Shine Down by LadyYashka

Chapter #1 - Chapter One: Shine Down

"Shine Down" "So tired sleeping through the day Bloodshot eyes and sweat from my body And I picked my head up yesterday Found the reason of hope left inside of me But I still believe in immortal love And I know there's someone above Shine down, don't take it away from me, no And I know you know how, yeah Shine down, just give me a chance to feel it It's taken forever to get me off the ground Haunted silence overwhelming me Deny takes it's toll on my sanity And I know I've been away too long All these years I've been hiding I'm feeling I'm coming strong But I still believe in immortal love And I know there's someone that's up above Show me a path to find my way And give me a reason pray Shine down, don't take it away from me, no And I know you know how, yeah Shine down, just give me a chance to feel it It's taken forever to get me off the ground Shine down, don't take it away from me, no And I know you know how, yeah And shine down, just give me a chance to feel it It's taken forever to get me off the ground Shine down Shine down Oh, shine down Oh baby, yeah, yeah, yeah Shine down Oh, shine down Oh, shine down Oh baby shine down" Godsmack (Shine Down IV 2006) Everything was too bright and too cold. Spike didn’t recognize any of the blurry shapes around him. The sounds, smells, and sights made no sense. A low growl filled the room. It grew louder and stronger with each passing moment. Everything hurt and he didn’t know how to react. Spike remembered dieing. He remembered the pain and heat that surrounded and filled his entire being. He remembered hearing the cavern explode around him, then nothing as he died. What came after he refused to think about. “Spike.” Turning, Spike’s eyes landed on one figure he’d recognize anywhere. “What did you do to me!” His anguished roar filled the spacious office making it feel cold and desolate. Spike tried to tackle his hated Grand sire. He would have made it, if not for the dizzy spell that washed over him. The world seemed to tilt around him and then suddenly stop. Everything went black and Spike crashed to the floor. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “He has a heart beat…..” “How did this happen……” “Don’t care….take care of it…” Opening his eyes, Spike stared into a pair of soft concerned brown eyes. The slight figure smiled warmly at him as her small hand gently helped ease him into an up right position. Spike’s vision had cleared since he’d passed out and he could see that he was in an expensive lab. The scent and feel of the place reminded him too much of the Initiative. Some memories where best left locked away. “Am I in hell?” Spike asked. He was completely confused. The place he was in felt wrong and yet the pretty brunette who had helped him didn’t feel evil. “I wish.” Angel muttered. He stopped his next comment from being spoken at the glare Fred was sending him. “No sweetie.” A large green demon answered. His red eyes were kind and he felt like the tiny woman next to Spike. “Your in L.A though some people have made that mistake before.” “How did I get here.” Spike looked from face to face seeking an answer. His head hurt and he was tired. Spike didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be anywhere. He was supposed to die and stay dead. There was no one who would care enough to try and resurrect him so he’d been ready. Now he wasn’t dead and he didn’t know why he was back. “What do you remember about dieing?” Asked a British man with dark hair. He was stiff and formal. Spike could see the label of Watcher written all over him. What he was doing with Angel, Spike had no clue. “You mean do I remember the light shining out from my soul, my organs liquefying, my eye balls boiling, as I burned up from the inside while saving the world? Nope don’t remember a thing.” Spike grumbled. His headache had increase, the pressure behind his eyes reminding him of the feeling he’d get after his chip had finished firing. Only this pain didn’t seem to be going away. “He saved the world?” The large black man asked, confused. “He has a soul?” It was the tiny woman on his right who had spoken. “It didn’t seem important at the time.” “It seems there was a lot that didn’t seem very important.” The Watcher scolded. It seemed that all was not hearts and flowers with Angel’s group. He’d withheld information from his people. Not surprisingly, Spike thought. The bastard not only had an inflated sense of his own worth but he was also a control freak. It still puzzled Spike what anyone saw in the great oaf. Suddenly the pain in his head became unbearable. Grabbing his head he groaned as the agony increase. Eyes squeezed shut, images flashed before his eyes. Spike’s body jerked and he howled in pain. To the others it looked as if he was having a seizure. As quickly as it had started the intense pain stopped, leaving a throbbing ache in his head. Taking deep breaths, Spike tried to will the pain away as he tried to make sense of what was happening to him. “Dear God. Did he just……” Wesley asked looking at the faces of his friends. “Spike. Can you hear me?” Fred asked softly. When his eyes were raised to hers she continued. “Did you just have a vision?” “No, no he didn’t. It‘s impossible…” Angel stated flatly. “He has a soul. He died saving the world. He was brought back, incidentally right here in your office. Cordelia is in a coma and we have no idea if she will ever regain consciousness. How is Spike having visions impossible Angel?” Wesley asked, waiting for Angel to try to refute his arguments. “How about we let the poor bloke who just suffered through the damn thing answer the question?” All eyes turned to Spike. With the exception of Fred and Lorne the others had seemed to forget he was sitting in the room. “Spike, honey, what did you see?” Lorne asked placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Don’t rightly know. It was some room with a table of sorts in the center. Big fat guy was chanting over a dead body.” Spike recited, rubbing his still aching forehead. “This has never happened to me. Dru was the one with visions, not me.” Reaching out, Fred took one of his hands into hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. Catching Lorne’s gaze the two of them came to a conclusion. There was something about the pain in Spike’s voice and eyes that called out to them. It now became their job to make sure he was alright. “Heinsly.” Gunn answered. “He’s a necromancer. We recently abolished the practice of supplying some of our clients with fresh bodies.” “Wait a minute! Heinsly? Clients? Where the bloody hell am I?” Spike asked feeling overwhelmed. “Wolfram and Heart.” The simple answer nearly caused Spike’s eyes to bug out of his head. It was all too much for him and he promptly passed out, again.

Chapter #2 - Chapter Two: Livin' In Sin

"Livin' In Sin" "Once again my friend Storm clouds are rolling Broken inside myself Can't seem to break this chain Can't break it! And I've seen it all And I've walked it tall Lived in this sin Where do I begin? Caught between the lines My life of worthless lies Shedding my skin to begin A life that I don't know how to live I can't take it! And I've seen it all And I've walked it tall Lived in this sin Where do I begin? I don't know now Where to go now I don't know if I'll ever again... no It's all broken Not a word spoken And I don't know how to go, how to.. god help me now! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And I've seen it all And I've walked it tall Lived in this sin Livin' in sin Livin' in sin Livin' in sin Livin' in sin Where do I begin?" Godsmack (Livin' In Sin IV 2006) Spike looked out over the horizon. The city of Los Angelus seemed to go on forever. He could clearly see the tiny shapes of people and their vehicles as they scurried about their day. The office he was standing in was pompous and ornate. A large desk sat at one end of the room. Two black leather chairs sat facing the desk at an angel. A couch rested at the opposite end of the room. Weapons hung on the wall as decoration or protection, depending on who was meeting in the office. The whole building was like this, vast, pretentious, and isolating. Only the richest were represented, leaving the rest of the population to fend for itself. Spike hated the place. He couldn’t wait to get out and away from Wolfram and Hart. Spike simply didn’t care what anyone thought. Evil coated the building . It made people feel like they were above the rest of the world and that the world should cater to their whims. Visions or no visions , soul or no soul, Spike would never willingly work for an organization like Wolfram and Hart. His grand sire could burn in the place for all Spike cared. Hearing the door open, Spike watched dispassionately while Angel and his crew walked into the office. They were discussing the case involving the necromancer. Angel and Wesley had taken care of the man the day before and now they were conducting a meeting to wrap up the case. Much to Spike’s disgust, Eve followed as well. The woman smelled off and made Spike’s skin crawl. She kept talking about him like he was some prized commodity. Ever since he’d been introduced to her, Eve had been badgering him to sign a contract to ‘formalize’ his relationship with the law firm. Spike had flatly refused. When she had persisted, Spike had promptly threatened to rip her head from her shoulders. He did not answer to the Senior Partners or anyone else for that matter. If he was back for good the only thing he was taking orders from where his visions. It wasn‘t like he could ignore them anyway. “Spike what are you doing in my office?” Angel growled. That was another thing that pissed Spike off. It wasn’t like he had asked to be brought back nor did he ask to be brought back to Angel. If anyone had bothered to asked Spike, he would have told them that he’d rather stayed dead. Since he was back all he wanted was a little consideration and respect. “I asked him to meet me here.” Fred answered with a glare which promptly shut Angel up. Lorne simply shook his head in disappointment. It was sad and completely lost on the two why the other three continued to treat Spike with loathing and distrust. In Fred and Lorne’s opinion, Spike was just as much a Champion as Angel was. To Spike, Fred and Lorne were like a breath of fresh air. They didn’t know him and yet they’d accepted him with no questions asked. No one had ever treated Spike like he actually mattered before. The Scoobies sure as hell hadn’t. They had made their disgust of him rather obvious. Towards the end of his time in Sunnydale, Buffy had been starting to respect him as her second in command. Other than that he was treated as another convenient foot soldier and someone to bow down to her wishes and needs. It wasn’t like Buffy had ever thought of his wants or needs. A few kind words and gestures here and there and good ole Spike fell right in line like a well trained puppy. Spike may love her but there was no way he’d ever let her walk all over him again. He’d died to save the world and been brought back, just like she had been. Spike, in his heart and soul, knew with out a doubt that he was no longer beneath her or anyone else for that matter. Walking over to Spike, Fred placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. She knew something was bothering him and desperately wanted to help. Often Fred would catch him staring off into space. Spike seemed to be off in his own world during those times and would not notice anyone else in the room with him. When she had questioned Lorne on the subject, he had told her that he could feel immense pain coming from Spike and that if he wanted to confide in them he would. They just had to give him time. If they pushed him to open up, Spike would surely retreat into himself and they could not let that happen. “Ready to leave in a few?” Fred asked. Scowling at the others, she quickly silenced their protest. There had been a huge fight when she’d invited Spike to stay with her until he’d gotten back onto his feet. She simply could not believe the nerve that they had in questioning her judgment. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “He can’t be trusted! You don’t know him like I do!” “Well it’s obvious none of ya’ll know him. He has a soul now.” “Fred he’s a vicious murder…” “Like Angel was?” “Fred, Angel didn’t have a soul then.” “Neither did Spike.” “That’s different…” “How Charles? How is that different? Spike sought out his soul. He fought for it and won it back. It’s a reward for passing the trails not a curse that was forced on him.” A heavy silence greeted her words. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Giving the petite scientist a sad smile, Spike took a seat on the couch. He waited quietly for Fred to finish up with her meeting so that they could leave. Silence filled the room and the tension in the group rose. In a rather telling move Lorne sat on the couch next to him while Fred stood as close to him as possible. The room was clearly divided, with a rather smug Eve standing in the middle.

Chapter #3 - Chapter Three: One Rainy Day

"One Rainy Day" "Oh man, I'm tired and lonely Again, why must it be A man is drowning slowly And he can't keep above Gone way to deep, oh yeah Open skies are falling Tears are coming down Like a drop of rain falls to the ocean And comes back around One rainy day Oh so many times I should've crawled when I went running by And since then I've been left feeling traumatized Raped and drained of an innocence A gift we've lost over time And still I gaze through this one rainy day Alone with no one by my side Open skies are falling Tears are coming down Like a drop of rain falls to the ocean And comes back around, yeah I swear I've given, I've given you all I can Never will you ever make me feel this way again, oh On this one rainy day Hey, open skies are falling Tears are coming down Like a drop of rain falls to the ocean And comes back around One rainy day One rainy day Oh one rainy day It's been just, one rainy day" Godsmack (One Rainy Day IV 2006) Wesley sat quietly in his office. Papers covered the surface with various books stacked to one side. In front of him was his open journal. He had been observing the resurrected vampire for three weeks now. Spike was still living with Fred despite their objections. What he had seen so far had Wesley worried. Spike flatly refused to go into more detail concerning his time in Sunnydale and his death and he only ever talked openly to Lorne or Fred. He was polite to Gunn and himself but with Angel, Spike was rude and confrontational. He asked questions about various cases nonstop and would often question Angel’s decisions. When Angel had told Spike rather bluntly that he was the champion and that Spike worked for him, Spike had laughed till he cried. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I have the visions mate. If I go where does that leave you huh? Do you honestly think that sitting behind that desk and signing papers is fighting the good fight? If you think it does then your off your bleedin‘ rocker.” “If you leave there will be no one to stop those visions. You will be all alone and helpless. Not that anyone cares, so if you want to leave go right ahead.” Angel had replied rather smugly. Spike had simply raise his eye brow, giving Angel a look that told everyone what he thought of Angel’s comment. Only Fred and Lorne seemed to notice the slight flinch Angel’s words had caused. “ Think what you want Peaches but there will be someone to stop the visions.” “Yeah? Who?” “Me.” Then Spike turned and left the office. His point had been made. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Ah, Spike, please have a seat.” Wesley stated when Spike knocked on the door frame of his office. “So Percy, what is it you wanted to talk about?” Spike asked slumping down into the chair. He only did it because it annoyed the other man and Spike desperately needed to keep up the front that he had not a care in the world. Spike really didn’t need anyone trying to dig into his “after life” experience any more than some of them had already tried. As far as he was concerned it was no one’s business but his own. Spike’s whole life in Sunnydale was off limits as well. He’d only told a basic story about how he’d gotten his soul. As for the battle with the First, Spike simply filled in the gaps of a story they already knew. They didn’t need to know anymore. “I wanted to discuss your working relationship with…..” “Don’t bloody have one.” “Now Spike…….” “No. Do you honestly think I’d be stupid enough to actually take a job here?” Spike asked, eye brow raised. It also irritated him that some of the group kept insisting that he join the company. Spike was positive Eve had put them up to it. After he had held a knife to her throat, Eve herself had backed off, but the others a started on him soon after. “We are the ones running the L.A branch now and we are doing a lot of good here.” Wesley said. The line was already starting to feel rather forced, but Angel was positive that they could turn the company around. Wesley simply had to believe that it was possible. “Yeah, right. Go on Watcher, tell me another one.” Spike grumbled. Casually he straightened from his slouch in his chair so that he could stare Wesley in the eyes. “And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?” “It means, Wesley, that this place is going to eat you alive and not bother to spit you back out. Bloody hell, Wes! You’ll be digested before you know it. Go on and keep telling yourself that your actually doing some good here. From what I see, you can’t do good looking down on those your supposed to help.” Standing Spike left the office without another word. It wasn’t his job to try and save them from themselves. Spike had tried that once already and it had literally killed him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That night Spike sat quietly on the balcony of Fred’s apartment, a cold beer dangled from his hand. A warm breeze drifted through the city, caring away the smoke off of Spike’s cigarette. He watch impassively as the gray smoke drifted up to join the rest of L.A’s smog. Fred and the others where out tracking down a werewolf that had attacked a girl jogging in a park somewhere. The vision had hit right before Fred and he were about to leave for the night. It had left him laying on the floor gasping for breath. His eyes tightly closed, he’d given them the best description he could manage. Once finished he’d struggled to his feet intent on heading back to Fred’s. Angel had stopped him insisting that he help. With his brain feeling like it was about to dribble out of his ears Spike had snapped. His head hurt and he was miserable. It had been a long day and Wesley was still pestering him for answers that he refused to give. Spike had simply yanked his arm from Angel’s grip and snarled at him. He would have torn the bastard’s head off if Lorne had not gotten between the two of them. He’d handed Spike his cell phone, told him which speed dial Fred’s or Wesley’s numbers were and bid him a good night. Now, sitting out in the warm night air, Spike could let himself be. He no longer had to keep a tight hold on his emotions. With Fred and Lorne so worried, Spike constantly tried to convince them that he was fine. Along with the visions and Angel’s constant snide comments about how Spike should be thankful he didn’t remember his well deserved time in hell, Spike was ready to fall apart. Unfortunately he couldn’t afford to. Despite how much Fred and Lorne wanted to help, there would be no one around to help him pick up the pieces. The only person he knew who had been forcefully brought back was half a world away, and Buffy had no further use for him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was a testament to how tired Spike was that he never woke when Fred finally got home. She quietly stood at her sliding glass door and watched as he frowned in his sleep. She was worried about him. Fred knew that Spike needed time to deal with whatever it was that he was hiding, but on days like today, she felt that time was something they did not have enough of. Ever so softly, Fred pulled the door open and stepped out onto the balcony. Gently she spread the blanket in her hands over Spike’s exhausted form. Angel was wrong. Spike did not need to contribute anymore than he already did. Relaying the information gathered from his visions was enough. It seemed to her that he was simply struggling to make it from one moment to the next. With a soft kiss to his forehead, Fred slipped back inside. It would be a long time before her worry let her get any rest.

