

“Hey, Buffy,” the witch waved a hand. “I don’t mean to keep you guys from any… urgent business but… I have called for a meeting in 15 minutes. There is something you should know.”

“Sure, well be down in…,” Buffy started but Spike interrupted her.

“Half an hour.” He looked pointedly at the Slayer.

“Half an hour,” she repeated, her blush deepening.

Willow beamed at the couple. “Alright. See you in half an hour then.” She turned on her heel. When she was already halfway out the door, “Have fun,” she sing-songed.

A beat passed in silence between them, then Spike turned to Buffy. “You were saying…?”


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