She let herself into the house and was heading straight for the stairs when she noticed a light on in the living room and turned to find Willow on the sofa, curled up, staring blindly at the television. Even just a week ago, she would have ignored her friend’s obvious despair but this was new Buffy and new Buffy was a good friend.


“Will?” she spoke up and the redhead turned to her, giving her a weak smile.

“Hi, Buffy.”

She moved into the living room and settled onto the other end of the sofa.

“Anything good on?”

“What?! Oh…no, not really.”

The two females fell silent and Buffy chewed on her lip- she had never been very good at the sympathetic friend thing.

“How are you, Wills?”

The redhead turned to her sharply, obviously surprised by her question. Then she smiled weakly and nodded.

“I…I’m okay.”

“Sure?” Buffy pressed.

The redhead turned to her, obviously hesitating to speak to her- but then finally she answered.

“I’m just finding it hard. Going cold turkey…and without Tara and…well, you know,” she trailed off, resting her chin on her knees.

“I know,” Buffy answered softly, moving closer and wrapping a hesitant arm around her friend.


Willow stiffened with her touch but then slumped against her, her hands clenched tightly in the soft material of her jumper.

“I don’t think I can do this, Buffy. It’s too hard.”

“I know it’s hard. But you can do it, Will, I know you can.”

“I never thought it would be this hard…giving up something that felt so good, you know?”

Buffy nodded and gave a little sigh.

“I know. Trust me, I know.”

Willow righted herself with her words and looked at her for a few moments before she spoke up.

“How’s Spike?”

“He’s, err, he's better,” Buffy answered, unable to suppress a flinch at the thought of his injuries- and her friends knowing about her violence.

There was an awkward silence and Buffy worried her lip, glancing at her friend out of the corner of her eye.

“Did I cause mayhem earlier?" she asked hesitantly, "I mean with, err, with telling you guys about…you know...me and Spike?”

Willow met her worried gaze and spoke up.

“It was a shock. I mean, we never…you two always fought. We never imagined that you might be…” Willow trailed off, turning pink.

“You don’t think I…that there’s something wrong with me?” Buffy asked, afraid of the answer she might get.

“What?! Of course not!” Willow exclaimed, turning to her in surprise, “I mean…you needed someone…and after what you’d been through…what I put you through…”



Willow trailed off awkwardly and Buffy watched her sympathetically before reaching out and taking her friend’s hand.

“I don’t…I don’t blame you, Will. I understand why you did it. It was…it’s been hard for me…but I don’t blame you.”

“You should. I was selfish and stupid,” Willow murmured sadly but Buffy halted her, squeezing her hand.

“Everyone makes mistakes. I’ve made plenty since I got back. I’ve hurt everyone around me.”

“But you’re changing that now.”

“I’m trying. It’s not all easy though. I know I’ve got a long way to go before Dawnie likes me again…and I’m sure you guys are fed up of me being distant…and with Spike…well, things are really with the awkward now.”

“Understandably.”

Buffy sighed and nodded, resting her head back on the sofa as she remembered how awkward it had been between her and the vampire earlier.

“How, err, how did things start between you two?”

Buffy’s head snapped up again at Willow’s hesitant question and she met her friend’s sheepish gaze. At first, she was reluctant but something urged her on- the desire to share what had been a secret for so long maybe.

Even as she went to speak, she realised this was the first time in a long time that she and Willow had had one of the girly talks that had so defined their earlier relationship- the last time had definitely been before her death.


Finally, taking a deep breath, she turned to her friend with a tiny smile and spoke up.

“You know…I’m not entirely sure. I mean, when I first came back, he was the only one I could talk to. I have no idea why.”

She gave a small smile and shook her head.

“Then Sweet came along and there was singing and dancing madness…and he stopped me from burning up. Then we were…we went outside…and there was singing and before I knew it, bam!, kissing.”

“Wow,” Willow breathed, “Good kissing?”

“God yes!” Buffy exclaimed, “Kissing Spike is just… Let’s just say that’s definitely a skill he’s really perfected in the last hundred years or so.”

Buffy gave a little girlish giggle- more out of nervousness than anything else- and Willow smiled softly.

“It was madness. Complete and utter, breathtakingly wonderful madness,” Buffy sighed, with somewhat of a wistful smile.

“Are you…Do you regret it? Finishing things?”

Buffy turned to her friend and shook her head sadly.

“I know it was the right thing to do. We were destroying each other. And I…my head’s just not in the right place right now. I’ve got so many other things to worry about…like finding a job.”

She groaned, having forgotten that she had quit her job just that morning.

“You quit the Doublemeat Palace?”

“Seemed like a good idea,” she commented with a little shrug.

Willow was silent for a moment and then she jumped up.

“Oh, I know! There’s a job in the college office! As a secretary!”

“Could be worth a try. I'd take anything right about now," she answered with a smile, "Except fast food."

Willow smiled widely in reply.

"Well, I better get to bed. It’s been a long day.”

She pushed herself to her feet but then paused and turned to her friend with a smile.

“Thanks for this, Will. We really should talk more often.”

Willow smiled and nodded.

“I’m always here,” she added.

“I know. Thanks, Will.”