Searching For Truth


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She was sitting by Tara, watching the others uncertainly as they searched through numerous old books, searching for an answer to her and Spike’s situation. She was still reeling from all the new information she had had to absorb: new names, new relationships within the group. It turned out that Willow had done a spell to make her girlfriend (which was still a strange thought), Tara, forget some bad things but instead they had all lost their memories. The spell had been broken but for some reason, she and Spike had been left without their memories.

She sighed and fiddled with the sleeve of her shirt. Spike had gone with Alex - no, Xander - to get a change of clothes and she felt strangely uncomfortable without him around. After all, it was quite nice having someone to share her predicament with. But maybe tweed really wasn’t his thing, she thought with a giggle. She then thought back on her earlier feeling regarding the vampire and she looked at the quiet blonde beside her, wondering whether to dare ask her. This not remembering anything was killing her.

“Erm, Tara?”

Tara dragged her gaze away from the redhead and looked at her, smiling soothingly.

“Yes?”

“Erm, I wanted to ask you something...about me.”

“Oh.”

“Well, about me and Ra- Spike.”

“You and Spike?” the girl asked nervously, glancing around the room.

“Yeah, I mean...” she lowered her voice, glancing at the group and turning back to the girl, “Well...are we together?”

“Sorry?!” the girl blurted out, surprise in her features.

“Well, I just get this weird feeling around him and I thought maybe...well, we’re both superheroes or something... And he is kinda cute... in a tweedy way.”

Tara was moving her mouth, attempting to speak, but stopping again and glancing uncertainly at the group.



At that, the door opened and the two guys returned and her eyes flew now to Spike’s new outfit. He was dressed head to toe in black and her eyes went wide at the sight of his tight-fitting jeans and T-shirt. It was topped with a black duster that fell to his ankles and with a nervous cough when he tilted his head at her, she turned back to Tara.

“That cute thing I said? I take it back. Not cute...” she trailed off, unable to resist taking another look, “Seriously hot.”

Tara gave a giggle and she snapped her gaze back to her, blushing.

“Does he normally dress like that?” she asked, still blushing.

“That’s pretty much Spike’s uniform.”

“Oh,” Buffy murmured, sneaking another glance at him as he leant against the counter, “So, erm...are we?”

She turned back to the girl, searching her face.

“No. No, you’re not. You’re...err...you’re friends.”

“Oh, right,” she murmured, unsure why she felt disappointment pool in her stomach. Spike moved towards her then and the disappointment lurched into nervousness as he dropped into a chair at her side, legs spread out in front of him.

“Any update?” he asked.

“Nope. Still no clues as to why we’re stuck like this.”

“Not sure I want to be back to myself,” he mused, tucking his hands behind his head, “Your friend there was pretty forthcoming about the kind of vampire I was. Apparently I came here to kill you.”

“Oh?!” she asked in surprise, “But you haven’t. I wonder why.”

“He didn’t say,” he murmured, bright eyes finding hers, “But I’ve got some ideas of my own.”

She nodded and dragged her gaze from his intense one, flashing Tara a small smile and watching the group, half-hoping that at any moment, someone would announce that they had found a cure.



Several hours later, she was less than hopeful about a cure and she couldn’t stop a yawn. She stifled it with her hand and Spike sent her a sympathetic smile as he shuffled a deck of cards deftly. She couldn’t help watching his hands move, mesmerised by the movements, but quickly looked away with a blush at the group. Each of them had their head buried in an old dusty tome and she frowned. It didn’t look like the research was going anywhere soon.

“Erm, guys?” she called out and almost as one, they lifted their heads, relief lining many of their faces, “Is there a sleeping break planned into the frantic research?”

Willow looked at her watch and frowned.

“I didn’t realise how late it was.”

“It doesn’t look like we’re getting anywhere so maybe we should rest. We’ll have clear heads in the morning and maybe we’ll find something. Or, you know, maybe me and Spike will wake up with our memories!”

She shared a smile with the vampire and then turned back to the group.

“Either way, sleep is of the good.”

“Buffy’s right,” Giles commented, “We should get some rest and continue our research first thing tomorrow.”

Xander gave a half-hearted ‘woo’ and pushed himself to his feet.



The others began to pack up the books and get ready and she turned to Spike.

“Nicely done,” he murmured and she smiled.

“So, sleeping is good...”

“Yeah. Think I can remember where my crypt was.”

“You live in a crypt?”

“Apparently so,” he answered with a slight grimace, “Looks alright but a bit dark and dank, you know. Guess it’s a vampire thing.”

She smiled and looked over at the group before turning back to him after a moment’s thought.

“Look, why don’t you stay with me tonight?”

He raised an eyebrow and she felt an instant flush rise up her cheeks.

“I mean, you know...in my house...because I wouldn’t want you to be alone and, erm, well-“

“I get it, love. Not of a mind to say ‘no’ to an offer like that.”

She smiled widely, but then grimaced.

“Only problem is, I have no idea where my house is.”

They laughed and she turned back to the group, spotting her sister among the group.

“Hey! Dawn!”

Dawn instantly headed towards her with a sleepy smile.

“Hey.”

“So, erm, we have a house, right?”

“Yeah,” Dawn answered with an amused smile.

“Cool. Have we got any space for Ra- Spike? I don’t think he should be alone tonight, you know. There’s all sorts of baddies out there.”



Dawn bit her lip and glanced over at the group.

“Erm…”

“And I’m sure Mom won’t mind. We’ll just tell her- Oh my God, Mom! Does she know about any of this?!”

She hadn’t noticed the sudden paleness of her sister’s face as she worried about what her mother might say. Did her mother even know she was a Slayer? She tried to prompt an image in her mind of her mother, but came up with a blank. She was drawn back to the room as Giles approached her, polishing his glasses.

“Erm, the thing is, Buffy…”

He cleared his throat and she frowned, not liking how everyone was now looking at her. Maybe her mother didn’t know she was the Slayer after all.

“Oh, I get it. She doesn’t know about any of this. Well, we’ll just-“

“She died.”

She froze and stared at the man, uncomprehending.

“What?!” she got out in a pained whisper.

“She died some time ago,” he explained, his eyes soft with sympathy, “She had a tumour...and there were...complications.”

Shaking her head, she stumbled backwards and collided with a solid form. Her eyes flew to Spike’s soft gaze and she let him guide her into the chair he had vacated. She threw a helpless glance at the worried faces around her and then sank her head in her hands.

Trembling, she took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself. It hurt to know she had lost her mother, yet at the same time, she felt strangely detached. She could not remember having her, let alone losing her. Raising her head slowly, she locked gazes with Giles and forced a weak smile.

“I think it’s definitely time to get home.”

He nodded and the group once again went into motion, packing things up. Only Spike and Dawn remained close to her, both of them watching her with concern.