Agitation


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She made her way somewhat lazily to the shop, not really in the mood to face her friends, but knowing that there was no way to avoid it. They must be desperate if they had sent Dawn to fetch her. She finally reached the shop and took a deep breath before pushing the door open and going in. The room went completely silent as she opened and she gave another sigh as she moved into the room.

“I’m here as summoned,” she quipped, moving to the table and slipping into a chair.

“Thank you, Buffy,” Giles spoke up, “This really is important.”

“Yep. So what’s the what? Dawn said something about the trigger.”

“Yes,” Giles said absentmindedly, drawing his gaze away from the book in his hands and fixing his gaze on her, “We’ve found some information that seems to hint that the trigger is hidden inside you.”

“You can search me if you want but I’m pretty sure it’s not.”

“No,” Giles continued, “It’s probably in some part of your subconscious… not something that you could access yourself. At least that’s what this text seems to be implying… It is in Sumerian which is causing all sorts of bother but-“

“Is there actually anything I can do?” she cut in, crossing her arms and trying not to show how exasperated she really was.

“Well, we just wanted to know if there was anything you can tell us.”

“Err, memory loss here!” she remarked.

“But has anything strange happened?” Willow asked quietly, “Anything that didn’t seem quite right or that you didn’t understand? Anything that was weird?”



She was silent for a long moment and then finally spoke up.

“I’ve been having nightmares.”

The group instantly perked up and she bit her lip to stop her from screaming at the way they were looking at her: as if she was some sort of interesting science experiment.

“Nightmares?” Giles repeated and she nodded, “What about?”

“I never remember when I wake up,” she explained, “But I always wake up and I can’t breathe and I’m struggling with something.”

Giles nodded understandingly, but she had no idea if any of what she was saying had any meaning.

“It was kind of like…fighting. I was…I was hitting out at something…”

“Did you act any of this out in your sleep?”

“Well, apparently I started kicking Spike the other morning,” she commented lightly, not missing the shadow on the two males’ faces.

“I think I was…trying to escape, maybe?”

Giles nodded again but said nothing and she looked to the others, but either they had no reaction to her words or they were hiding them from her…again.

“So, you think it might mean something?”

“What? Oh yes, quite likely,” Giles stuttered, “After all, your dreams come from your subconscious.”

“So, what? We delve into my subconscious and try to flick the switch or something?”

“We’re not sure yet.”

“Oh. Great.”



She pushed herself to her feet and crossed her arms somewhat defensively.

“Well, if that’s it I think I’m going to head back to Spike’s.”

There was a moment’s silence as the others exchanged a look and then Giles spoke up.

“Buffy, do be careful. Spike is not quite as…tame…as you may think.”

“You think he’s going to try and hurt me?” she challenged, cocking her head slightly.

“Not quite. But he…you don’t really know him.”

“I don’t really know you.”

There was another silence and when Giles glanced at the others, Xander took his cue and spoke up.

“Buff, you just need to watch out. Evil Undead’s not as nice as he makes out. Trust me, if you remembered, you wouldn’t be so friendly with him.”

She frowned, moving her hands to rest on her hips now.

“I don’t see why not. He hasn’t done anything to threaten me and he’s done nothing but look out for me since this whole thing started.”

“Yeah, but he’s just… Maybe he’s doing it for a reason, you know?” Xander insinuated.

“So, what? You’re trying to accuse him of ulterior motives now? He didn’t even know me three days ago!”

“I’m just saying,” Xander commented in defence, “He’s evil through and through.”

“I really don’t believe that.”

“Look, Buffy, he’s a monster, okay? One of the monsters you go out and slay every night. There’s nothing good about him.”

“And yet you let him look after my little sister?”



There was silence again and the group shared another meaningful look before Giles spoke once again.

“We’re just warning you to be on your guard. You do not remember Spike and what he’s capable of.”

“He’s dangerous, Buff!”

“If you’re gonna be saying these things, why don’t you just say ‘em to my face.”

She jumped at the sound of Spike’s voice and knew she wasn’t the only surprised one as the whole group turned to where he stood in the doorway next to Dawn. His expression was carefully blank, but Dawn’s face looked like thunder as she stared at Xander. Xander himself took a few minutes to recover but then continued.

“Fine, I will. You may be playing nice now but we know what you’re like.”

“What am I like then?” Spike countered, taking a few steps into the room, “I seem to have forgotten.”

“You’re a monster. An evil, soulless thing that loves to kill and maim and torture.”

“Does seem awfully tempting,” Spike remarked sarcastically and Buffy couldn’t help but smile, even as she repressed it quickly.

“You’re just a disgusting thing…not even a man…”

Despite his outward calm, she could see the muscle twitching in Spike’s jaw and realised that he wasn’t quite as calm as he seemed.

“Don’t seem to like me much,” Spike commented, “Do wrong by you, did I?”

“You did wrong by everybody. You’ve tried to kill every person in this room.”

“He never tried to hurt me,” Dawn ground out, her arms crossed as she stepped up beside the vampire.

“Or me,” Anya added.



Disregarding both, Xander continued.

“And hundreds of people have died because of you. And Buffy was next on your list.”

“Not dead now, is she?”

“Doesn’t mean you didn’t try.”

“She must’ve beaten me then, eh? So why so worried about me, boy? Looks like your friend’s got me in check.”

“It won’t last, I know. One day you won’t be able to fight your true nature anymore and you’ll go back to what you do best. Revelling in the death of innocent people.”

No-one was more surprised by Spike’s reaction than her as he leapt forward, slipping into vampire guise and growling. Before he could even reach the boy though, he suddenly crumpled to the floor, holding his head in agony and crying out. She stepped forward, lingering at Spike’s side as she glared at her friend. He was looking at the vampire though and snarling.

“And that is the only reason you’re allowed anywhere near us.”

Looking up at the enraged boy, blood trickling out of his nose, Spike frowned.

“What have you done to me?”

“It wasn’t me. That little piece of metal in your head is the only reason you’re still alive. Without that, you’d have been dead years ago.”

“Enough!” she shouted, glaring at her friend as Spike staggered to his feet, still holding his feet. She went to catch his arm but he shook her off, his expression hardening.
Before she could catch him, he turned on his heel and left the shop, leaving it in silence.



Buffy turned back to Xander and sneered at him, her shock quickly being replaced by anger.

“And you think you’re on the good side?!” she remarked, letting out a bark of laughter, “I can’t believe I call you my friend.”

“Buffy-“ he started to protest, turning wide eyes on her, but she interrupted, holding up a hand to silence.

“I think you’ve said enough, don’t you? I don’t know how you could do that. You obviously have no idea what we’re going through!”

“Buffy-“ Willow spoke up softly, but Buffy shot her down too.

“You seem to have forgotten pretty quickly how awful it feels to be stuck like this. You must have, or I don’t know how you could have said those things to Spike.”

“Buffy, he’s a vampire!”

“Right now,” she bit out, “He’s just someone who’s lost…who doesn’t know anything about himself or about anyone else. I hope in the same situation I’d have a little compassion at least. But you…”

She trailed off with a glare at Xander.

“Do you know what? I can’t look at you right now.”

She turned towards the door but after a moment’s thought, paused and turned back.

“Come get me when you’ve found something real. Anything else, I just don’t care.”

With that, she turned and made her way out of the shop, slamming the door loudly behind her.