Comfort

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Her mother was ill- seriously ill- and nothing she could so would change that. She was lost. She knew how to save the world, knew how to fight demons...but how could she fight a lump in her mother’s head? It was operable and the doctors had every faith in Joyce’s recovery, but something was gnawing at Buffy, making her uneasy. On top of that, she had to deal with Riley’s increasingly erratic behaviour- and more than once, she found Spike’s words coming to mind. Did she really know Riley Finn? He was at her side annoyingly often, but she could draw no comfort from his presence and she was soon to dismiss him- knowing even as she did so that it only exacerbated their already awkward, tense relationship.

Everything was threatening to overwhelm her and she had no-one to turn to, no-one she could share her aching, her worries with. When her mother went to bed with a bad headache just a few days before her operation, Buffy crept out the back door, intending to slay something to make herself feel better. As soon as she closed the door behind her though, she froze, staring out at the garden and then back to the kitchen again.

Suddenly weary, she sank to the steps, drawing her knees up in front of her. She wished there was something she could do, but all anyone could do was wait and it was killing her. She buried her head on her knees, feeling the start of a wave of tears she had desperately held back for a week now. Hating herself even as she gave in, she felt the tears begin to crawl down her cheeks.



She didn’t know how long he had been standing watching her when she finally sensed his presence and looked up quickly, wiping the tears ineffectively from her cheeks.

“Spike,” she whispered, blurred eyes meeting his worried gaze.

“Buffy? What is it?” he asked, his voice husky as he moved forward, hesitating just in front of her.

“My...my mom. She...she’s ill.”

He said nothing and she ducked her head, helplessly brushing her tears away. She felt him sit beside her and gave a sniff, trying to rein in her emotions. When his arm slid round her shoulder though, drawing her into him, she collapsed against him, her tears returning full-force as she finally gave in to the pain. It hurt so much and all she could do was cry, burying herself in Spike’s shoulder and taking a small amount of comfort from the soft stroke of his hand over her hair.

“I can’t lose her,” she choked out.

He squeezed her tighter and she felt his lips brush over her hair. She twisted her hand in his shirt, trembling as she sobbed against him, letting his strong embrace wash away all of her pain.



Even as her tears finally seemed to dry up, she couldn’t bear to move away and she stayed safely cocooned in his embrace, breathing in his familiar, comforting scent.

“She’s a strong lady, your mum,” Spike murmured, his voice shaking just a tiny bit, “Stronger than you sometimes.”

“I’m so afraid of losing her.”

“I know, love.”

She did not miss the fact that he was giving her no empty platitudes about her mother being fine and she was grateful that he wasn’t trying to make it simpler, wasn’t lying to her. He simply held her, his hand brushing over her hair as she took long, calming breaths.

And being so wrapped up in his closeness and the comfort he was giving her, she failed to notice her boyfriend approaching until he was standing right in front of them, glaring at her.

“What the hell’s going on here?”

Spike released her and she raised her aching head, meeting Riley’s angry gaze.

“What?” she got out numbly, wrapping her arms around herself to drive away the pain that had returned as soon as Spike had moved away.

“What are you doing with him?!”



She stared at her boyfriend, then glanced at the vampire, and turned back to her boyfriend.

“Huh?”

“I’m not stupid. I just saw you, Buffy!”

Finally realising what he was trying to suggest, Buffy sighed.

“Riley, I really haven’t got time for this.”

“Just tell me why you were happily cuddled with that thing!” Riley bit out angrily, shooting an angry glare at the vampire. Buffy sighed and raised her tired eyes to his.

“Riley, my mom’s ill. I was upset.”

“Oh.”

Instantly he softened and she regretted telling him anything.

“Is she okay?”

“Not really,” she answered wearily, finally pushing herself to her feet.

“Do you want me to-“

“No. Just go home, Riley.”

“But Buffy-“

“Please. I just...Please.”

With another short glare in the vampire’s direction, he turned and made his way back out of the garden again.



She turned to the vampire and smiled softly.

“I need to kill something. Wanna come?”

He paused for just a second, before nodding and falling into step beside her as they left the garden. In silence, they crossed the town and headed for the cemetery. As they strolled around the headstones, she could feel Spike’s eyes on her and finally dared to meet his gaze.

“You alright? With Soldier Boy and everything?”

“I really don’t want to talk about him.”

“Fair enough,” he murmured, falling silent again.

Luckily, what she was searching for finally made itself present in the shape of two burly vampires and without even waiting for Spike, she flew at them. The taller one had dark brown hair and if it weren’t for the fangs and the distorted features, he would have looked like Riley. Which only prompted her anger, causing her to let rip on the dazed vampire.

She flew at him, lashing out with her fists, punching him over and over again. He quickly dropped to the floor and she dropped with him, unable to stop her violent assault. Caught up in thoughts of everything that was going wrong in her life, she continued to beat the now-unconscious vampire, unaware of the tears tracing down her cheeks.



Suddenly, a pair of strong hands seized her and pulled her roughly to her feet and she soon found herself sheltered in a familiar embrace. Her hands twisted in the fabric of Spike’s T-shirt as she buried her face against him, sobbing harshly.

“S’okay. I’m here. Everything’s gonna be okay. Let it all out.”

“I can’t...it’s too hard...”

“Shh,” he soothed, one hand rubbing her back as he pressed a kiss to her hair, “I’m right here with you.”

“Spike,” she choked out, raising her blurry gaze to him, “Please...make it go away.”

“Buffy-“

“Please,” she whispered, already leaning into him as she spoke.

He was painfully still for the briefest of moments, but then he moved, dipping his head and finding her lips with his. She let out a choked sigh and clung to him, kissing him back, pouring all of her pain out into the kiss. His arm twined round her back, holding her close as his other hand cupped her cheek gently. It was only when he pulled away that she realised that the tears were still tracing down her face and she raised one hand to wipe them away. Raising her gaze to his again, she sniffed back her tears, her eyes pleading him.

“I can’t go home tonight. Please...can I stay with you?”

She saw him swallow hard but then he nodded and one hand linked with hers.



They did not speak a word all the way back to his crypt and remained silent as they went in and climbed down into the lower level. She stood to one side awkwardly as he cleared the bed, remembering the night she had spent in his bed after her break-up with Riley. So much had changed since then, but one thing remained the same: she knew she could not rest without the comfort his embrace brought her. When he turned back to her, she kicked off her boots and slipped her jacket off, draping it over a nearby chair. He did the same and then held a hand out to her and she took it, letting him draw her into his embrace. He held her only briefly and pressed a kiss to her forehead, and then pulled the covers back, gesturing for her to get in.

She climbed under the thick cover and scooted over, leaving plenty of space for him. She saw him hesitate for just a moment but when his eyes met hers, he gave a little nod and climbed into the bed, drawing her into his arms as soon as he was settled. She curled up against him and soon fell asleep to the lulling sensation of his hand stroking slowly over her hair.