Despair

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The next day, Spike was much better and even though she did not want him to go, he insisted on returning to his crypt, telling her that she needed to spend some time with her still-recovering mother. She acknowledged his point but couldn’t stop herself from walking back across town with him. Halfway to his crypt, she finally got up the courage to reach across and twine her fingers in his and he looked down at their hands in surprise before smiling up at her, letting her feel his love flow through their connection.

They reached the crypt and went in, both of them passing their gaze over the blood pooled on the floor. She tensed and his fingers squeezed hers.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you again,” she whispered solemnly.

She had told him of Riley’s visit and he had been more than pleased to hear that ‘Soldier Boy’ was leaving town. He pulled her into his embrace and she hugged him as tightly as she dared – still more than aware of his injuries.

“Same,” he murmured, brushing a kiss against her hair.

She gave a sigh of content and buried her head against him, wishing she could just stay there all evening.

“You need to be getting back to your mum,” he whispered as if in answer and she sighed, pulling away with a wry smile.

“I know. But I’ll be back tomorrow.”

He smiled and leant down to give her a tender kiss and she sank against him, revelling in the softness of his touch. He pulled away with a sigh and she righted herself, her eyes meeting his soft gaze as he reached out to brush a hand over her hair.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered, smiling softly.

“’Til tomorrow then.”

She nodded jerkily and couldn’t resist claiming another kiss before she finally left him.



She made her way back through the town with a slight smile on her face. Spike was flooding the connection with feelings of love and affection and it made her whole body feel light and warm. She skipped up the porch with a smile and went into the house.

“Mom? I’m back!” she called, pulling off her jacket and hanging it up by the door. When there was no answer, she frowned and called out again.

“Mom?”

Her mother had been preparing dinner when she had left and she realised now that, strangely, she could smell nothing cooking. She moved towards the kitchen with a frown, switching on the hallway light to throw light into the now dark house.

“Mom?”

The kitchen was dark too and she switched the light on – and recoiled in horror when she saw her mother on the floor.

“Mom?!” she called out in panic and rushed to her side, crouching beside her.

That was when she saw her eyes – open yet unmoving - and a jolt of horror went through her.

“Mommy?” she whispered, reaching out with a shaking hand to touch her mother’s shoulder.



She didn’t know how she made it to the phone, nor how she remembered Giles’ number as she began to tremble all over, her wide eyes fixed on her mother.

“Hello?”

“G- giles,” she whispered painfully, unable to tear her gaze away from her mother.

“Buffy?”

Trembling, she dropped the phone to the ground and sank to the floor, her back against the wall, her eyes fixed on the unmoving form of her mother. She shook her head over and over again, begging it not to be real. No, no, no, no, no, she chanted in her head, unable to comprehend what was going on.

A single tear traced its way down her cheek but she remained still, her arms wrapped around her knees tightly, rocking back and forth ever so slightly, still shaking her head. No, no, no, no, no. The one tear was followed by another, and another … and before she knew it, they were pouring out of her in a silent flood as she huddled on the floor.

She was barely aware of the crash of the door opening and did not even flinch as heavy footfalls approached her. She didn’t even really hear Spike’s voice as he called her name softly. She continued to rock, shaking her head and when he dropped next to her, pulling her into his arms, she sank against him, still hugging herself tightly. He rocked with her, whispering to her, his hand stroking over her hair, but it all seemed very far away as she continued to stare at her mother’s dead form. No, no, no, no, no.



That was how Giles found them twenty minutes later as he barrelled into the house and came to a horrified standstill as he spotted Joyce. His whispered ‘oh God’ went unnoticed by the shell-shocked Slayer but drew the vampire’s attention to the man. He raised pained eyes to the Watcher without relinquishing his hold on the Slayer and they shared a look of horror, pain, grief. The Watcher eventually tore himself away from the dreadful sight and forced himself through the necessary duty of phoning the coroner, leaving the two blondes alone once more.

Spike tried in vain to coax the Slayer out of the kitchen, away from that horrible sight, but it was useless and so he only held her tighter, his heart aching with every sob that was torn from her. She clung to him desperately, every little bit of pain filtering through the connection to him and magnifying his own. He held back the tears though, somehow, and put all of his effort into trying to soothe the heartbroken Slayer.

By the time the coroner arrived, the Scoobies had been informed and were gathered in a solemn group in the hallway, eyes flicking from the still form to the two blondes and back again, remaining silent. When the coroner had finished, it was Giles who signed the necessary papers after Spike had been unable to coax Buffy from her spot on the kitchen floor. Even as her mother’s body was taken away she did not move, clinging to the vampire, her eyes fixed on the spot where her mother had lain.

No, no, no, no, no.