Future Childe by Ariel Dawn

Chapter #8 - Grieving

Disclaimer: Not mine...you know the drill. Author’s note: Thanks to my reviewers. *I love you guys!* Quotes from the episodes Ted and Bad Eggs. __________________________________________ Buffy’s friends forced her out of her self imposed mourning period. Not that they understood anything at all. They were walking ahead of her, down her street clearly talking about something extremely fascinating, but all she could think about was him. And how she would never see him again. “Buffy,” came Xander’s voice. “Huh?” “Who was the real power? The Captain, or Tennille?” asked Xander. “Ummm... Who are these people?” “The Captain and Tennille? Boy, somebody was raised in a culture-free environment!” “I'm sorry. I was just...” “Thinking?” suggested Willow “No, not thinking. Having a lot of non-thoughts. Things have been too quiet around here.” “Yeah, with Spike and Drusilla out of the way, we've really been ridin' the mellow, and I am really jinxing the hell out of us by saying that.” said Xander. “Yeah, but we'll let you off this time.” said Buffy trying to be happy. Spike and Dru were gone. Spike was gone. I will not cry. I will not cry. “So, we're pretty sure that there're not more Tarakan assassins coming our way?” asked Willow as the trio of friends turned towards Buffy’s house. “The contract's off.” “How is Angel? Pretend I care,” said Xander. “Getting better. I think.” “And you're loving playing nursemaid?” said willow all suggestive like. “Huh? I‘m not Angel’s nursemaid,” Buffy protested. In fact Buffy had only been over to see how he was doing once since the Church. “You know what, I’m feeling really tired, how about I catch you guys later ok?” __________________________________________ To get away from Ted and the Ted Praising mom, Buffy decided it was time to see Angel again. Something was really off about Ted, her mother’s new boyfriend, of course no one would believe her. Spike would. He’d also offer to eat him for me, she thought pleasantly. “So mom's like, 'Do you think Ted will like this?' and 'This is Ted's favourite show,' and 'Ted's teaching me computers,' and 'Ted said the funniest thing,' and I'm like, 'That's really great, Mom,' and then she said I was being sarcastic, which I was, but I'm sorry if I don't wanna talk about Ted all the time,” said Buffy as she changed his bandages. “So, you gonna talk about something else at some point?” “I'm sorry. I just have so much to deal with, I don't need some new guy in my life.” “No, but maybe your mom does.” “Well, sure, if you're gonna use wisdom.” “Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.” “And don’t I know it. Okay, so my mom needs a guy in her life. Does it have to be Ted?“ “Do you have somebody else in mind? There's a guy out there that would satisfy you?“ “My dad? Yeah, okay, that's not gonna happen. How about you? You’re old-er and unattached. Or, maybe, Giles? Fine, fine, I'll give Ted a chance. I'll play mini-golf, and I'll smile and curtsy and be the dutiful daughter. Do I have to like him?” “No, you don’t. But give him a chance, for your mom’s sake.” “Yes, Sire” said Buffy playfully, until she realized exactly what she said. Crap, crap, Crap! “Buffy, it’s ok,” said Angel, “I’m ok with the occasional references to the fact that I drink blood and don’t have a reflection.” “I just thought, maybe, Sire, that word. You lost your childer Angel, doesn’t that make you feel something?” said Buffy increasingly sad. “Yes, but I think of it as, I lost them a long time ago. When I got my soul. I realized I could never be with them anymore, wasn’t really part of the family.” “Oh, so nothing then?” “There’s not nothing. Why are you asking about this?” “No reason,” said Buffy defensively. “Yes, there is a reason, Buffy.” Angel pulled back her hair with his uninjured hand to expose her bite marks. “These are Spike’s.” Buffy flinched. “Don’t deny it Buffy. I’m not stupid.” “Why didn’t you say anything? Well except for the talking over my head conversation with Giles about the thrall” “The first time I met you, I knew you were marked Buffy. It’s like you had “Spike’s property” tattooed on your neck. Exactly what was I going to say? I had hoped that he would leave you alone.” “He was going to turn me.” Buffy whimpered, tears welling up in her eyes. “You fell in love with your murderer.” Buffy stared hard at Angel. “Dru did the same with me