Wiping The Slate Clean by ya_lublyu_tebya

Chapter #1 - Joan & Randy

Joan & Randy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Joan!” he called, warning her of the vampire at her back and giving her time to duck and spin into a kick, sweeping the vampire off his feet. She threw him a smile and crouched to drive the stake through the vampire’s chest. At the same time, Randy killed two vampires in quick succession and she righted herself, giving him a smile. He wasn’t so bad for a vampire. She nodded to the right as a weird shark-headed demon approached and Randy swirled to face it, grimacing at the sight of it. It went up to him and started to speak to him. “You're an odd duck, Mister Spike. Fighting your own kind ... palling around with a Slayer. And whoa, that suit! Chutzpah must be your middle name.” “Randy, who’s Spike?” she called out and he glanced at her over his shoulder. “No idea,” he answered with a shrug, turning back to the demon. “Hey, look, um ... about our little debt problem, it's okay, I don't need the kittens.” With a final, scared look the demon left them and she frowned as Randy turned back to her and gave her a ‘no idea’ look, complete with shrug. “Do you think we should head back to the shop?” she asked, not entirely used to this taking charge thing, especially as Randy was just as strong as her by the looks of it, “See if Rupert and Anya have found anything?” “Seems as good an idea as any.” She moved forward and they set off for the shop side-by-side. “Hey, d’you think the others know ‘bout me?” Randy spoke up after some time and she turned to him. “’Bout the vampire thing?” “You mean, when we all have full memories? I don’t know. Maybe you kept it a secret.” “Maybe,” he mused. “Do you want to tell them?” she asked and he grimaced. “After your reaction, maybe not, love.” She frowned and gave him an embarrassed smile. “Sorry about that. I just saw that you were a vampire and ran.” He smiled slightly and gave a half-shrug. “Guess I can’t blame you.” She smiled and they continued on, she unable to shake a certain feeling niggling at her. “Randy...do you think we’re...” She trailed off uncertainly and he turned to her, blue eyes fixing on her. “Yeah, love?” he asked, coming to a halt. She paused for a moment, opened her mouth – and then shook her head. “Never mind. It’s nothing.” He gave her a strange look but when she smiled hesitantly, he looked away and they moved off once again, coming within sight of the shop. She personally couldn’t wait to find out who she really was because there were plenty of questions in her mind – many of them about the vampire by her side. Her friend the vampire? They entered the shop and she frowned when there was no sign of any of the others. The shop was eerily quiet and she moved to one of the tables, sitting down and resting her chin on her hand. “Well, now what?” she murmured, looking around the empty shop. It really was full of strange things. She dragged her gaze away from a jar of suspicious-looking parts as Randy settled on a chair next to her. “I guess we wait it out.” She sighed and leant back on the chair. “It’s not like we know where anywhere else is.” He smiled softly and leant back in his chair, stretching his long legs out in front of him. They fell into a somewhat awkward silence and she sighed, sneaking glances at him as she continued to survey the shop. “I’m sure they’ll be back soon,” she spoke up after a long silence. “Yeah,” he answered, his hands twitching in his pockets. They were silent again and she bit her lip, looking round the room for some sort of inspiration. Finding none, she gave up and drew her legs up onto the chair, wrapping her arms around herself. “You alright?” Randy asked and she looked over to find him studying her, his head tilted at an angle. She felt a little fluttering in her stomach at the look he was giving her but she smiled awkwardly. “I hate this.” He remained quiet, prompting her to continue. “I hate not knowing who I am. Not knowing my last name … my address … my age, for God’s sake!” She sighed and rested her chin against her raised knees, giving him an exasperated look. “Nothing we can do but wait, I guess.” “In case you haven’t guessed, I don’t do patient well,” she commented and he smiled softly. “Same.” They fell silent again and she let out another sigh, inspecting her shoes. “I’d put you at twenty-one, maybe twenty-two.” She raised her head and gave him a half-hearted smile. “Thanks.” He smiled again and then ducked his head, pulling a lighter out of his pocket and flicking it open before snapping it shut again. She sighed and closed her eyes, resting her head against her knees. Where had the others got to? There was no sound in the room but the clicking of Randy’s lighter as he fiddled with it and finally she had to break the silence. “I don’t even know you,” she commented, looking at him. “Well, that makes two of us,” he commented with a grimace, “Name’s Randy... vampire... and apparently I smoke.” He flicked the lighter shut and replaced it in his pocket, crossing his arms and bouncing his leg. It was kind of sweet, the way he couldn’t sit still. She could feel the same buzz in herself though- especially after the fight with the vampires. She felt like she had only just got warmed up and it was a strange thought that maybe she might have liked the violence. She unfolded her legs and sat up in the chair, once again looking around the room in boredom. Her eyes landed on Randy once again and she studied him from under her eyelashes as he picked his nails. The tweed was not a good look, but despite that, there was definite potential. Not her usual type – well, she thought not – but definitely not bad. His eyes rose to hers just then and she froze as he caught her watching him. She got that funny feeling once again and once again she couldn’t help wondering if maybe she and Randy were more than friends. She realised then she was still staring at him – not that he had looked away either – and she averted her eyes awkwardly, focussing on a spot on the floor. “Joan-“ Whatever Randy had been about to say was prevented as the door to the shop suddenly flew open and they both braced themselves, only to relax again when they recognised the group. “There you are!” she exclaimed, jumping to her feet, “We were waiting for ages.” The group shuffled into the room, some looking more miserable than others and she frowned. There was definitely not a happy vibe coming off the group. Rupert looked up as she greeted them and smiled wearily. “Ahh, Buffy, you’re back,” he commented and she frowned, looking behind her before sharing a confused look with Randy. “Erm, who’s Buffy?” Suddenly all eyes were fixed on her and she frowned. “What?!” Rupert moved forward, removing his glasses and polishing them before studying her once more with his glasses on. “Do you know who you are?” he asked. “Well, duh. Joan. We did this before. Did you guys lose your memories again while me and Randy were fighting the vampires?” There was a look of bewilderment on the faces of the group and she shared another confused look with Randy as Rupert turned to Willow. “I want the exact details of that spell,” he bit out, “Something’s obviously gone wrong.” “I don’t understand. It- it should have finished when the crystal got broken,” Willow stuttered nervously, glancing at the group, “There’s no reason they shouldn’t remember...” She trailed off and the whole group turned back to her and Randy. She glanced at him and gave him a wry smile. “Guess we’re the ones who don’t remember, huh?” “Seems so,” he murmured as he studied the group, as if looking at them long enough might bring back memories, “So, Dad, what’s the plan?” Rupert looked horrified and took to cleaning his glasses again. “I am not your father... thank God.” She glanced at Randy and saw realisation dawn in his expression. “Well, I guess not, me being dead and all.” Rupert turned back to them in surprise, his eyes fixed on Randy. “You know you’re a vampire?” “Well, haven’t seen for myself…” he explained uncertainly, “But Joan says so...Apparently gave her a bit of a fright.” He glanced at her and she smiled, before turning to Rupert. “But he’s a good vampire, right? I mean, we figured he must be because he was helping me... and he didn’t want to bite me.” Alex gave a cough and she frowned at him in confusion before turning back to Rupert, not exactly relieved by his frown. “Well, err, it’s complicated... but yes, Spike – err, Randy – does fight on your side.” “Spike,” Randy repeated quietly, raising his head, “That’s me, isn’t it? That’s my name.” “Yes,” Rupert confirmed. “Well, anything’s better than Randy, I guess,” he murmured with a shrug and she giggled, “What’s Joan’s real name then?” “Buffy,” Rupert said and she frowned as Randy - Spike - burst out laughing. “Hey!” she protested and he stopped, struggling to suppress his laughter, “Shut up, Spike!” “Well, guess some things are instinctive,” Alex commented and she frowned, not understanding his comment. “So, erm, me and Ran- Spike- are the only ones without our memories back?” “It seems so,” Rupert explained with a look of sympathy, “But we’ll do some research and fix it as soon as possible.” He turned and glared at Willow and she ducked her head. Buffy could only frown, not understanding the interaction between the two.

