Can I rest now? by eve

Chapter #1 - Chapter 1

AN: It started as an idea for a maybe 1000 word drabble to go with the banner, but somehow it broke through the 5000 word barrier and I thought it would be easier to read in 4 chapters. Bear with me, because it's only my third try writing fanfic. Special thanks to Tamakin84 for the amazing banner and betaing for me. Go and check out her community idigo_crypt, I hope the link on the banner works ;). Thanks also go to Spike's mrs and Gillypod for the encouragement to post it outside my LJ. Please tell me what you think and leave a review. *hugs* PS *insert big smile and thank you* I was nominated in the categories Best Love Stories, Sexiest fic *raises eyebrow*, Best written and Best author *lol* for "Can I rest now?" at the Lost in Spike awards. Again lookie and clickie Chapter 1 They told him that this would be his hardest assignment and that maybe he could rest after this one. He hadn’t slept a minute in the last ten years. He had been their helping hand and messenger and now he was tired and felt more alone than in all the years of his life or unlife, before he died and started this new life. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He still could remember the pain as the stake pierced his heart and his body fell apart to dust in a dirty alley in Los Angeles. He never forgot the sneering face of the monster that attacked him and slammed the stake down into his chest. They had been fighting for hours and he saw his brothers in arms fall in the battle, one by one. Apart from keeping on fighting, there hadn’t been a thing he could have done to stop it. The first to fall had been Gunn. He had already been mortally wounded and then a demon got him right in the heart. There wasn’t even time to mourn him or Wesley, who had already been lost to the group. He never expected the pain he felt when Angel was dusted and their family bond broke. The bond had never ceased to exist, even through all the hostilities and fights they’d had over the years. As Angel died, he felt a part of himself die too. He had lost contact with Illyria only minutes before his own death and the only thing left to feel was pain. The next time he opened his eyes, all he could see was fire, all around him, and hear the tortured screams of thousands of creatures. There had never been a doubt in his mind that he would go to hell for all the things he had done, so he sat up and awaited his punishment. Looking around the cave like rooms he noticed two faceless figures clad in black robes coming towards him over a path. “William the bloody, feared all over the world for his vicious killings, and yet trying to change for the love a woman and the love for the world he lived in. You were trying to change the world to the better and gave your life for it, not only once, but twice now. You sought out your soul, to be a better man and to be the one who your love would deserve.” Raising a sceptical eyebrow at the two figures, Spike studied them before he spoke. “Yeah, well, but that doesn’t make up for all the stuff I did before, right? That’s why you took me here, to get the punishment I deserve. So cut the chit chat and point me in the direction of my torture chamber and let’s get this show on the road.” “You are misunderstanding us, vampire. This is what would have awaited you, if you hadn’t changed. This was just to make you see what you have already achieved through your own change of heart. Your sins were forgiven when you got your soul and used your soul to stop the Apocalypse and later to destroy the Circle of Black Thorn. Now, you are here to continue on your path to complete redemption and help those that have lost what you were able to find again.” Now Spike was confused. He would have bet his unlife on the fact that he had to spend eternity in hell after he died. “Are you telling me that this is just a visit in hell? I am not going to spend the rest of bloody eternity here? You must be of your nutter, I spent a century maiming and killing and you tell me, “Oh it’s ok, never mind, you are forgiven”. Do your bosses know what you are doing here? I don’t think they’ll be happy to hear that you let William the Bloody out of hell.” “Our bosses, as you call them, the powers that be, sent us to take you to your new destination and you can believe us, they wouldn’t be happy to hear that we left you in hell. So, come, take a last look around, because you will prevent some people from ever having to see this place, although they are already making their way towards hell.” Dazed, Spike followed the figures down the path and thought about everything they’d told him. “Hey, what do you mean, helping people find what was lost to me? Why do you guys have to be so bloody cryptic? I bet you are the ones that write all those confusing prophecies too, at least you sound like them.”! “Your questions will be answered, William. You’ll just have to wait a bit. And no, we are not the ones responsible for those prophecies, so don’t be concerned.” They passed scenes of unimaginable punishment, torture and pain and Spike felt grateful for not having to endure those sufferings for eternity. The assistants of the PTB opened a portal when they reached the end of the path and after stepping through, a blinding pain overcame Spike and he fell down on his knees. He felt like he was split in half and something was clawing on his back. When the pain subsided and he had his breathing under control again he got up and turned accusing eyes on his companions. “No suffering, yeah right. Can you tell me what that was all about? And what the hell… oh my god, this must be a joke. Wings? I have bloody wings? Bollox, don’t tell me I am an Angel? An Angel with fangs to boot, you must be of your rocker!” Spike turned around and tried to get a look on his new appendages. He touched the soft feathers he could reach, marvelling at their texture. No, this must definitely be a mistake. Not going to hell because of sacrificing his unlife twice, he could live with, but an angel? He wasn’t angel-material, he still wouldn’t say no to a good patrol with hard, bloody and long fights, making fun of the whelp or tying Buffy to her bed and making love to her for hours and certainly not all of