you know, even though I did horrible things to her and her family.” “I just miss him so much! If only he hadn’t taken you! If I had only stopped Kendra! I let him die!” The tears were now rolling down her face. “No! Buffy look, it’s not your fault, just that it’s not your fault that I got hurt. Truth be told if Dru had just asked me to heal her I would have done it no questions asked. They were my family.” Angel gathered Buffy into his arms. “Spike!” she sobbed into Angel’s chest. __________________________________________ Buffy sat with her mom on the porch. Ted, the robot, diary reading horrible thing, was gone. Her mom was back to the single parent-ness. “Do you wanna rent a movie tonight?” asked her mom. “Sounds like fun.” “Just nothing with horror in it. Or romance. Or men.” “I guess we're 'Thelma and Louise'ing it again.” “Mm-hm. Good call. I still think he's gonna jump out at me. Especially after what the police found in his house. It's just too horrible.” “I wouldn't worry. He's not coming back,” said Buffy confidently. “I wish I could be so sure.” “Trust me. He's on the scrap heap. Of life.” “Whatever happened to your boyfriend, you know, the one that you spent hours and hours on the phone with? What was his name again?” “Spike,” Buffy whispered. “You should invite him over for dinner some night.” Buffy’s eyes started to tear up again. “Oh Buffy, I‘m sorry. I didn’t know.” Joyce gathered Buffy into her arms. “I guess we are both doomed to singleton for a while longer.” __________________________________________ Angel had drawn her a picture of Spike. Leather coat, black nail polish and all. Buffy sat on her bed and looked at it from across the room. Gingerly her hand went to the scars on her neck. “You promised me you would come back for me.” Buffy lay back on her bed and cried. She felt like someone had ripped out her insides. Her sobs rocked her body. __________________________________________ Only Giles could be elated that there were Country-fied vampires after her. It gave him something to research, now that the well of ‘Buffy is under thrall’ reasons to research had dried up. It didn’t however take two seconds for Buffy to offer to ditch class to research the vamps in question. “Buffy! How come you weren't in class?” asked Willow as she and Xander headed into the library. “Vampire issues. Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?” “I think the word you're searching for is 'absent',” said Xander. “Tardy people show.” “Right.” “And, yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this.” said Willow, as she handed her an egg. An egg? “As far as punishments go this is fairly abstract,” said Buffy, puzzling over the object. “No, it's your baby!” said Willow happily. “Okay, I get it even less.” “Well, you know, it's the whole 'sex leads to responsibility' thing, which I personally don't get. You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values,” explained Xander. “My egg is Jewish,” Willow reproached Xander “Then teach it that Dreidel song.” “I can't do this! I can't take care of things! I killed my Giga Pet. Literally, I sat on it and it broke,” protested Buffy. Buffy quickly put down her egg and backed away from it. “You'll do fine!” said Willow, trying to bolster her friend’s confidence in egg sitting. “Yeah, the only thing that stresses me is when do we tell them that they're adopted?” joked Xander. “I'll just lay that one off on my partner.” ah crap “Who'd I get?” “Well, there were an uneven number of students, and you didn't show, so...” “I'm a single mother?” said Buffy shocked and appalled. “No man of her own,” agreed Xander. “Do you know what this says about me? That I am doomed to lead my mother's life! How deeply scary is that?” “How 'bout this: it says nothing, it means nothing, this whole egg experiment thing is completely pointless!” confronted Xander. “Success!” exclaimed Giles from the cage. “At last. Your playmate is a fellow of repute, it seems,” said Giles as he made to lay the book on Buffy’s egg. Eggbert! Buffy snatched her egg child away from being smushed. “That's, um, Lyle Gorch, and that one's his brother, Tector. They're from Abilene. They, uh, they made their reputation by massacring an entire Mexican village in 1886,” explained Giles, before cleaning his glasses. “Friendly little demons,” interjected Buffy. “That was before they became vampires,” continued Giles. “B-but, um, the good