Outbursts


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She now sat at the table in the middle of the shop, her eyes focussed on the book in front of her and the picture of the demon that had attacked the shop. The shop was eerily silent even as Willow and Xander went about clearing the mess the demon had created as Dawn attempted to help. Anya was sat on a chair close by, nursing a deep wound on her arm. Even she was unusually quiet and Buffy let out a little sigh.

It was like waiting for a thunderstorm to break: you could see it coming but didn’t know when it would suddenly burst upon you. She was just waiting for Xander to burst after what he had witnessed at her house. She shifted her gaze from the book and rubbed her eyes tiredly. This was getting them nowhere and she just hoped Spike would be back soon. She had never pictured the day when she might need Spike’s presence to tolerate her friends.

She sighed and leant back in the chair, her gaze moving to the bowed heads of Xander and Willow. They looked to be whispering something and when Xander glanced at her, she braced herself for the outburst. He righted himself and she found her gaze dropping to the book in her lap, if only to hold him off for a few more minutes.

“So, Buff, this is it, huh? You’ve chosen a vampire over your friends?”

With a sigh, she raised her head and met his narrowed eyes.

“You making me choose, Xander?”

“Maybe I am.”

She placed the book down and sat up a little straighter, her eyes fixed on her friend now.

“I wouldn’t, if you ever want to see me again.”



“We just don’t understand!” Willow burst out, “We haven’t seen you in days. You’ve been acting weird and now we find out you’re spending all your time with Spike!”

“I wonder why,” she muttered to herself, crossing her arms across her chest before facing her friends again, “Maybe I am. What’s so wrong about that?”

“He’s a vampire, that’s what’s wrong!” Xander exclaimed, “Or maybe the lack of heartbeat does it for you, hey Buff?”

Glaring at him, she rose to her feet, her fists clenched tightly.

“Do you know what? It’s none of your business,” she bit out.

“It used to be.”

“Yeah, then I got a clue and realised I didn’t want to be around people who tried to control my life.”

“And he doesn’t try to control your life?”

“No,” she ground out, struggling to restrain her temper, “I don’t care what you think. You don’t know him. You’ve never even tried.”

“I know enough. He’s a vampire.”

“Anya was a demon once too, you know.”

He threw a look at his fiancée and then turned back to her.

“That’s different. She’s human now.”

“Oh, so that makes it alright?”

“She has a point,” Anya added glibly and Xander glared at her.

“Ahn, you’re not helping.”

She shrugged and moved away, going over to the cash register.



Xander turned back to her, obviously ready with his next line of attack.

“You put us all at risk because you were too busy screwing your vampire.”

“How dare you?!” she cried, pointing at him angrily, “You’d be dead now if it wasn’t for me. The number of times I’ve saved you!”

“You weren’t here earlier when that demon tried to kill Anya.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I was your personal bodyguard service.”

She saw him clench his jaw and couldn’t help a burst of satisfaction. She was sure there had been a time when Xander hadn’t been so thick-headed, but apparently things had changed.

“I just don’t see what your problem with Spike is. If he’s so very bad, why did you work with him all summer? And let him look after Dawn?”

They were all guiltily silent and she nodded.

“Just what I thought. But suddenly I’m back and he turns bad again, is that right? Is that what you decided?”

Laughing to herself, she turned away from them, unable to believe how ridiculously hypocritical they were.

“Yeah, he’s real bad. I guess I must have missed that when he was making me feel better about my life and helping me.”

“And it got him into your pants, so I guess he succeeded,” Xander muttered.

“Is that what this is about? You think it’s about sex?” she asked incredulously, letting out a burst of laughter. She shook her head and turned back to her friends.

“It’s about having someone I know I can rely on one hundred percent. Somebody who cares about Buffy, not the Slayer.”



“It’s dangerous though, Buffy,” Willow spoke up quietly, “You never know what might happen. If the chip stopped working…”

“I trust him,” she said simply, meeting her friend’s worried gaze.

“This is ridiculous!” Xander burst out, laughing bitterly, “This is just some stupid infatuation. You’ll remember what he’s really like and this little fling will be over.”

She was silent for a long time before she turned to her friend, arms crossed.

“You think this is just a fling?” she asked seriously, “I haven’t been this happy in a long long time. You think I’m just going to give that up because you think it’s wrong? You seriously think I might walk out on someone I love… for you?”

There was silence in the room and it was only then she registered the new presence in the room. Turning slowly towards the door, her heart began to beat wildly as she met the vampire’s awed look. Blushing slightly, she gave him a shy smile- after all, that wasn’t exactly how she had planned on telling him how much she cared. And she wasn’t sure she had even really thought about it until she had blurted it out.

“Erm, did you find anything?” she asked him, hoping he would read in her eyes that they would talk later.

“Nothing. No-one’s bragging or anything.”

“We’ve got a picture to go on,” she murmured, holding the book out to him as he moved to her side.

“Grolax demon. We fought three of them a little while back, do you remember?”

Oh yeah, that had been the night of their awkward meeting, the first time they had seen each other after regaining their memories. It seemed ages ago now.

“You think they’re looking for payback?”

“Could well be,” he murmured, his eyes never leaving her face.

She nodded, looking away and then back at him.

“We could do a sweep,” she suggested.

“Sure.”

She turned to her friends and spotted her sister with a frown.

“Dawnie… we’ll have to get you home… or maybe-“

“We’ll look after her,” Anya spoke up and everyone turned to her in shock, “What? It makes things easier and obviously they need to talk.”

Blushing, Buffy grabbed up her jacket and nodded at the ex-demon.

“Thanks. We won’t be long.”



As soon as they were out of the back door, Spike caught her hand, halting her and drawing her gaze to his.

“Did you mean it?” he asked huskily, his eyes searching hers.

“I… I think so,” she whispered hesitantly, nodding slightly.

“It wasn’t just to make the boy back off?” he murmured, stepping closer and stroking his hand over her arm. She shook her head, her heart pounding in her chest at the look he was giving her.

“I meant it. All of it.”

He stepped even closer and let out a shaky breath, his mouth coming to rest against her forehead.

“Say it again,” he pleaded softly.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and relaxed into his loose embrace.

“I… I love you, Spike.”

She didn’t miss the tremor that went through him and she moved closer to wrap her arms around his waist. He tightened his arms around her and buried his head in her hair.

“I love you, Buffy. Love you so much.”

“I know,” she whispered, holding onto him tightly.

“Must be someone playing with me,” he murmured against her hair, “This can’t be real.”

She pulled back and smiled softly, reaching up to trace his jaw.

“It’s real, trust me. So real that real life is going to get in the way. We really need to do that sweep.”

He nodded with a sigh and released her reluctantly, but caught her hand in his. She smiled and twined her fingers in his as they made their way along the alleyway and out into the street.