those ideas and fantasies were the good thoughts of an angel. “No, you are right. You are not an angel, more of a… let’s say, protector or guardian, and it’s a lot easier to do if you have the wings. You will be sent to help people that have lost their way and soul. Just like you lost it and were able to find again with the love that guided you. You will help them to see the good things in their life and how to reach them.” “So what, you’ll tell me to go to some guy, because he “has lost his way” and then what? Give him a bloody sermon, say ‘no no’ and point him in the right direction? He’ll probably go straight to the loony bin when he tells someone a guy clad in black with bleached hair, wings and fangs told him to change his life.” The robed figures looked helplessly at each other and then back at their protégé. “No William, it won’t be that easy. You will not be able to have direct contact with them. They won’t see or hear you. You will only be there for them and be able at a real low point in their life and desperate, you can take them in your arms and put your wings around them so they will feel some relief, but they won’t realize that you are there.” Now Spike was even more flabbergasted. How could he help people without being able to communicate with them in person? Not to mention the fact that he wasn’t exactly well known for making the right decisions most of the time and now he has to help strangers to make the right ones? This concept of how he should help these people sounded impossible to him. “It’s great what your bosses thought up there, but come on, I won’t be able to get any of the little buggers on the right road again. Don’t you know how often my plans were shot to hell or I plain and simple made the bloody wrong decision?” “You will learn to be a protector William. You will be on that path till your destiny is fulfilled; your redemption is complete and only then can you rest and watch over the ones you love, but that will take a while. You are not the only one that needs to fulfil his destiny. And now go. Your first lost soul is waiting for you.” And with that Spike was falling and then landing hard at the feet of his first assignment.

Chapter #2 - Chapter 2

AN: Thanks for all your nice reviews. I hope you will like this second chapter too. Thanks again to Tamakin84 for betaing and correcting my grammar and making helpful suggestions to make it more readable. Thanks to slaymesoftly for checking that then again and for her help ;) *huggles* PS *insert big smile and thank you* I was nominated in the categories Best Love Stories, Sexiest fic *raises eyebrow*, Best written and Best author *lol* for "Can I rest now?" at the Lost in Spike awards. Again lookie and clickie Chapter 2 Oddly, he grew into his role as a protector rather quickly. After a while he realized that he instinctively knew how to take care of the people he was sent to by the Powers That Be. He met all different kinds of people from every level of society. He was sent from job to job without any rest. He couldn’t even sleep if he tried to, but he loved his new job and after all, it was infinitely better than spending eternity in hell. He was amazed at all the different people he “met” and the insights he got into the human soul and therefore into his own too. He learned how hard it really was to always make the right choices, to take into consideration all the possible outcomes of each and every action undertaken. These were very hard decisions even when you had a soul. His nights were spent by the beds of his charges, trying to put them on the right track through their dreams; he also thought a lot about his own life and the right and wrong decisions he had made. He was deeply sorry for so much that he had done, and there wasn’t an opportunity to correct them and tell the people just how sorry he was. And most of all, when the people in his care weren’t keeping him on his toes, his thoughts always drifted back to Buffy and his Nibblet and how terribly he missed them. Those were the biggest regrets he had. Never making peace with Dawn and not telling Buffy he was back after the demise of Sunnydale. He should have tried to get to her and not let himself be influenced by his ponce of a grand sire, who told him that she deserved better than him. He missed them terribly and just wished he could take a look at how they were doing. Hell, he missed all the Scoobies, even the whelp. He had to wait ten more years before he could see them again and he knew that this assignment would be his final one. He could just feel it. He had to take care of a younger slayer named Tam, who was still in training at the Watcher’s Council but was coming close to being the next rogue slayer. When she had been a child, she had to witness the death of her parents at the hands of a Fyarel demon. After she got the powers of a slayer and was informed about demons, she set her mind on revenge for her parent’s death and Spike had to try to stop her. It wasn’t easy, and more than once he was desperate for some guidance on how, exactly, to help the girl, but somehow he got it done. He pushed her in the direction of the other slayers and encouraged her to make friends with them, to learn and listen to what her teachers had to say; step by step the angry girl was replaced with a slayer with a great future. Some nights he went to Buffy’s bedroom instead of Tam’s just to watch her sleep. During the day he always tried to keep his distance when she was near the younger slayer under his care. It was just too painful for him to see her, but not being able to talk to her or touch her like he so desperately wanted to. However, at night, when she was sleeping, he could drink her in, fill his eyes with her peacefully sleeping form and even talk to her. He knew that she couldn’t hear him, but still he told her how sorry he was, how he missed her and that he still loved her with all his heart. Sometimes he even gave in to the urge to kiss her forehead as a good bye when he left to go back to his charge. She seemed to be happy and content with her life as the senior slayer. The Scoobies were still gathered around her with Giles as their father figure and together they represented the new Watcher’s Council. Willow had become