Reflections by msclawdia

Chapter #6 - Chapter Six

Author’s Note: Thanks to Kar and my readers for all your support. Feedback is very much appreciated. Some readers have expressed confusion about the Spikes, so a little list of the un-dusty. Spikes, a Field Guide Spike - our favorite vampire human-Spike -- has a pulse and a daughter with his wife, Buffy not-Spike -- born of a challenge at the BSV, this vampire cohabitates with his Buffy in a universe where Joyce lives on. You can get to know not-Spike better by reading my Borrowed Time stories. ;) grabby-Spike -- a smoky, sultry vampire who has a history of bopping about time and space William -- Angel's unlife partner. Chapter Six It was cold in the cemetery, but the fight warmed her up. Buffy knew it was foolish to ambush such a large group, but she was craving the danger. When she'd dusted the last of the group, she leaned against a mausoleum to catch her breath. If Giles and science were right, and they often were, if there had been a good chance that she was going to get herself killed then maybe the universe had just split in two and she’d lucked out into the ‘Buffy lives’ result. "Slayer? You're still alive? Thought some new girl got called years ago." She looked up to see a Spike with a face full of confusion. There were dried salt tracks on his face. Gripping her stake a little tighter, she gave a little wave. It was better, she figured, not to say much until she knew a little more about this one. "Must have had too much to drink tonight. I think I'm lost." "Sorry," she offered gamely. “Don’t remember coming back to Sunnydale,” he mused. She nodded. “We’re not in Sunnydale.” He sniffed the air. “Not Oslo either though.” He gave her a look like someone completely adrift. "Dru's gone." Oh. Crap. They had Xander and his team of older slayers to thank for that, but something told her this Spike wouldn't take that news very well. "I can't feel her anywhere. She's gone." He frowned at her and she found herself really wishing that she didn't have her back against a big piece of rock. "It was you, wasn't it?" "No, it really wasn't," she told him, trying to inch away a little. "We had a deal, you know," he told her with eerie calm. His fangs came down. "Stayed gone, stayed well away from you and yours. But, if you're not going to hold up your end..." She managed to duck and roll under his lunge, but then he tripped her and she fell hard against the mausoleum wall. In a daze she swung at him but nothing connected. She rolled away, but he just straddled her and pushed her face-first into the dirt. Cool breath wafted against her neck and she felt like crying. After everything she'd survived, this was how she was going to die? Not in this universe. Not in any universe. Her fate was not to die at the hands of a drunken Spike. Her screaming senses combined with the pounding in her skull to give her enough adrenaline to buck him off. He went flying into the mausoleum wall, head-first, and slumped against it. She spat out dirt and crawled a few feet to retrieve her stake and turned to stake the unconscious vamp. Only he reached up and grabbed her arm, rolling on top of her. She yanked her wrist out of his grasp and stabbed up hard. When her coughing fit ended, she saw another Spike standing over her. His earring glimmered in the moonlight. Grabby-Spike. Just what she needed. "A bit disturbing, watching that," he said quietly, hunkering down next to her. "You alright?" Truthfully she felt horribly nauseated and slightly embarrassed. "Need to rest a minute," she acknowledged. She let her body relax into the ground while she caught her breath and her head stopped booming. "What are you doing out here anyway? I thought Giles dropped you off at Stanley's," she managed after a few minutes. He shrugged and brushed some dirt off her face. "I wanted to talk to you. To apologize for before." She took one look at him and laughed aloud. "You so didn't. You wanted to see if I'd be more interested in a one-on-one instead of a foursome." "Can't blame a bloke for trying." Buffy pushed herself up to sit. She shook her head at him. Covered in dirt, grass, and his double’s dust, and he was still giving her the bedroom eyes. "Wouldn't it piss off your Buffy?" He smiled and lit a cigarette. "She's forgiven me worse. I’ve forgiven her…" He took a deep drag and shrugged it off. In a weird way it made her feel better to think that just because they'd ended up together in some universes, that didn't mean everything was necessarily smooth sailing. "The answer's still no." "Right then. Let's get you home." He helped her to her feet. "The local version," he ventured after a while, "what's his problem?" She watched him out of the