Confrontation


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They headed to the shop as soon as the sun set and went in, noticing the sudden silence of the group as they entered. They shared an unimpressed look and moved into the shop to sit at the table. It was obvious the group had been in a full-blown discussion before they had come and Buffy sat with clenched fists as she looked at her so-called friends. They were avoiding her gaze and Xander struck up a meaningless conversation.

She clenched her jaw, every little part of her ready to scream at someone. She felt a hand on her clenched fist and she whipped her head up angrily, her expression softening ever so slightly when she saw it was just Spike. He was watching her worriedly, blue eyes seeming to search hers.

“I can’t take this anymore,” she whispered so only he could hear.

“Well, Buffy,” Giles spoke up and her head whipped to face him, “Why don’t you head out on patrol? I’m sure you’d be happy to be out in the fresh air after having been cooped up all day.”

“No,” she answered shortly and his eyes snapped from the book he had glanced at back to her.

“Sorry?” he got out hesitantly.

“I said ‘no’. How about I stay here instead?” she suggested, barely restraining her anger.

“Well, I wouldn’t want you to be bored…”

“Or wouldn’t want me to hear something you don’t want me to hear?!” she countered forcefully and his eyes widened in surprise.

“Buffy-“

“I’ve had enough of this!”



She got to her feet, her arms crossed, seething with anger as she stared down one member of the group after another.

“You are going to tell me what you know. Now.”

“Buffy, we’re still trying to-“

“Don’t lie to me,” she bit out, glaring at Xander and silencing him, “Tell me exactly what you’ve found… Starting with what’s so bad that I wouldn’t want to remember.”

There was stunned silence in the room and she glanced over at Spike, who gave her a nod of encouragement.

“Buffy, we...we were going to tell you,” Willow mumbled and Buffy threw her a hard look.

“Well, you can tell me now.”

When there was still silence, she gritted her teeth and spoke up again.

“Somebody better tell me right now, or so help me-“

“You were dead.”

Her gaze snapped to her sister’s as Dawn met her gaze with sad eyes.

“What?!” she whispered, dumbfounded.

Emboldened, Dawn got to her feet, staring down the other members of the group.

“You were dead...and you were in heaven. And she pulled you out,” she ground out, pointing at the redheaded witch.

Willow just looked horrified and bowed her head, her shoulders shaking as she began to cry.

“You didn’t want to be here,” Dawn choked out sadly and Buffy’s eyes flew to hers once more, “You hate it here.”

Stunned, she stumbled backwards and fell into the chair she had vacated, her heart pounding as she bowed her head, her eyes fixed on her hands. Dead. She had been dead. In heaven. She just couldn’t even begin to comprehend it.



“So that’s why I don’t want to remember anything?” she murmured softly, looking up to meet Giles’ pained gaze, “I forgot because I wanted to. Is that right?”

“We believe so,” he answered hesitantly.

“And… is there a way to get my memories back?” she asked, not even sure if she wanted them back now she knew the truth.

“We’re still trying to find out. It seems there may be some sort of...trigger... which will bring your memories back. But we’re not sure what it is.”

“The same for Spike?” she questioned and Giles glanced at the vampire before turning back to her.

“We assume so.”

“So, our memories are still in there...somewhere?”

“Buried in your subconscious, yes.”

“The dreams,” she whispered, dropping her gaze again.

“Sorry?”

“Nothing,” she answered, raising her head once more. Well, if they were going to hide things, then so was she. She rose to her feet once more and glanced at the still-crying witch.

“Well, I guess you should get back to fixing it,” she murmured, “And if I find out you’ve hidden anything else from me…”

She trailed off and Giles gave her a jerky nod.

“I’m out of here,” she commented, glancing at the vampire and turning back to the group when he gave her a nod and got to his feet behind, “I might not be home tonight.”

Giles went to protest but when she gave him a hard glare, he remained silent and turning to the vampire, she gave him a weak smile and they headed out of the shop again.



Not wanting to face the busy crowds of the club, they headed straight for the vampire’s crypt. The journey was passed in silence: a silence that continued as they stepped into the vampire’s crypt and he settled awkwardly in the armchair whilst she leant against a large cabinet, her eyes fixed on the floor, lost in thought. The silence lasted for a long time, until she finally spoke up.

“Guess that explains why I feel like you understand me better than anyone,” she commented, raising her eyes to his as he met her gaze with a questioning look, “We’ve both been dead.”

He was silent for a moment before speaking up.

“I’m still dead, love. No heartbeat and all that. You’re alive.”

“I shouldn’t be though,” she answered and his gaze softened as he beckoned her towards him. She moved forwards and squeezed into the small space beside him, half-sitting on his lap and burying her head against his chest as he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

“See?” he murmured, his mouth against her hair, “Warm and alive.”

She gave a little sniffly laugh and closed her eyes, willing away the tears that were threatening to fall.

“I was in heaven,” she whispered in awe, unable to stop her voice from shaking as she continued, “And I can’t remember it.”

He said nothing but held her tighter, letting out a sigh as he rested his cheek against her cheek.

“I know, love.”



They were silent - more comfortably this time - and she let herself relax against him, enjoying the stroke of his fingers over her hair.

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask about you,” she whispered.

“S’okay. I’d rather not know.”

She gave another half-laugh and then sighed, snuggling closer to him. What was it about him that made her feel so calm, so safe?

“I hate them,” she murmured.

“You don’t really.”

“My friends pulled me out of heaven.”

“I know, love. But maybe they had a good reason.”

She snorted in disbelief and then sniffed, burying her head against him as she tried to suppress the trembling of her body.

“Shh,” he murmured, guiding her to face him, brushing her hair from her face, “S’gonna be alright. Your friends’ll find this trigger thing and then everything’ll be back to normal again.”

“What if normal really isn’t a good thing?” she asked, meeting his bright gaze, “What if I hate myself? Hate them? What if I hate my life, like Dawn said?”

“Shh,” he soothed again, seeming as always to sense that she was getting worked up, “Don’t worry ‘bout any of that, okay? Just...we’ll deal with it, okay? When it comes to it.”

She nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on his.

“I don’t know how I’m ever going to make it up to you,” she murmured with a sad smile.



She did not get the smile she expected in reply though- instead, his eyes darkened with some unknown emotion. She found herself lost in his eyes and couldn’t stop herself from reaching up and touching his cheek. His eyes were burning into her and she swallowed hard, her hand trembling against his cheek.

Her gaze dropped to his lips and snapped back up to his eyes again, but she saw the change in him instantly. His eyes darkened even more and he dipped his head, stopping when his lips were just centimetres from hers. His hand rose to rest against the back of her neck, tickling the hairs at her nape, and she took a shaky breath.

“Spike,” she whispered, tilting her face up to his in invitation.

Her eyes fluttered closed and after an aching long moment, she felt the hesitant touch of his cool lips against hers. She leant into him, kissing him back softly as his lips moved against hers, his fingers just grazing her neck. She sighed lightly and wrapped her free arm around his shoulders, drawing him closer as she kissed him back more insistently.

Suddenly though, he stiffened and moved away from her and her eyes flew open.

“I’m sorry, love,” he murmured huskily as shifted her and got to his feet.

Not knowing what to say, she watched him with wide eyes as he turned his back to her, resting his hands against the large stone sarcophagus in the centre of the room.

“Spike?” she called out hesitantly and he turned back to her, his eyes returned to their usual light blue, “It’s okay.”

He nodded jerkily and gave her a weak smile as he moved to sit on the edge of the trunk where the television rested.