the powerful witch that she always was destined to be. Xander and Andrew had turned out to be somewhat useful in locating the new slayers and bringing them over to England. But he was proudest of his little bit. She had turned out to be one of the smartest watchers the Council ever had. He somehow managed to slowly push Tam in Dawn’s direction, and shortly after that, she became Tam’s watcher and friend. Spike always knew when it was his last night at one of his assignments, and because he was sure that Tam was OK now, he decided to spend his last night in Buffy’s room. Before he went to her, he visited all the Scoobies in their rooms and said his good byes. He thought that they still hated him and would never have treated him with any respect, but he wanted to change his attitude towards them. He thought that they had been right to hate and despise him. Too many bad things had happened since their lives had crossed paths. When he reached Buffy’s door he felt like a big burden had been lifted from his back. He had made his peace with the Scoobies, even if they would never know. He expected Buffy to be asleep as she normally was when he visited her room; but when he entered, she was sitting upright in bed and watching the door intently. He stopped dead in his tracks. She had tears running down her cheeks and was cradling something to her breast. He moved towards the bed and noticed that her eyes weren’t following him, so she still couldn’t see him. Spike didn’t know if he should feel disappointed or relieved. He sat beside her on the bed and tried to see what she was holding in her hand. “I know you’re here Spike. I’ve felt you every time you were in my room. I could always tell when you were around me. I sensed you when we were enemies, could separate you distinctly from every other vampire I met and I couldn’t even feel Angel that strongly. It didn’t matter whether we were allies, lovers or friends, I could always sense when you were nearby. The nights you’ve spent here have been the most peaceful nights of my life and I always felt wonderful in the morning after your visits. I wish you were with me. I don’t know why you are here or how I know that you will leave after tonight, but I want you to listen to me, to what I have to say." "I love you Spike. I’ve missed you every day and only the hope that I will see you again sometime is keeping me going. I’ve finally come to love my life as a slayer and don’t see it only as a burden anymore. I’m happy to be able to teach, to give these younger slayers my knowledge and watch them grow. They will never have to feel alone, because they aren’t the only chosen one; and with the Scoobies still here, we are like a big family. It’s taken a lot of years for us to get over the mistakes we made in the past and the way we used to simply close our eyes and ignore them. We had a lot to talk about. I think it took almost four years before I could trust Giles again. The attempted murder of you broke that trust into pieces, which ever so slowly had to be rebuilt. You may not believe it, but in the end, they finally saw what I saw in you all the time. I know that they miss you too. Dawn the most. She still loves you so much and was devastated that she didn’t get a chance to tell you." "My life here is good, and I’m happy, but I know that it would be a thousand times better if you were still with me. If I’d told you earlier how much I loved you, maybe you would have believed me and left the cave with me. Or if I’d shown you in the time we had left just how much you mean to me, you would have come back to me when you reappeared in Los Angels at Wolfram & Hart. Oh yeah, Spike, I knew you were back, but unfortunately I was told too late. It seems like Wes was still a watcher at heart, because he sent all his diaries to Giles with a letter explaining about Angel’s plan., But when we reached LA, the only one left in the alley was Illyria, holding back the hordes of demons the Senior Partners were sending. With all the slayers we brought with us, we were able to fight them back, but you were all gone. Illyria told us about how your group fell; she could even show me the place where you got dusted. After that she simply said that she was tired now and then, without another sound, she was gone." "I think I never cried so hard than on that day, with my hands grabbing at your dust, screaming at you to come back to me. Giles had to carry me away and Willow used a calming spell to put me to sleep. It was Xander who stayed behind and collected your ashes and kept them safe. He had let go of the grudges he’d held against you and saw how much I was hurting." "I was in a state of shock for weeks. Everybody was worrying about me, but I couldn’t digest that I’d lost you again, that we could have been together, but that you didn’t believe me and never came back to me. Only after I read Wesley’s diaries did I realize how hard it had been for you. How you still loved me, but were too unsure of your place in my life. So you stayed away thinking it would be for the best. You stupid vampire, we could have been together!" "A few months later Xander visited me and brought me a gift. The best gift I ever got. He took your ashes to this firm in London and they manipulated it and pressed a diamond out of it. He ordered them to make a ring from it. Can you see it? I will always wear it, so that a part of you is with me forever. People ask me if it’s an engagement ring and I answer them, “No, it’s my soul mate”. You can’t separate soul mates, right? I just know that we’ll be together again, and I hope you believe me now - that I love you. Please believe me, Spike. Can you try to hold me tonight? Like the last few nights when we were in Sunnydale. Please?” Spike was frozen in place. Had he heard her right? She still loved him? He was crying like he’d never cried before in his life. What should he do now? But the last sentence and the “please” broke through all his confusion. She was now lying on her side on her bed, silently waiting, and without further thought, Spike lay down behind her and wrapped her securely in his arms and wings and just held her, planning to watch over her all night. Within minutes, he was fast asleep for the first time in ten years.