news is that they're... not amongst the great thinkers of our times. I doubt if they're up to much. They're probably just drawn here by the, uh, Hellmouth's energy,” said Giles as he put his glasses back on. “'Nuff said! I propose Buffy slays 'em. All in favour?” said Xander as he raised his hand. Willow raised her hand too. “Aye!” she agreed. “I-I don't think you should underestimate them. I mean, y-you may need to have some help if, if, if, if...” GIles paused. “Why do you all have eggs?” “Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the Gorches,” suggested Willow happily. “Yes! Yes, yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers,” advised Giles. “Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in that scenario,” snarked Xander. “Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up!” __________________________________________ In the park on Patrol, Buffy couldn’t even bear to look at her vampire companion. “Buffy, I think you should know, that I don’t think Dru is dead. I can feel her still,” offered Angel. “But you don’t feel Spike, is this what you have been afraid to tell me all night?” “Pretty much.” Buffy sniffed. “It’s not going to bring him back, you know, me thinking about him all the time. I don’t even know how this all happened really. I mean I only saw him three times when I was in LA.” “When were you in LA?” “Before I moved here, I met him before I became a slayer. He left me three days before I was called.” “Oh. You were under thrall.” “Huh? Are you trying to make me mad at you?” “No, you just said that you didn’t know how it happened.” “So you are saying that everything I feel about him, is the result of some vampire hypno thingy?” “No, I’m saying that I started out that way. I’m not saying that the feelings you have aren’t real Buffy.” They walked on for a while. “Buffy? Do you still want to be turned? I mean do you have some sort of death wish? Is that why you agreed to be turned?” “NO! I didn’t agree to be turned Angel. I agreed to spend the rest of my life, or unlife with the man I fell in love with. I didn’t know he was a vampire when we were in LA Angel. He was the first man I ever fell in love with, I will always love him.” “Ya, I understand that. And I wouldn’t ask you to not love him.” “You want to know if I’ll be able to move on. Maybe, someday.” __________________________________________ Buffy, Xander and Willow all snuck into the Library waiting to surprise Giles. Sure enough, completely absorbed in reshelving Giles stumbled upon them. “Oh! Why are you three hanging about? Don't you have classes to go to?” Not exactly the reaction that Buffy was looking for. Why did Giles have to be stuffy when he was surprised too? “Teen health got cancelled.” explained Willow. “Mr. Whitmore's out. Couldn't find an egg sitter or something,” continued Xander inanely. “Well, then, can you give me a hand?” asked Giles hoping for help with the terrible reshelving. Buffy and Willow answered in the negative together. “Sure!” answers Xander curiously upbeat and began shelving books with gusto. “How did the, um... hunt go last night, Buffy?” asked Giles. “No go.” “Uh, 'no', 'no' you didn't go, or, or, or you were unsuccessful?” “No Gorches.” “Apparently Buffy has decided the problem with the English language is all those pesky words. You... Angel... big... smoochies?” patronized Xander. “Shut... up.” “I-it's true, Buffy, you and Willow do seem a little sluggish. Are you quite sure everything's alright?” asked Giles. “Maybe something we ate,” offered Willow. “Or perhaps it's the burden of parenthood. Notice how seriously you two have taken this egg thing.” Buffy and Willow held their baskets protectively. “While I, in turn, have, uh, well, chosen a more balanced approach.” Xander took his egg out of his pocket and started tossing it around. “Xander, maybe you shouldn't...” trailed off Willow. “That's exactly what I'm talking about. You can't stress over every little thing! A child picks up on that. Which is a one-way ticket to neurotic city.” Xander continued to toss his egg, but ends up missing the catch. The group watched as the egg hit the group, but failed to break. “It didn't break!” exclaimed Willow, “How come it didn't break?” “Which is another secret to conscientious egg care: pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.” “You boiled your young?” “Yeah! I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind! I mean, you can bet that little Xander here is thick skinned now.” Xander picked up his egg. “Technically that would be cheating, yes?” said Giles as he reached up to put a book up on a shelf. “No! It's like a short cut. You know, when you run a race?” “That would also be cheating,” noted Buffy. “You should be ashamed,” said Willow disapprovingly. “I suppose there is a sort of... Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression,” offered Giles. “I resent that! Or possibly thank you.” Just then Cordelia walked into the library. “Figures you three would all be hanging in the dungeon while something major's going on at Sunnydale High,” noted the cheerleader. “And what would that be, Cordelia? Barrette Appreciation Day?” said Xander returning to shelving books. “Mr. Whitmore didn't show today.” said Cordelia like it was news. “That news is of the past.” said Buffy. “He's missing? Presumed dead?” said Cordy. “Presumed by whom?” asked Giles. “Well, me!” “I think we should give him a few hours before we give up on him completely.” said Giles. “Well, I think we should look around, don't you Xander?” “It can wait,” said Xander shaking his head. “Well, his body could fall out of a closet somewhere,” offered Cordy. “So we should check some closets to see if he's in a closet?” Xander suddenly pointed at her. “You're right. There could be a closet. Let's go.” Xander pointed at Buffy and Willow as he came down the stairs. “You guys look for more clues. We'll meet back here.” Xander led Cordelia by the arm out of the library. “We'll get right on it,” said Buffy unenthusiastically. “Are they getting weirder? Have you noticed the weirdness of them?” asked Willow. “They're weird. Should I have guilt about not looking for Mr. Whitmore?” asked Buffy. “I-I'd rather you conserve your strength for hunting the Gorches,” instructed the watcher. “I'll be fine by tonight. Maybe I'll sweep the cemetery?” “Well, be careful, i-i-if you're still feeling a little sluggish.” “No worries.” “And Angel's helping you, right?” asked Willow. “He does what he can.” __________________________________________ In the cemetery that night Angel had shown up for patrol again. Buffy liked it. Now that Angel knew her secret. She now had someone to commiserate about Spike with. They had a connection. Engaged in a deep period of talking and grieving, Angel reached over to hold Buffy’s hand while they walked. “Ahh... As much as I hate to say this, we should really go kill bad guys.” said Buffy finally as she looked down at their clasped hands. “It's late. You should really get home. Hmm?” “What about the Gorches?” “I'll hunt.” “Really? You'd do that?” “Not like I have an early day tomorrow.” “True. I still have to go home and fill out my egg diary.” “Your what?” “Oh, I told you, that faux parenting gig we're doing at school. Like I'm really planning to have kids anytime soon. Uh, maybe someday, in the future, when I'm done having a life, now that I’m not going to be turned, but... right now kids would be just a little too much to deal with.” “I wouldn't know. I don't... Well, you know, I, I can't.” “Oh. Yeah, I knew that. I figured there were all sorts of things vampires couldn't do. You know, like work for the Telephone Company, or volunteer for the Red Cross.” “So you don't think about the future?” “No.” “Never?” “No.” “You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?” “Angel, up until a few weeks ago, my future was finish high school, get turned by Vampire boyfriend. I really hadn’t thought much further than the next two years.” “He was gonna let you live for two more years?” “On my 19th Birthday. And I realise, just how stupid was I? I mean, I don’t want to die! But with him...I didn’t care if I was gonna have a pulse, or a soul, or be able to walk in the sun. I just wanted to be with him.” Buffy sniffed. “Bloody Hell, I’m crying again!” __________________________________________ Buffy lay on her bed, her legs kicking in the air. She was grounded. Grounded. Grounded was definitely better than being the minion of a Bezor. Buffy stared at the paper in front of her. Angel had suggested writing a letter to Spike. Even though he’d never read it, there was something comforting about putting her feelings on paper. Once the grounding was over, maybe she’d take it to the church. When she was ready to let go, but right now, she didn’t think she’d ever be ready. tbc...