Chapter #4 - Chapter Four: Sick Of Life

"Sick Of Life" "Paralyzed. Nothing's getting through to me. Hypnotized from all my surroundings. I wanna be something I could never be. I wanna say things that I could never say. Yeah, I'm gonna do it again! Sick of my life. I'm tired of everything in my life. Dragged down. Rubbing my face in the ground. No time for the undecided. I wanna know why I've always felt alone, And I wanna love. Why am I untouchable? Yeah, I'm gonna do it again! Sick of my life. I'm tired of everything in my life. I never wanted to be sick of my life. I'm tired of everything in my life." Godsmack (Sick Of Life "Awake" 2000) Dawn had just about enough of her sister and their friends. Three weeks ago Wesley had called and told them that Spike had returned. Everyone had been stunned. Listening to his retelling of the events had caused Dawn’s stomach to drop. The first thing she had wanted to do was jump on a plane and fly off to L.A. Unfortunately she was still a minor and would need her sister’s permission. Not that Buffy would be giving it any time soon. Her sister was still pretending not to be angry that Spike hadn’t run right back to her side. When the commotion had finally died down, Dawn had been the only one to ask how he was doing. Wesley had told them that at first he’d been confused and had asked if he was in hell. Wesley had gone on to explain that due to his rather violent resurrection that he must have not realized that he was no longer trapped in some hell dimension. Hearing these words broke Dawn’s heart. What happened after had shattered her world. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “What do you mean your glad he’s staying away? Buffy! The guy died for you! He loves you! How can you say that?” Dawn had said, her voice rising in shock. “Easy.” Buffy had stated, a little too flippantly. “Sunnydale is gone and I no longer need Spike. Besides, he didn’t call when he got back. We had to find out from Wesley of all people. If Spike loved me he would have called.” The responding slap had silenced the entire room. Dawn’s hand stung and tears filled her eyes. “I was wrong. I never should have threatened to set Spike on fire.” Dawn growled at her stunned sister. “I should have threatened you!” “Now Dawn. Lets be rational.” Giles began. “Spike is no longer our concern. Let Angel and his group deal with him.” “Yeah. Just because blood breath came back from hell doesn’t mean we should care.” “Dawnie, Buffy is right. We don’t need Spike any more. We now have our own lives and it is for the best if he is not a part of it.” Tears spilled from Dawn’s eyes. Looking around the room she realized that she didn’t know these people and it seemed more than likely that she didn’t want too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now was her chance. Spike had taught Dawn a lot more than anyone realized. Not that any of them would have noticed even if it had been pointed out to them. Spike had merely been something to use to fight demons and then ignore the rest of the time. It hadn’t mattered to them what he did to prove himself. Spike was still an evil thing that could never be trusted. Dawn was amazed that Buffy thought that Spike should have run to her in spite of the way he had been treated. The fact that he was now Angel’s Seer and couldn’t possibly leave L.A until he’d adjust to being back didn’t seem to sink in for her sister. Seeing as everyone else was of the opinion that while it was nice that he got a second chance, they were all in agreement that it was better if Spike stayed away. What Dawn had picked up from their conversations was that they felt like Spike was no longer ‘convenient’. When Buffy fell in line and followed everyone else Dawn had been enraged. She still regretted not patching things up with Spike before he had died. Now that he was back she wasn’t about to pass up the second chance she’d been miraculously given. Snorting to herself, Dawn pasted on a cheerful smile. Handing over the lifted credit card to the lady at the Lufthansa counter, Dawn requested a round trip ticket to L.A, first class. ‘Take that stupid Council.’ Dawn thought. She was lucky that Buffy was out on a date, so to speak. It was another blind date with a nice normal ‘human’ guy that her friends had set her up with. She would be leaving Rome at 7:45pm which gave her two hours to get to her gate. Dawn then had a connection in Frankfurt and would arrive at LAX at 12:35pm. It was a seventeen hour long flight. Good thing she had plenty of batteries for her CD player and lots of books to read. Thanking the lady behind the counter, Dawn shouldered her carry on bag. Dawn was still not sure if she would be going back to Rome but at this time she would rather live with a depressed Spike than the hypocrites that surrounded her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Spike was lounging around Fred’s apartment. He had not felt like facing the inquisition today. Angel had been hounding him to be more of a team player. What that translated to was doing the other's grunt work. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, Spike settled down and flipped on the t.v. Passions was starting soon and it had been awhile since he’d had the chance to watch it. A bit of mindless entertainment was exactly what he needed while he wait for his hot wings to arrive. Halfway through his show a knock sounded at the door. Grumbling, Spike yelled that he’d be a minute. Picking up the cash Fred had left for him, Spike shuffled over to the door. Pulling the chain, he opened the door without looking through the peep hole. “It’s about bloody time you showed up. Thought you said it would only take thirty minutes.” “I think it takes a bit longer than thirty minutes to reach L.A from Rome.” Hearing the dearly missed voice, Spike’s head snapped up and tears filled his bright blue eyes. Standing in the doorway, surrounded by bags was Dawn. She smelt of stale air and looked half dead. She desperately needed a shower, real food, and sleep and not necessarily in that order. To Spike she was one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen. “Niblet..” A/N: Hope you liked it so far. I went to expedia.com for Dawn's flight. Did you know that an economy ticket cost $1539? A first class ticket on United cost $12,293. Also her need of sleep, shower, and food was the same one I have had. I've been on long flights before(30hr w/layovers)and you don't care what order you get them. Seeing the flight length brought back some memories. ;)

Chapter #5 - Chapter Five: The Enemy

"The Enemy" "Hey! Oh, Mr. backstabbing son of a bitch You're living in a world that will soon be dying And I know, everybody knows you try to be like me But even at your best, as a man you couldn't equal half of me I am realizing, that everybody's lost their simple ways And now that is here, I see it all so clearly I've come face to face with the enemy, oh the enemy! You! You're another shit talking punk to me You're living inspiration for what I never wanna be And I see, you've been blinded by what you believe And now back up and sit down, shut up and act like you need to be I am realizing, that everybody's lost their simple ways And now that is here, I see it all so clearly I've come face to face with the enemy, oh the enemy! Come to me, come to me, the enemy, come to me, come to me So predicting, you're the reason why I lie Simple decision took too much time To fly Oh, check me, check me... I am realizing, that everybody's lost their simple ways And now that is here, I see it all so clearly I've come face to face with the enemy, oh the enemy! Come to me" Godsmack (The Enemy IV 2006) Fred couldn’t help staring at the clock. Her day had started out badly and had then rapidly gone to shit. Days like today almost made her wish that she had never left Pylea. First had been the early morning staff meeting. Eve had been present and when Spike wasn’t around she continued to gush about how wonderful it was for Wolfram and Hart that the company had a chance to have the Power’s Seer under contract. Fred was going to scrape out her own ear drums if she had to listen to the spiel about how pleased that arrangement would make the Senior Partners. Then Angel had started his usual rant about how useless Spike was and how Angel didn’t see what all the fuss was about. Now, she was stuck working late on a project that anyone of the Wolfram and Hart minions could have taken care of. She wanted to be working with Wesley researching Spike’s resurrection and visions. That way she could sabotage any inquiries that might be harmful to Spike. Remembering part of the conversation from that morning’s meeting, Fred vowed to do a little sneaking. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I mean really! So the little shit came back from the dead! That’s no big deal. I did that before he did.” Angel grumbled. “I believe that was because Buffy had to send you to hell in order to save the world.” Wesley commented blandly. The constant stream of comments was weighting heavily on Wesley. Something was off about the whole situation and Wesley certainly did not like not having all of the facts. “That’s not the point!” Angel growled. He didn’t like being reminded of his less than perfect past. Besides, that wasn’t him. It had been Angelus who had tried to end the world. “He’s nothing but a pathetic leech. He latches onto somebody and sucks the life right out of them. The world would be a better place if he’d been dusted years ago.” “If he’s so bad then why didn’t that girl of yours ever kill him?” Gunn asked. “Buffy and her friends only ever felt pity for him. That’s why they let him hang around. Also he was useful then. Now Spike’s just a pain in the ass.” “That’s not true!” Fred cried. “After all that he’s done for them? Surely they wouldn’t think such a thing.” “Well they did say that they had no place for him in their organization and that it would be best if we found some use for him here.” Wesley stated quietly. He fervently prayed the Fred would not shoot the messenger. “That’s putting it rather politely.” Angel mockingly chuckled. “ They were simply glad to be rid of him.” Turning serious, Angel turned to face Wesley. “Wes, I want you to use any resource available to find out why Spike’s here. I don’t accept that the Powers would willingly send him their visions. Something else must be going on.” A dark red spread over Fred’s cheeks. her temper flared. She wanted nothing more than to track down those heartless assholes from Sunnydale and give them a piece of her mind. She settled for promising herself that she would never let anyone hurt Spike like that again. He was her friend. Only Fred knew that Dawn had arrived that morning, and she knew that the young girl would be a potent ally. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hearing the half sobbed half choked nickname, tears filled Dawn’s blue eyes. Barely holding back a sob of her own, Dawn wrapped her arms around Spike. Feeling him return her clinging embrace, Dawn’s tears spilled down her cheeks. She scarcely felt Spike’s as the landed on the top of her head. “I’m sorry! I love you! Please don’t hate me.” Dawn cried into Spike’s t-shirt. Some how he had managed to get them both inside. Time stood still as the two reconnected. Too long had they let the mistakes of the past stand in their way. With the second chance they had both recieved, Spike and Dawn simply did not want to waste another precious moment. Gently pulling out of her embrace, Spike quickly got her bags into the apartment. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up and I’ll order some more food for us, okay Bit?” Spike asked gently wiping the tears from her face. Sniffing, she nodded her head in agreement. She did smell a tad ripe. “Bathroom is the first door on the right and there are some towels in the hall closet right across form it.” “Spike?” Dawn called from the doorway of the bathroom. Turning to face her Spike raised his eyebrow in question. “I know you might not believe me just yet, but I’m glad that your back.” Turning quickly Dawn slipped into the bathroom and closed the door. Spike’s knees nearly gave out on him and he just made it back to the couch. Eyes wide and breathing labored, Spike could feel his heart pounding inside his chest. More tears spilled down his cheeks. His girl. His Bit, loved him again. She had flown all the way from Rome just to see him. Burring his face in his hands, Spike let got of the tight rein he had on his emotions and cried. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Buffy was frantic. Her sister was missing and no one knew where she had gone. Her clothes were gone, as was her suit case. No note had been found and every locator spell done had come up empty. Currently Willow was searching through various computer systems to try and track where she had gone. Walter, Buffy’s current potential human boyfriend, rubbed gentle circles along her back. Instead of soothing, it irritated her. Buffy knew that Walter was simply indulging her. He through that Dawn had simply run away, like the irresponsible and selfish teen that he perceived her to be. They had only been formally seeing each other for four days and already he was pressuring Buffy to put Dawn in a boarding school. He claimed it would help with her discipline issues and lack of respect for her elders. Buffy simply hadn’t told him that Dawn thought he was a ‘complete wanker’. She would have dumped him ages ago but he was normal and her friends constantly told her how good he was for her. Normal was what she wanted. Buffy told herself while ignoring the little voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like her mother when she was exasperated with her. A triumphant cry from Willow pulled Buffy from Walter’s embrace. Hurrying over, she waited anxiously for the nervous redhead to tell her what she had found. “Ummm Buffy. You may want to sit down for this.” “Why? What’s wrong?” Buffy asked, a hint of fear lacing her words. “It’s just that, well, Dawn’s in L.A. She bought a first class ticket on the Council’s credit card while you were out with Walter.” Willow answered cringing in anticipation to her friend’s reaction. She didn’t have to wait long. A/N: Don't worry, vampy Spike is not gone. Just alive. I'll get to that later. ;)

Chapter #6 - Interlude: Dream On

"Dream On" "Everytime that I look in the mirror All these lines on my face gettin' clearer The past is gone It went by like dust to dawn Isn't that the way Everybody's got their dues in life to pay I know what nobody knows Where it comes and where it goes I know it's everybody's sin You got to lose to know how to win Half my life is in books' written pages Live and learn from fools and from sages You know it's true All the things come back to you Sing with me, sing for the years Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears Sing with me, if it's just for tofay Mabye tomorrow the good Lord will take you away Dream On, Dream On Dream yourself a dream come true Dream On, Dream On Dream until your dream come true Dream On, Dream On, Dream On... Sing with me, sing for the years Sing for the laughter and sing for the tears Sing with me, if it's just for today Mabye tomorrow the good Lord will take you away" Aerosmith (Dream On Aerosmith 1973) It was dark in the halls of Wolfram and Hart. The employees had gone home hours ago leaving Wesley with his pile of books and scrolls. He rubbed his tired eyes with his left hand. The words on the pages were starting to bleed together. Wesley wished that he too could be home sleeping peacefully in his own bed. Unfortunately he had promised Angel that he would look into the blonde vampire’s resurrection. A light knocking pulled Wesley from his research. Standing he slowly made his way to the doorway of his office. Sitting on one of the chairs facing his secretary’s desk was Cordelia. For some reason, he wasn’t shocked to see her sitting there. “Hey Wes. Burning the midnight oil again huh?” Cordelia smiled. “You know if you keep this up you will miss the big picture. Maybe it’s time you took a step back and really opened your eyes." Holding a door open for him, Cordelia ushered Wesley through. He didn’t find it strange that he was now in Angel’s office. He could see Angel sitting at his desk, the ghostly visage of the demon flashing briefly over his human features. He was holding a snow globe which rested inside the palm of his hand. Inside were miniature figurines of both the entire L.A. crew and the Sunnydale gang. Eve was standing behind Angel’s chair, whispering into his ear. The longer she whispered the longer his demon seemed to show. Looking at Eve’s face, Wesley could see that she in fact had three different faces. Depending on what she was saying, a different face would show. In the corner of Angels office there was Charles Gunn, complete with Armani suit, jogging on a treadmill. “Gunn what on earth are you doing?” Wesley asked. “What’s it look like Wes?” Gunn replied. “Gotta be able to keep up the pace or you’ll fall behind. If you fall behind you might miss something important.” “Charles is right you know.” Fred said from behind Wesley. Turning he was faced with Lorne, Dawn and Fred juggling different colored balls between the three of them. “Of course Sweetie Pie, if you try to keep up with out help, you end up dropping all of your balls.” Lorne spoke, never taking his eyes off of the colorful spheres flying through the air. Looking down in his hands Wesley was unsurprised to find them filled with the same balls that the others had been juggling. When Wesley tried to juggle his balls, he found that it was a lot harder than it looked. He ended up dropping them to the floor. The three balls scattered in different directions. “Seems to me you need to figure out which way to go.” Harmony said smiling brightly. Picking a direction, Wesley followed one ball and soon found himself face to face with Spike. He was holding the ball in his hand. It was no longer one solid color but many colors that swirled around, vanishing into each other or merging to become something different. They were standing in a softly light room. A warmth filled all the available space, giving Wesley a sense of peace and love. He felt safe and whole in this room. It was something Wesley had never experienced before. “So many colors and no way to tell which is which.“ Spike spoke softly, his normally harsh voice filled with such longing that it made Wesley’s heart ache. “If you don’t stop to look beneath the surface, you’ll never see what’s right in front of you.” Following his pointed finger, Wesley peered through the mirror hanging on the wall before him. Inside he could see all of his friends inside of Wolfram and Hart. A dark insidious cloud followed each one. It seemed to be a living entity as it tried to fill their minds with false images and ideas. Strangely there was no cloud over Angel, but dark strands that seemed to connect him to the ones hovering over his friends. “That’s the trouble with magic.” Spike said, tossing the now glass ball into the air. “There’s always consequences.” He finished as the ball shattered on the marble floor of Wolfram and Hearts lobby. The feeling of love and peace Wesley had felt earlier was now replaced with a numbing cold. It seeped into his bones and seemed to freeze the blood in his veins. With a startled cry, Wesley jerked up right in his chair. Images from his dream filled his head. He‘d realized at the time that he’d fallen asleep at his desk. Rubbing his face, Wesley stood and shut off the lamp he’d had on to help him read. Quickly gathering his things, Wesley left the building. What he had experienced in his dream would continue to haunt him.