Chapter #3 - Chapter 3

AN Thanks again to Tamakin84 for inspiring this fic with that beautiful banner, and checking my grammar and spelling. And thanks to Gillypod for being a good friend and betaing it again. Thanks for the punctuation help from Always_jbj ;D. And I want to thank Thespacebetween for yesterday, when she nagged me so long that I had to promise not to stop trying to write when this fic is done :D Thank you for the nice and lovely reviews, just keep them coming ;) PS *insert big smile and thank you* I was nominated in the categories Best Love Stories, Sexiest fic *raises eyebrow*, Best written and Best author *lol* for "Can I rest now?" at the Lost in Spike awards. Lookie and clickie Chapter 3 The first thing Buffy realized when she woke was that something was tickling her nose. She felt a warm body pressing into her back, and realised she had never felt as secure in her life. She was afraid to turn around in the bed and face the harsh truth that she was still dreaming, once more waking up alone. If this was a dream, she never wanted to wake up again. Taking a deep calming breath, she tried to work up the courage to turn around. It was then that her senses picked up the familiar odour of her companion. A whispered “Spike” fell from her lips. The body lying so close to her smelled like him and felt like him, but it couldn’t be him. Could it? Trying to get her wits together, she slowly turned in the arms holding her. She still had her eyes closed, but when she forced them open she was greeted by his bleached blonde curls, the beloved sharp cheekbones and the beautiful bottom lip, which jutted out slightly. Suddenly she knew that her own personal miracle had happened last night. She had been right. Spike had been visiting her during the nights and the dreams she had of him talking to her, were also true. She considered waking him, but what if he disappeared again when he woke. She never wanted to let him go again. Then, as if on cue, his eyes started to flutter and slowly open, green met blue and her world was right again. “Spike, are you real? Am I awake? Please tell me that you won’t leave me again. You heard that I love you, right? I really do, Spike. Do… do you still love me or have I….” The rest of her outburst was lost as Spike crushed his lips against hers silencing her with a passionate kiss. She still tasted like strawberries and vanilla and Spike felt he had gone to heaven. The kisses were urgent and Buffy tried to kiss every part of Spike’s face, just to make sure that he was really there. Their lips met again and their tongues started their loving play as if it hadn’t been over ten years since their last kiss. Taking a break to let Buffy breathe, he trailed kisses down her neck and then up to her ear; nibbling at her earlobe and whispering to her over and over again that he loved her. “Please, Spike, tell me that you’re staying, that you won’t leave. Stay with me, please?” “I can’t answer that, pet. Last night you weren’t able to see me but you somehow knew I was there, so I just held you. Last night I slept for the first time in ten years, Buffy. I don’t know what’s happened, or if I will be allowed to stay.” Suddenly the room was lit by a bright light, and a deep voice resonated round the room. “Yes, William, you will stay.” Buffy and Spike both reared up from the bed, screaming. Buffy was already in fighting stance and Spike was hovering a bit over the bed, his wings spread wide to keep him in the air, looking in shock at the intruders. Just as the guides began to explain themselves to the reunited pair, there was a loud crash and the door to Buffy’s bedroom flew open as the Scoobies stormed into the room. They came to an abrupt halt when they spotted Spike beating his massive wings up and down, looking down at the gathered group. A dishevelled looking Giles in his bathrobe and slippers was the first to recover from the sight. “Oh, dear Lord!” “Nah, Rupes, just one of his employees.” Recognizing the intruders as his guides from ten years ago, Spike slowly landed on the bed again. Looking at the Scoobies, who still had their mouths open in shock, staring at him, he suddenly felt a bit shy; not that he would ever tell them. “’ello, Scoobs.” One minute he was standing on the bed, the next he was lying flat on his back with Dawn and Willow lying on him and hugging him tightly. “Spike! Are you back for good? Will you stay?” Dawn had tears shimmering in her eyes, as did Willow. They looked at him expectantly, still not letting him completely out of their embrace. He glanced, surprised, over at Buffy who was just watching the reunion with a smile on her face. She knew that he hadn’t expected such a welcome from the girls. Especially not from Willow; she had always kept a bit of distance from Spike. It was obvious from the way he was looking at her, that he hadn’t believed her when she told him that the rest of the Scoobies forgave and missed him too. She went over to him and sat on the bed behind him with Willow and Dawn at each side. “Oi, watch the feathers, luvs; and to answer your question, I don’t know, Nibblet. I’m just as surprised to be visible as you are. I think those nice gentlemen over there have something to say about it, though. Am I right? And Watcher, you better get your notebook. This could be interesting.” Only now did the rest of the group turn their