Chapter #2 - Searching For Truth

Searching For Truth ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She was sitting by Tara, watching the others uncertainly as they searched through numerous old books, searching for an answer to her and Spike’s situation. She was still reeling from all the new information she had had to absorb: new names, new relationships within the group. It turned out that Willow had done a spell to make her girlfriend (which was still a strange thought), Tara, forget some bad things but instead they had all lost their memories. The spell had been broken but for some reason, she and Spike had been left without their memories. She sighed and fiddled with the sleeve of her shirt. Spike had gone with Alex - no, Xander - to get a change of clothes and she felt strangely uncomfortable without him around. After all, it was quite nice having someone to share her predicament with. But maybe tweed really wasn’t his thing, she thought with a giggle. She then thought back on her earlier feeling regarding the vampire and she looked at the quiet blonde beside her, wondering whether to dare ask her. This not remembering anything was killing her. “Erm, Tara?” Tara dragged her gaze away from the redhead and looked at her, smiling soothingly. “Yes?” “Erm, I wanted to ask you something...about me.” “Oh.” “Well, about me and Ra- Spike.” “You and Spike?” the girl asked nervously, glancing around the room. “Yeah, I mean...” she lowered her voice, glancing at the group and turning back to the girl, “Well...are we together?” “Sorry?!” the girl blurted out, surprise in her features. “Well, I just get this weird feeling around him and I thought maybe...well, we’re both superheroes or something... And he is kinda cute... in a tweedy way.” Tara was moving her mouth, attempting to speak, but stopping again and glancing uncertainly at the group. At that, the door opened and the two guys returned and her eyes flew now to Spike’s new outfit. He was dressed head to toe in black and her eyes went wide at the sight of his tight-fitting jeans and T-shirt. It was topped with a black duster that fell to his ankles and with a nervous cough when he tilted his head at her, she turned back to Tara. “That cute thing I said? I take it back. Not cute...” she trailed off, unable to resist taking another look, “Seriously hot.” Tara gave a giggle and she snapped her gaze back to her, blushing. “Does he normally dress like that?” she asked, still blushing. “That’s pretty much Spike’s uniform.” “Oh,” Buffy murmured, sneaking another glance at him as he leant against the counter, “So, erm...are we?” She turned back to the girl, searching her face. “No. No, you’re not. You’re...err...you’re friends.” “Oh, right,” she murmured, unsure why she felt disappointment pool in her stomach. Spike moved towards her then and the disappointment lurched into nervousness as he dropped into a chair at her side, legs spread out in front of him. “Any update?” he asked. “Nope. Still no clues as to why we’re stuck like this.” “Not sure I want to be back to myself,” he mused, tucking his hands behind his head, “Your friend there was pretty forthcoming about the kind of vampire I was. Apparently I came here to kill you.” “Oh?!” she asked in surprise, “But you haven’t. I wonder why.” “He didn’t say,” he murmured, bright eyes finding hers, “But I’ve got some ideas of my own.” She nodded and dragged her gaze from his intense one, flashing Tara a small smile and watching the group, half-hoping that at any moment, someone would announce that they had found a cure. Several hours later, she was less than hopeful about a cure and she couldn’t stop a yawn. She stifled it with her hand and Spike sent her a sympathetic smile as he shuffled a deck of cards deftly. She couldn’t help watching his hands move, mesmerised by the movements, but quickly looked away with a blush at the group. Each of them had their head buried in an old dusty tome and she frowned. It didn’t look like the research was going anywhere soon. “Erm, guys?” she called out and almost as one, they lifted their heads, relief lining many of their faces, “Is there a sleeping break planned into the frantic research?” Willow looked at her watch and frowned. “I didn’t realise how late it was.” “It doesn’t look like we’re getting anywhere so maybe we should rest. We’ll have clear heads in the morning and maybe we’ll find something. Or, you know, maybe me and Spike will wake up with our memories!” She shared a smile with the vampire and then turned back to the group. “Either way, sleep is of the good.” “Buffy’s right,” Giles commented, “We should get some rest and continue our research first thing tomorrow.” Xander gave a half-hearted ‘woo’ and pushed himself to his feet. The others began to pack up the books and get ready and she turned to Spike. “Nicely done,” he murmured and she smiled. “So, sleeping is good...” “Yeah. Think I can remember where my crypt was.” “You live in a crypt?” “Apparently so,” he answered with a slight grimace, “Looks alright but a bit dark and dank, you know. Guess it’s a vampire thing.” She smiled and looked over at the group before turning back to him after a moment’s thought. “Look, why don’t you stay with me tonight?” He raised an eyebrow and she felt an instant flush rise up her cheeks. “I mean, you know...in my house...because I wouldn’t want you to be alone and, erm, well-“ “I get it, love. Not of a mind to say ‘no’ to an offer like that.” She smiled widely, but then grimaced. “Only problem is, I have no idea where my house is.” They laughed and she turned back to the group, spotting her sister among the group. “Hey! Dawn!” Dawn instantly headed towards her with a sleepy smile. “Hey.” “So, erm, we have a house, right?” “Yeah,” Dawn answered with an amused smile. “Cool. Have we got any space for Ra- Spike? I don’t think he should be alone tonight, you know. There’s all sorts of baddies out there.” Dawn bit her lip and glanced over at the group. “Erm…” “And I’m sure Mom won’t mind. We’ll just tell her- Oh my God, Mom! Does she know about any of this?!” She hadn’t noticed the sudden paleness of her sister’s face as she worried about what her mother might say. Did her mother even know she was a Slayer? She tried to prompt an image in her mind of her mother, but came up with a blank. She was drawn back to the room as Giles approached her, polishing his glasses. “Erm, the thing is, Buffy…” He cleared his throat and she frowned, not liking how everyone was now looking at her. Maybe her mother didn’t know she was the Slayer after all. “Oh, I get it. She doesn’t know about any of this. Well, we’ll just-“ “She died.” She froze and stared at the man, uncomprehending. “What?!” she got out in a pained whisper. “She died some time ago,” he explained, his eyes soft with sympathy, “She had a tumour...and there were...complications.” Shaking her head, she stumbled backwards and collided with a solid form. Her eyes flew to Spike’s soft gaze and she let him guide her into the chair he had vacated. She threw a helpless glance at the worried faces around her and then sank her head in her hands. Trembling, she took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself. It hurt to know she had lost her mother, yet at the same time, she felt strangely detached. She could not remember having her, let alone losing her. Raising her head slowly, she locked gazes with Giles and forced a weak smile. “I think it’s definitely time to get home.” He nodded and the group once again went into motion, packing things up. Only Spike and Dawn remained close to her, both of them watching her with concern.

Chapter #3 - Home?

Home? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The walk through town was passed in silence as she followed her companions blindly. Even if anyone had spoken, she would not have noticed, so caught up in absorbing every little detail of her hometown. Had that shop always been there? Was that a new billboard? She hated that she didn’t have the answers for any of her idle questions. She found herself studying every passer-by, wondering if they had ever talked, shared a smile, even a look. She was more freaked out about this whole thing than she let on. Somehow, though, she had a feeling that she was looked up to by the members of the group, not least by her little sister. She looked at the tall girl walking in front of her and wished she could summon up even the most insignificant childhood memory. She shook her head and came to a stop alongside the group outside a large house. Dawn turned to her with a hesitant smile. “This is home,” she explained and headed for the door with the two witches, who apparently lived here too. She paused at the end of the path, looking up at the house as if it might spark some age-old memory. This was her home, for God’s sake. Why did it look like every other house on the block? Why didn’t she feel any pull towards it? She jumped as she felt a touch on her arm and spun round to face Spike, only now noticing that the vampire had stayed at her side. “You alright?” he asked softly. She gave him a weak smile and was about to say that she was fine but something about him stopped her from spouting to him the lie she would have given any of the others. “I just...I feel nothing, looking at this house. It could be anyone’s house. I hate being so cut off from everything.” His hand moved to rest against her shoulder and he gave it a light squeeze. “Your friends seem to know what they’re talking about. They’ll figure it out.” She smiled weakly and met his bright gaze. “It’s funny how you call them my friends.” “Well, they’re not mine,” he replied, pulling his hand back and stuffing his hands in his pockets, “Don’t know much, but I sure as hell can tell that.” “What did Xander say to you on the way to yours?” she asked curiously, searching his eyes. “Doesn’t matter,” he murmured, “Come on, let’s get inside before they send out a search party.” With a glance at her, he strode along the path and stopped on the porch, waiting for her. With a slight frown and another glance at this unfamiliar house, she followed him and they went into the house together. As Dawn helped Spike get settled on the couch, finding blankets and a spare pillow, the two witches showed her her room. The tension between the two was more than palpable and she was relieved when they finally bade her goodnight and left her in her room. Left alone, she sank to the bed and glanced around, her eyes darting all around the unfamiliar room. Did she really have a New Kids on the Block poster? What was with the mumsy décor? She realised then that this was nothing more than a normal teenager’s room and, strangely, there was nothing in the room that might indicate that she was a Slayer. She was about to begin a thorough examination of her room, but was stopped as there came a knock at the door. “Yeah?” she called out hesitantly, breathing a sigh of relief when Dawn appeared in the doorway. “Hey.” “Hey. Is everything okay in here?” Dawn asked, watching her worriedly, “I know it must feel weird and all-“ “I’m fine, Dawn,” she soothed, smiling softly, “Just didn’t expect my room to be this nice… or this tidy.” Dawn smiled and she felt a bit better, even though she had been lying to pacify her sister. “Your pyjamas are in the dresser there,” Dawn explained, pointing at the dresser in question. “Thanks.” “Well, erm, I guess I better get to bed.” “Night, Dawn.” “Night.” With a slight smile at her once more, Dawn left the room, shutting the door behind her. She quickly changed into her pyjamas and got into her bed, lying on her back and staring at the ceiling. As she had already guessed though, sleep was not going to come easy tonight. Her mind was too full of questions. Plus, it almost felt like she was sleeping in a stranger’s bed. After what must have been half an hour of hopeless trying, she finally gave up on sleep and pushed herself up, glancing out of the window for a moment before getting to her feet. The house was silent as she made her way out of her room and down the stairs, but as she reached the bottom, she heard the slightest of sounds and when she rounded the corner, she found Spike sat on the couch, eyes fixed on the muted television. He looked up as she moved into the doorway and gave her a wry smile. “Couldn’t sleep?” “Apparently not,” she murmured, glancing at the television as she moved further into the room. He was watching one of those old horror films. About vampires. She smiled softly and nodded at the space on the couch beside him. “Can I?” “Sure,” he replied, shifting slightly to the left to make room for her. She sank onto the sofa beside him and gave him a slight smile. “Seen any friends yet?” she asked with a nod towards the television. With an embarrassed look, he turned off the television and gave her a half-smile. He turned back to the television, watching the empty screen, and she found herself watching him. His watching a programme about vampires showed that he too probably had the same sense of imbalance that she was feeling, not knowing anything about his past, and yet he seemed - outwardly at least - to be dealing with it a lot better than she was. “You’re dealing with this whole thing really well,” she commented, outing her thoughts. He turned to her and gave her another one of those half-smiles that made him look almost boyish. “Benefits of age, I guess.” She gave him an once-over and frowned. “You’re not that old.” “How do you know, love? Could be the oldest vampire you’ve ever met.” She paused for a moment, contemplating it, but he just didn’t fit with the image in her head of a hundred-year-old vampire: ancient and almost-rotten. “You look young anyway.” He gave her another smile and settled back against the couch. After a moment’s silence, he spoke up. “You’re not coping so badly.” “You think?!” she asked incredulously, turning wide eyes on him, “I feel like I might explode if one more thing happens that I don’t understand… or if I see one more thing that I don’t recognise… I hate not knowing anything about me, about my life… even about this stupid town and my job and-” She trailed off and gave him an exasperated look. “You said I was coping?” she quipped tiredly. “Well, you make a very good show of coping.” She was silent for a long moment, turning her gaze to her feet as she pulled them up underneath her. “I get the feeling I do that a lot.” She glanced back at him to find him watching her, his head tilted to one side in a silent plea to continue. “Well, even though I’m the one with the memory loss, I still feel like everyone expects me to be in charge, you know? Expects me to know what to do…” “Does look that way. Guess they usually rely on you to make the decisions.” She sighed and sank back against the soft cushions, hugging her knees. “Well, they’re going to have to figure this out without me because I have no idea about anything. Right now I’m just struggling to stay sane.” He gave her a soft smile and reached out to place his hand over hers, squeezing it gently. “You’re not alone, you know that.” She nodded and moved her hand to wrap her fingers around his, squeezing his hand back. “I know,” she murmured, and then smiled, “Does it sound completely selfish that I’m glad you’re stuck like this too?” He laughed and drew his hand away from hers gently and she felt a little pang at the loss of his soothing touch. “Not at all, love.” He picked up the remote he had abandoned and smiled at her. “Fancy some more ridiculous vampire stories? Unless you want to sleep?” “Vampire stories sounds good to me,” she answered with a smile and he promptly flicked the television back on. She curled up at one end of the sofa and they settled down to watch a hilariously bad film about Dracula. She lurched up, breathing heavily, clawing at her pyjama top in her struggle to breathe. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, had to get out. “Buffy? Buffy, love?” She felt strong hands gripping her arms and she struggled harder. No, she had to get out. “Buffy!” The voice was louder now, almost a growl, and the grip tightened on her arms and suddenly her eyes snapped open, bringing her face to face with a worried Spike. When her eyes met his, she saw the relief on his face and he loosened his grip on her as she scrambled to sit up, her heart hammering in her chest, still struggling to breathe. His hand lingered on her shoulder and she finally raised wide, scared eyes to his. “Are you alright?” he asked softly. She shook her head slightly, taking long, deep breaths. “Buffy? What happened?” “I…I don’t know,” she whispered, wrapping her arms tightly around herself to fight off the sudden chill that had crept through her bones. It was only then that she noticed the blanket over her feet and she realised that Spike must have covered her in it some time after she had fallen asleep. She drew it up now and wrapped herself up in it, shaken to the core by a nightmare that she couldn’t quite remember. It seemed that her body still remembered something horrible that had been lost to her waking mind. “Buffy?” Remembering the vampire now, she raised her head and gave him a shaky smile. “A nightmare. I… I’m fine.” He twitched an eyebrow, obviously not believing her and she sighed. “Okay, not completely fine. But… I’m okay. It was just a nightmare.” He nodded and finally moved his hand from her shoulder, sitting back and running a hand through his tousled hair. And man, when did he lose his T-shirt? Why hadn’t she noticed this before? He was half-wrapped up in a blanket and with a look at the couch behind him, his messed-up hair and the sleepy look in his eyes, she realised she had woken him from his sleep. “I’m sorry I woke you.” “Huh? Oh, no worries, pet. Just glad you’re okay.” He rubbed at his leg and sank back against the couch with a sigh. “And glad you stopped with the kicking.” “Oh God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean-” “It’s fine,” he answered with a smile, “No harm done.” She frowned and hugged herself tighter in the protective cocoon of her blanket. He suddenly stretched and she found her eyes glued to his chest and the way the muscles moved. He seemed not to notice her though and when he bent forward to retrieve his T-shirt from the floor, she quickly looked away, hoping to cover her blush. He tugged on his T-shirt and got to his feet. “I’m just gonna go out front for a smoke. You gonna be okay?” She nodded, sinking her head into the cushions, hugging the blanket around her. He moved towards the door but paused at her side, brushing a hand over her hair. “Try and get some more rest, yeah? Still a few hours ‘til sun-up.” She nodded once more and he smiled, drawing his hand away and moving out of the room, leaving her with the unsettling half-memory of her dream.