Chapter #7 - Chapter Six: Bleeding Me

"Bleeding Me" "Way, way down inside there's a hollow soul An emptiness shatters tomorrow And I find it hard to breathe for me in your company Seems I've been taken for granted And you're breaking and bleeding me down to nothing It's tearing me down You're breaking me and bleeding me down to nothing Yeah! Maybe, this time baby it's meant to be No more suffocating you or me, oh yeah And I payed the price but you sentencing me to life And I feel I bought in my time And you're breaking and bleeding me down to nothing It's tearing me down You're breaking me and bleeding me down to nothing Again You're breaking me And bleeding me Again You're bleeding me, you're bleeding me And you're breaking and bleeding me down to nothing You're tearing me down You're breaking me and bleeding me down to nothing You're tearing me, tearing me down again Tearing me down again You're breaking me and bleeding me Bleeding me again" Godsmack (Bleeding Me IV 2006) Spike was nervous. Buffy was arriving today. He was grateful to have had at lest two days with his Bit before the Slayer came and stole her away from him again. The whole of the L.A crew, along with Dawn and himself, sat waiting in Angel’s office. He didn’t have to wait long. At just past noon, the love of his life and bane of his existence walked through the doors. From the look on her face Spike knew. She had lied to him. Buffy’s last words having only been a pat on the head for a job well done. She now had no place in her new and wonderful life for him. That would just have to be one more grievance that Spike would have to deal with on his own. It took all of Buffy’s restraint not to throw herself into Spike’s arms and beg him to believe her. He hadn’t bothered to tell her he was back, and that just proved that he was like every other man in her life. True, his death was what had caused Spike to leave her originally but once back, he should have been right back to her side. Buffy may not want him in her life, she finally had a chance for something normal despite her feelings, but the New Council could have used a seer on staff. He could have also helped train the new slayers but since Spike had chosen Angel and his friends over her, Buffy felt no need to try and change his mind. Let him see exactly what he’s passing up. Buffy thought rather snidely. She quickly forced the tiny voice in her head telling her she was being unreasonable to the back of her mind. Funny how that voice sounded an awful lot like her mother. “Hello Buffy.” Angel smiled. Stepping forward to greet the slayer, Angel placed a gentle kiss to her upturned lips. Pulling away, he sent a rather smug grin Spike’s way enjoying the look of devastation in the blonde’s eyes. Buffy was and would always be his girl. It was time Spike learned that anything he wanted, Angel could easily take away. “Buffy, it’s a pleasure to see you again.” Wesley said, taking her offered hand in his. His greeting was cold and highly formal, shocking himself. Once finished, Wesley stood a little closer to where Fred, Lorne, and Dawn sat surrounding Spike. Wesley may not have thought to trust Spike but after seeing the pain in his eyes at Buffy and Angel’s demonstration, he felt protective of the seer. Wesley knew what it was like to be in love with someone who did not love you back. “I’m sure you remember Gunn, Fred, and Lorne from the last time you stopped by.” Angel grinned. He had deliberately mentioned her last visit, just to drive his point home. “Yeah, I do.” Buffy smiled at the three only to receive a rather frosty greeting from Lorne and Fred. Gunn didn’t seem bothered either way, but Buffy was confused. Fred and Lorne were some of the nicest people Buffy had ever met. They had helped immensely after Sunnydale had collapsed and she just could not reconcile the difference. Didn’t they know that Spike had betrayed her by not coming back to her the moment he was able to? “Spike.” Buffy briefly stated, giving the impression that his presence didn’t matter. “Slayer.” The low flat lifeless tone sent a chill through the room’s occupants. Steeling her emotions away, Buffy turned to her sister. She would not let him see how much the use of her title and his tone of voice hurt her. “Dawn…” “Save it. I’m staying here.” Dawn interrupted. She has beyond pissed at her sister and Angel. The little scene earlier was just one more thing on a rather long list of reasons why Angel should be staked. Champion her ass, Dawn grumbled silently to herself. Champion of Hair Gell and Poofy Hair Styles is more like it. Folding her arms over her chest, Buffy sent her hardest glare her sister’s way. “What you did was irresponsible and childish. I don’t know what has gotten into you but it stops now.” “What’s gotten into me is a deep desire to get as far away from you and the Scoobies as possible. I’m seventeen Buffy and if I don’t want to live with you then I don’t have too.” Dawn declared glaring right back at Buffy. “Just because you have this idiot notion that Spike should be your eternal slave without receiving anything in return does not give you to right to act like a bitch.” “This has nothing to do with Spike!” Buffy denied. “Then why are you acting like the fridge bitch I know so well?” Spike asked quietly, head tilted to one side. His blue eyes were locked on to Buffy and she had to look away before he saw anything revealing. “Well maybe if someone had let me know they were alive, things might be different.” “Different how?” Spike asked. Buffy was completely shocked. Spike should have latched onto her comment and apologized immediately. Instead he simply looked at her with the same blank look he had greeted her with. “Well it doesn’t matter. You never let me know. I had to find out from Wesley.” “Surely you can understand that it was a rather difficult time for Spike. He had just been brought back to life and with visions no less. I’m positive you remember what that was like for yourself.” Wesley spoke up, surprising everyone by defending Spike. “So? I was forcefully ripped from heaven. There is a difference.” Buffy objected dismissing any sympathy she may have for Spike. She was the betrayed one after all. “And Spike was forcefully resurrected as well.” Dawn pointed out, daring her sister to try and argue. “It was a bit disorientating and just a tad frightening, if anyone would like to know.” Spike commented, bringing the focus back to himself. “Well I wasn’t in hell! Besides you don’t even remember what hell was like so it couldn‘t have been that bad.” Buffy sneered, trying desperately to hold onto her anger. She suddenly had a feeling that she had crossed a line with her last comment and that any damage done was irreparable. It was like a dam had burst inside of him. Every emotion that Spike had been struggling to hide seemed to pour out of him. No longer was he cold or numb on the inside. Pain laced through him with an agony that rivaled his burning to death. Buffy barely held back the shocked intake of breath as Spike’s eyes fastened onto hers. What once used to be filled with adoration and love were now showing nothing but pain and loathing. She didn’t know how to react. Spike wasn’t supposed to hate her. He loved her and always came back no matter how badly she treated him. Spike was hers, even if Buffy never admitted it to anyone else. “I was NOT in hell!” Spike roared. A deafening silence filled Angel’s office as stunned faces turned to look at the devastated blonde seer. “But I am now.”

Chapter #8 - Chapter Seven: Down In A Hole

"Down In A Hole" "Bury Me Softly In This Womb I Give This Part Of Me For You Sand Rains Down And Here I Sit Holding Rare Flowers In A Tomb.....In Bloom Down In A Hole And I Don't Know If I Can Be Saved See My Heart I Decorate It Like A Grave You Don't Understand Who They Thought I Was Supposed To Be Look At Me Now A Man Who Won't Let Himself Be Down In A Hole, Losin' My Soul Down In A Hole, Losin' Control I'd Like To Fly But My Wings Have Been So Denied Down In A Hole And They've Put All The Stones In Their Place I've Eaten The Sun So My Tongue Has Been Burned Of The Taste I Have Been Guilty Of Kicking Myself In The Teeth I Will Speak No More Of My Feelings Beneath Oh I Want To Be Inside Of You Down In A Hole, Losin' My Soul Down In A Hole, Feelin' So Small Down In A Hole, Losin' My Soul Down In A Hole, Out Of Control I'd Like To Fly But My Wings Have Been So Denied Alice In Chains ("Down In A Hole" Dirt 1992) “No! That is impossible! You were in hell! I know it!” Angel growled. His eyes flashed yellow and his demon snarled inside his head. If Buffy hadn’t been standing shell shocked in front of him, Angel would have given Spike the beating that he believed Spike deserved. Buffy’s hazel eyes filled with tears and her heart dropped to her feet. She knew that pain reflected in Spike’s eyes. She had seen it often enough that first year she had been back. That year Buffy had been emotionally dead inside, seeking shelter with Spike since she could not bare to be around her friends. Buffy had used him rather badly that year just so she could feel something again. Now, Spike was experiencing the same agony and she had let her hurt pride dictate her actions. If she had only listened to her heart then she could be the one helping Spike adjust to life back on earth. From the look in his eyes, Buffy could clearly see that her cruel treatment had finally succeeded in killing any love Spike may have had left for her. Buffy fervently hoped that she could some how make things better and fast. Spike had always forgiven her in the past, so why not now? “Spike…” Buffy’s voiced cracked. She quickly bit off the rest of her words at the icy looks she was receiving from the group sitting near Spike. Even her own sister was looking at her in complete disgust. Spike simply started straight ahead, a lost look filling his tearful gaze. “Spike?” Wesley called softly. Kneeling so that he was eye level with the seer, Wesley gently continued his question. “Where exactly were you after you died?” “Heaven.” Was the softly spoken answer. Tears ran unchecked down pale cheeks as emotional barriers broke. Hiding his face in his hands, Spike simply broke down, crying silent anguished sobs. His shoulders shook and his breathing hitched. No one spoke as most of the crowd was ushered from the office by a silent Lorne. Once the door was closed, only Dawn and Fred remained inside with Spike. “Man that is harsh.” Gunn said rubbing a hand over his face. Little pieces of information began to fit into place. Looking back it was now glaringly obvious that Spike had been miserable since returning from the dead and Gunn was ashamed to realize that only Fred and Lorne seemed to have noticed. Before Wolfram and Hart, before the lawyer upgrades, Gunn would have recognized the signs of depression right off. Now he had to scramble to think of some way to make things easier on Spike. Wesley had a pensive look on his face. It seemed that he wasn’t sure how to handle the news they had just been given. He couldn’t believe that he had not noticed. Even if Spike had been in hell and simply had not remembered, there would have been obvious scars that would show case his time spent there. Instead, Spike was quiet, when not around Angel, and often seemed lost in trying to reconnect with the world around him. Thinking back to his dream, Wesley realized what some of it had meant. The room he had met Spike in had represented the realm that Spike had previously been in. The feelings Wesley had felt afterwards had been mere shadows of the pain that Spike was going through. Instead of researching Spike’s resurrection like Angel had wanted, maybe Wesley could help Fred and Lorne make things go a bit smoother for Spike. First would be getting Spike set up with identification. Then seeing if they could find him a place to live. Spike could not keep staying at Fred’s but that move would only come when Spike felt that he was ready to go. “I’m telling you it’s impossible! There is no way Spike could have gone to heaven!” Angel ranted, refusing to believe the evidence being presented right before his eyes. “Angel, man, you heard the guy.” Gunn said, trying to get his boss to open his eyes. “No! There is no way Spike of all things went to heaven. It’s obvious he’s up to something and I’m going to find out what.” Angel said, determined to walk back into his office and force Spike to admit that he was lying. A small but powerful hand stopped his movement. Turning, Angel was surprised to find himself looking into a pair of pain filled hazel eyes. “Don’t Angel.” Buffy whispered. “He’s not lying.” “It’s true Angel.” Lorne said, finally breaking his silence. “You knew?” Wesley asked. “I knew because that poor boy is radiating pain at anyone willing to look.” Lorne explained. “He didn’t have to sing for me to know. I just have to be in the same room with him.” “Why didn’t you say anything?” Though he was facing Gunn, Lorne still addressed the crowed gathered around him. “Because that is not something you spread around. If Blondie had wanted us to know he would have said something. Now that everyone knows I suggest not pushing him to talk about it or to just get over it.” Giving them all rather stern looks Lorne turned and walked back into Angel’s office. Someone he considered a friend was hurting and Lorne was going to do everything in his power to help. “Spikey was pulled out of heaven?” Everyone turned to find Harmony standing behind them holding Angel’s mug of blood. Looking at the group with tear filled eyes, her bottom lip began to shake. “And you all were so mean to him! You should be a shamed of yourselves!” The blonde vampire scolded. Pushing her way past the stunned group, Harmony stalked into Angel’s office taking his blood filled coffee cup with her.

Chapter #9 - Chapter Eight: Hate To Feel

"Hate To Feel" "What's Gone Wrong, I Can't See Straight Been Too Long, So Full Of Hate What The Fuck Will It Take Drown Myself In My Wake Another Shaggy D.A. Now A Dog, Shake My Leg Plastic Man, Paper Face Candy Heart, What A Waste Gotta Change, Set A Date Eat My Cake, Lick My Plate Stare At Me With Empty Eyes And Point Your Words At Me Mirror On The Wall Will Show You What You're Scared To See I Can See, Yeah - (Wish I Couldn't See At All) I Can Feel - (Wish I Couldn't Feel At All) Hate To See - (Wish I Couldn't See At All) Hate To Feel - (Wish I Couldn't Feel At All) So Climb Walls, Thin My Blood Now And I Crawl, Back To Bed Now What The Hell, Gotta Rest Aching Pain In My Chest Lucky Me, Now I'm Set Little Bug For A Pet New Orleans, Gotta Get Pin Cushion, Medicine Used To Be Curious Now The Shit's Sustenance All This Time I Swore I'd Never Be Like My Old Man What The Hay It's Time To Face Exactly What I Am" Alice In Chains (Hate To Feel "Dirt" 1992) Buffy sat in her hotel room. Pain and regret filled her very being. She had just told Walter that she didn’t have it in her to deal with a real relationship. It had not been fair to Walter but it was certainly better than leading him on. Now she was faced with the task of calling her friends. There was no way the news she had was going to be received well. Buffy could hear the stuttered denials and angry shouts filling her head already. Some how she would have to make them see. Taking a deep breath, Buffy picked up the phone and dialed. A part of her praying to anyone who would listen that no one would answer. This was one conversation she did not want to have. “Rupert Giles speaking.” Came the formal reply once the line had been picked up. “Giles,” Buffy started as tears filled her eyes once again. “We seriously need to talk. Get the whole gang on the phone. It’s an emergency.” “Of course Buffy. Hold on.” After waiting five minutes, the original Scoobies were all waiting patiently for the news Buffy’s call would bring them. “So, Buffy.” Giles started when Buffy remained silent. “What is it that is so urgent?” “We were so wrong.” Buffy began crying heavily. Tears poured down her cheeks and her breathing became shallow. Images from days before filled her mind. Most prominent was the anguished look in Spike‘s eyes when he told them that he had been in heaven. “He needed us and we did nothing. I did nothing. I came here and pushed him away for the last time.” Hearing Buffy’s distressed tone over the line broke their hearts. She sounded so broken and none of them could figure out what tragedy could have caused such sorrow to over come the girl they loved so much. “Buffy, dear.” Giles stated. “What were we wrong about? Who needed us?” “Spike.” Buffy answered and began to cry even harder. “SPIKE?!?” Came Xander’s livid shriek over the phone line. “This is all because of Spike? I’ll kill him for this! I knew he would end up hurting Buffy again. I just knew it!” “XANDER!” Buffy screamed over the phone. “Spike didn’t do anything wrong! I did.” “Buffy I’m sure you misunderstood…” “No Giles.” Buffy said, a bit of steel entering her shaky voice. “I was cruel and heartless. Spike needed us. He needed me and I let him down.” “How could you do that Buffy?” Willow asked truly puzzled. Spike loved Buffy. There was no reason Willow could think of that would cause Spike to be disappointed in Buffy. “Oh Willow! He’s hurting so much right now and I only made it worse.” “There is no way Buffy did anything wrong.” Xander exclaimed in deep denial. He simply refused to believe that the woman he looked up to could ever do anything wrong, especially were the bleached freak was concerned. “But I did!” Buffy sobbed out. “I told him that his death and resurrection didn’t matter because he didn’t go to heaven.” “Well, Buffy, since Spike did not go to heaven, I fail to see what the problem is.” Giles said, trying to sooth his distressed slayer. He was already plotting ways to get back at Spike for causing Buffy so much unnecessary pain. She had suffered enough loss in her life without the thing bringing her more grief. “But that’s just it Giles! Spike was in heaven!” Buffy cried. “And now he’s not.” There was silence on the other end. No one could believe what Buffy had just told them. It was impossible and went against everything that they held true. “Buffy. Are you certain?” Giles asked, glasses in hand. They probably would have been polished to dust if he had not broken his spare the week before. “Remember Lorne?” Buffy asked, her voice watery but steady. “He told us that he’s known since Spike came back.” “Spike actually told Lorne were he had been?” Willow asked, her own voice slightly wavered. She clearly remembered the pain that she had caused her friend and would not wish that suffering on anybody, even Spike. “No, but Lorne said that Spike didn’t have to tell him. All Lorne claimed he needed was to be in the same room with him.” “This matter defiantly needs to be looked into.” Giles stated. “Willow contact the coven and see if they can tell us anything. Xander….” “I’ll help Willow with research.” “Good. Buffy, I’ll be there as soon as I possibly can.” “Okay.” Buffy answered. Saying their goodbyes, Buffy hung up her phone. Now if only getting Spike to talk to her was that easy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Angel sat lost in thought behind his massive desk. The events of the previous day weighing heavily on his mind. When Buffy had arrive, Angel had been thrilled with her welcome. She had come straight to him and completely ignored Spike. Now, thanks to that irritating menace, Buffy was avoiding Angel and trying to get back into Spike’s good graces. She had even apologized to the little troll! That had been utterly beneath her. Spike should have been grateful that Buffy would even be in the same room as he was. Instead, Spike only responded to her in one word sentences, if he replied at all. Most of the time his entire team, including Buffy’s traitorous little sister, were running interference. This whole mess just proved to Angel that Spike was a liability. He had probably come up with the whole story just to try and trick everyone into thinking the he was a Champion. The only real Champion in L.A, besides Buffy, was Angel. There was no way Spike could ever be a Champion. He simply was not good enough. Coming to a decision, Angel picked up his phone. Pushing a few numbers, he waited for his call to be connected. “Eve. Tell the Mystics Department that it’s a go.” Hanging up the phone, Angel smiled. Soon Spike would be a thorn in his side no longer.