eyes back to the supposed threat that they had forgotten once they had seen Spike. A flustered Giles pulled a notepad out of his pocket. “Thank you very much, William. We will be delighted to inform you of your new destination. Of course it wasn’t by chance that your last assignment, Tam, was a slayer and that you ended up here at the Watcher’s Council. You mastered that difficult task to set her back on the right track with great care, and had time to make peace with yourself, the Slayer and her friends.” Something clicked then in Xander’s brain and he connected the dots and looked in wonder at Spike. “Merciful Zeus! It wasn’t a dream! It was real! I knew it felt strange because, hey, why would I dream about Spike; but you where in my room last night. You talked to me and I remember that I tried to talk with you too. I told you that I forgave you and that I was sorry for the way I treated you, but you couldn’t hear me. You may not believe it, but I really missed our fights. I hope they let you stay. There are way too many women here, and some more testosterone wouldn’t be bad.” “Look who has done some growing up. Where did the whelp go? I hope with all this growing you haven’t improved your pool skills though, I enjoy woopin’ your ass!” Spike was smiling at Xander so he knew he was only joking. Holding out his hand to Xander, they shook hands, and just like that they started a friendship which was likely to consist of a lot of teasing and barbs. Giles had been scribbling in his notepad. Thinking about what he heard from the guides and not paying attention to the conversation around him, yet Xander’s description of his dream tickled something in the back of his brain, which made him remember his own. “I think I may have experienced a dream of this kind last night too. And I felt similarly disturbed at the quality and texture of that dream as Xander.” “Way to go, Giles. Was that the watchery way to tell us that the dream felt a bit wiggy? OK, I think we are all on the same page when I say that we dreamed of Spike last night. And judging by your looks, I’m right. We can discuss that revelation later. I just want to know from the cloaky guys if he can stay with me, because I don’t plan on letting him go anywhere for the next fifty years, so stop with the interrupting.” Buffy was looking at the guides with a mixture of hope and her own special ‘don’t mess with the Slayer’ look. She had made herself comfortable behind Spike. Her chin was resting on Spike’s shoulder, while her arms and legs were wrapped around him from behind. Willow and Dawn were enjoying the warmth of Spike’s wings, which were draped over the girls on each side. “Thank you, Slayer. Any questions any one of you may have will be answered later. William, we have watched you very closely over the last few years. You have developed an immense talent for helping your charges. You have helped thousands of souls to find their way and not end up in one of the hell dimensions without any rest, but your time as that guardian is now over. You will keep your wings and game face as you call it, but you will be able to hide them. You can go out in the sun without turning to dust, and you’ll still have your strength from when you were a vampire. This way you will be able to help someone of great importance to the Powers That Be; your soul mate. Which is of course you, Slayer. You will teach and train the younger slayers and fighting the good fight….” Once again the guides were interrupted. This time by happy screaming from the girls who were hugging Spike excitedly on the bed. Even Giles and Xander were watching the scene of the shell-shocked and winged vampire covered with three laughing girls with some amusement. Over the years, they had begrudgingly declared that, yeah, they were in a way missing Spike and would be content if they could tell him that in person. Giles was looking forward to talking with Spike about his final death in Sunnydale, and his time as a guardian; when things had quietened down a bit. “Ladies, if you would be so kind, we would like to go on with our explanations.” Sheepishly, the girls went back to their positions around Spike. He was visibly glowing from the attention and positive welcome from the Scoobies, and the news the guides had for him. He couldn’t wait to start his new future with Buffy, his true soul mate. He would never have to worry again about whether he really was right for her and was what she needed. “Thank you. Our explanations won’t take much longer and it’s only one last thing you need to know. Dear William, you are a true Immortal now. That means nothing can kill you and every bruise or injury will heal without a mark. This also applies to you, Immortal Slayer, as soon as you become his mate. But don’t worry, that doesn’t mean that you will have to stay here on earth for eternity. When you feel the need to leave this plane, or maybe simply take a break, you’ll be able to come to the realm of the higher beings. Does this solution suit you both?” “Are you kidding? Bloody hell! You’re telling me that I can spend eternity with the woman I love, and wanted to worship for the rest of my life; which now is forever and you’re asking if that suits me? I don’t need to go to heaven, because right now, at this moment, I am. If you had faces I would kiss you both.” Turning round on the bed, almost knocking