Chapter #4 - Secrets

Secrets ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Summers’ house was humming with activity and it was still only nine o’clock. A bleary-eyed Buffy sat curled up on the couch, the blanket she had slept under still wrapped around her. At least her sleep hadn’t been disturbed by any more nightmares, she thought thankfully. Although, if she’d known Giles was going to turn up at eight-thirty, she would have tried to get to sleep earlier. As it was, she was struggling to suppress her yawns as the research continued in her living room. Giles had brought a veritable mountain of books to be looked through and she got a headache just looking at them. The others, although not thrilled, had soon begun to work their way through the books. She figured they had definitely been prompted by the realisation this morning that the memories were not going to suddenly come back over night – as some of them had obviously hoped. As a result, the research seemed even more frantic than the day before and once again she got the feeling that they were desperate to get their leader back. Tired with watching them, she forced herself up off of the couch and headed for the kitchen. She found her sister talking to Spike and gave both of them a smile as she slid onto a stool. “How’s it going in there?” Spike asked. “Don’t ask!” she groaned, causing the two to laugh, “Is research always this mad?” “Erm...sometimes,” Dawn explained, “But, well, you don’t usually wait. You’re usually Miss Action, you know.” Buffy smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I figured that.” She shared a smile with the vampire and turned back to her sister. “So, do we have any food?” As the day wore on, she began to realise that staying indoors was driving her mad. She could not sit still and she found herself pacing the floor outside the living room, waiting for the ‘eureka’ that would save her. There seemed to be little progress though and she found herself itching to do something, anything, to solve this problem quicker. When she found Spike hiding out on the shaded back porch, she was almost tempted to start smoking. He just looked so relaxed with cigarette in hand, leaning against the wall of the house. “Do you work at being this cool?” she asked him and he arched an eyebrow in amusement. “Not particularly.” “How are you not going mad?” “Know I can’t do anything but wait.” “But still... Arghh! I feel like I might scream!” He gave her a crooked smile and took a long drag on his cigarette, puffing the smoke out in a grey cloud. “Know the feeling, love. Don’t like this any more than you do.” “But you’re, like, Mr. Cool.” “Maybe I’m just good at pretending,” he commented with a slight smile, “But I can tell you, I can’t wait to remember.” She nodded in agreement and leant back against the wall beside him, surprised by just how much calmer she felt around him. Some time later, the group suddenly buzzed into motion and, drawn from the kitchen by the noise, Buffy rushed into the living room. As she entered the room though, Giles was just taking a book from a wide-eyed Willow and tucking it under his arm, giving Buffy a warm smile. “What’s up?” she asked with a slight frown. “Nothing at all. I just... I believe it would be more beneficial to move the research to the shop.” She saw Willow frown in confusion and frowned herself, sure she was missing something. “Well, cool, shop it is.” “No,” Giles blurted out, and then gave her another calm smile, “Maybe you should stay here, Buffy. We shall of course contact you if we find anything. There’s no need for you to be bored for no reason.” Okay, something was definitely being hidden from her and she frowned, but when she looked at the redheaded witch, Willow gave her an encouraging smile. Turning back to Giles, she met his gaze. “Well, actually, I was kinda thinking...maybe I could go...hunting, or whatever it is I do. You know, after the vampires.” “Patrolling,” Xander supplied helpfully and she gave him a brief smile before turning back to Giles. “Well, I don’t-“ “I still remember how to fight. Me and Spike took those vampires out in no time yesterday.” Giles hesitated for a moment longer, glanced at the others, and then finally sagged and nodded. “Just...be careful, Buffy. If you are in danger, come to us immediately.” “Of course. I’ll be fine, anyway. Me and Spike will kick ass again.” Giles gave her a hesitant smile, securing the book under his arm and beckoning the others to ready themselves. Slayer and vampire were soon left alone in the empty house and she was almost bouncing with pent-up energy. Spike had been warned earlier that one ray of sunshine would be the end of him and so they were waiting for the last rays of the sun to disappear. Sunset was just minutes away and she was desperate to get out onto the streets of Sunnydale. Spike sat on the couch, watching her with amusement as she paced the short hallway. “Pet, you’re going to wear a hole in the floor if you carry that on.” She came to an abrupt halt and gave him a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I just can’t wait.” “Don’t think it’ll be too long now,” he remarked, glancing out at the darkening sky. She forced herself to stay still until finally, about five minutes later, he announced that it looked like it was safe to go out. She was out the door in seconds and the vampire caught up with her at the path, falling into step beside her with a smile and a shake of his head. In no time, they were in one of Sunnydale’s seemingly endless number of cemeteries and she slowed her pace, on the lookout for vampires. “What do you think we look for?” she whispered, glancing over at the vampire beside her. “Dunno. Guess we just hope we run into something.” Spike’s words had been wishful thinking and after half hour of walking, they had found nothing. They left the first cemetery and soon found themselves in another one and by this time, Buffy was edgy with pent-up energy. She felt the urge to hit something growing quite scarily and breathed a sigh of relief when they finally spotted movement up ahead. They moved forward warily, but when they saw a girl being pinned to a tree with a vampire at her neck, Buffy cried out. “Hey!” The vampire spun round to face her with a grimace and growled at her. She heard a growl at her side and glanced over to see Spike in vampire face too. He looked at her, golden eyes meeting hazel, and she nodded, urging him on as she leapt towards the vampire. It wasn’t a perfect attack but it caught the vampire off-guard and he ended up releasing his dinner and she quickly fled from the scene. He growled again and aimed a kick at her which she dodged just as Spike lunged forward and punched the vampire in the face. He stumbled backwards and she joined Spike in kicking it further back until it was pinned against a crypt. Spike somehow caught hold of the vampire, struggling to keep him still as Buffy tried to get her stake out of her pocket. Finally, it was free, and she plunged it into the vampire’s chest, turning him to dust. She shared a smile with Spike and he looked behind him at the crypt. “Hey, this is my crypt,” he exclaimed, “Recognise the decoration.” He moved around the front and she followed him, moving through the door he opened and into a dim room. She was surprised to find it furnished – sparsely, but furnished nonetheless – and he turned to her with a smile. “Not so bad, is it?” “Guess not. Where’s your coffin?” she asked curiously, not seeing one in the large room. He laughed slightly and pointed to a large hole in the floor. “There’s another room down there with a big double bed.” “Oh,” she got out in embarrassment, “Guess that’s a myth then, the sleeping in coffins thing.” “Can say it doesn’t appeal to me none. Can’t speak for other vampires though.” She smiled and moved further into the room, taking a peek at the magazines that were scattered on a table and running her hand over the television. “It’s not so bad. It’s kinda...chic. Vampire chic.” He chuckled lowly and she gave him a wide grin. “Cheers.” They were silent for a moment and then she spoke up with a sigh. “Well, I guess we should get to the others. I have a feeling they’ll want a full report.” With a smile, he followed her out of the crypt and back into the cemetery. They finally found their way to the shop, getting lost once or twice along the way – and finding Sunnydale’s only club in the process – but finally finding their way to what Buffy recognised as the back of the shop. Luckily, the door was open and they went in, moving through what she had been told was her training room towards the door to the main part of the shop. As they grew nearer, the voices from the next room became more distinct. “But I don’t understand.” That was Xander. “You mean, they want to be memory-less?” Signalling Spike to stay quiet, she stopped by the door, pressing her ear to it as Giles spoke up. “Not a conscious desire, I believe, but yes. Some part of them wishes to lose the memories they had. And so the reversal of the spell did not affect them.” “But why?” Willow murmured. There was silence in the room and Buffy glanced back at Spike. He was listening intently and she turned back to the door, not daring to move into the room. It was obvious this was not something the group wanted to share with them yet. “Well, duh,” Dawn spoke, “Wouldn’t you want to forget if you were Buffy?!” There was another silence and she frowned at the belief that she would want to be stuck like this. What was so bad that she wanted to forget? Obviously there was something big in her past that no-one was telling her about. “But what about Spike?” Willow asked. “Yeah!” Xander piped up, “He loves bragging about his past and all the people he killed!” “He used to,” Dawn spoke up again, “But now he wants to be better...for Buffy.” “So he thinks having no memory will make Buffy look twice at him?!” Xander scoffed, “As if! Even without her memories, Buffy’s not that stupid!” She didn’t want to hear anymore and she turned back to the vampire with a pained look. He met her eyes for a long moment, but then turned his gaze from hers. She moved forward though and rested her hand on his arm. “Let’s get out of here,” she whispered. He nodded, not meeting her eyes, and followed her soundlessly out of the shop once more.