Chapter #10 - Chapter Nine: Master Of Puppets

"Master Of Puppets" "End of passion play, crumbling away I'm your source of self-destruction Veins that pump with fear, sucking darkest clear Leading on your deaths construction Taste me you will see more is all you need you're dedicated to how I'm killing you Come crawling faster obey your Master your life burns faster obey your Master Master Master of Puppets I'm pulling your strings twisting your mind and smashing your dreams Blinded by me, you can't see a thing Just call my name, `cause I'll hear you scream Master Master Just call my name, `cause I'll hear you scream Master Master Needlework the way, never you betray life of death becoming clearer Pain monopoly, ritual misery chop your breakfast on a mirror Taste me you will see more is all you need you're dedicated to how I'm killing you Come crawling faster obey your Master your life burns faster obey your Master Master Master of Puppets I'm pulling your strings twisting your mind and smashing your dreams Blinded by me, you can't see a thing Just call my name, `cause I'll hear you scream Master Master Just call my name, `cause I'll hear you scream Master Master Master, Master, Where's the dreams that I've been after? Master, Master, You promised only lies Laughter, Laughter, All I hear and see is laughter Laughter, Laughter, laughing at my cries Hell is worth all that, natural habitat just a rhyme without a reason Neverending maze, drift on numbered days now your life is out of season I will occupy I will help you die I will run through you Now I rule you too Come crawling faster obey your Master your life burns faster obey your Master Master Master of Puppets I'm pulling your strings twisting your mind and smashing your dreams Blinded by me, you can't see a thing Just call my name, `cause I'll hear you scream Master Master Just call my name, `cause I'll hear you scream Master Master" Metallica (Master Of Puppets Album of the same name 1986) The week following his revelation in Angel’s office had past by in what seemed to be a permanent awkward state. Spike had avoided Buffy at all cost. He knew she felt bad about their encounter but didn’t have the energy to hold the conversation he knew they needed to have. Dawn, Fred and Lorne had tried to keep things normal for him but he could still see the worry in the way they constantly watched him. Charlie and Wesley just didn’t know how to handle the whole situation so they tried to help out from behind the scenes. Spike really did appreciate all that they were trying to do for him, but the one thing he wanted no one could possibly give him. Now Spike spent most of his time sitting quietly in the lab watching Fred work. Now she was trying to get a start on some project Angel had given her. It seemed that the wanker was going to be out of town for a few days and wanted to be sure that the department heads knew which projects were a priority while he was gone. When Angel had entered the room, he had seemed way to cheerful for Spike‘s taste. Angel had even gone so far as to whistle to himself as he left the room. The whole scene set Spike’s nerves on edge. In his experience a happy Angel was a sign that something awful was about to happen. No sooner had the thought filter through his mind , did Spike fall over grabbing onto his head. The vision hit hard and fast. He could barely make out the images that he was seeing. He could feel the misery of the people he was seeing and also felt an agonizingly painful ripping sensation centered right behind his eyes. It felt like something vital was being forcefully torn out. A small part of Spike could feel something sticky and warm slowly trickle down his face. He felt like he was dieing all over again and a large part welcomed the peace that death would bring. Hearing Spike’s agonized scream, Fred ran over to catch him before he could fall to the floor. She held tightly to his shaking form as the vision filled his mind. They usually lasted only a few seconds but when Spike screamed again and began to thrash around, Fred knew something was very wrong. Laying Spike gently to the floor, Fred sat on his stomach in order to try and keep him from hurting himself. Trying to pin his arms to his sides, tears fell from her eyes as she used what little weight she had to hold Spike down. The blood that was spilling from his ears, nose and eyes cause Fred to scream so loudly her throat felt raw. A she watched one of her frightened lab techs run from the room in search of Wesley, Fred began to pray. Spike was her friend and she would not lose anyone else. Fred didn’t think that she could survive it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Staring down at Spike’s slightly twitching form, it was hard for Wesley not to get a sense of déjà vu. Many years ago, Wolfram and Hart had called forth Vocah in order to trap Cordelia inside her visions. If Angel had not gotten the scrolls back from the lawyers, Cordelia would have died. There was no such mark on Spike even though his symptoms were similar. The small trails of blood worried everyone and the whole company had been ordered to work twenty-four hours, non-stop until a solution could be found. Despite his personal feelings on the subject, Wesley was relieved that Buffy had called the Council before Giles could leave and demand that he bring Willow. She had then made sure that the Council and the coven in Devon were also working on finding a way to help Spike. What was strange was the fact that no one could get a hold of Angel. He had left early that morning for a last minute business trip and Wesley thought it odd that Eve insisted that there was no way to contact him. Dawn was currently sitting quietly with Spike while Wesley observed the two. If anything happened, the young woman would call Fred, so it was safe for Wesley to leave. With that thought in mind, Wesley stalked down the hallway. He had a liaison to find. It had been surprisingly easy to find Eve. Wesley was slightly disappointed. Staring down at her rather bloodied and bruised form, he was surprised to found he felt very little guilt at his actions. It was just too bad that Eve would not give them any information. Wesley would simply have to wait until she woke up so that he could continue. “I knew you had it in you.” A silky voice sounded from behind Wesley. It was a voice he would know anywhere. They had done things to each other that he could not name and despite being on separate sides, there was a bond between them that Wesley felt no one could possibly understand. Except maybe Spike. “Lilah.” Wesley spoke softly in the bare interrogation room. Some how he was not surprised to find her standing behind him. “Long time no see.” Lilah smirked. “I see your getting to know our little Eve rather, intimately.” “Certainly not as intimately as I got to know you.” Wesley replied with a smirk of his own. “Of course not.” Lilah laughed. The sound simultaneously sent shivers of pleasure and a cold chill down Wesley’s spine. It reminded Wesley of why he had hated and loved Lilah so much. “She’s just a cheep knock off.” Wesley’s smirk only grew at her words. Gliding into the room, Lilah sighed with feigned impatiens. Circling the small woman, she turned sparkling eyes on her one time lover. “She can’t tell you anything.” Lilah grinned. “And why not?” Wesley asked, eye brow raising. “A certain someone made sure his plans could not be revealed.” The grin grew. “Though what he failed to notice was that the Senior Partners had their own ideas. They simply took advantage of his pride.” “Angel.” Wesley growled. “Could be….” Lilah laughed as she faded from his sight. Wesley turned and walked out of the room. He had to find Fred, Lorne and Gunn. They needed to know what Angel had arrogantly set in motion. The Wolfram and Hart cleaning crew could take care of Eve. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When Giles and Willow finally cleared customs they were tired and clearly very anxious. Buffy had called back right before Giles could leave for his flight. She had been hysterical, saying that something bad was happening to Spike and that Willow needed to come to L.A as well. Now they were both faced with a pale nervous slayer pacing the floors of LAX. Despite all of their questions, Buffy refused to answer any until they had arrived at their location. Following the harried blonde through the maze of Wolfram and Hart’s hallways, the trio came to a stop outside of a small hospital room. A tall black man, whom Giles remembered as Charles Gunn, seemed to be standing guard. “They here to help Spike?” Gunn asked, nodding at the two standing behind Buffy. “And why exactly does Spike need our help?” Giles asked with a hint of disdain. No matter what Spike did, he would only ever be another demon to Giles. “He needs our help because someone, somehow has locked him inside of his visions.” The cold voice of Wesley Wyndham-Pryce could be heard from behind Gunn. The man standing in the door way was a far cry from the man who had shown up in Sunnydale, fresh faced and arrogantly believing that the Council’s ways were the right ways. The man before them now was cold, hard and had the look of someone who had been through hell and had yet to make it back out. “Rupert.” A slight nod. “Willow.” Then another. “How is he?” Buffy asked wring her hands. She felt useless. This was not something she could beat up. This took books and magic, two things Buffy was not good at. She hated waiting, but knew that if a solution was to be found it would be found in some dusty old book or spell. “The same.” Fred said, coming to join the others in the hallway. She was carrying a bloody rag in her hands, evidence of the urgency of Spike’s situation. Seeing the blood soaked cloth caused Willow to pale noticeably. She had known that Spike needed help but had foolishly thought that since he was still a demon that they would have some time to figure things out. From how much blood she could see covering the rag and Fred’s hands, Willow knew that her first guess had been wrong. If they didn’t find a way to help Spike soon then he would die, again. Down in the Wolfram and Hart infirmary, a lone brunette lay on a small hospital bed. She was attached to monitors and wires. An I.V drip allowed vital nutrients to fill her motionless body. She had not moved in several months and the doctors believed that she never would. Slowly, a bright glow filled the tiny hospital room. When it faded, the girl’s eyes were open and silent angry tears fell down her cheeks.

Chapter #11 - Chapter Ten: Rotten Apple

"Rotten Apple" "Hey Ah Na Na Ignorance is spoken Spoken Confidence is broken Broken Sustenance is stolen Stolen Arrogance is potent What I see is unreal I've written my own part Eat of the apple, so young I'm crawling back to start Hey Ah Na Na A romance is fallen Fallen I repent tomorrow Tomorrow Is suspended my sorrow Sorrow Recommend you borrow" Alice In Chains (Rotten Apple Jar Of Flies 1994) “Here.” Startled, Wesley noticed that his book was no longer laying on the desk before him. Instead he was staring at a large cup of coffee and a plate holding a sandwich and chips. Raising his eyes he nodding in thanks to Fred. The two sat quietly while Wesley ate the small meal. There were no words to be spoken, their situation weighing heavily on all of their minds. Seeing Spike scream and thrash around on the small hospital bed brought home to all involved that time was against them. It had been two days since Spike had been pulled into his visions and they were no closer to finding out what Wolfram and Hart had done. Either Dawn or Lorne stayed with Spike at any given time and every body else was put to work researching. Only Lorne, Fred and Gunn knew of Angel’s involvement and they wanted to keep it that way. The L.A group did not trust those from Sunnydale and Dawn was too worried about Spike. They simply did not want to cause her any more distress. “I take ya’ll haven’t found anything yet?” Fred asked as she leafed through some of the notes that littered the top of Wesley’s desk. “Sadly no.” Wesley sighed. He had long since given up on sleep. He felt tired, weak, and useless. Despite all that they were trying to do for Spike, Wesley was afraid that it would not be enough. Since his visit with Lilah, he couldn’t help but feel that he was missing something. The odd dream he’d experienced crept back into the for front of his mind. Wesley had the odd feeling that if he could only figure out what the dream meant he just might be able to find the answers to their current crisis inside the cryptic riddle. “What’s this?” Fred asked. Looking at the paper she held forth in her hand Wesley could see that it was a short run down of his dream. Briefly, a phrase spoken to him filtered through his mind. “If you don’t stop to look beneath the surface, you’ll never see what’s right in front of you.” “Fred how would you like to help me decipher something?” Wesley asked. Slowly some of the tension left his body. It seemed that whatever lead they were following, it was the right one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Giles please tell me we found something.” Buffy asked as she came through their hotel room doors. Research and spell books were scattered all over the coffee table and the floor surrounding it. Coffee cups, empty food containers and balled up pieces of paper lay among the wreckage. Looking up from his pile of notes and the large book he was pursuing, Giles ran a critical eye over his Slayer. He was slightly disturbed to see that Buffy looked on the verge of falling apart. In all the years since becoming her Watcher, Giles had only seen Buffy look this fragile twice before. The first time was around the time her mother became sick and then died. The second time was shortly after Buffy’s own resurrection at the hands of her friends. It galled Giles that Spike of all beings could gain such a response from the girl he saw as his daughter. Despite his feelings, Giles would do all he could to help. He had worked hard to regain Buffy’s trust and if he had to help Spike so that he could keep that trust, then he would help, for now. “I’m sorry but we haven’t been able to find a thing. Perhaps if we knew all of the details…” “Giles.” Came Buffy’s shape tone. “Fred already told us what happened.” “Yes, but she is employed by Wolfram and Hart and I think it would be disastrous to trust anything that they consent to tell us.” Giles stated firmly. The fact that the group worked with Angel was also a mark against them in Giles’ opinion. “Giles,” Willow called, gaining the watcher’s attention. “Fred would never lie about something like this. She doesn’t have it in her.” “You would be surprised at what people are capable of.” Giles answered. “I agree.” Buffy stated rather flatly. “I learned that lesson the hard way.” Silence greeted Buffy’s distinctly revealing words. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cordelia was in hiding. Two days ago she had woken up from her coma in a nightmare reality. The vision that the Powers had shown her scared her. Cordelia didn’t want to believe any of it but she had never been one to hide her head in the sand. Of course she had never let anyone else do that either. Sitting quietly in her old room at the Hyperion, Cordelia tried to sort through what she knew. She remembered Connor, Jasmine, and the Beast. She knew that somehow that thing had stolen her body and had used her to give birth to itself. Cordelia even remembered her time when she was in her coma. She had cried silently to herself, unable to communicate in anyway with the people she loved. Soon she had slipped into the recesses of her mind. It was the only relief she could get. What puzzled her now was the events that had happened after her coma had begun. While Cordelia under stood Angel’s need to save his son, she felt that there must have been a better way. They all knew better than to trust Wolfram and Hart, so Angel’s deal with them troubled her. What she could not forgive was Angel’s deal to wipe everyone’s memories of Connor. He had done so without anyone’s permission or thought of how it would effect them. No matter how Angel tried to justify it, taking their memories was a violation. Spike’s situation also brought a frown to the brunette seer. The rude and arrogant vampire had gotten a soul because he’d wanted one. Then he’d willingly died to stop the First Evil from ending the world. Cordelia wasn’t stupid. The Powers had shown her everything that had happened in Sunnydale, the good, bad, and very ugly. She had seen the beginning and the end of Spike and the Scoobies reactions to his demise. She had felt his pain upon being brought back from heaven and the agony that the visions brought him. She clearly remembered the torment that she endured when Vocah had trapped her inside of her visions. Her heart broke just thinking of the pain that Spike was currently in. More tears spilled down her face at the thought of what she had to do but Cordelia was no faint hearted little lady. She may not like her mission but it was necessary. The time had come for Queen C to make her come back. Sunlight gleamed off of the glass tower that was Wolfram and Hart. To the oblivious outsider it looked like any other multimillion dollar high rise but to Cordelia it represented hell itself. Swallowing down her revulsion, Cordelia pulled her shoulders back and held her head high. Fixing her Gucci sunglass so that they perched on her nose at the perfect angle, Cordelia strode purposefully towards the alley beside the building. No one on the street noticed when the pretty young woman vanished.

