| A Love/Hate Relationship by greenhair00 |
| Chapter #1 - A Love/Hate Relationship |
| A/N: This is the way I wanted the end of 'Fool for Love' to go. It's also the first fic I ever wrote (don't worry, I cleaned it up a bit!). Hope you like and let me know what you think! God, why is this happening? thought Buffy, as she sat on the steps of the back porch. She placed her head in her hands and allowed the fear and sadness to spill out of her eyes and onto her palms. She felt helpless, like there was nothing she could do to stop her mother’s pain. I have all this strength, she thought, but I – Buffy’s thoughts were interrupted by a loud clicking noise coming from in front of her. She raised her tear-stained face (complete with running mascara) to see the last person she expected – Spike. She was too emotionally drained to notice the shotgun he was holding. Spike had done some thinking of his own on his way to the Summers’ home. His fists were closed tightly around the gun he was planning to make full use of tonight. His jaw was clenched angrily, but he still managed to mutter, “Slayer’s gonna pay. I’ll show her who’s beneath who.” He knew he was close to his target when he begin picking up Buffy’s scent. The smell toyed with his emotions, inspiring hatred and lust, excitement and fear. He quickened his pace, desperate to end the hold the Slayer had on him. He had just stepped into the yard when he saw her. He was thanking the fates that his prey was already outside, no need to get anyone inside the house involved. His eyes narrowed as he felt the desire to kill wash over him, and he cocked his shotgun. For a moment, Buffy and Spike just looked at each other, neither one sure of what was happening. “What do you want now?” asked Buffy. Spike saw the Slayer’s tears, causing his blinding rage to be replaced instantly with worry. “What’s wrong?” he asked, trying to sound annoyed rather than compassionate. Slightly confused, Buffy diverted her eyes from Spike, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Spike lowered his weapon, forgetting about his quest for revenge. He stood there for a moment, searching for some way to stop the Slayer’s pain. “Is there something I can do?” he asked. Buffy was startled by the sincerity in his voice. She had the sudden urge to unload her pain and fears, to tell Spike everything. Why? she thought, Why do I want to tell him and why does he care? So, Buffy just sat there, puzzling not only over her mother’s health issues, but also over this situation with Spike. Spike stood there waiting, hoping she would tell him how to help her. Buffy didn’t say a word. He looked around, seemingly searching for some clue as to what to do next. He knew he couldn’t leave, not now that he knew there was something causing the Slayer so much pain. He decided the only thing he could do was be there for her, just in case she decided to let him in on her troubles. He laid his gun on the porch and sat down next to Buffy. Buffy was even more confused now that Spike was sitting next to her, his eyes focused on her, trying to decipher the cause of her depression. Spike, not knowing what else to do, lifted his hand and placed in on the blade of her shoulder, gently patting her back. She felt oddly comforted by his touch. . . and this bothered her. Spike felt her shudder under his touch. He withdrew his hand and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his legs, and looking out into the yard. What am I doing? thought Spike, She doesn’t want me here. I disgust her. She can’t even stand for me to touch her, let alone tell me what’s going on. He was about to get up and leave, when he heard a soft whisper coming from Buffy. It was so quiet that he wouldn’t have heard her without his vampire hearing. All she said was, “It’s my mom.” Buffy didn’t mean to say it, the words just crept out of her mouth. Then again, maybe she did mean to tell him. She knew Spike would leave if she didn’t give him something to work from, and she wanted him to stay. She hadn’t even wanted Spike to stop touching her, but he did stop. She didn’t mean to shudder, it had happened involuntarily. Her body wanted him to comfort her, but her mind had taken over telling her it was wrong that he was making her feel better. Hence the shuddering. Spike looked over at Buffy, waiting to she if she would say anything more. But, she sat in silence as if nothing had passed her lips at all. Spike turned to her, running a hand over his bleached hair before attempting to speak to his Slayer. No, not MY Slayer, he thought as he closed his eyes, not yet. When Spike’s eyes reopened, he was surprised to see that Buffy had turned to face him. They stared at each other for a few minutes, neither one saying a word. Spike was the first to break the silence, “I want to help... if you’ll let me.” Buffy managed a weak smile, “I can’t.” “You can’t?” Spike asked, turning his head to the side and scrunching his eyebrows together as if trying very hard to understand, “What do you mean?” Buffy diverted her gaze again, but this time provided an answer, “Help. I can’t let you help.” Spike’s mounting confusion was replaced with irritation, “You bloody well can! What do you think I was doing earlier today? Taking a stroll down memory lane?” Spike paused, trying to calm himself down before continuing, “Just talk to me, Buffy. Tell me what I can do.” Buffy looked up to the night sky, trying unsuccessfully to hold back fresh tears, “I wish it were some demon or magic spell gone wrong, but it’s not. It’s medical. Something is hurting my mother, and it’s coming from inside her. I can’t do anything but watch...” Then, turning back to Spike she added, “And neither can you.” Spike wanted desperately to wrap her in him arms and hold her until her pain melted away. And, although Buffy would never admit it to herself or anyone else, she wanted the same thing. Spike hated to see her like this, but he couldn’t bear to leave her either. Buffy had just turned her head away from Spike to stare at a spot on the ground, lost in thought. He took a deep, unnecessary breath, and attempted physical contact once more. He placed his hand on the middle of her back, almost cringing as he waited for her to scoot away from his touch. Buffy felt the gentle pressure of Spike’s hand, and let out a soft sigh. She turned her body to face Spike, and he removed his hand, placing it on the porch between the unlikely pair. He opened his mouth to utter an apology, but before he could say anything, Buffy reached down and placed her hand on top of his. Spike looked down in awe as if to verify what his hand was feeling. When he returned his eyes to Buffy, she was smiling. “Spike. Thank you.” Buffy removed her hand, but only to briefly caress his cheek. Spike was stunned. If he had a heartbeat it would have been pounding ferociously against his chest. Only a second passed before Buffy realized what she was doing. She quickly withdrew her hand, stood up, and headed towards the backdoor. Spike remained on the porch in disbelief. As Buffy opened the door to retreat into her home, Spike snapped out of it and leapt to his feet, “Buffy wait!” She turned around in the doorway to face him. Spike walked over until he was standing directly in front of her. He smiled sheepishly, “I just wanted to say, uh... you’re welcome.” They stood like that for a moment, face-to-face. There was no desire to throw a punch or make some snide comment. They simply wanted to be near each other, to look into each other’s eyes, and to know that it’s love staring back at them. In a moment of bravery, Spike leaned his face close to Buffy’s, their lips so near that he could taste the warm breath escaping her mouth. She didn’t stop him. Buffy wanted to feel his lips on hers, remembering last year’s spell that led to the passionate kisses they had shared. Spike was surprised that she wasn’t pulling away, and he was going to be sure to take full advantage of the situation... until he realized he really would be taking advantage. He wanted desperately to smother her mouth with his, but not like this. Spike was willing to wait for the time to come that Buffy would want him because she loved him, not because she was trying to distract herself from the pain. Buffy’s eyes were closed in expectation of the meeting of their lips, but Spike didn’t move any closer. Instead, he straightened his posture and smiled as he said, “‘Night, luv.” When Buffy opened her eyes, Spike was already to the edge of her backyard, and was about to disappear from view. She let out a frustrated sigh and whispered out into the night, “Goodnight, William.” |