Chapter #5 - Hurting and Hiding

Hurting and Hiding ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Somehow they ended up in the club they had passed – the Bronze – and they sat in silence in one of the booths at the back, both of their gazes fixed on the people around them. The words they had overheard were running through Buffy’s mind and she just couldn’t believe that her supposed friends thought she wanted to be stuck this way, with no memory of who she really was. After all, it was one of those supposed friends who had taken her memories anyway! And now she was to blame. As angry as she was at that, she couldn’t help coming back to the other things they had said- and especially the things that had made the last hour between her and Spike particularly awkward. He had feelings or her… or at least had with all his memories intact. It was kind of a weird feeling, but she was enjoying this awkwardness between them even less. She realised then that since this whole thing had started, being around Spike had kept her calm and she didn’t want to lose that sense of stability now. She finally turned to him and touched his arm. He started at her touch and spun to face her. “Buffy?” “I’m choosing not to believe anything they say. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t want this to happen. So...they must be wrong.” “Right,” he got out uncertainly. “And, erm, well... it doesn’t matter what we’re like with our memories. It doesn’t mean anything now, does it? The stone’s been wiped clean.” “Slate, love.” “Yeah, that. So, clean start. I feel we should celebrate.” She raised the drink she had barely touched and gave him a nervous smile as she waited for him. He eventually smiled back though and raised his glass, touching it to hers and taking a sip. Now, she wasn’t usually one for alcohol...but desperate times and all that. With a couple of drinks inside her, she felt a lot calmer about the whole thing. She could relax and forget that she had, well, forgotten. She didn’t care what her friends thought, she was Buffy either way: with memories or without. And they would just have to deal with that. Spike pushed his way back through the crowd and dropped into the booth at her side, sliding her drink across the table. “M’lady.” She smiled and took the drink, pulling the straw to her lips and taking a long sip. He smiled and settled beside her, one arm resting on the back of the seat as he took a mouthful of whiskey. “I bet you were one of the cool kids at school,” she murmured with a smile, scooting closer so he could hear her over the music, “A rebel, no doubt.” “Bet you were a goody two shoes,” he countered, “Probably a cheerleader too.” “Me? A cheerleader?!” she exclaimed with a laugh, “Na-huh. I bet I was a reject. The weird girl who talked about vampires and demons.” He laughed and took another sip of whiskey, his eyes shining with amusement. “Can imagine you as a little Goldilocks. Probably had the other little boys wrapped around your finger.” “I bet you were actually a jock. Not football... maybe swim team?” They both tailed off and shared a smile. “I bet our lives are actually way more boring than that,” she commented with a sip of her drink, “But hey, we get to make up new histories!” He smiled and shook his head slightly as he took another mouthful of his drink. “I bet you were a mommy’s boy,” she spoke up after a long silence and he twitched an eyebrow at her, “I bet you were! She probably adored you, even if you were a bad boy.” He smirked and she laughed out loud. Her eyes flew across the crowd and she froze as she spotted familiar faces heading their way. “Oh. Great,” she bit out, placing her drink down on the table. Spike frowned and turned towards the crowd and she saw the instant he spotted the group as his shoulders tensed. “Oh God Buffy! There you are!” Willow exclaimed, the first to reach them, “We were worried about you.” “Well, I’m fine,” she answered shortly. The redhead frowned and the others reached them, the two males in particular not looking particularly happy. “Buffy, we were extremely concerned about your wellbeing! You should have reported back to us.” Spike quirked an eyebrow at her, unseen to the group, and she quickly smothered the smile it drew from her. “Well, you guys were so busy. It didn’t seem worth bothering you. You said you’d call if you found anything. You haven’t found anything, have you?” She saw Dawn go to speak but Giles silenced her with a gesture. “Not as yet. It would have been nice to know you’d finished your patrol safely though.” She shrugged and picked up her drink again, taking a sip. “Buffy, are you drinking?!” Willow exclaimed. “Last time I checked, this was a drink, yeah.” “But... alcohol? You’re underage!” Well, that answered that question. “Well, I don’t know that do I!” she countered, “I don’t know anything!” She closed her eyes, fighting to calm herself. She felt Spike’s hand brush against her leg under the table and reached down to lace her fingers through his, letting his touch calm her. She finally opened her eyes and raised her drink again. “And I’m finding it a lot easier to deal with this with some alcohol, thanks very much.” “Buffy! That’s very irresponsible!” “What’s the worst that could happen? I could wake up and not remember tonight! Oh no!” she commented sarcastically, “Oh, wait, I’ve already lost years of memories, what’s a couple of hours going to hurt?!” She saw the looks of shock on her friends’ faces but she just couldn’t deal with them right now. Pushing herself to her feet, she scooted past Spike and pushed past the group. “Excuse me, I need some air.” Without looking back, she made her way out of the club and into the cool, night air. She had half-expected him to follow her and so when Spike caught up with her less than two blocks from the Bronze, she wasn’t surprised as he fell into step beside her. “You alright?” he asked softly and she gave him a grimace in reply. “Fair enough.” She wandered aimlessly, the vampire at her side, until they inevitably reached one of the cemeteries. She recognised it and came to a halt, turning to Spike. “Can we go to yours?” “Sure,” he answered hesitantly. She headed for the crypt and went in ahead of him, letting out a breath she didn’t even realise she’d been holding until then. She stopped in the middle of the floor and felt Spike behind her, watching her. “Buffy?” She drew her eyes away from the hole in the floor and turned to him. “Can we go downstairs?” she asked, “I feel like I can’t get far enough away from them.” He gave her a concerned look but nodded to the hole anyway. She moved forward but he caught her arm, halting her. “Let me go first. S’dark down there and I can see better.” She nodded and let him go first, following him hesitantly into the darkness of the lower level. She was glad he had gone first when she saw just how dark it was. “There’s some candles somewhere,” he murmured, flicking open his lighter to shed a tiny amount of light on the area. Finally, he found some candles and lit them, throwing light into the dark room. And sure enough, it did look like a bedroom. She moved forward hesitantly and perched on the end of the bed, waiting as he finished lighting every candle he could find. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself and bowed her head, wishing she could make this all go away. She felt Spike settle next to her and when he laid a gentle hand against her back, she almost crumbled. “Buffy?” She raised her gaze to his and forced a weak smile. “I don’t know how much longer I can take this,” she whispered. “Come on, love,” he soothed, passing a hand over her hair, “It’ll be alright. They’re just worried about you because they care.” “Well, I wish they wouldn’t! I don’t know them and right now, I don’t really want to.” “Come on now, love. They’re your friends. Nothing changes that.” She frowned and ducked her head, noticing that his hand was still brushing over her hair. It was surprisingly soothing and she closed her eyes, her whole body relaxing. “It’ll work out alright, Buffy,” he murmured and she nodded helplessly. She raised her head and smiled weakly. “Thank you.” “What for?” “You always make me feel better when I feel like I’m going mad.” He smiled and stroked his hand over her hair once more, his fingertips just grazing her cheek. “Tell you a secret, yeah?” She nodded and he smiled softly. “Making you feel better makes me feel better.” She let out a little half laugh and he smiled wider, pulling her into an impromptu hug. It started off as a playful half-hug, but when he went to pull away, she clung to him, winding her arms around him. He froze for a moment but then he tightened his arms around her, his breath cooling her neck as she buried her head in his shoulder. Wrapped up in his arms, her head hidden against him, she felt an unbelievable calm. What was it about this vampire that did this to her? “You alright?” he murmured, one hand stroking her back. She nodded, her head still buried in his shoulder. “Guess I just really needed a hug,” she whispered and with a short chuckle, he tightened his arms around her. “Better?” he whispered and she could hear the smile in his voice. She nodded and let out a sigh as she curled herself against his chest, enjoying the soothing caress of his hand over her back. Somehow, she finally forced herself to pull away and sat back, smiling weakly. “Thanks.” He smiled and brushed a hand over her shoulder. “Anytime.” “Might hold you to that.” He just smiled and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Guess we should get back to yours.” She paused, glancing back at the bed behind them. Her gaze moved to his and she saw him watching her intently. “I know this is a huge favour to ask, but...do you think maybe we could stay here? I mean, can I stay here?” He was silent for a long moment but then he gave her another soft smile. “’Course. But you know you can’t hide from them forever.” “I know. But just for the night’s fine, right?” He smiled wider and moved from the bed, walking around it and pulling the covers back. “Looks clean enough.” She giggled and moved round to the other side of the bed. He looked up at her and she could have sworn she saw nervousness flicker across his expression. “Well, you make yourself at home and I’ll, err, I’ll be upstairs.” He turned away, searching the room for something. “Just get some, err, blankets or something.” “You’re not staying here with me?” she asked, knowing he had been planning otherwise. He spun back round to face her, his blue eyes shining brightly. “S’up to you, love.” Kicking her boots off, she pulled the covers down and moved to sit on the bed, looking up at him. “I’d like you to stay with me,” she murmured softly, “Maybe...will you hold me again?” He paused, swallowed hard, and then gave her a jerky nod. He slipped off his jacket and laid it across a nearby chair before sitting to remove his boots. He threw them to the side as she curled up under the covers, waiting for him. He turned back to her and with a hesitant smile, moved under the covers next to her, settling on his back. She inched forward and hesitantly rested her head against his chest, letting out a sigh when he slipped an arm around her shoulders and drew her close to him. She curled up against him and closed her eyes, really relaxing for the first time all day. Had it really been a whole day already? A whole day, plus some, with no memory of who she was. She was right when she had told Spike she didn’t think she’d be able to take this much longer. She was trembling now as she fought against an outburst of tears that was threatening to overwhelm her. Somehow though, the façade of strength she had put on around her friends disintegrated and she couldn’t stop the tears from coming. “Oh, love,” she heard Spike murmur and he tightened his hold on her, his hand taking up its soothing caress over her hair once more as he rocked her gently. She could do nothing but bury her head in his shoulder and cry. Cry for the mother she couldn’t remember; for the friends who were lying to her; for all the little pieces of her that had been robbed along with her memories.

