Chapter 15

“This is nice, going to the beach during the day just like a normal couple.”

Spike smiled at the blonde next to him. “I suppose it is at that, but you do know I’ll never really be normal.”

Buffy shrugged. “Normal is overrated, anyway. I think I would get pretty bored of it after a while. Besides, I go out and slay monsters almost every night, normal just isn’t in the cards. No matter how much my mom may have wanted it for me, it’s just not gonna happen.”

Spike held her hand tighter as they watched a few children play in the ocean waves. He saw the way she looked at the little ones, knowing that even if she didn’t want normal now, some day she would. Where would he fit in then?


* * * * *


He pressed his forehead to hers, panting heavily for probably the first time.

“Why are you breathing so hard?” she whispered.

Spike grinned and pecked the tip of her nose. “It’s hard not to when I’m with you.”

Buffy blushed, but kept her gaze locked on his.

“Am I crushing you?”

She shook her head. “No, I like having you there. It makes me feel safe.”

Spike felt touched. “You’re always safe with me.” He rolled off of her after a moment, lying by her side.

Buffy moved closer to him, resting her head against his chest. “I wish I could stay here forever. Going home is the last thing I wanna do, but I have school tomorrow,” she said with distaste.

Spike chuckled. “I could imagine how horrible that must be for you.”

“I hate it there, it’s not like it was for my mom. Even though she was the Slayer, she was still popular and had tons of friends. I’m always known as the school freak. Okay, so I started a fire in the gym once, but that was so not my fault.”

Spike didn’t have to look at her to know that she was pouting. “You want me to kill them for you?”

Buffy knew he wasn’t serious, but actually considered it. “Nah, that might not be the best idea. I’ll just have to deal for a little while longer. I’ve never been so relieved to be a senior.”

“Do you have college plans?”

That was the last thing Buffy expected to hear. “I haven’t really thought about it. I always planned to leave here after graduation, but now I’m not too sure. There’s always UC Sunnydale, I figured that even I could get accepted there.”

Spike glanced down at her. “I’m sure you could get accepted somewhere better than that. There’s a whole world out there, why would you want to be stuck in this place?”

Buffy met his gaze. “Because this is where you are,” she told him.

Spike let out a sigh and sat up. “We need to talk, Buffy.”

She didn’t like where this was going. “Nothing good ever comes after that.”

He ignored her comment and got right to the point. “You’re a bright girl; I know that more than anything. I would hate to feel that I’m holding you back from what you’re really meant to do.”

“Where is this coming from? I never said that you were holding me back, and how do you know that going to UC Sunnydale isn’t what I’m meant to do? Maybe that’s what I want.”

Spike shook his head. “I think I know you better than that by now. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Giles is right. You’re meant for so much more Buffy, more than this town and more than me. You should be out there having a normal college experience, not worrying about vampires and demons. That’s never going to happen if you stay here.”

She laughed humorlessly. “Oh, I think I get it. This is your way of saying that you don’t want to be with me, right? You know, you could just say that instead of making up all that crap.”

Spike grabbed her arm before she could get up. “That’s not what I meant and you know it. Do you know how bloody hard it is for me to say this? I’ve thought a lot about it recently and I can never give you what you want, don’t you understand that? I can’t give you a marriage, children, a real life.”

She pulled her arm out of his grasp. “What gives you the right to think you can just make all those decisions for me? I never said anything about wanting that, and children? I’m only seventeen, that’s the last thing I want. I…I don’t even like kids.”

He smiled sadly. “I know that’s not true, love. You may not want that right now, but you will when you’re older. You’ll want to have it all. I wish I could be the one to give it to you, but you know that I can’t. I just think you need to realize this, before things go any further with us.”

Buffy felt her eyes tear up as she moved away from him and started to get dressed. She turned back to him one last time. “It’s a little too late for that. I’m in love with you,” she said, tears streaming down her face as she ran out of the crypt.

If Spike’s heart was beating, it would have broken right then.


* * * * *


“Buffy, are you all right? Can I get you something to drink?”

She shook her head, looking up at Giles standing in her doorway and wiping her eyes of the tears. “No, I just wanna be left alone.”

He was about to respond, but never got the chance.

“I don’t need an ‘I told you so,’ okay? I know that I was stupid to trust him. I should have known what I was getting into, but I didn’t care. Just please, don’t make me feel any worse than I already do.”

Giles nodded. “I wouldn’t do that, Buffy. It pains me to see you hurting. If you want to stay home tomorrow, I think one day wouldn’t hurt.”

For once, that was the last thing she wanted to do. “I’ll be fine; I think I just need to get some sleep. It’ll be better tomorrow.”

Giles knew that she was only saying that for his benefit, but just nodded again and left her room.

Buffy felt more tears fall from her eyes when he closed the door. She turned to her side, clutching Mr. Gordo to her chest and crying into his soft fur. At this point, Buffy didn’t think she would ever stop.