Chapter #12 - Chapter Eleven: The Hand That Feeds

“The Hand That Feeds” “You're keeping in step In the line Got your chin held high and you feel just fine Cause you do What you're told But inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold Just how deep do you believe? Will you bite the hand that feeds? Will you chew until it bleeds? Can you get up off your knees? Are you brave enough to see? Do you want to change it? What if this whole crusade's A charade And behind it all there's a price to be paid For the blood On which we dine Justified in the name of the holy and the divine Just how deep do you believe? Will you bite the hand that feeds? Will you chew until it bleeds? Can you get up off your knees? Are you brave enough to see? Do you want to change it? So naive I keep holding on to what I want to believe I can see But I keep holding on and on and on and on Will you bite the hand that feeds you? Will you stay down on your knees?” Nine Inch Nails ("The Hand That Feeds" With Teeth 2005) “Hold on sweetie.” Cordelia’s gentle voice drifted quietly through the tiny hospital room. The pale feverish form on the bed did not seem to hear the tender words. Whimpers drifted from chapped lips as sightless blue eyes jerked from side to side staring at phantoms that others could not see. Careful not to wake the exhausted teenager sleeping in a near by chair, Cordelia slowly raised her hand and gently placed it onto Spike’s forehead. Sweat lined his brow as his life’s blood continued to trickle down the sides of his face staining the pillow beneath his head. Placing a tender kiss right between his eyes, a soft warm glow began to fill the stark white room. When it disappeared, both the blood and sweat were gone from his body. Cordelia was no longer in the room and Spike was sleeping peacefully for the first time in two days. Jerking awake, Dawn’s eyes scanned the room. Something was missing and for a moment she could not place exactly what it was. Finally her tired blue eyes rested on the figure of her best friend. Spike was laying still in his bed. His breathing was normal and his eyes were closed. Getting up, Dawn slowly made her way to his bed side. Placing one hand gently on his forehead, she lightly traced the outline of a faintly glowing silver circle. It felt slightly warmer than the rest of his skin, but not alarmingly so. Spike simply looked to be sleeping peacefully instead of being stuck in a magic induced nightmare. Quietly backing away, Dawn quickly left the room. The others would want to know of this. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Angel smiled a rather smug grin as his limo pulled into the underground parking garage at Wolfram and Hart. He had been gone for two days and was positive that his plan had worked. One simple spell to remove whatever it was that was causing Spike to have visions and Angel would be back on top of the world. He just knew that as soon as his spell took effect that everyone would quickly find out what Angel himself already knew. Spike was a fake, plain and simple. There was no way that the Powers would ever let him into heaven much less bestow upon him their visions. Spike would never be good enough for such an honor and as Champion it was Angel‘s job to put a stop to such travesties. Stepping out of the car, Angel strode over to the elevator. Getting in he pushed the button that would take him to his office. Quietly, he sang along with the music being pumped through the speakers as the car began to rise. When the door opened up, he stepped out into the hallway and made his way to his office. He could not wait for what tomorrow would bring. Walking through the door of his office, Angel continued to sing a very off key tune under his breath. So focused on his plans for the upcoming days, Angel’s senses failed to registered the other presence in the room. “Nice trip?” Came the caustic voice. “Barter any souls? Toss a few innocent people into a nice comfy hell dimension? Sacrifice anybody to appease a hell god?” Startled out of his daydreams, Angel’s head snapped to attention so quickly that the vertebra in his neck cracked loudly in the semi dark room. “Cordelia?” Angel whispered. Seeing her sitting calmly behind his desk rattled Angel’s nerves. She looked just how he remembered her too. Dark hair fell to just above her shoulders in soft waves, clothes perfect as always, and make up done to highlight her natural beauty. What stopped Angel from rushing foreword to gather her in his arms was her saccharine sweet smile and fiery brown eyes. It was the look Cordelia usually reserved for idiots and people she did not particularly like. “Hello Angel.” Her smile grew wider but the look in her eyes became fierce. “Have a seat. We have so much to talk about.” Indicating the two chairs before the desk, Cordelia waited with barely restrained fury for Angel to comply. When it seemed that all he was going to do was stand and stare at her, Cordelia rolled her eyes and growled. “Angel! Sit!” “Cordy?” Angel asked clearly confused. Cordelia seemed angry and she had never treated him like this before. She was definitely not acting at all like his dear sweet Cordy. “What happened? Tell me so that I can fix it!” Angel cried as he locked pleading brown eyes on one of his girls. “What happened?” Cordelia asked with feigned sincerity. “Why don’t you tell me.” “Cordy, “ Angel started, “I don’t know what your talking about.” “Conner.” First one finger was raised. “Spike.” Then another. Looking expectantly at Angel, she waited to see what he had to say for himself. His reaction was immediate and defensive. “Hey! I did the best that I could!” “Angel.” Cordelia interrupted. “I really do understand the whole Conner situation, but wiping everyone’s memories? And how in the hell do you justify putting that spell on Spike?” “I did not have a choice! He was going to kill himself and take several others with him!” Angel said, completely ignoring her question about Spike. “Angel you had a choice! You simply took the easy way out.” “Easy?” Angel seethed. “ You think it was easy for me to give up my son? It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do!” “Angel, you not only wiped his memories clean but you did it to the others as well. Without their permission.” Cordelia pointed out rather bluntly. “It was for their own good.” Angel defended. “Conner deserved a normal life.” This simply caused Cordelia to roll her eyes. “Right, because a child borne of two vampires is nothing more than a normal human kid.” Cordelia responded, her sarcasm cutting straight through him. “Conner is human.” Angel stated, confused as to why she would think otherwise. “No Angel.” Cordelia said. “He isn’t.” “Why are you saying these things?” Angel asked, pain lacing his voice. “Because you need to see that what you did to Conner, Spike, and the others was wrong. That you taking Wolfram and Hart’s deal was wrong.” “Spike?” Angel growled, latching onto the one thing he felt he could easily justify. “I only proved that he was nothing more than a fake.” “Fake?!?” Cordelia shrieked. Getting up, Cordelia stalked around the desk and came to stand in front of Angel. Poking one finger into his chest, she continued her tirade. “And just how do you know he’s a fake? Huh? What divine knowledge was passed down to you stating such a ridiculous claim?” “It’s Spike!” Angel growled. “Of course he’s a fake! There is no way he could have been in heaven! He‘s not even working towards redemption.” “What gave you the idea that Spike needed to be redeemed?”

Chapter #13 - Chapter Twelve:....And Justice For All

“…..And Justice For All” “Halls of Justice Painted Green Money Talking Power Wolves Beset Your Door Hear Them Stalking Soon You'll Please Their Appetite They Devour Hammer of Justice Crushes You Overpower The Ultimate in Vanity Exploiting Their Supremacy I Can't Believe the Things You Say I Can't Believe I Can't Believe the Price You Pay Nothing Can Save You Justice Is Lost Justice Is Raped Justice Is Gone Pulling Your Strings Justice Is Done Seeking No Truth Winning Is All Find it So Grim So True So Real Apathy Their Stepping Stone So Unfeeling Hidden Deep Animosity So Deceiving Through Your Eyes Their Light Burns Hoping to Find Inquisition Sinking You With Prying Minds The Ultimate in Vanity Exploiting Their Supremacy I Can't Believe the Things You Say I Can't Believe I Can't Believe the Price You Pay Nothing Can Save You Justice Is Lost Justice Is Raped Justice Is Gone Pulling Your Strings Justice Is Done Seeking No Truth Winning Is All Find it So Grim So True So Real Lady Justice Has Been Raped Truth Assassin Rolls of Red Tape Seal Your Lips Now You're Done in Their Money Tips Her Scales Again Make Your Deal Just What Is Truth? I Cannot Tell Cannot Feel The Ultimate in Vanity Exploiting Their Supremacy I Can't Believe the Things You Say I Can't Believe I Can't Believe the Price We Pay Nothing Can Save You Justice Is Lost Justice Is Raped Justice Is Gone Pulling Your Strings Justice Is Done Seeking No Truth Winning Is All Find it So Grim So True So Real Seeking No Truth Winning Is All Find it So Grim So True So Real” Metallica (…..And Justice For All, Album of the same name 1988) Silence filled Angel’s office. He was completely bewildered. There was just no way that his Cordelia could be saying what he thought she had said. Flashing back to the past year when Jasmine had taken over Cordelia’s body, Angel took a cautious sniff of the air trying discretely to check Cordelia’s scent. Spreading out his other senses Angel tried to puzzle out if the woman before him was really Cordelia or not. He strongly suspected that she was a ploy being used by the Senior Partners in order to throw him off his game. Standing straight, Angel used his height advantage to tower over her. A dark scowl settled over his stoic features as his eyes flashed between gold and brown. “Who are you?” Angel growled, coming to stand almost nose to nose with ‘Cordelia’. “Angel! I swear if you try to stand there and say I’m not really me just to get out of this conversation, then I am going to stake you myself!” Cordelia growled back, her own brown eyes sparking in anger. “Your not her!” Angel said with conviction. He was positive that his Cordelia would never speak to him in such a manner. “I don’t know who you are but you better get out of my office before I get the clean up crew to take you out in pieces!” A harsh slap was Angel’s only answer. Looking at the woman before him, a small part of his mind argued that she was in fact acting just like the Cordelia that he remembered. He quickly pushed that thought away. Angel had done no wrong and therefore this creature could not be his Cordelia. “Don’t you dare talk to me like that Angel!” Cordelia yelled. “Just because you some how manage to get away with this behavior around the others does not mean I’m going to let you treat me the same way.” “Cordelia would never defend Spike like this!” Angel said, scowling at the brunette in front of him. “And why wouldn’t I?” Came Cordelia’s sharp reply. “Even I can see the man has changed.” “Spike is not a man! He’s a killer!” Angel growled, angered by the creatures accusations. “And so are you!” Cordelia said. “In fact, Spike has been responsible for more good without his soul than you are with yours!” “That is not true!” Angel bellowed. “All I have done since coming here is be the Power’s Champion! I save people!” “Is that so?” Cordelia shot back. “Yes!” Angel answered immediately and with certainty. “Spike has helped stop two apocalypses and stayed to help keep the hellmouth settled and Dawn safe after Buffy died. Where were you? Oh that’s right, a monastery.” Cordelia’s biting tone made Angel cringe. So he had not helped keep Sunnydale’s hellmouth under wraps. Who cared? He had been grieving the loss of his one true love. Everyone understood that Angel could not have gone back to Sunnydale at that time. It would have been too painful. The fact that Spike could and did stay only proved that the bleach menace did not really love Buffy. Pulling his beliefs close to his heart, Angel faced the imposture in his office with renewed vigor. “I helped save the word more than he has!” Angel answered the thing’s challenge. He did not care what this creature was. It was not going to make his start second guessing his decisions now. “The ones you started don’t count.” Cordelia scoffed. “Spike only did it for selfish reasons!” Angel shot back smugly, clearly thinking he had won with that argument. “Yeah,” Cordelia snorted, “Love is a horrible reason to do anything. Admit it. You just don’t want to acknowledge that you’re wrong.” Grabbing Cordelia by the arms, Angel dragged her to the door of his office. Stunned, Cordelia barely had any time to protest before Angel sent her sailing out of his office and into the lobby. “You are not Cordelia!” Angel growled. “And If I see you again I’ll kill you myself.” Slamming the door shut, Angel took a moment to savor the outrage that had been present on the imposter’s face. Locking the door, Angel resumed his whistling. Taking a seat, he quickly picked up the phone. The next stage of his plan needed to be set into motion before time could run out. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cordelia could not believe it. Angel had not only tried to act like she wasn’t really herself, but he had had the gall to throw her out of his office. Fury rose up inside of her and fire seemed to light up her brown eyes making them shine. Pulling herself to her feet Cordelia stalked over to the locked door. Drawing her foot back, she gave the door a good swift kick. As her foot sunk into the cheap wood panel, Cordelia thanked the Power’s that she had taken to wearing sturdier shoes. That way the damage was to the door and not her feet. “And to think I used to believe in you!” Cordelia snarled at the damaged door. “Champion of the people my ass! You overbearing, egotistical, self-righteous, inbred, son of a syphilis infected whore! I must have been blind not to see it all these years! How in the hell you can stand in there a defend your actions is beyond me!” Stepping back, Cordelia dusted herself off. She was Queen C and a member of the Vicious Bitch club. There was no way Angel was going to get away with treating her like last year’s designer knock offs. Giving the door one last disgusted look, Cordelia turned on her heels and stalked off. Angel would soon be getting his. She’d make damn sure of it. Quickly making her way to the small hospital room that held a sleeping Spike, Cordelia barged right in. Her sudden appearance shocked everyone in the room. With a rather bitter smile on her face, Cordelia addressed the startled L.A crew. “Hey guys! You’ll never guess what Angel has been hiding from everyone!”

Chapter #14 - Chapter Thirteen: Man In The Box

“Man In The Box” “I'm the man in the box Buried in my shit Won't you come and save me, save me Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut? Jesus Christ, deny your maker He who tries, will be wasted Feed my eyes now you've sewn them shut I'm the dog who gets beat Shove my nose in shit Won't you come and save me, save me Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut? Jesus Christ, deny your maker He who tries, will be wasted Feed my eyes now you've sewn them shut” Alice In Chains (“Man In The Box” Facelift 1990) Buffy stared silently into the murky depths of her coffee. She had barely touched it and the drink had long since grown cold. Her mind raced with all of the new information that the newly returned Cordelia had imparted. A part of Buffy wanted to discount everything the former cheerleader had said. The Cordelia that Buffy remembered was shallow, vapid, and thought of no one but herself. Here, in L.A. however, Cordelia was the heart of the group. It was amazing to watch how they all interacted with each other. There was a sense of respect and maturity that seemed to be lacking in her own group of friends. These people relied on each other and they helped each other. Sure there were times when things fell apart, but they somehow managed to come together and actually work through their problems. It was a dynamic that Buffy envied. If she had had that connection with her friends then she could have easily told them her true feelings regarding Spike. With the way things were now, if Buffy had told her friend’s about Spike, they would have staged an intervention and tried to get her to come to her senses. They knew what was best for her after all. Snorting at her thoughts, Buffy sat her cold coffee down on the table before her. Looking around her small hotel room, Buffy could see the shock that she was feeling clearly mirrored in the faces of the others. Wesley, Charles, and Giles all had rather large helpings of Scotch, while Lorne sipped at his fifth Sea breeze. Cordelia had a smaller glass of Scotch in her hands and Willow and Dawn both had coffee as well. Unlike Buffy and Willow, Dawn’s coffee was not laced with any alcohol despite her rather vocal request. “I can’t believe it.” Buffy muttered. “Angel would never….I mean…” “Well believe it.” Cordelia snapped. “Angel has a habit of thinking he knows what is best. This time, he went way to far.” “But Angel’s always tried to help people.” Willow said trying to wrap her head around the unsettling story she had been told. “Well, it is rather uncharacteristic of him.” Giles began, while idly cleaning his glasses. A rude disgusted snort came from were Dawn was sitting. “Oh please!” Dawn protested. “Captain Forehead is forever and always taking the easy way out.” “That’s not true!” Buffy denied. She quickly shrank back from the glares the L.A group and Dawn sent her way. Willow and Giles merely looked puzzled. “He so takes the easy way out!” Cordelia seconded. “The bastard had his friend’s and his son’s minds wiped clean! Without their permission! Then there’s what he is doing to Spike! I honestly do not know how you can sit there and defend him.” “Well, he did leave so that Buffy could have a normal life.” Dawn said. “Oh wait, that was his decision. He never once discussed that with you.” “Of course! Angel’s a Champion for the Powers. He can do no wrong.” Came Cordelia’s response. Sarcasm dripped from her words, matching the disdain easily prominent in Dawn’s. “I’m sure there was a good reason.” Buffy stated. She refused to believe that Angel was the egotistical monster his supposed friends believed him to be. It simply could not be possible. The Angel she knew always had everyone’s best interest at heart. Buffy truly believed that there was something else going on with Angel. He would never hurt someone out of malice. Even if that someone was Spike. “Right. It was for our own good.” Wesley sated flatly. The bitter tone and hostile look in his eyes stopped Buffy, Willow, and Giles cold. They had seen glimpses of this new Wesley from time to time but never fully directed towards them. “I’m positive that was the reason why someone I considered to be my best friend tried to kill me after I had had my throat slit trying to do what I thought was right. Of course him having my memories stolen from me was simply his way of working through our issues.” Slamming his glass down onto the table, Wesley quickly stood and headed for the door. Turning back, he directed his chilly gaze towards Buffy. “Of course if you want to keep on defending a man who would not only do such a thing but would also nearly kill one of the Power’s new Champions simply because he’s jealous, then by all means, continue.” The soft click of the door echoed through out the silent room. Buffy, Willow and Giles seemed stunned while the rest of the group, including Dawn, seemed to take that as confirmation of their beliefs. One by one the L.A crew quietly set their glasses down and followed Wesley’s example. With one last disgusted glance Dawn stood as well and quietly followed the others from the room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “You called boss?” Looking up at the unfamiliar voice, Angel was presented with a rather large man. He had close cropped light brown hair and wore an expensive tailored suit. He gave off an air of arrogance and superiority even though it was Angel he was calling boss. “Who are you? Where’s Eve?” Angel asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. He had never like surprises and this was certainly not what he had expected. “I’m Hamilton, your new liaison to the Senior Partners. Eve is indisposed at the moment.” Came his casual reply. “Do you have what I asked for?” “Of course sir.” Stepping forward, Hamilton set a small hypodermic needle on Angel’s desk. It was filled with an innocent looking clear liquid. Angel was very careful to not actually touch the needle. “That’s all I need. You can leave now.” Nodding, Hamilton turned and left the office without another word. Once the door was closed, he quickly pulled out a cell phone and dialed. “It’s been delivered.” Smiling, Hamilton hung up the phone and returned it to his pocket. The arrogant vampire had no idea what sort of game he was playing.