Chapter #6 - Protective Instinct

Protective Instinct ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She woke after a restless sleep and started when she felt the arm locked around her waist. Coming round, she quickly remembered where she was and she let out a little sigh of relief. She had shifted in the night and Spike was now behind her, his arm wrapped tightly around her, his breath stirring the back of her neck. She did not want to think about the way it was making her heart race and so she very delicately pulled out of his embrace and scooted to the edge of the bed. She sat up and let out a long shaky breath, wiping her eyes and wondering what time it was. “Buffy?” She jumped at the sound of Spike’s voice and whirled to face him, giving him a shaky smile. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” “S’okay,” he murmured, stretching as he sat up slightly, “You alright?” “I’m okay. I was just wondering what time it is. I feel like I should probably get home.” “Don’t think it’s morning yet,” he answered, seeming to be concentrating hard. “You can tell?” she asked curiously, looking around at the thick, dark walls of the caves. There seemed to be no source of light except for the candles which had burnt low in the night. “Must be a vampire thing,” he murmured with a shrug. “Oh. Guess that’s quite useful. Means you don’t just stumble outside when the sun’s out.” “Guess so.” There was an awkward silence and she turned away, fiddling with her hands. “You gonna be heading back then?” he asked hesitantly. “I guess I have to at some point,” she answered with a sigh, “Before they send out a search party.” He chuckled and with another sigh, she scooted out from under the covers and got to her feet. She turned back to him and smiled softly. “Thank you...for last night.” “No problem.” She smiled again and ducked down to slip her shoes on. She straightened when she had finished and met his soft gaze again. “You okay?” he asked gently. She nodded and gave him a wry smile. “Time to face the lions, huh?” He smiled and sat up, locking his arms around his knees. “So...erm...I guess you’re going to be here all day?” “Once the sun comes up, I’m stuck.” “Oh.” She fell silent, thinking, and then raised her eyes to his once more. “Maybe you could come back with me.” He tilted his head, his eyes seeming to burn into her and making her suddenly flush red. “Well, I mean, if you wanted to... I just don’t like the idea of you being alone all day... and-“ “And the real reason?” he asked with a half-smile. Her eyes widened and then she gave him a sheepish smile. “I kinda want the back-up.” He smiled and began to shift from the bed. “I don’t want it to be like I’m forcing you or anything…” “I’m coming, Buffy,” he remarked, flashing her a wide smile, “Can’t leave you to run the gauntlet alone, eh?” She gave him a small smile and stood waiting as he pulled on his heavy boots and retrieved his long jacket. “At least you’ll be around if they decide to share their findings.” She saw his expression darken ever so slightly but he gave her a jerky nod. “Let’s go then, before it gets too late for me.” They reached the house in no time and she lingered on the porch for a long time until they had finally ascertained that nobody was up yet and snuck into the house just as the morning sky was starting to be tinged with light. They sank down onto the couch and Buffy let out a long breath, trying to work some of the tension out of her stiff body. “Why don’t you get some more sleep, pet. It’s still early.” “I guess,” she murmured, glancing at the couch. She could feel her body screaming at the idea and with a small smile she sank back against the cushions, curling up into a ball. Spike smiled and leant back at the other end, stretching out his long legs. After a pause, he turned and picked something from the floor and when he righted himself, she saw he was holding the blanket she had slept under the night before. He handed it to her with a half-smile and she took it gladly, draping it over herself as she got comfortable against the cushions. She kicked off her shoes lazily and curled up once more, her toes just inches from his legs. She shifted her head, already feeling her eyelids fluttering, threatening to close. “You not sleeping?” she asked sleepily, a sudden yawn seizing her. “I’ll be fine. Nocturnal and all that.” “Oh right,” she murmured, nodding. He chuckled and she gave him a sleepy smile, settling her head against the cushions as her eyes fluttered closed. “Maybe just a little nap…” The room was bathed in light when she woke and she stretched lazily, pushing herself up onto her elbows. Before she was even fully awake, she heard voices coming from the kitchen and she focussed on them, their words becoming clearer. “You got to stop pressuring her. She’s not your Buffy, right? She doesn’t remember you.” Spike’s voice – and the barely-restrained anger she could hear in it – made her sit up straighter as she strained to hear. “We’re her friends.” That was Xander and she swung her legs round and sat up, now entirely fixed on the conversation. “May well be. But that means bugger all to someone who can’t remember more than two days ago.” “Look, Spike.” That was Willow now. “Buffy’s our friend and we just worry about her. It’s not like her to stay out all night like that.” “She just needed a bit of breathing space, alright? Sure you can imagine what she’s going through if you remember back a couple of days.” “That’s why we’re trying to keep Buffy safe while we try to fix it,” Xander answered lowly. “Safe? S’that what you call it? Poor girl can barely breathe without having to report back about it.” “Look, Undead, you’re not a part of this group. We’re only helping you because we’re helping Buffy. Otherwise, you’d be out of here.” “Xander,” Willow said warningly. By this point, Buffy had heard enough and she was on her feet, her anger of the night before returning almost instantly. She took a deep breath and headed for the kitchen, more than aware of the tense silence that had settled over the three people in the kitchen. “Buffy!” Willow piped up as she came into the room and Buffy gave her a weak smile, “How are you feeling?” She saw Spike give the redhead a sour look and she smiled slightly. “I’m fine.” She slid onto a stool close to where the vampire was leaning against the counter and when his eyes finally met hers, she gave him a hesitant smile. She saw the hard lines of his face soften instantly and he relaxed now, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he leant back against the worktop. “So, what’s the what?” Buffy asked, “Where is everyone?” “Giles already went to the shop,” Willow explained, “And Dawnie left for school about twenty minutes ago.” “Oh, wow, it’s Monday. I totally lost track.” Willow gave her a sympathetic smile that for some reason made her seethe momentarily and she took a deep breath to calm herself. “So, what’s the plan for today?” “Well… I guess we just hang out,” Willow suggested hesitantly. “Haven’t you got classes?” Buffy asked pointedly. “Well, I’m, erm, taking the day off to help you.” She nodded and glanced at her other friend. He caught her look and smiled widely. “I’m afraid I’m off to the construction site. No rest for this carpenter.” “Right. And where’s Tara?” The two shared an awkward look and Willow turned back to her, her eyes watery. “She’s staying at her place. She thought maybe you’d like more…more space.” It was a lie but Buffy nodded anyway, accepting it. The day was spent doing nothing more strenuous than eating and watching television and once again, being cooped up was not helping her already frayed nerves. When Willow left late in the afternoon, summoned to the shop by a call from Giles, Buffy felt like screaming. “I feel like hitting something!” she ground out, pacing the floor of her living room as the vampire watched her in a mixture of amusement and bewilderment. “I hate this! They’re hiding something… more something… and I wish they’d just tell us what the hell is going on because I don’t think I can take this much longer!” The vampire stepped into her path, stopping her and placing his hands on her shoulders. She raised her gaze hesitantly to his and he smiled softly, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Calm down.” She nodded and took a few long, deep breaths. Spike did not move from his position in front of her, the heavy weight of his hands on her shoulders surprisingly comforting. He slid his hands from her shoulders then and rubbed her arms, drawing her gaze back to his. “Maybe they’re just trying to protect you,” he soothed. “Keeping me safe, huh?” she commented and his eyes widened ever so slightly before he gave her a wry smile. “Heard that, eh?” “Yeah,” she answered with a nod and a sad smile, “Thanks for sticking up for me.” “Anytime,” he murmured with a soft smile and she let out a little laugh. With a sigh, she leant forward and just rested her forehead against his chest. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she murmured under her breath but she had a feeling he had heard as his hands shifted and he drew her into a loose embrace.

Chapter #7 - Confrontation

Confrontation ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They headed to the shop as soon as the sun set and went in, noticing the sudden silence of the group as they entered. They shared an unimpressed look and moved into the shop to sit at the table. It was obvious the group had been in a full-blown discussion before they had come and Buffy sat with clenched fists as she looked at her so-called friends. They were avoiding her gaze and Xander struck up a meaningless conversation. She clenched her jaw, every little part of her ready to scream at someone. She felt a hand on her clenched fist and she whipped her head up angrily, her expression softening ever so slightly when she saw it was just Spike. He was watching her worriedly, blue eyes seeming to search hers. “I can’t take this anymore,” she whispered so only he could hear. “Well, Buffy,” Giles spoke up and her head whipped to face him, “Why don’t you head out on patrol? I’m sure you’d be happy to be out in the fresh air after having been cooped up all day.” “No,” she answered shortly and his eyes snapped from the book he had glanced at back to her. “Sorry?” he got out hesitantly. “I said ‘no’. How about I stay here instead?” she suggested, barely restraining her anger. “Well, I wouldn’t want you to be bored…” “Or wouldn’t want me to hear something you don’t want me to hear?!” she countered forcefully and his eyes widened in surprise. “Buffy-“ “I’ve had enough of this!” She got to her feet, her arms crossed, seething with anger as she stared down one member of the group after another. “You are going to tell me what you know. Now.” “Buffy, we’re still trying to-“ “Don’t lie to me,” she bit out, glaring at Xander and silencing him, “Tell me exactly what you’ve found… Starting with what’s so bad that I wouldn’t want to remember.” There was stunned silence in the room and she glanced over at Spike, who gave her a nod of encouragement. “Buffy, we...we were going to tell you,” Willow mumbled and Buffy threw her a hard look. “Well, you can tell me now.” When there was still silence, she gritted her teeth and spoke up again. “Somebody better tell me right now, or so help me-“ “You were dead.” Her gaze snapped to her sister’s as Dawn met her gaze with sad eyes. “What?!” she whispered, dumbfounded. Emboldened, Dawn got to her feet, staring down the other members of the group. “You were dead...and you were in heaven. And she pulled you out,” she ground out, pointing at the redheaded witch. Willow just looked horrified and bowed her head, her shoulders shaking as she began to cry. “You didn’t want to be here,” Dawn choked out sadly and Buffy’s eyes flew to hers once more, “You hate it here.” Stunned, she stumbled backwards and fell into the chair she had vacated, her heart pounding as she bowed her head, her eyes fixed on her hands. Dead. She had been dead. In heaven. She just couldn’t even begin to comprehend it. “So that’s why I don’t want to remember anything?” she murmured softly, looking up to meet Giles’ pained gaze, “I forgot because I wanted to. Is that right?” “We believe so,” he answered hesitantly. “And… is there a way to get my memories back?” she asked, not even sure if she wanted them back now she knew the truth. “We’re still trying to find out. It seems there may be some sort of...trigger... which will bring your memories back. But we’re not sure what it is.” “The same for Spike?” she questioned and Giles glanced at the vampire before turning back to her. “We assume so.” “So, our memories are still in there...somewhere?” “Buried in your subconscious, yes.” “The dreams,” she whispered, dropping her gaze again. “Sorry?” “Nothing,” she answered, raising her head once more. Well, if they were going to hide things, then so was she. She rose to her feet once more and glanced at the still-crying witch. “Well, I guess you should get back to fixing it,” she murmured, “And if I find out you’ve hidden anything else from me…” She trailed off and Giles gave her a jerky nod. “I’m out of here,” she commented, glancing at the vampire and turning back to the group when he gave her a nod and got to his feet behind, “I might not be home tonight.” Giles went to protest but when she gave him a hard glare, he remained silent and turning to the vampire, she gave him a weak smile and they headed out of the shop again. Not wanting to face the busy crowds of the club, they headed straight for the vampire’s crypt. The journey was passed in silence: a silence that continued as they stepped into the vampire’s crypt and he settled awkwardly in the armchair whilst she leant against a large cabinet, her eyes fixed on the floor, lost in thought. The silence lasted for a long time, until she finally spoke up. “Guess that explains why I feel like you understand me better than anyone,” she commented, raising her eyes to his as he met her gaze with a questioning look, “We’ve both been dead.” He was silent for a moment before speaking up. “I’m still dead, love. No heartbeat and all that. You’re alive.” “I shouldn’t be though,” she answered and his gaze softened as he beckoned her towards him. She moved forwards and squeezed into the small space beside him, half-sitting on his lap and burying her head against his chest as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. “See?” he murmured, his mouth against her hair, “Warm and alive.” She gave a little sniffly laugh and closed her eyes, willing away the tears that were threatening to fall. “I was in heaven,” she whispered in awe, unable to stop her voice from shaking as she continued, “And I can’t remember it.” He said nothing but held her tighter, letting out a sigh as he rested his cheek against her cheek. “I know, love.” They were silent - more comfortably this time - and she let herself relax against him, enjoying the stroke of his fingers over her hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask about you,” she whispered. “S’okay. I’d rather not know.” She gave another half-laugh and then sighed, snuggling closer to him. What was it about him that made her feel so calm, so safe? “I hate them,” she murmured. “You don’t really.” “My friends pulled me out of heaven.” “I know, love. But maybe they had a good reason.” She snorted in disbelief and then sniffed, burying her head against him as she tried to suppress the trembling of her body. “Shh,” he murmured, guiding her to face him, brushing her hair from her face, “S’gonna be alright. Your friends’ll find this trigger thing and then everything’ll be back to normal again.” “What if normal really isn’t a good thing?” she asked, meeting his bright gaze, “What if I hate myself? Hate them? What if I hate my life, like Dawn said?” “Shh,” he soothed again, seeming as always to sense that she was getting worked up, “Don’t worry ‘bout any of that, okay? Just...we’ll deal with it, okay? When it comes to it.” She nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on his. “I don’t know how I’m ever going to make it up to you,” she murmured with a sad smile. She did not get the smile she expected in reply though- instead, his eyes darkened with some unknown emotion. She found herself lost in his eyes and couldn’t stop herself from reaching up and touching his cheek. His eyes were burning into her and she swallowed hard, her hand trembling against his cheek. Her gaze dropped to his lips and snapped back up to his eyes again, but she saw the change in him instantly. His eyes darkened even more and he dipped his head, stopping when his lips were just centimetres from hers. His hand rose to rest against the back of her neck, tickling the hairs at her nape, and she took a shaky breath. “Spike,” she whispered, tilting her face up to his in invitation. Her eyes fluttered closed and after an aching long moment, she felt the hesitant touch of his cool lips against hers. She leant into him, kissing him back softly as his lips moved against hers, his fingers just grazing her neck. She sighed lightly and wrapped her free arm around his shoulders, drawing him closer as she kissed him back more insistently. Suddenly though, he stiffened and moved away from her and her eyes flew open. “I’m sorry, love,” he murmured huskily as shifted her and got to his feet. Not knowing what to say, she watched him with wide eyes as he turned his back to her, resting his hands against the large stone sarcophagus in the centre of the room. “Spike?” she called out hesitantly and he turned back to her, his eyes returned to their usual light blue, “It’s okay.” He nodded jerkily and gave her a weak smile as he moved to sit on the edge of the trunk where the television rested.