Dawn and Willow to the floor, he took Buffy in his embrace and kissed her passionately. “Buffy, do you want to be my mate? Will you spend eternity with me? We will be so good together. I’ll love you every day. Worship the ground you walk on. Help you train the slayerettes. Take care of the Scoobies. Fight for and with you forever. Say yes, and make me the happiest man on earth.” Buffy had tears in her eyes, and had to laugh when she heard the reference to his proposal from so many years ago. There was only one answer that she could give to the man she wanted to spend eternity with. “Oh, Spike! Of course it's yes!” They wrapped themselves in each other’s arms, and soon forgot the rest of the world as they kissed. Spike embraced her with his wings, shielding her while she was sitting in his lap. “It seems like our work is done. Mr. Giles, if you, or any of you, have questions we would be willing to answer them, but I think it would be better to change location. I don’t think the Slayer and her vampire are interested in any conversation at the moment. Perhaps we should leave them be and assemble in your office for the questions.” “Yes of course, that would be no problem. Dawn, would you be so kind as to help Willow make some tea? And Xander, could you inform the rest of the teachers that they will have to take over Buffy’s classes for today. Oh, and please try to put up some kind of “Do Not Disturb” sign on Buffy’s door. I… er.. don’t think we will see them for some time, and I don’t want any of the younger slayers scared out of their wits by walking in on them by accident. We will inform the teachers and slayers of the new situation this evening at dinner.” The Scoobies and the guides left the room with a last glance at the kissing couple. tbc

Chapter #4 - Chapter 4

AN: Sorry, but yeah, that's it, the last chapter. I hope you will enjoy and treasure it lol, because I don't think I'll write anything NC 17 so soon again. My poor brain. ;) Thanks again for Tamakin84 for betaing and inspiring this little tale with her amazing banner. Special thanks to Gillypod for being so kind and betaing it again. Huggles babes. Thanks for all those nice reviews!!! PS *insert big smile and thank you* I was nominated in the categories Best Love Stories, Sexiest fic *raises eyebrow*, Best written and Best author *lol* for "Can I rest now?" at the Lost in Spike awards. Lookie and clickie Chapter 4 “Are they gone yet? Maybe we should lock the door before anyone even thinks about coming back, because I really don’t plan on leaving the room anytime soon.” Buffy was feeling light-headed from the amazing kisses Spike and she had been exchanging. She couldn’t believe that she had lived for over ten years without this; and how she could ever have doubted his ability to love? He could take her to heaven and back with just some kisses. She never wanted him to stop. “Kitten, you heard the watcher. I don’t think anyone will dare to disturb us over the next decade. Now come here and give me some more of those hot kisses. I missed that sassy mouth of yours and I plan to put it to good use.” Spike was smirking at Buffy and she happily relaxed back into his embrace and once comfortable in his lap, locked lips with him again. “I really could get used to your nice wings, Spike. They make me feel all comfy and protected. Not to mention that they will keep me warm during the nights, so I will always have my own personal blankey wherever I go… or do you plan to have your own room, Spike? Maybe you’ll have trouble sleeping beside me, or cuddling up to me after all those years alone?” Buffy had started to grind her hips on the steadily-growing bulge she could feel through his jeans. She began nibbling on his neck, tracing her nails over his already naked chest and up over his shoulders to stroke the wings as far as she could reach, before bringing them back again to scratch over his sensitive nipples. She was getting even more turned on by the groans he couldn’t hold back. In a swift move, he tugged at her hips and pulled her even closer to his straining erection. “You little minx! As if I could stay away from you even for a night. Do you have any idea how much I missed you? How I longed to see you one more time; talk to you, and tell you again and again that you are the one? Those nights I spent in your room felt like heaven and hell mixed in to one. Heaven to be able to see you, knowing that you were alright, and hell for not being able to touch you, like I longed to. Last night was the best night of my life; waking up to see your face and seeing the love shining in your eyes. I thought my heart would burst from my chest. Bloody hell, do you even know how happy you made me when you agreed to become my mate and spend eternity by my side?” Spike had trouble keeping his tears at bay, and was now holding her head in both his hands kissing her soundly on the lips and tasting her like a starved man; exploring the warm cavern of her mouth. He let his hands wander through her golden locks, letting them fall like fine silk through his fingers. Eternity wouldn’t be enough time to spend with her. For ten long years he had ached to see her again, to feel and taste her, and he knew now that he would never get enough of her. She was his golden goddess and his salvation. Letting his hands slowly trail a delicate line from her neck, over her