Chapter #15 - Chapter Fourteen: Would?

“Would?” “Know Me Broken By My Master Teach Thee On Child Of Love Hereafter Into The Flood Again Same Old Trip It Was Back Then So I Made A Big Mistake Try To See It Once My Way Drifting Body Its Sole Desertion Flying Not Yet Quite The Notion Am I Wrong? Have I Run Too Far To Get Home? Am I Gone? And Left You Here Alone If I Would Could You?” Alice In Chains (Would “Dirt” 1992) Sitting quietly in Gunn’s office, Fred, Lorne and Gunn had no idea what to think. Their returned memories swirled inside their heads on an endless horrific loop. They remembered Conner as a sweet innocent baby. They remembered the shock and pain of losing him. The joy they had felt at his return was soon eclipsed by the hatred Conner seemed to feel towards them and his father. Fred and Gunn both remembered the betrayal they had felt when they found out that Conner had lied to them about Angel’s disappearance. Charles for some reason felt more relieved then upset. Thoughts and feelings that had been plaguing him for some time finally made sense. He could remember how he felt learning of Wesley’s actions and how angry he had been when he found out Conner had lied to them about Angel. He could look back and see how the chaos of the last year had driven Angel to make a desperate decision in order to save his son. Gunn may not agree with every decision Angel had made but he could see how he was stuck in a lose-lose situation. With the upgrades Gunn had been given he was able to see the problem from both sides. Now he only wanted to focus on the problems at hand. Solving the mystery behind Angel’s odd behavior was a top priority for him. He wanted to know why his friend would do such a terrible thing to someone who did not deserve it. Spike may be brash and crude but he seemed like a pretty cool guy and Gunn wanted to help in anyway he could. Gunn had a feeling that Angel was entrenched with Wolfram and Hart even farther than Angel himself realized. Lorne felt violated. He was an empathic demon and so his talents lay inside his mind. To have his memories tampered with cut deeply. Lorne considered Angel to be his friend, despite having been responsible in one way or another for destroying his club. Now with everything out in the open, they not only had to deal with past issues, but they also had to save Spike from Angel and save Angel from himself. It was a daunting task and Lorne really wished that he could disappear inside of a Sea breeze for about a week, but he knew that was not possible. If he was hurting as badly as he was then he knew the others were feeling the same or worse. Putting his head in his hands, Lorne tried to figure out away to not only save his friends but their friendships as well. Fred especially felt bad. She remembered being hurt and torn by Wesley’s actions and then by Angel’s. She understood that Angel had a right to be angry. His son had been stolen from him. Even if Wesley had meant well, that still did not change the facts. Fred understood a bit about were Angel was coming from. She herself had tried to kill the man who had betrayed her. Fred would have followed through with her revenge if Gunn had not stepped in and done it for her. What she could not understand was were her handsome man had gone. Angel had saved her from Pylea. He had given her a home and a purpose. Then he took her memories and tried to kill one of her friends. Fred did not understand how Angel could justify his reasoning. He kept telling everyone within earshot that Spike was nothing more than a vicious killer and could not be trusted. When she had confronted him, Angel had brushed her off. He claimed that Angelus was a different person and that he could not be held accountable for the things he had done without his soul. When she had pointed out that Spike too had a soul, Angel claimed that Spike had only gotten it for selfish reasons. Fred still could not wrap her head around his reasoning and with her memories it was even harder. Looking at Gunn and Lorne, Fred voiced the question they were all thinking. “What are we gonna do now?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Looking back over the past year , Wesley could see that the group had not been able to reconcile their issues. Conner had betrayed his father in his misguided anger and Cordelia had gone missing. When she had supposedly come back and the group had begun to interact with each other again, it had been one crisis after another. They soon had a seemingly unstoppable Beast to kill and then found out that it wasn’t Cordelia who had come back to them. Old hurts and wrongs had been put to the back burner for a better time. The wounds may have been covered but they had not healed, only festered despite the memories not being there. Even with the privilege of hindsight, Wesley did not know how he should feel. He felt betrayed and violated. He wanted to scream and rage. A part of him demanded to ask what right Angel thought he had in playing god with their lives. Another part of himself wanted nothing more then to fall to his knees and beg Angel for forgiveness, for some way to try and make things right. Taking a good long drink from the bottle of Scotch before him, Wesley began to wonder if with the return of their own memories, that maybe his friends would turn their backs on him again. The sting of their rejection hurt almost as much as when Angel had purposely tried to kill him. He had needed them then and they had turned on him. The only person he had to turn to during that dark period had been Lilah. Wesley still hated her just as much as he loved her and through a chain of horrific events he had lost her. Wesley felt that that was one more event he was at fault for. What really hurt was that Angel did not seem to want to work through their issues but instead chose to wipe them away with one carefully placed spell. Wesley was no fool. Despite the anger and pain he felt at Angel’s actions towards himself, he understood. He was trying to protect Conner and had ended up costing Angel his son. It did not seem to matter that the prophesy was a clever fake. Wesley felt he should have been able to find someway to protect his friend and his son. Looking back, Wesley could easily see any number of ways to achieve his goal. It reminded him of a brief conversation he had overheard between Spike and Dawn. They had been discussing the confrontation that had taken place in Angel’s office when Buffy had first arrive. It seemed a painfully accurate metaphor for his own problems. “Every night, Bit.” Spike had said. “Every bloody night that summer I saved her. I could see a million different ways I could have done it too. Could have been stronger, faster…..could have taken that tosser with me when I fell. I told her this too, after she came back. Her reaction to seeing me the other day makes me think. Did she ever think back to that last battle? Did she ever wonder how she could have saved me?”

Chapter #16 - Chapter Fifteen: Frogs

“Frogs” “what does friend mean to you? a word so wrongfully abused are you like me, confused all included but you alone... the sounds of silence often soothe shapes and colors shift with mood pupils widen and change their hue rapid brown avoid clear blue why's it have to be this way be this way flowers watched through wide brown eyes a child sings an unclaimed tune innocence spins cold cocoon grow to see the pain too soon” Alice In Chains (Frogs Alice In Chains: Unplugged 1996 ) Xander Harris was angry. No make that furious. Spike was back amongst the world of the living and he was actually living this time. Xander had no idea what the Powers were thinking. Spike was evil. He never did anything good without an ulterior motive and his ultimate goal was to get into Buffy’s pants. Xander did not care that the guy had gone and gotten a soul on purpose nor did he care that Spike had died to save the world. In Xander’s mind Spike would always and forever be evil undead scum, undeserving of nothing but a staking. Now because Angel had decided to finally do the world a favor and get rid of the peroxide pest, Xander was stuck researching ways to save the one being Xander hated almost as much as he hated Angel. Forcefully slamming the phone down, Xander rubbed tired hands over a weary face. Three days of no sleep made for a very cranky Xander. He had just gotten off the phone with the coven in Devon only to be told something he already knew. Someone with great power was trying to remove the visions gifted to Spike by the Powers that Be. If the spell was not lift Spike would die. Xander wanted to scream. He could careless what the spell was trying to do. He just wanted Spike gone for good. “Those are not very charitable thoughts Xander Harris.” A sharp voice rang through the tiny office. Jerking his head up, Xander’s remaining eye came to rest upon the dearly missed figure of his beloved Anya. She looked just like he remembered her. Vibrant, beautiful, and not a hair or piece of clothing out of place. “You’re the First!” Xander cried, jumping up from his seat. The very solid slap she leveled at his head told him other wise. “Oh sit down.” Anya sighed. “I am not the First Evil. Spike got rid of it.” At the mention of that hated name, Xander’s face darkened. Seeing his reaction, Anya slapped him again. “Owe! What was that for?” A bewildered Xander asked. This was not how any of his fantasies ever played out. They usually involved tears, naked bodies, and lots and lots of orgasms. Talks about Spike were nowhere near the neighborhood that contained his dreams. “That was for being mean.” Anya said. “But I….” “Yes you were!” Anya interrupted. “You forget that I know you Xander. I mentioned Spike and you got all mean and huffy. See! There you go! Your doing it again.” “Can I help it if the thought of you returning to me never once involved discussing that thing?” Xander spat out. “There! That’s your problem. Your very narrow minded when it comes to Spike. He did save the world you know.” “So?” Xander yelled. “Who cares if he saved the world! He only did it to impress Buffy and now he has her running around L.A trying to find a way to save his worthless hide. I say leave to his fate. He deserves it and more.” More than a little furious, Anya stalked towards her former fiancé and pulled up sharply on his ear. She then proceeded to try and peer inside his ear as if looking for something. “Owe! Ahn, what on earth are you doing!” Xander cried as he pulled away from her punishing grip. Rubbing his reddening ear, Xander scowled at the figure of the woman he loved. “I’m looking for your brain. I think you have misplaced it or possibly had an Aut’ Ext demon suck it out while you were sleeping.” Anya brusquely stated. “What?” “Xander, I know you can hear me so listen. You need to let go of your anger towards Spike.” Anya started. Holding up her hand, Anya stopped Xander‘s objections before they started. “No, Xander let me finish.” Closing his mouth, Xander waited for her to continue. “The battle with the First happened the way it was supposed to. It was simply my time. You could not have saved me and you certainly can not bring me back. No matter how much I miss orgasms.” Anya paused, a wistful smile stealing over her features. “ Spike died a champion and the Powers that Be forgave him. He is now back and carrying their visions. Angel, if he is not stopped, will end up getting Spike killed. Don’t spend the rest of your life upset because you could not save me. I’m happy Xander and I want you to be happy too. Preferably with someone not as pretty as me, but happy still. You now have the chance to save someone who will help a champion become the person he was meant to be. Do not throw this away over some petty jealousy. The Xander I remember, once he grew up, was a better man than that and someone I loved and was proud of. Be that man for me and for yourself.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Spike looked ashen and worn, resembling a living skeleton. His skin was nearly translucent and extremely brittle. The doctors had upped his fluid intake to fight off dehydration, but it did not seem to be helping. His smooth gentle features had finally given away to the demon within. Buffy was told that was because the demon was stronger and could fight the effects of the spell better than any human ever could. Even with the demon Spike would sporadically twitch in his sleep, a sign that his temporary reprieve given to him by the Powers was starting to wear off. Holding his delicate hand in hers, Buffy let the walls around her heart drop. Tears poured from her hazel eyes, leaving salty trails down her pale cheeks. She sensed rather than heard Cordelia enter the room. “How could he do such a thing?” Buffy asked, never taking her eyes off of Spike’s frail form. She was still having a hard time believing that Angel could ever do anything so cruel. “Partly, he’s jealous.” Cordelia answered with a casual shrug of her shoulders. “The other part?” Buffy asked as she turned to look the former cheerleader in the eyes. “I don’t know.” Cordelia admitted. “But I do have my suspicions.” “And what are those?” Buffy was desperate for anything to explain Angel’s actions and waited eagerly for Cordelia‘s response. “Buffy, listen. You have to remember that in order to do something like this the person has to be capable of actually doing it in the first place.” “I don’t believe that! I can’t! There is no way the Angel I know could ever do anything so heartless!” “Have you ever stopped to think that the Angel you think you know may not actually exist?” Cordelia pointed out to the stubborn blonde. “I do so know him! Angel is a good person with his soul. There has to be a reason for this whole mess!” Buffy insisted. Cordelia rolled her eyes in response. “Buffy, how well do you know Angel?” Cordelia asked. “I know him better than anyone.” “So, you know him better than anyone?” Cordelia asked. “So in all of the time he’s been in L.A, the two of you have been in constant contact with each other.” “Well, no…” “And you were one of the first people Angel called when Conner was borne.” “No, but…” “Of course he was the first person you told about being ripped out of heaven.” “No! Your turning everything around!” Buffy cried. Inside she cringed. That response had sounded suspiciously like a whine. “Let me get this straight.” Cordelia said. “The two of you rarely spoke, and only ever saw each other about six times in fours year and hardly ever spoke on the phone. But you know him better than anyone?” Buffy could only stare at Cordelia. She had no counter for Cordelia’s arguments. All of her carefully held beliefs where being turned upside down. She did not know what to think anymore. Buffy had finally found away to rationalize Spike’s behavior and now Cordelia was forcefully pulling Buffy from her comfortable black and white world. Buffy did not like it. It made her look at past events in a different light and some truths were to painful to face. “I spent almost everyday of the last four years living and working side by side with Angel.” Cordelia explained. “We saw each other at our best, our worst, and somehow managed to survive and become a family. We leaned on each other Buffy. Reminds me a bit of you and Spike actually.” “You don’t know anything about Spike and I.” Buffy growled. “The Powers showed me everything Buffy.” Cordelia declared. “The good, the bad, and the oh so ugly.” “That was a completely different situation!” “Well, duh!” Cordelia replied. “It took you two longer. Spike figured it out first, and you still haven’t. You see Buffy, you relied on Spike, even more so after your resurrection. You knew that he could be counted on and that he would not judge you. He was your friend, confidant, and anchor. Spike took care of you when you let him. Have you ever been able to rely on Angel the same way?” “No.” Buffy whispered. Peering at Spike’s troubled form, Buffy fought to blink her tears away. This was all too much. She could not lose him again. Even if he never forgave her, she would rather Spike live and hate her than die and never have the chance to see him again. Buffy did not think she could survive his death a second time. It made her wonder how Spike had survived hers. “But I could, when Angel was not being a colossal ass.” Cordelia said. “He was my best friend and we knew each other better than anyone. As much as I love him, I know that Angel is capable of this kind of treachery. He’s done it before when he’s convinced he’s right.” “He’s done this before?” Buffy asked stunned. “Not this exactly but he can get a little obsessed. Just ask the others about Darla.” Looking back at Spike lying on the hospital bed, Buffy vowed to find the answers she needed. It was time for girly-Buffy to take a vacation and let slayer-Buffy out. Buffy’s expression turned cold. Because of Angel Spike stood a very good chance of dieing. That was not acceptable. Turning, Buffy walked out of the room, leaving Cordelia with Spike. Slayer-Buffy wanted answers and she knew where to find them.