Chapter #8 - Clearing The Air

Clearing The Air ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After a long and awkward silence, she finally met Spike’s gaze, only to find him watching her. She gave him a shaky smile and he looked to the floor, seemingly embarrassed. She cleared her throat and looked around the room, desperately searching for something that could inspire her to break the oppressive silence. Her eyes landed on the television beside him and she cleared her throat again. “Erm, does the TV work?” she asked quietly and his gaze whipped to hers. He glanced at the television to his left and gave her a shrug, getting to his feet. “Maybe.” He leant over and switched it on, and it roared into life, filling the crypt with the sounds of a Friends re-run. He glanced at her, not quite meeting her eyes, and gave her a weak smile. “Apparently so.” “Well, I just though we could maybe watch something… if you don’t want to-“ “S’fine, love,” he answered, moving away and returning to her side with a chair that he placed down a full metre from her and sat on. She curled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them, silently admitting that she had much preferred sharing the chair with him and feeling his strong arms around her. Obviously that wasn’t going to be an option though, she thought with a sigh. “You alright?” Her gaze flew to his and after a moment’s confusion, she nodded. “Erm, fine. Just a bit cold.” He instantly got to his feet and slipped off his long jacket, handing it to her. “You really don’t-“ Before she could finish her sentence, he draped the coat over her and moved back to his chair. “It’s fine.” “Thanks,” she whispered, drawing the jacket around herself and breathing in the familiar scent of whiskey and smoke. She didn’t know how long they had been sat there in silence, only the sounds of the television to be heard, but it was starting to make her edgy. Added onto the emotional upset she had already suffered today, it wasn’t exactly brightening her day- she just felt tired. With a sigh, she turned to the vampire. “I guess I should get home.” He dragged his gaze from the television and frowned, before his expression softened. “Look, s’alright, pet. You can stay here.” “I really don’t want to impose.” “S’fine,” he murmured, “I know you don’t want to be facing them tonight. You can stay here again.” “I-“ “No argument,” he interrupted, giving her a soft smile. She smiled hesitantly and then glanced over towards the hole down to the lower level. “In that case, I think I might head down… I’m a bit tired.” “Oh, right. Sorry, love.” He jumped to his feet and she got to hers slowly. “It’s fine, really.” He nodded and headed for the hole, dropping down into the darkness as she stood and gave a deep sigh before following him. As she reached the hole, light began to flicker in the lower room and she descended the ladder carefully and moved into the bedroom. Spike finished lighting the candles and smoothed back the bedclothes, flashing her a slight smile. She moved round to the bed and sat on it, slipping the jacket from around her and holding it out to him. He took it, but instead of laying it down as she had expected, he slipped it on himself. “Well, you get some sleep, pet, and I’ll see you in the morning.” Before she could even reply, he disappeared, leaving her alone in the room with a frown. Her tiredness winning out, she kicked off her shoes and lay down on the bed, pulling the covers over her. She shifted several times, trying to find a comfortable position, but finally gave up, lying on her back and staring at the ceiling. The awkwardness between her and Spike had completely eclipsed her former anger at her so-called friends and all she could think of now was how that one kiss had ruined everything. And how she was sure she would be asleep in no time if Spike was here with her again and she was curled up in his arms: she had slept so well with him holding her last night. She sighed and shifted again, rolling onto her side and hugging the pillow. It was weird, and also a little scary, how she felt such a strong connection to someone she had effectively known for three days: she felt closer to Spike than to any of her so-called friends. With another heavy sigh, she pushed the covers off, rolled out of bed and got to her feet. She climbed back up into the upper level and found Spike slumped in the armchair, eyes closed with his hand on his brow and a bottle of beer in his hand. He looked up as soon as she stepped up into the room and his eyes widened. “Everything okay?” he asked worriedly. “Not really,” she admitted quietly, moving forward and perching on the same trunk he had been sitting on earlier, “I can’t sleep.” “What’s wrong?” he asked softly and she forced herself to meet his gaze. She was being stupid, she knew, but she just couldn’t sleep without clearing the air between them. “I’m sorry.” “What?!” he got out, stunned, frowning at her in confusion. She dropped her gaze but forced it back to his again. “I’m sorry about earlier. It was my fault. I’m just...I guess I’m a bit fragile right now and I shouldn’t use you to-“ “Buffy, stop,” he remarked, eyes wide as they met hers, “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.” “I have. I don’t want things to be weird between us.” “Pet, it was my fault.” “I could have stopped you,” she commented and he froze. She gave him then a shaky smile, her eyes meeting his. “Can we just forget it? I... You’re about all I’ve got right now and I don’t want something as silly as...you know... to come between us. I was just being weak and you were looking out for me.” He was completely silent and she looked up at him, unable to read his expression. “Please, Spike,” she pleaded, “Don’t be mad at me.” His eyes widened and he sat up straighter. “I’m not mad at you,” he said in shock, “I’m mad at me.” “Huh?” “Shouldn’t have...taken advantage.” “Spike-“ “M’sorry.” They were silent for a long moment and finally, she couldn’t help but laugh. His gaze met hers and he smiled softly. “Does this mean we’re friends again?” she asked with an encouraging smile. “Only one I got, love.” She sobered and her gaze softened. “That’s not true, I’m sure. Dawn seems to like you...and Tara.” “Thanks for trying, pet,” he commented with a slight smile. She couldn’t help giggling slightly, more out of relief than anything else. They fell silent once more, but when she looked at him and smiled, he smiled back softly. “Does it make me sound like a weird friend if I ask you to come to bed?” she asked quietly, her heart pounding as she waited for the tension to return once more. Instead, he smiled and shook his head slightly. “Could hear you shuffling round down there.” “I couldn’t get comfy,” she admitted with a slight pout, “I...I kinda seem to sleep better when you’re around.” He gave her another smile, even though something crossed his gaze that she could not comprehend, and got to his feet. “Come on then.” They settled into the bed and she let out a sigh - of relief - this time as she curled up, sensing him just behind her. She rested her head against the pillow and smiled slightly. She could just feel his breath against the back of her neck and although he did not wrap his arm around her as he had yesterday, he was close enough to make her feel safe and warm. After a long silence, she spoke up. “Spike?” she whispered. “Yeah, love?” “I…I just wanted to say… I don’t know what we were like before… how good friends we were… I just wanted to say that you’ve been a really good friend these last few days. I don’t know how I would have coped without you.” “Probably would have exploded,” he teased. “I think you’re right,” she replied with a giggle. She was silent for a moment, before rolling onto her back and turning towards him, just making out his features in the dim light. She reached out and covered his hand where it lay on the bedspread and squeezed it slightly. “I guess I just wanted to say thank you. And that … whatever happens … I won’t forget what you’ve done for me. It means a lot.” He said nothing but squeezed her hand back and she smiled once more. He leant over then and brushed a kiss against her forehead. “Night, Buffy.” With a smile, she released his hand and rolled back over, curling up to the pillow. “Night, Spike.”