shoulders and down her sides, he reached the hem of her flimsy negligee and slowly, delicately, revealed her bronzed skin to his hungry gaze. “I love you so much, Buffy. I can’t believe I’m with you again. You are so beautiful. Tell me you are mine, please? I need to hear it.” Leaning down he continued kissing and teasingly sucking on the skin over her collarbone. He drew imaginary paintings with his tongue;tasting her, remembering the times he spent worshipping her body and finding all her little spots that drove her wild. Just like that little dip where her collarbone met and her skin was so sensitive. Moving his hands up, he cradled her breast in his hands, massaging them and playing with her sensitive nipples till they hardened to little buds. Buffy had trouble holding on to any coherent thoughts, while Spike continued his loving assault. It had been so long since she had been touched. She had never let any other man get so close to her since Spike’s death; too deep had her longing and love for him been. That was the only thing that mattered now – Spike, and showing him that she loved him; proving it to him over and over again. “Yes, I am yours, only yours. Always have been and always will be. I’m going to show you everyday how much I love and need you. I am going to make it up to you, for all the times I used you. I will never let you go again. You are mine.” Using her slayer strength she reversed their positions till Spike was now lying on his back with his hands holding onto her hips. He pressed his jeans-clad cock into her warm crotch, which was covered only by a thin barrier of lace. Leaning down she kissed him hungrily and started nibbling down his chest, paying extra attention to his nipples again, then tracing his pecs with her tongue, alternating between licks and little bites. Judging by the sounds Spike was making, he was enjoying it. Upon reaching his jeans, she carefully undid his belt and one by one popped open the buttons, freeing his straining erection to lie proudly on his belly. Taking hold of his jeans she started pulling them off his legs, leaving little love bites on his legs. Returning to his lap she swirled her tongue over his head, tasting the precum that had collected there, then she firmly started to stroke his erection. Taking the head in her mouth, she lightly licked round it, paying extra attention to the sensitive underside of the cock. Hearing Spike’s incoherent moans encouraged Buffy even more. She started taking him deeper and deeper into her warm mouth. Working her hand in time with the movements of her mouth, she started swallowing around the head when his cock slid into her throat. He couldn’t take it anymore and stilled her with a hand on her shoulder. “Buffy, you are killing me here, come back and kiss me. I don’t want to come yet, but I won’t be able to stop if you keep that up.” “Oh no, honey, when I spoil my man, you just gotta lay back and enjoy. I think I have a lot to make up to you. I can’t even remember how often I hit those strong arms and legs, abused your chest with punches until your ribs almost broke. How your face is still so amazingly beautiful even though I broke your nose more often than I can count, astounds me. All those hits and you never lost the love which always shone in your eyes. How could I have been so blind? Can you ever forgive me, Spike?” Sitting up, he grabbed her arms and pulled her up again to lie on his chest. He cradled her in his arms and peppered kisses all over her face. Spike hoped to calm the now-distressed slayer, who was overwhelmed with the memories that had come back to her. “Buffy, pet, listen to me, we both made mistakes. I treated you liked you belonged in the dark, but you were always destined to be in the blazing sunshine; not in the cold of night with me. We were both so foolish then, but that is long over. We now have the chance to start over and spend eternity loving each other. Let’s not dwell on the past, because that’s were it is, in the past. We are going to start our new bright future now. Each of us have grown and learned from our mistakes, and the only thing that matters now is that we are together and love each other. I love you, and nothing will ever change that, and now I am going to make love to you, ok, pet?” With a watery smile, Buffy hesitantly nodded at Spike, then leaned over to press a chaste kiss on his lips. In one swift move Spike rolled Buffy on her back, and leaned over her while kissing and nibbling her neck. His hands weren’t idle either and were making a path down her arm and back over her tummy to her breast. He had his mind set on making Buffy forget about the guilt she was feeling; showing her how it would be from now on. Making his way torturously slowly from her neck to her breast, he started kneading her breast while he laved the other one with little kisses and licks, till he reached her tight nipple that was straining for attention from his talented mouth. “Oh, Spike, I missed you so much, I missed this, I missed ahhhh…” Spike had swiftly moved his left hand down to her mound and started stroking her clit. Then he stroked up and down over her slit, gathering the pooled moisture at her entrance and rubbing her clit again. Buffy’s hips lifted off the bed and her body convulsed as her orgasm ripped through her body. Giving her a lingering kiss while she came down