Chapter #17 - Chapter Sixteen: The Gift

"The Gift" “Hold me now I need to feel relief Like I never wanted anything I suppose I'll let this go and find a reason I'll hold on to I'm so ashamed of defeat And I'm out of reason to believe in me I'm out of trying to get by I'm so afraid of the gift you give me I don't belong here and I'm not well I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living Right on the wrong side of it all I can't face myself when I wake up And look inside a mirror I'm so ashamed of that thing I suppose I'll let it go Until I have something more to say for me I'm so afraid of defeat And I'm out of reason to believe in me I'm out of trying to defy I'm so afraid of the gift you give me I don't belong here and I'm not well I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living Right on the wrong side of it all Hold me now I need to feel complete Like I matter to the one I need I'm so afraid of the gift you give me I don't belong here and I'm not well I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living Right on the wrong side of it all Now I'm ashamed of this I am so ashamed of this Now I'm so ashamed of me I am so ashamed of me…” Seether (“The Gift” Karma and Effect 2005) The L.A scenery raced by the car windows at a blinding speed. Lights, cars, buildings and signs all blurred together creating a hypnotic image of streaking colors. Angel gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white and the metal started to bend under his punishing hold. He could not believe it. Here he was, CEO of Los Angelus’ Wolfram and Hart and Champion of the Powers That Be, and not only could he not full fill his duty but everyone was questioning his decisions. What right did they have to be questioning him? Then there was Cordelia. His dear beloved Cordelia. She had somehow come back to him and all she could do was attack him. After all he had done for her! She was his seer and that meant that Cordelia answered to him. To top it off, somehow Willow or one of the others had managed to put a barrier up against him that prevented Angel from entering Spike’s room. It was important to his mission that he make sure the threat that Spike posed did not come to pass. Spotting the hypodermic needle laying on the floor board of the passenger seat caused a low growl to rumbled through the small confines of the car. The substance in that needle was supposed to finish the job started by the spell that Angel had had the mystics cast. It was important that it be administered before the end of the full moon’s cycle. Once given, it would permanently lock the recipient in a primal state. With the combination of the spell to bring forth Spike’s true nature, the substance would give Angel the opening he needed. Spike’s deception would be brought to light and Angel would then dust him. Unfortunately it had to be administered before the end of the full moon’s cycle and that only gave Angel two more days. He had to act fast and hope that his mystics could remove the barrier before his time was up. Angel did not understand how anyone could not see that getting rid of Spike was for the best? Coming to a residential area, Angel slowed his flashy company car to a slow crawl. Quaint houses lined the well maintained street. Cars were arranged along the roadway or sat quietly in pristine driveways. A few houses had lights shining through their large windows and anyone looking in could see the occupants moving around or watching TV. Pulling up across from a large well maintained house, Angel killed the engine and turned off the headlights. Taking a deep unneeded breath, Angel pushed all thoughts of Spike and his duty to the world from his thoughts. Tonight was a night for Angel to sit and relax. Troublesome thoughts had no place in this setting and Angel wanted to be sure to keep it that way. Sitting in the comforting darkness, Angel watched as a family sat around a dining room table and laughed. One person in particular drew his attention. A young college aged boy sat with his family happily sharing a meal. He was excited about whatever it was he was telling his family about. His arms wove around the room and several times his sister had to duck out of the way so as to avoid being hit. A large smile graced his features making him seem younger. An air of innocence surrounded the boy and when he laughed again Angel had to fight hard to keep his emotions in check. “He’s beautiful isn’t he.” Shocked, Angel’s head whipped around to stare at the figure sitting next to him. She was dressed in a simple white sundress that fell to her knees and her lovely blonde hair rested softly on her delicate shoulders. She seemed ethereal. Her face and eyes were filled with a look of peace and love. Her voice was calm and serene, missing the silken merciless edge it used to hold. It flowed over him in calming waves and filled an ache in his dead heart Angel had had no idea had been there. Tears filled pain laced brown eyes and his voice came out in a rusty croak. “Darla?” “Hello Angel. It’s been awhile.” “Darla? Is it really you?” Angel whispered. Reaching out a shaking hand, Angel leaned forward to gently caress her cheek. When his fingers came into contact with her smooth cool flesh a sob rose up in his throat. Barely able to swallow the lump resting there, Angel cupped her cheek and slowly drew her in for a soft delicate kiss. It only lasted for a brief moment but it conveyed every emotion he was feeling. Tears filled Darla’s unusually warm blue eyes as she smiled back at one of her beautiful boys. How she missed them terribly, but she had a mission to complete and could not allow her heart to get in her way. “I see you still look in on our boy.” Darla smiled as she brought her gaze to rest upon the young man inside the house Angel was watching. “He has everything I could never give him.” Angel answered, letting his eyes trail back to the inside of the house. “And what is that Angel?” Darla asked. “A normal life.” Angel said. He was confused as to why she was asking him that. Angel thought that she would know that a normal life away from demons and fighting was what their son deserved. “What is a normal life Angel?” Darla asked, turning her gaze to the vampire next to her. “It’s having a family and friends. It’s being loved and happy. He gets to go to school now and make friends. One day he will have a family of his own. That’s what a normal life is.” “You forgot about his destiny.” Darla said, a soft sad smile gracing her face. “He doesn’t have a destiny.” Angel growled, his eyes darkening. “Oh, Angel.” Darla sighed. Placing a small hand on his cheek, she tenderly rubbed her thumb along his cheek bone. “Our boy,” Darla said, “That beautiful boy you see across from us is destined to be a great champion and nothing you do can change that.” “No.” Angel denied. “He’s supposed to grow up, go to school, get married and have a life!” “And he can do all of that Angelus! But if you try to deny him his heritage you will be depriving him of his birthright.” “He does not have a birthright!” Angel growled at the calm form of his sire. “Dear boy, our son is special and that should make you proud.” Darla responded. “Do you not think it’s a bit strange that you are so insistent on Conner having no knowledge of our world?” “No. It’s only right that Conner have the life he deserves. Why would you have me deny our son that?” “I would not.” Darla said with force. “What I am saying is that it is odd that he not be allowed any knowledge of the supernatural or you. We both know that Wolfram and Hart can not be trusted. So why would they ever want to help?” “But they have helped!” Angel insisted. “They gave Conner a new life and are helping me eradicate the threat Spike embodies.” “And what threat could Drusilla’s hyperactive pup ever pose?” Darla asked, one delicately formed eyebrow raised. “He claims to have been torn from heaven and has scammed everyone into believing he is my new seer.” Darla’s laughter was the only response Angel’s well thought out arguments garnered. “It is true!” Angel cried. “He’s got everyone turned against me! Not even Cordelia trust me anymore.” “My dear precious Childe,” Darla said, “Her heart simply got in the way.” “Huh?” At his confused response, Darla laughed. “Angel, when that thing came back in her body, you could not tell that it was not her. Then after your son killed it, you go and take the deal with Wolfram and Hart. When you ran off to Sunnydale, Cordelia felt like you were abandoning her for your beloved Slayer.” Darla said the last part with clear disdain. Her still heart actually felt sympathy for the brash seer. Darla was not completely over her boy killing her for that child so many years ago. “I did not abandon her!” Angel yelled. “I made sure she got the best medical care Wolfram and Hart had to offer. “Angelus don’t whine,” Darla snapped back, “It is unbecoming of any childe of mine.” Taking a deep calming breath, Darla continued. “Think about it Angelus. Why was that bitch Lilah so eager to help you out with Conner? Why was Eve so insistent that William join Wolfram and Hart? Why did she suddenly change her tune and tell you that the Senior Partners were beginning to think that he would become a liability to your cause?” Looking back inside the house, Angel sighed. Darla’s words began warring with the constant mantra telling him that Conner had to be kept away and that Spike had to be eliminated. For the first time in months Angel began to doubt all that he had believed to be true.

Chapter #18 - Interlude II: Oh

"Oh" “The world is blowing up The world is caving in The world has lost her way again But you are here with me But you are here with me Makes it ok I hear you still talk to me As if you're sitting in that dusty chair Makes the hours easier to bare I know despite the years alone I'll always listen to you sing your sweet song And if it's all the same to you I love you oh so well Like a kid loves candy and fresh snow I love you oh so well Enough to fill up heaven overflow and fill hell Love you oh so well And it's cold and darkness falls It's as if you're in the next room so alive I could swear I hear you singing to me I love you oh so well Like a kid loves candy and fresh snow I love you oh so well Enough to fill up heaven overflow and fill hell Love you oh so well The world is blowing up The world is caving in The world has lost her way again But you are here with me But you are here with me Makes it ok Oh girl you are singing to me still Like a kid loves candy and fresh snow I love you oh so well Enough to fill up heaven overflow and fill hell Love you oh so well” Dave Mathews (“Oh” Some Devil 2003) The car ride towards the post office was filled with an uncomfortable silence. Buffy clutched the Oracle’s gift tightly in her small hands, her knuckles turning white due to pressure. Wesley kept casting suspicious glances the slayer’s way every few minutes. He honestly did not know what to make of the situation. In his opinion, the slayer still seemed to have an unrealistic view of her former boyfriend. In her eyes he was acting out of character. To Wesley, this behavior fell into a pattern that the Los Angeles crew was all to familiar with. “Save it Wes.” Buffy ground out after seeing Wesley’s eyes glance in her direction once again. “And what exactly am I supposed to save?” “Your suspicions and sly glances.” Buffy answered. “I know what your thinking and I’d like it if you stopped.” “”Really?” Wesley asked in a dry even tone. “What exactly do you think is going on inside my head?” Turning to face Wesley, Buffy tried to turn the full force of her glare onto a man she used to be able to intimidate with little effort. Her glare barely got acknowledged. It only served to further irritate the slayer. “You and everyone else in L.A think I do not see Angel as he really is.” Buffy said. “The thought may have crossed my mind.” Wesley replied. Keeping his eyes on the road, he quickly changed lanes. The turn off towards the post office was up ahead. The action provided Wesley with a convenient distraction. It also gave him a good reason to appear to be ignoring Buffy. “Despite what everyone thinks, I know that there is something wrong with Angel.” Buffy said. “I just don’t understand why no one else is willing to see that!” “We all know something is wrong with Angel.” Wesley responded. “His ego has either gotten the better of him or Wolfram and Hart’s influence is greater than we’ve suspected. It’s probably both.” “How do you know it’s not Angelus trying to trick everyone?” Buffy asked. She honestly wanted to cover all areas in order to find the proper solution. If they missed something because no one was willing to dig a little deeper then more people besides Spike were going to pay the price. “Buffy,” Wesley began, “You and I have both come face to face with Angelus and we both know that this is not the case.” “Your right. “ Buffy sighed. “We’d all be dead or in hiding.” Hearing the weariness in her sigh, Wesley’s heart softened towards the blonde slayer. Buffy was only trying to come to terms with some rather startling revelations. For too long she had been blinded to the reality of who Angel really was. For this, Spike had suffered for many years. Maybe if Wesley helped her understand the situation better, then when they finally found a way to save Spike, they could both sit down and actually talk to each other. Pulling to a stop before the post office, Wesley took a deep breath. Plowing ahead into his explanation, Wesley hoped he was not making a big mistake. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After his visit from Anya, Xander had sat in the office quietly. A cold cup of coffee sat before him. It had been a few hours and Xander had not opened a single book since. His mind was filled with thoughts and memories of the past few years, all swirling around inside his head in a chaotic mess. Xander could hardly believe all that had happened over the years. He could still remember with perfect clarity how devastated he had been when he had been forced to kill one of his best friends. For years it had been Willow, Jesse and him. Xander had felt that with those two at his side he could easily take on the world. Xander could still feel the rage that had filled him as he had watched the body of his friend dissolve into dust. He had vowed to kill each and every demon on the planet. They were evil and needed to be stop. Looking back, Xander could easily see that that horrible event had changed him. From that moment every vampire, every demon, had become the one vicious killer who had stolen his best friend. Despite his dislike of Angel, both he and Giles and re-enforced Xander’s ideas that demons were bad and humans with souls were good. Then Spike had rolled into town and had taken Xander’s neat little mental boxes and tossed them in the rubbish. Spike loved, laughed, and cried. He made packs with his sworn enemy to save a world he professed to like and came barreling back into town drunk and looking for ways to win his lover back. When he had been chipped Spike had sought them out for help. Sure he had sold them out to Adam but even Xander could not say that he had been surprised. Spike had never hidden the fact that he was evil. In fact he relished that fact and told them often. Soon though, Spike was grudgingly helping them out with demons since they were the only things he could hit. Then things started to slowly change. Spike helped on his own and started trying to hang out with everyone. It had confused Xander at the time. He did not understand why Spike, who was a vampire of some renown, was actively fighting on their side. If it had been Angelus, they all would have been dead long ago. Then Spike had declared himself “in love” with Buffy. No one had believed him, except maybe Mrs. Summers and Dawn. Though no one had wanted to listened to them. The Scoobies had banded together then. They had barred Spike from their lives and homes. He was an evil disgusting demon who could not love. He did not have a soul. Even after Glory and Buffy’s death, Xander had ignored everything in front of him. Spike was evil. End of story. He was useful in a fight and that was it. Xander hated Spike and nothing was ever going to change that. That was the problem though. Xander could not seem to summon up the old hatred anymore. Before Anya’s visit Xander could feel the bitter hate filling him once again. That vile demon had been given a second chance and his beloved Anya was long dead. He was never getting her back. However, Xander had received a small miracle. He had been granted on last moment with his Anya and now her words of love and praise had erased those feelings angry bitter feelings. All that was left was a confused and frightened young man. Demons were supposed to be bad and humans were good. But Xander now had to acknowledge that that was not the case. Clem, Anya, Spike, and Lorne had proved that belief to be untrue. Even if Anya had been human, her thoughts and feelings had not changed. No matter how hard he tried, Xander could not seem to get his head straight. He wanted to hate Spike. He wanted to say “he’s a demon. Let him die.” But the words dried up in his throat and all he could see was himself running after Buffy, trying desperately to stop her from killing the woman he loved. Anya had been a demon then and Xander had still begged Buffy to spare her. How was Spike’s situation any different from Anya‘s? Shaking his head, Xander tried to clear his thoughts. Snatching up a previously unnoticed book, he began to flip through the pages. Though there was something odd abut the book. It’s pages did not seem to want to sit right. Picking the book up, Xander started to turn it over trying to see what the problem was. A dull thud caught his attention. Setting the still open book down, Xander picked up the shiny copper penny. It was an American penny and was dated 2002. Smiling, Xander stuck the penny in his pocket. Picking up the book once more, he quickly scanned the page it was open too. Rubbing his remaining eye, Xander checked the page again. Looking up at the ceiling, Xander smiled. “Thanks Ahn.”

Chapter #19 - Chapter Seventeen: Touche

"Touché" Find a way A way to be You're looking down again Just let it be And I'd only do for you what you'd do for me And I only would do for you what you'd do for me Wastin' time like it was free Will you ever find where you'll be And I'd only do for you what you'd do for me And I only would do for you what you'd do for me And I only would do for you what you'd do for me yeeeeah And I only would do for you what you'd do for me Ohhhh... don't look back just to lean on me Ohhhh... it's taken the life out of me It's not like you'd know You've never been close enough Closer than you've been to me It's not what you say It's just in the way You push me awaaay And I only would do for you what you'd do for me yeeeeeah And I only would do for you what you'd do for me yeeeeeah And I only would do for you what you'd do for me And I only would do for you what you'd do for me” Godsmack ( “Touché” The Other Side 2004) Silence filled the vehicle after Wesley had finished speaking. Buffy could hardly believe all that she had been told. Angel and Giles had always taught her that having a soul made a difference, that a being without a soul was evil. If that was true, then how could Angel explain his actions over the past few years? Wesley could see the struggle-taking place inside Buffy’s mind. For too long Buffy had been lead to believe that having a soul made the difference between being good and being evil. She had been taught that all demons were evil and needed to be destroyed. The only exception to the rule had been Angel and when he lost his soul, he had proven everything Buffy knew to be right. Now, like Wesley had once had to do, she was learning that the world was not filled with absolutes, that it was in fact full of grays. Wesley remembered it being a hard lesson to learn. One had to look inside themselves in order to understand everything fully. It was a long, hard, and often times, an ugly process, one in which Buffy was only just starting on. Taking a deep breath, Buffy steeled herself for the coming confrontation and went to open the car door. Whatever Wesley had been expecting to happen after his revelations, this calm, determined out look had not been it. Reaching out, Wesley grabbed Buffy’s arm. Turning to face the former Watcher, Buffy quietly raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain his actions. “Buffy,” Wesley began, “I know it’s hard to understand but…” “I get it Wes.” Buffy stated firmly. Meeting the Slayer’s vibrant green eyes, Wesley waited for Buffy to elaborate. “Nothing is absolute, Angel is an ass and if I don’t talk to these Oracle people Spike might not make it.” Buffy said. Quietly she finished, “And I won’t be able to tell him that I meant what I said that day.” Getting out of the Car, Buffy waited for Wesley to close and lock the doors before leading her to the basement below the post office. It was dark and dusty, with very little in the way of light. Buffy could hear the faint rumblings of the cars driving along the streets overhead and used the noise to battle her rising claustrophobia. Having woken up in her dark musty coffin had left Buffy with a healthy desire to remain above ground at all times. Standing around in an underground basement was not helping her nerves any. Gripping the gift she held in tightly in her hands, Buffy took slow even breaths as Wesley sprinkled the herbs and spoke the incantation. She could feel the heavy lead weight in her stomach grow heavier. She wanted to run and never look back. Buffy knew that if she stepped through the now glowing portal that she could never go back to the world of denial that she had been clinging too. Squaring her shoulders, Buffy made her decision. It was time she learned to live her life her way and not the way her friends wanted her too. Taking one deep breath, Buffy purposefully walked through the bright portal, the time for ignorance was over. She was the Slayer and it was time she reminded everyone of that fact. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “It says that only the blood of the rightful champion, willingly given, will remove the spell and it’s effects.” “That’s it?” Willow asked, her gaze locking onto the shocked faces of her friends that were currently gathered around the conference table. A telephone had been placed in the center of the table and was currently switch to speakerphone so that everyone could hear what Xander had discovered. “Yep.” Xander said, his voice crackling slightly due to the international call. “Then I guess it’s donation time for Buffy.” Dawn answered having come to the same conclusion that several of the others had. “Maybe not.” Lorne said quietly, a troubled look settling over his face. “Why?” Willow asked. “Spike did not get sent back to you. He got sent back to Angel.” Fred answered, picking up on Lorne’s line of thought. “How do we know its Angel?” Giles questioned, irritation causing his voice to sharpen. “We don’t.” Cordelia stated. When all eyes turned towards the brunette Seer, Cordelia simply shrugged her shoulders. “We have no way of knowing why Spike came back here.” Cordelia started, but soon paused becoming lost in thought. Soon a look of dawning comprehension filled her eyes. Standing she rushed for the door, leaving a hasty “Need to call Wes.” to drift back over her retreating form. The group inside the conference room looked at each other all thinking the same thing. “What was Cordelia not telling them?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once inside the chamber, Buffy looked around in awe. It looked like what she thought the Greek temples would have looked in the glory days of its empire. It glowed with a warm soft light that filled her with peace and as she walked further into the chamber she could feel the power flowing through the room. “Welcome, Chosen One.” Hearing the formal greeting, Buffy turned to stare at the two beings before her. They were both dressed in white togas and had blue and gold decorative skin. The pair moved as one and Buffy got the sense that she was standing before the very beings that spoke for the Powers. “Umm…right.” Buffy began. “Oh! Here. I was told you guys liked gifts.” Looking at the snow globe in Buffy’s hands the two Oracles’ glanced at each other before turning amused looks towards Buffy. “From you, Chosen One…” “We require no gift.” The male Oracle finished for his sister. “Huh?” Buffy said, looking from one Oracle to the other. “But Wes said that when Angel came…” “The cursed one is still striving for redemption and was one of the vessels we used to bring forth our Champion.” The male Oracle stated. “Though his arrogance makes him believe that he is more.” The female Oracle said with distaste. “You, Chosen One,” The male Oracle began as he came to stand before Buffy, “Were hand picked by the Powers to be our Champion, the one known as Spike chose to become something more than he was. He, like you, willingly sacrificed his own life for a world that would never know of his accomplishments. But Angel was forced to repent and was given the chance to redeem himself. Just because he is called Champion does not mean that he holds the Power’s favor. He has yet to earn that.” “I never really thought of it that way.” Buffy mumbled sadly, think of lost opportunities and past regrets. “Though I’m starting too! It’s just that…. Well…I…” “The ideals of youth blinded you just as the teachings you were given by that Council.” Growled the male Oracle. “They believed that the Slayers was theirs to control when she was only given to them for safe keeping. They were to guide and nurture our warriors but instead they became greedy and fed her lies using her to further their own agendas.” The female Oracle said, picking up where her brother had left off. “But you, Chosen One,” The male Oracle said, “Have changed that. You and the souled Champion.” “Spike.” Buffy stated, feeling as if she already knew the answer. “Of course.” The Oracles answered as one, their voices ringing through the chamber. “But Spike’s…” Buffy started, her worry beginning to rise once more. “Has been cursed by the Wolf, the Ram, and the Hart.” “With Angel’s help, of course.” Looking at the Oracles, Buffy got the feeling that they weren’t very fond of Angel. Not that she could blame them; she wasn’t all that fond of Angel at the moment either. “How do I help Spike? And what does Wolfram and Hart have to do with it?” “They took advantage of his arrogant belief that he was our Chosen in order to sever the tie between Seer and Champion.” Acknowledged the female Oracle. “Without the Seer to guide our Champion…” “The world will fall.” “That does not tell me how to fix this.” Buffy stated, starting to get frustrated. “But you can not fix anything.” Declared the male Oracle. “Only the Champion can.” “Though it will be up to you to find them.” “How?” “Normal is the façade that hides the true nature from those who would seek it.” The female Oracle said. “That so does not answer my question!” Buffy cried. “We need to know how to save Spike.” “Only the Champion can do so.” With those final worlds, Buffy found herself standing before the closed gateway that led to the Oracles. Wish a frustrated growl, Buffy turned on her heels and stalked back to where Wesley stood waiting. She reached the car just in time to see him hanging up his phone. Hearing Buffy’s approaching foot steps, Wesley looked up, his eyes filled with frustration. “Cordelia called.” Wesley stated. “We may have a lead.”