Chapter #9 - A Visit

A Visit ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She was in none of the rush to get home she had been in yesterday and when she realised the sun had already risen when she woke, she decided to spend the day with Spike. She much preferred spending time with him anyway. She had woken to find his arm draped across her, but as much as she had liked the feel of it, she had forced herself to wiggle out of his grasp and sit up, inadvertently waking him at the same time. There were a few moments of awkwardness but as soon as they left the bed and made their way upstairs, they were instantly more at ease. They settled down to a lazy day of television-watching and Buffy slouched in the comfy chair after Spike had insisted, taking the hard chair himself. After a couple of hours of mindless television, they found some food in the fridge he had in the crypt and settled down for lunch on top of a large coffin. They sat astride it, facing each other, the motley collection of food between them. “So, feeling any calmer today?” he asked with a smile and a tilt of his head, causing her to glare at him. “I think I had good reason to be pissed.” “Oh definitely, love. Don’t blame you.” She smiled wryly and took a sip of the water he had found before answering. “I didn’t totally overreact?” she asked sheepishly. He placed his glass down and reached out to touch her arm, his gaze bright as it met hers. “Not at all. They were lying to you – us - and you had every right to want to know what was going on.” “Not so sure I wanted to know now.” He frowned compassionately and squeezed her arm slightly. “Can’t even imagine what you’re going through, pet. Finding out about so much death in the space of two days. S’not the kind of thing you want just thrust on you.” “Guess I asked for it though.” He squeezed her arm again and pulled back with a wry smile. “It’s okay,” she continued, “I think not remembering being dead is kinda helping it not seem quite real right now. I think denial is a good place to be.” He smiled softly and she smiled back, taking a chip from the bag and eating it. They must have been there for hours at least but she had no desire whatsoever to leave the crypt. Which was so strange, after she had barely stayed sane being cooped up in her house all day. Maybe it was Spike’s soothing presence- which she figured was magnified by being surrounded by his things and a place that was so very him. She felt relaxed though- until later that afternoon, when there was a knock on the door. “Demons wouldn’t knock, right?” she asked him as he got to his feet hesitantly. Before he could move any further though, the door opened, throwing a small ray of sunlight into the crypt, and a figure stepped into the room. When she closed the door behind her again, Buffy quickly recognised her sister and felt a wave of guilt that she had abandoned her. After all, Dawn had been truthful with her and didn’t deserve the anger that was directed at her friends. “Dawn!” “Buffy, you’re here! I was so worried!” She was guiltily silent but Dawn continued, moving into the crypt. “I’m so sorry about not telling you. I wanted to tell you but they wouldn’t let me.” Buffy finally moved, getting to her feet and walking over to her sister, placing her hands on her shoulders. “It’s okay, Dawnie. I know.” “They didn’t want you to know until they’d found everything... I told them we should tell you but they didn’t listen to me.” “It’s fine, Dawn. I know it wasn’t your fault.” “You’re not mad at me for telling you about…you know?” “No,” Buffy answered with a soft smile, tucking a hair behind the girl’s ear, “I’m glad you told me. I think I needed to know.” Dawn nodded, a worried look still on her face. “Come on,” Spike called out, moving to Dawn’s other side, “Why don’t you sit down? Tell us what they’ve been teaching you today?” Dawn gave him a wide smile and Buffy could instantly see just how much affection the girl had for the vampire. Which just confused her own understanding of the vampire and his place in her world. Dawn settled into the armchair and gave a little giggle. “What?!” Buffy asked. “Sorry. It’s just…this is your chair,” she explained to Spike, “You never let anyone else sit here.” “Well, maybe I’ve got a helping of gallantry with my amnesia,” he answered with a smile, moving to perch on the sarcophagus. Buffy watched him for a long moment before turning back to her sister. “Dawnie…is there anything important Spike should know?” She glanced at the vampire once more and gave him a soft smile. “It’s fine, pet. Don’t need to know.” She frowned slightly but Dawn spoke up anyway. “You’re a good vampire.” She turned back to her sister, not missing the frown on the vampire’s face though. “Whatever Xander or anyone tells you…you are good. I know you are.” “Maybe they know better, eh pet?” “No-one knows you better than me,” the teenager blurted out quickly, and then added in a low voice, “You looked after me when Buffy was…when Buffy was gone.” The girl threw him a look mixed with such pain that Buffy felt a stab at her heart. She had really been gone and Dawn had been left alone, with no mother to look after her. “Well, got your Big Sis back now, eh pet? Bet nothing can beat that?” “No,” Dawn answered quietly, meeting Buffy’s gaze, “Nothing.” They carried on a light conversation for some time after that, with Dawn regaling them of her school day adventures, but finally, she straightened, looked at her watch and frowned. “Dawnie? Is something wrong?” Dawn looked at her guiltily and bit her lip. “I, err… I didn’t just come here myself. I kinda got…sent. The Scoobies want you at the shop.” “The Who-bies?” “Oh, your friends. They call themselves the Scoobies… I never really understood why…but then I wasn’t around.” “You mean you were too young?” “No, I was-“ Dawn cut herself and then nodded fervently, “Yeah, way too young.” Buffy frowned but then focussed on what her sister’s original words had been. “So you got sent to bring me back, huh?” “Well…I guess they thought you were least likely to shout at me.” Buffy frowned and Dawn winced slightly. “Well…look, they just want to talk to you about this trigger thing. They think it might be something about you…or something. I don’t really understand.” “Oh,” she answered, her mind racing, “Well, I… I guess if I can help…” She glanced at the vampire now and frowned. “It’s still light out.” “S’fine, love. You go on without me. I’ll stay here.” “But-“ “I’ll stay with you,” Dawn volunteered, “You could help me with my homework! You always used to help me…” The girl trailed off and gave him a sheepish look. “Well, erm, I mean…I could just sit here with you?” “If you want, pet,” he replied, “Be nice to have a bit of company.” The girl smiled widely and when Buffy’s gaze caught his, she gave him a grateful smile. “Guess I better get going then.” She gave the two a slightly fearful gaze, but then with a deep breath headed out of the crypt and into the bright light of the cemetery.

Chapter #10 - Agitation

Agitation ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She made her way somewhat lazily to the shop, not really in the mood to face her friends, but knowing that there was no way to avoid it. They must be desperate if they had sent Dawn to fetch her. She finally reached the shop and took a deep breath before pushing the door open and going in. The room went completely silent as she opened and she gave another sigh as she moved into the room. “I’m here as summoned,” she quipped, moving to the table and slipping into a chair. “Thank you, Buffy,” Giles spoke up, “This really is important.” “Yep. So what’s the what? Dawn said something about the trigger.” “Yes,” Giles said absentmindedly, drawing his gaze away from the book in his hands and fixing his gaze on her, “We’ve found some information that seems to hint that the trigger is hidden inside you.” “You can search me if you want but I’m pretty sure it’s not.” “No,” Giles continued, “It’s probably in some part of your subconscious… not something that you could access yourself. At least that’s what this text seems to be implying… It is in Sumerian which is causing all sorts of bother but-“ “Is there actually anything I can do?” she cut in, crossing her arms and trying not to show how exasperated she really was. “Well, we just wanted to know if there was anything you can tell us.” “Err, memory loss here!” she remarked. “But has anything strange happened?” Willow asked quietly, “Anything that didn’t seem quite right or that you didn’t understand? Anything that was weird?” She was silent for a long moment and then finally spoke up. “I’ve been having nightmares.” The group instantly perked up and she bit her lip to stop her from screaming at the way they were looking at her: as if she was some sort of interesting science experiment. “Nightmares?” Giles repeated and she nodded, “What about?” “I never remember when I wake up,” she explained, “But I always wake up and I can’t breathe and I’m struggling with something.” Giles nodded understandingly, but she had no idea if any of what she was saying had any meaning. “It was kind of like…fighting. I was…I was hitting out at something…” “Did you act any of this out in your sleep?” “Well, apparently I started kicking Spike the other morning,” she commented lightly, not missing the shadow on the two males’ faces. “I think I was…trying to escape, maybe?” Giles nodded again but said nothing and she looked to the others, but either they had no reaction to her words or they were hiding them from her…again. “So, you think it might mean something?” “What? Oh yes, quite likely,” Giles stuttered, “After all, your dreams come from your subconscious.” “So, what? We delve into my subconscious and try to flick the switch or something?” “We’re not sure yet.” “Oh. Great.” She pushed herself to her feet and crossed her arms somewhat defensively. “Well, if that’s it I think I’m going to head back to Spike’s.” There was a moment’s silence as the others exchanged a look and then Giles spoke up. “Buffy, do be careful. Spike is not quite as…tame…as you may think.” “You think he’s going to try and hurt me?” she challenged, cocking her head slightly. “Not quite. But he…you don’t really know him.” “I don’t really know you.” There was another silence and when Giles glanced at the others, Xander took his cue and spoke up. “Buff, you just need to watch out. Evil Undead’s not as nice as he makes out. Trust me, if you remembered, you wouldn’t be so friendly with him.” She frowned, moving her hands to rest on her hips now. “I don’t see why not. He hasn’t done anything to threaten me and he’s done nothing but look out for me since this whole thing started.” “Yeah, but he’s just… Maybe he’s doing it for a reason, you know?” Xander insinuated. “So, what? You’re trying to accuse him of ulterior motives now? He didn’t even know me three days ago!” “I’m just saying,” Xander commented in defence, “He’s evil through and through.” “I really don’t believe that.” “Look, Buffy, he’s a monster, okay? One of the monsters you go out and slay every night. There’s nothing good about him.” “And yet you let him look after my little sister?” There was silence again and the group shared another meaningful look before Giles spoke once again. “We’re just warning you to be on your guard. You do not remember Spike and what he’s capable of.” “He’s dangerous, Buff!” “If you’re gonna be saying these things, why don’t you just say ‘em to my face.” She jumped at the sound of Spike’s voice and knew she wasn’t the only surprised one as the whole group turned to where he stood in the doorway next to Dawn. His expression was carefully blank, but Dawn’s face looked like thunder as she stared at Xander. Xander himself took a few minutes to recover but then continued. “Fine, I will. You may be playing nice now but we know what you’re like.” “What am I like then?” Spike countered, taking a few steps into the room, “I seem to have forgotten.” “You’re a monster. An evil, soulless thing that loves to kill and maim and torture.” “Does seem awfully tempting,” Spike remarked sarcastically and Buffy couldn’t help but smile, even as she repressed it quickly. “You’re just a disgusting thing…not even a man…” Despite his outward calm, she could see the muscle twitching in Spike’s jaw and realised that he wasn’t quite as calm as he seemed. “Don’t seem to like me much,” Spike commented, “Do wrong by you, did I?” “You did wrong by everybody. You’ve tried to kill every person in this room.” “He never tried to hurt me,” Dawn ground out, her arms crossed as she stepped up beside the vampire. “Or me,” Anya added. Disregarding both, Xander continued. “And hundreds of people have died because of you. And Buffy was next on your list.” “Not dead now, is she?” “Doesn’t mean you didn’t try.” “She must’ve beaten me then, eh? So why so worried about me, boy? Looks like your friend’s got me in check.” “It won’t last, I know. One day you won’t be able to fight your true nature anymore and you’ll go back to what you do best. Revelling in the death of innocent people.” No-one was more surprised by Spike’s reaction than her as he leapt forward, slipping into vampire guise and growling. Before he could even reach the boy though, he suddenly crumpled to the floor, holding his head in agony and crying out. She stepped forward, lingering at Spike’s side as she glared at her friend. He was looking at the vampire though and snarling. “And that is the only reason you’re allowed anywhere near us.” Looking up at the enraged boy, blood trickling out of his nose, Spike frowned. “What have you done to me?” “It wasn’t me. That little piece of metal in your head is the only reason you’re still alive. Without that, you’d have been dead years ago.” “Enough!” she shouted, glaring at her friend as Spike staggered to his feet, still holding his feet. She went to catch his arm but he shook her off, his expression hardening. Before she could catch him, he turned on his heel and left the shop, leaving it in silence. Buffy turned back to Xander and sneered at him, her shock quickly being replaced by anger. “And you think you’re on the good side?!” she remarked, letting out a bark of laughter, “I can’t believe I call you my friend.” “Buffy-“ he started to protest, turning wide eyes on her, but she interrupted, holding up a hand to silence. “I think you’ve said enough, don’t you? I don’t know how you could do that. You obviously have no idea what we’re going through!” “Buffy-“ Willow spoke up softly, but Buffy shot her down too. “You seem to have forgotten pretty quickly how awful it feels to be stuck like this. You must have, or I don’t know how you could have said those things to Spike.” “Buffy, he’s a vampire!” “Right now,” she bit out, “He’s just someone who’s lost…who doesn’t know anything about himself or about anyone else. I hope in the same situation I’d have a little compassion at least. But you…” She trailed off with a glare at Xander. “Do you know what? I can’t look at you right now.” She turned towards the door but after a moment’s thought, paused and turned back. “Come get me when you’ve found something real. Anything else, I just don’t care.” With that, she turned and made her way out of the shop, slamming the door loudly behind her.