corner of her eye as they walked. "He's mad at me. I'm mad at him. There's a lot of angry." "Lot of stubborn, too." "Well, yeah." He stopped and brushed a few strands of hair out of her face. "He's miserable, if that makes you feel any better." It didn't. And she didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to get her head throbbing again, but Giles's explanation about the many world theory... didn't that mean that somewhere there was a Spike who had gone to her the minute he'd un-dusted? And also, in some reality, she was entering her second trimester. What was she, worst-case-scenario Buffy? Her reality sucked. "Well, you've got to be unhappy too, being stuck here." "Eager to be home, sure. This is a good hour for us. Patrol's done, kids are abed." She stopped walking, feeling suddenly woozy. "Kids? You have kids?" She gestured at his groin. "But you... I mean, it's dead, right?" He curled his tongue at her. "There are ways, slayer. Spells, charms, donations. You should look into it." Buffy started moving again. "Really not necessary," she sighed. She decided it would be a good idea to walk grabby-Spike back to the Stanley's place, just to make sure he didn't get into any trouble. Plus, it was fun talking to him about his sons and how apparently she craved all things coconutty during the last trimester. Just in case she ever needed to know that. When she got home, Spike was sitting on the stoop, cradling a bloody fist in his lap, and looking utterly forlorn. "I leave you guys alone for five minutes..." she teased, trying to keep things light. He sniffed a little laugh. "Had a conversation, yeah. I'll pay for patching your wall up." "That's big of you." Buffy smiled at him. It occurred to her suddenly that she had options here. She could march on past him. She could slug him. She could kiss him. She could talk to him. Maybe even apologize. If the stuff Giles had said was right, then all those things would happen. So, which Buffy did she want to be? "I shouldn't have stormed out earlier," she blurted. His shock at her quasi-apology was obvious. "It's just that... Spike, letting me think you were dead really hurt. Actually it still hurts." "Never meant to hurt you, Buffy. Didn't want to do that ever again," he replied, looking at a spot just over her shoulder. "So why?" she demanded. She wanted to be the Buffy Who Knows. She was tired of being the Buffy Who Wonders. "You loved me when you thought I was dead." For a minute she wasn't sure what to say to that. So maybe he really had believed her after all. That was something, she guessed. Of course for all those months she thought he'd died thinking she didn't feel that way about him. Then when it turned out he wasn't dust after all, she was sure he didn't believe her. "I loved you for a long time after that too, Spike," she admonished quietly. "But not now." What about now? How did she feel? She'd never really been very good at knowing how she felt, especially about Spike, until something big happened and it jumped out like the most obvious thing. "I don't know." She grabbed his injured hand and pressed her palm against his. No flames burst out, but it did feel like something sparked between their skins. "I know I miss you though. I miss talking to you." He looked at their joined hands and shook his head. "Could have fooled me." It hit her all of a sudden, what it must have felt like from his end. "You wanted me to come to LA." Spike dropped his eyes and shrugged. "Might have been nice, yeah." But of course by the time she'd found out he was in LA, he'd been un-dusty so long that she'd figured his lack of contact was a sign of how he wanted things. Had some other Buffy read him better? "You know, it was me who asked you to come out here and help train the girls," she pointed out. Spike blinked at her a few times. "Angel said it was Giles." Well. That explained a number of things actually. "No, as a matter of fact Giles wasn't crazy about the idea, but he had to admit you were a big help with the potentials back in Sunnydale." She brushed her thumb across his hand. "And the girls love training with you." "Popular with the bitty slayers, am I?" So she had a type, she considered wryly. "They all miss you," she assured him with a small smile. "In fact just the other night --- oh crap!" She jumped back dropping his hand and immediately regretted the loss of contact. "What? What is it, slayer?" She shook her head at her own stupidity. "I just realized, I know what's going on." ------------ Okay, so I’m not going to be wrapping this up as quickly as I thought. After all, figuring out what happened is not the same as fixing it. Please let me know if you have comments, questions, or quibbles.