Chapter #20 - Chapter Eighteen: Voices

"Voices" “Listen to the rain fallin' day by day Listen to the rain fallin' day by day by day Hey I hear you calling, voices are here again I hear you whisper, taking control of me Watch the dancing shadows run away All alone once again, afraid All these faces, changing their shapes on me Isolated in my own world, will it ever be free? Haunted figures around me, I want em' to stay There always there to protect me, this is one thing you can't take away Listen to the rain fallin' day by day Listen to the rain fallin' day by day by day Yeah! I hear you calling, voices are here again I hear you whisper in my own mind, will it ever change? Voices Voices Voices Voices I hear you calling” Godsmack (“Voices” The Other Side 2004) The drive back to the Wolfram and Hart offices was tense, filled with hardened gazes and hammering hearts. Do to the excessive speed that Wesley drove they made it back to the massive building in record time. Through the lobby and up the elevator no one spoke a word. Wesley and Buffy walked in tandem with each other, neither needing to look to see if the other was following. Both were focused on a single thought, find away to cure Spike, stopping Angel was simply secondary. When Wesley and Buffy reached the conference room they found a similarly tense group waiting for them. They were all quiet, sitting around the large table watching Cordelia pace the front length of the room. Once Cordelia spotted Buffy and Wesley standing just inside the room she let out a heart filled sigh and let her shoulders relax. Maybe, just maybe they could fix everything, without losing any more people that they cared about. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Conner stood quietly in the center of a grand old hotel. The check in counter and main office stood off to his right while a large elegant staircase rose up before him. There was a small circular couch just off to his left and a set of doors that lead to a hidden garden. Walking to the doors, Conner opened them and silently walked through. A small hint of jasmine filled the air and for some reason the scent caused both a feeling of sadness and nausea. An iron bench sat before a decorative fountain, it’s water gently flowing up and over the structure to settle back in the pool at its base. Conner could not have said why he had been drawn to the old hotel, it wasn’t like he had ever been there before, but something about the place made him feel like he’d found a missing part of himself, he just wasn’t sure what that part was. Coming a few hesitant steps forward, Conner took a seat on the bench, quietly watching the water in the fountain. Visions of a life he had not lead flashed through his mind, people he knew but did not know and places he had been but did not exist. Conner had no idea why he was seeing and feeling the things that he was. All he knew was that the scenes were important, even though they did not make any sense. After a few minutes Conner heard a faint rustling sound off to his left. Images momentarily forgotten, Conner raised his eyes and watched as a petite blonde woman slowly made her way to his side. Her hair rested gently on the tops of her bare shoulders, her feet were clad in small comfortable sandals that matched the pretty blue and white sundress she wore. A soft smile lit up her face and her blue eyes glittered with unshed tears. Taking a seat next to him she gently raised one small delicate hand to cup his right cheek. Staring straight into his eyes, her smile widened and with a soft husky whisper, spoke five words that shattered his perception of reality. “Hello Conner, my beautiful boy.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Well?” Buffy asked as she crossed her arms over her chest. She, like everyone else in the conference room, was looking at the brunette seer with anxious looks. Wringing her hands Cordelia began to pace around the small area in front of the conference table. Gathering her courage, Cordelia took a deep breath and directed her question towards Buffy. “First tell me what the Oracles told you because I could be wrong and if I am and we’re looking in the wrong place then Spike could die and…” “Breath Cordelia, breath.” Wesley said as he interrupted a babble that would have done Fred proud. Taking a few deep breaths, Cordelia turned anxious brown eyes on an impatient Slayer. “What they told you is important. We can not be wrong.” Cordelia said. “Please?” Nodding her head, Buffy quickly relayed all that the Oracles had told her. Watching the expressions on everyone’s faces it was clear to Buffy that there was something that the Sunnydale group was just not getting. Fred, Wesley, Lorne, Gunn, and Cordelia were all sharing looks of understanding. Feeling irritated at being left out, Buffy spoke up, interrupting the A.I group’s private communication. “What is it and how do I find it?” “It’s not a what Buffy.” Wesley said, a small smile coming over his face. “And if I’m guessing correctly it’s a who.” “See Buffy, Xander called.” Cordelia said gaining Buffy’s attention. “He found out how to reverse the spell on Spike. It takes the blood of the Champion, freely given.” “So when do I do this?” Buffy asked, wondering why they were all still sitting around the table when they could be saving Spike. “It’s not that simple Buffy.” Giles said gently as he fiddled with his glasses, unable to look Buffy in the eyes. Panic settled in Buffy‘s heart at Giles words making breathing difficult. Eyes widening, Buffy turned to Cordelia praying that she would not give her the answer she feared. “Please don’t tell me its Angel!” “No!” Cordelia shouted, trying to calm down the distressed slayer. “We believe the champion is Conner, Angel’s son.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The ride up to the white room was made in a tense silence. Hamilton was fuming. The Senior Partner’s carefully laid plans were unraveling. The former A.I group, along with the Slayer and her friends were rapidly putting all of the puzzle pieces together. Hamilton and the Senior Partners had been counting on Angel’s arrogance to help their plans succeed but it seemed that the Powers were actively assisting their champions. It was enough to make Hamilton want to heave. When the elevator doors silently slid open, Hamilton stepped out of the chamber and into the bright pure white room that housed the Senior Partners agent in this realm. “You are not living up to your promises.” The conduit said as the figure of a small girl stood before the large man. “Remember what was done to Eve when she failed? “The Slayer has brought in reinforcements and the agent of the Powers has been released from her mystical coma in order to once again guide her champion.” Hamilton explained, hoping to gain more time. “Concentrate on Angelus. He is the key.” The Senior Partner’s mouthpiece said and then in a flash was gone from Hamilton’s sight. With a fierce scowl, Hamilton turned and stalked back to the now open elevator. The doors closed swiftly taking Hamilton away from the white room. He never saw the slight shimmer in the center of the room slowly come into focus. Standing in place of the little girl was a tall striking woman with shoulder length brown hair wearing an elegant plant suit of dark navy blue. A smirk grew over her red painted lips as she gave a soft chuckle in the direction of the closed elevator doors. “Well this should be interesting.”

Chapter #21 - Chapter Nineteen: Shadow of the Day

Shadow Of the Day “I close both locks below the window I close both blinds and turn away Sometimes solutions aren’t so simple Sometimes goodbye’s the only way And the sun will set for you The sun will set for you And the shadow of the day Will embrace the world in grey And the sun will set for you In the cards and flowers on your window Your friends all plead for you to stay Sometimes beginnings aren’t so simple Sometimes goodbye’s the only way And the shadow of the day Will embrace the world in grey And the sun will set for you” (Shadow of the Day-Linkin Park Minutes to Midnight 2007) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Walking down the halls of Wolfram and Hart, eyes wide and staring, Connor quietly made his way towards the law firm’s hospital wing. His thoughts were a chaotic mess. His life was false. None of his memories, his family, was his. In reality, he had grown up in a hell dimension. His mother and a father were monsters, and he had a destiny he wanted no part of. A part of him was furious with Angel. He had once again, caused his world to crumble around him, but another part understood. Connor had been so angry, so hurt. Living in Quor-toth had been simple, live or die, but when he had returned, everything changed. He no longer knew what was right and wrong. Demons could be good, and humans could be evil. It all made no sense, and at the time, he had been willing to destroy himself to find the peace he craved. Now he was just thankful he had another chance to make things right, starting with saving his Uncle. Luckily for Connor, everyone seemed too busy to care about one wide-eyed college student, and he made it to Spike’s room unnoticed. Slipping inside the sterile hospital room, Connor quickly closed the door and turned the lock in order to block any unwanted visitors. Seeing the sickly thin being lying on the bed before him caused Connor’s heart to clench. His father had done this. Granted, the Senior Partners were equally to blame, but Connor still grieved for the man he was just now remembering. Making his way to Spike’s bedside, Connor slowly removed the small box cutter from his pocket. Pushing the blade out, Connor made a shallow cut across his left palm. Putting the box cutter on the chair’s seat, Connor used his right hand to gently push Spike’s head back and open his mouth. Squeezing his hand Connor let his blood drip down Spike’s throat. At first, nothing happened, and then gradually the ridged brow and fangs receded. Eyelids fluttered as if dreaming, and then slowly, bright blue eyes opened. Relief flooded Connor’s body causing a wide smile to bloom across his face. Raising one hand to wipe the sweat away from Spike’s brow, Connor whispered a heart felt greeting. “Hello Uncle, welcome back.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Come on Uncle Will,” Connor said, helping the weaker man from the hospital bed. “We need to get you out of here.” Looking at Connor, Spike opened his mouth, closed it, and again, shook his head in bewilderment. Angel had a son, with Darla no less. On top of that, it seemed Darla had been the one to send the boy to Wolfram and Hart to save him. A large part of Spike was tempted to find out if an ice-skating rink had opened up in hell. Allowing Connor to support him, Spike followed the teen through the near empty hallways of Wolfram and Hart. Entering the stairwell, Connor led them down to the parking garage and to a beat up blue Volkswagen Beetle. Well, now that Spike was closer he could see it was only partially blue. One side door was green and the hood was white. Raising one eyebrow, Spike eyed the tiny miss-matched Beetle. “Nice car,” Spike said as he lowered himself into the passenger’s seat. The car seemed tinier once he was inside, and Spike had to scrunch his legs up while searching for the lever to scoot his seat back. “It’s mine,” Connor said as he reached over from the driver’s side and pulled the lever. The seat scooted back, and Spike was finally able to remove his knees from under his chin. Luckily, they got the little car’s engine running and were soon jouncing along the street, weaving in and out of traffic. “Where are we going?” Spike asked, as he leaned back in his seat. “Um, Cleveland.” “The Hellmouth?” Spike asked. “Bloody hell, what for?” “I know people. We’ll be safe there,” Connor answered with a shrug. Sighing, Spike turned his eyes towards the car window, letting his gaze sweep over the darkened landscape. Angel’s status as champion was shaky at best and he knew they had to leave. Until they managed to free him from Wolfram and Hart’s influence, Spike and Connor were in danger. However, Spike didn’t want to leave. Dawn was there, and so were Fred and Lorne. They were his friends and he wanted them safe. He knew they could take care of themselves, especially with Buffy there, but still, Spike worried. “And then what nephew?” “I don’t know.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hanging up the phone, Sam rubbed his hands over weary eyes. Sam had expected the phone call, and a sense of relief rushed through him at the sound of his friend’s voice on the other end. The last couple of days had been rough. On top of his worry, they had handled three vengeful spirits in two days, and now he had to tell his brother about the change in plans. The car door opening pulled Sam from his thoughts, and he waited while Dean quickly lowered himself into the driver’s seat, bags of food and soft drinks filling his arms. “Dude, take some of this would you?” Once Sam relived him of part of his burden, Dean settled back into his seat, the bag holding his food resting on his lap. “Looks like we’ll be heading south,” Dean said while he rummaged through the bag. “Heard some rumors about that haunted highway you were researching last night.” Burger in hand, Dean turned to face his brother. Seeing the look on Sam’s face, Dean raised one eyebrow. “Why do I get the feeling we won’t be going south?” “I got a call from a friend,” Sam answered. “A friend? And who is this friend Sammy?” “His name is Connor. We shared a few classes at Stanford.” Sighing, Dean gave his brother his best “and?” look, hoping he would elaborate. “He knows about demons,” Sam said. “He called a few days ago, said he might need our help, but couldn’t say why. He just called and told me he and his uncle are on their way to Cleveland. Connor wants us to meet them there.” “The Hellmouth?” Dean cried out. “Why in the hell would this friend of yours want to go there?” “He promised to explain everything once we got there.” Sighing, Dean set his food aside and started the Impala. The familiar rumble of the engine soothed his nerves. “Well,” Dean said, weariness filling his words. “Maybe I’ll get a trip to the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame out of this.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The alarm shrieking in the conference room stopped all discussion. People flew from chairs and rushed towards the door. Cordelia reached it first. “What’s going on?” Cordelia demanded as she grabbed the arm of an employee passing by. “It’s the hospital wing,” the guy answered as he shrank back from the fierce look in Cordelia’s eyes. “Something happened to that Seer, but I don’t know what.” Shoving the guy away, Cordelia ran down the hallway, heart pounding in her chest. She could hear the other’s footsteps behind her and soon she was following Buffy’s rapidly disappearing form. Cursing slayer speed and evil law firms, Cordelia pressed forward. If something bad had happened to Spike, Cordelia didn’t know if she would be able to control an enraged slayer. A large part of her didn’t know if she wanted too. Finally reaching Spike’s hospital room, Cordelia stopped just short of knocking Buffy over. Spike’s hospital bed was empty, except for the ugly skull ring resting in the center. “You’re too late,” Lilah said, her tone smug. She was reclining in an empty chair next to the bed, an amused smirk on her face. “Someone else got to him first.” Finally! This one is finished, for now. There will be a sequel. There was always supposed to be a sequel. I just don’t know when I’ll get to writing it. I want to get “For Whom The Bell Tolls” finished first, but you never know. Thanks to all who reviewed, and I hope you enjoyed my story.