from her orgasm, he started kissing a path down to where his hands were still lightly stroking her nether lips. Stopping briefly to let his tongue circle her navel, he went further down and kissed her above her clit. Carefully he spread her lips and laid her pussy bare to his hungry gaze. “Oh, kitten, how I’ve missed you. I can’t wait to taste you again.” Without even waiting for a reply, Spike darted out his tongue and teasingly ran a path from her little nubbin down to her entrance, where he lapped at her juices like a kitten. They both gave similar mewls of contentment and when Spike stuck first one, then a second finger in her pussy, stretching her, Buffy’s hips pressed urgently against his fingers and face, trying to increase the pressure of his pushes. “Ah ah, pet, slowly; I am going to savor this. I am going to take you so often to the edge you’ll forget your own name and everything that happened before. I am going to make you fly.” Spike made good on his promise, concentrating his attention on stroking her tight channel with his fingers, repeatedly teasing her g-spot, while he licked, sucked and kissed her clit. Buffy was almost delirious with pleasure, but when she felt her second orgasm approach, she knew she didn’t want to come without her vampire inside her. Filling and completing her. “Spike, I need you inside me, now. I don’t want to come without you again, please?” Spike had been rock hard since Buffy had teased him with her mouth. Her taste, and the little sounds she made while he had pleasured her with his tongue and hands, had only increased his arousal. He simply couldn’t say no to such an invitation, and soon he was holding himself over her with his cock nudging at her ready entrance. He paused and stared into her eyes, trying to see if there were any doubts and to make sure she really wanted it. “I love you, Spike. Show me how much you love me.” That was all Spike needed as inch by agonizing inch, he sank into her warm depths. They both gave equal sighs of contentment when he filled her all the way. They kept still for a moment, just savoring the missed connection. Spike was trying very hard not to come while her muscles massaged his shaft. “Oh my god, Buffy, you feel so good. I feel like I am home. Never leave, please, never ever leave me. I love you.” “I won’t leave you, and no one can separate us again. We are forever. Make love to me and make me yours, just like you are mine.” Slowly Spike started to pull out of her warmth and immediately sank back down, hitting her clit on each downward stroke. They were kissing and touching wherever their hands could reach, whispering words of love and longing. Soon they found their own rhythm; the only things that mattered were Buffy, Spike and their union. The longer their coupling lasted, the quicker and harder their movements became. They were moulded so tight into each other that no one could tell where one began and the other ended. Buffy had wrapped her legs around Spike hips and her hands were clawing at his back. Spike hadn’t been able to hold himself up any longer. He held Buffy close with one arm around her waist, as the other one cradled the back of her head while he kissed and nibbled on her neck. In time with Spike’s thrusts, his wings started to beat and soon the couple was hovering in midair above the bed, completely oblivious to their surroundings. Spike felt the telltale signs of Buffy’s approaching orgasm. As her pussy walls started to flutter around him, and with a last effort to prolong his orgasm, he concentrated on the old scars he was going to eliminate. With a growled ‘I love you’ he changed to game face and sank his fangs into Buffy’s neck. Screaming his name, Buffy came undone as soon as Spike took his first pull of her powerful slayer blood. Reacting on instinct, she bit down hard on Spike’s neck with her human teeth till she could taste the coppery flavor of his blood. As with Buffy, Spike’s orgasm was triggered by his mate’s bite. His hips started to jerk uncontrollably as he shot jets of cum deep inside her womb. When he was spent and stopped moving, they slowly floated back down to the bed. Letting go of each other’s neck, they looked deeply into each others eyes and in union they declared, “Mine!” Still in game face, Spike kissed Buffy and then nicked her tongue on one of his fangs doing the same to his own, and mingled their blood. They reluctantly ended their kiss, and with great care licked the claiming marks closed before turning back for another kiss. “Yours” They felt the completion of the bond. All the love and hope inside them was shared. Finally, for the first time in their lives, they felt whole. “Buffy, that was the greatest gift I’ve ever received. To have you as my mate; I can’t believe this has actually happened. No one ever wanted to be mine, or wanted me for themselves. You’re not regretting it, pet?” “Never, Spike. You are mine and those who couldn’t see what they had in you were fools, but thank god I finally opened my eyes and saw what a great gift was given to me with your love. Now we have eternity.” “Eternity, pet, won’t be enough for me. Love you.” Rolling on his back he took Buffy with him, still intimately connected, and she rested her head on his chest. Within moments they were both asleep, Spike’s wings instinctively covering Buffy’s naked form to keep her warm. The End