Chapter #11 - Soothing The Hurt

Soothing The Hurt ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She made it to the crypt in no time and went in hesitantly, scanning the empty upper level. Where else could he have gone though? They only knew four places in the whole town. Spurred on, she moved to the hole and climbed carefully down the ladder and into his bedroom. Luckily, some of the candles were still lit and she could just make out the outlines of the room- and most importantly, the figure sat on the end of the bed, a cloth held to his nose. He looked up in surprise as she entered the crypt and then quickly looked away again. “Look, pet, need to be by myself just now.” Ignoring his words, she moved forwards and crouched down in front of him, placing her hand over his where it held the cloth to his bloody nose. “’Fraid I can’t do that,” she whispered with a half-smile, “Can’t go back to the shop now after my dramatic exit.” He said nothing and his eyes met hers for a split second before he got to his feet and turned his back on her. “Love, please, I just…” “I’m not leaving you alone,” she remarked more firmly, moving to stand in front of him and catching his arm before he could turn away, “And I mean it.” She placed her hand over his once more and coaxed the cloth out of his hand, dabbing it gently against his nose. “Does it hurt?” she asked softly. “Head’s spinnin’ a bit,” he admitted, “Felt like an electric shock right in my brain.” She frowned and pulled the cloth away, seeing that his nose had stopped bleeding. She turned her back on him and placed the cloth down on a cabinet. With her back still to him, she took a deep breath and spoke quietly. “Xander was out of line.” “You don’t know that, pet,” he answered just as softly, sadness in his voice, “He’s probably right.” She spun to face him and took the few steps separating them, meeting his resigned gaze with wide eyes. “Don’t say that.” “It might be true.” She shook her head and when he turned his gaze away, she reached up and touched his cheek, forcing his eyes back to hers. “It’s not true.” Before he could protest, she continued. “You are not a monster, do you hear me?” He was silent, blue eyes shining as he looked down at her. “I know, deep down, that you are not a monster. A monster would not be like this,” she whispered, stroking her thumb over his cheek, “A monster would not be this good to me.” “Maybe I’m not usually,” he whispered, moving into her touch. “Maybe that’s the good thing about losing our memories. The past means nothing right now… all that matters is the present.” “I’d never hurt you, Buffy,” he murmured. “I know.” They stood there for a long time in silence, her hand resting on his cheek, his hand hovering inches from her arm. “You’re a good man,” she whispered, “I know you are. You’ve been so good to me these last few days-” “Bu-“ She moved her finger to his lips, cutting him off. “You have. I wouldn’t have coped without you. I… I just feel so lost,” she murmured, meeting his bright gaze, “Except when I’m with you.” His eyes widened ever so slightly and his hand finally came to rest on her arm in the gentlest barely-there touch. “When I’m with you, everything makes sense,” she whispered sincerely, never moving her gaze from his, “When I’m with you, I’m not lost anymore.” There was a tiny pause and then his lips collided with hers as she leant up, meeting him in the middle as both hands settled on her shoulders and drew her closer to him. One hand came to rest against his chest as her other hand twined around his neck, holding him close as she kissed him back passionately, letting out little gasps at the incredible sensations his kiss was provoking. He held her tightly against him, his mouth sliding over hers and deepening their kiss as she let out a helpless moan and sagged against him. Finally, she pulled away, breathless, and met his dark, hungry gaze. “I don’t usually-“ she breathed, but then cut herself off with a harsh laugh, “Who am I kidding? For all I know I could be Slutty the Vampire Layer.” “Buffy,” he said gently and her eyes flew to his once more. “I’m okay. More kissing would be real good right about now.” He complied with her request, dipping his head and catching her mouth in a hungry kiss, his arms banding round her and pulling her tightly against him. She wound her arms around him, one hand twisted in his hair as the other gripped his shoulder tightly. They parted again, both breathing heavily, and with a heavy-lidded gaze, she broke from his embrace and moved over to the bed, stopping beside it and turning back to him. He was with her in no time, catching her up in his arms again and kissing her sensuously, his hands rising to bury in her hair. She let out a little moan and sank fluidly to the bed, bringing him with her, her hands now running franticly over his T-shirt, desperate to feel his cool skin. He broke away from her and supported himself above her and she took her chance, tugging his T-shirt off and throwing it to the floor. His eyes darkened and he breathed her name, the husky whisper sending a tremor through her. Then he was with her again, his lips obliterating all thought from her mind as she trailed her hands across the smooth skin of his back. It might as well have been her first time- well, who knew?- for the way she trembled as he pulled back and looked at her, his eyes dark with passion. And the trembling only increased as he began to unbutton her shirt with soft, reverent touches, stealing gentle kisses in between. But this couldn’t be their first time- not with the way he seemed to know her body, to be able to set every little nerve alight with grazing touches and scorching kisses. Maybe it was just him, but she couldn’t deny that they seemed to fit perfectly as she wrapped her arms tightly around him. Somewhere along the line, he had managed to strip her entirely and get them both under the covers, but now he paused, looking down at her with such awe as he brushed a hand over her cheek. “Buffy,” he whispered, his eyes seeming to search hers. “Spike, please,” she murmured, tightening her grasp around his neck and meeting his lips in a long, sensuous kiss as he moved against her. She gasped at first but quickly grew accustomed to the feel of him and wrapped her arms and legs around him, urging him closer as she kissed him hungrily, one hand twisting in his hair. His mouth dropped to her neck and she let out a moan, urging him on, her hand splayed against his back. “Spike,” she gasped, clinging onto him helplessly as the sensations built. His mouth fastened on her neck, sucking on the skin almost to the point of pain and she moaned even louder, bucking helplessly against him. He sped up and she clung to him, matching his rhythm, gasping out her pleasure with every little movement. “I can’t… Oh God… Spike!” Just when she thought the pleasure/pain would never end, he bit down on her neck and she screamed out in pleasure, her mind going blank as she convulsed. She slumped back on the pillow, exhausted, and closed her eyes- and suddenly she was bombarded by a rush of images: faces, places, things. Everything that just seconds ago had been lost in some deep recess of her mind. She froze and felt Spike do the same and when he pulled back to meet her own wide eyes, she saw the shock in his eyes. “Buffy,” he got out hesitantly, half-unbelieving. She did not move for a long moment, staring at him in shock – until suddenly her brain kicked into gear and with the slightest hint of movement on her part, he shifted and she scrambled away from him, clutching the sheet to her. “Oh God,” she whispered. “Buffy,” he said, his voice shaking, “I didn’t mean to-“ Holding out a shaking hand to stop him, she shook her head, unable to look at him. “Not now, Spike, please. I can’t…” she trailed off helplessly and, with the sheet still wrapped around her, began to search the floor for her clothes. She dressed as quickly as she could, still unable to look at the vampire as she fastened her clothes with shaking hands. “I should get to the shop,” she murmured, half to herself, “Tell the others.” “About this?” he asked and she finally met his gaze with wide eyes. “No,” she answered after a small pause, “Not about this.” He nodded and then pulled the remaining sheet over him, turning his head away from her. She stared at him helplessly for a long moment and then turned and left the crypt hurriedly, her heart pounding in her chest. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: Promise not to shoot me? I am going away for 10 days today so there will be no updates until I get back. Sorry to leave you on this cliffhanger. I hope you're all still here when I get back!

Chapter #12 - Not Right Now

Not Right Now A/N: I'm back again! Sorry for the break. I'm sure you'll be glad to hear the next few chapters are already written, so no more delays! So, on with the story... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She walked through town as quickly as she could, blocking out every thought except that she needed to get to the shop and tell her friends. She just couldn’t think about Spike right now … couldn’t think about what they had just done. She shook her head, realising she was already straying into dangerous ground and moved on even quicker, focussing on the pound of her heels on the concrete as she navigated her way mindlessly back to the shop. As soon as she entered through the back door, she heard raised voices and took a deep breath before opening the door and heading through into the main room. Everyone went completely silent as she came into the room, Xander in particular avoiding her gaze. “Buffy. You’re back.” “Yeah,” she answered quietly, “I’m completely back now.” “You mean…” “I remember everything,” she whispered sadly, “You can test me if you want.” There was silence and she found everyone looking at her shock. “How did this happen?” Giles asked, moving forward, his gaze intent as he studied her. She felt a flush in her cheeks but forced herself to speak, to give them the reason she had thought up on the way here. “I… Well, I was with Spike- talking to Spike. And then suddenly… bam! Memories.” She gave a little shrug and ducked her eyes from Giles’ penetrating gaze, moving to sit in a chair and looking back up at them once again, waiting for the interrogation. “And there was nothing particular that may have triggered this?” Giles asked curiously. “No, we were just talking, like I said.” “About what?” She went still for a moment and dropped her gaze ever so slightly. “About, erm, what happened earlier.” Her gaze flicked of its own accord to Xander but as soon as he caught her gaze, he turned his away and she turned back to Giles with an imperceptible sigh. “Extraordinary,” Giles murmured, “To think that all of a sudden, your memories were returned. I have a book somewhere, I think…” He trailed off, already turning to the stacks of books, but she spoke up, halting him. “No!” she exclaimed, quickly toning down her reaction, “I mean… I’m me again. Do we really need to work out why? Can’t we just accept it?” Giles paused for a moment, hesitating, but finally nodded and gave her a slight smile. “It’s good to have you back, Buffy.” She smiled half-heartedly and leant back in her chair. “And Spike got his memories back too?” Dawn asked in the ensuing silence and Buffy couldn’t help but tense at his name, an image of his body above hers flashing through her mind. “Err, yeah,” she mumbled, her hand unconsciously coming to rest over the place where he had bitten her. It had been with his human teeth but she could still feel the indentations and found herself pulling her coat tighter around her. She couldn’t think about that right now. She was more than glad to be heading home not much later, her head pounding from the strain of all the things she was trying to avoid thinking about. She moved towards the door with Dawn but as she reached it, Willow called out to her quietly. “Buffy, can I…can I talk to you?” Buffy turned back to her and with a slight nod and a glance at Dawn, she followed the witch over to a quiet corner. Willow stood there for a long time without saying anything, twisting her hands together nervously and biting her lip- and in that moment, Buffy was reminded of the awkward, timid teenager she had once been. She had not seen sight of that teenager for a long time now and she realised with a pang that she sort of missed that old Willow, the one who would have been too afraid to do spells on the people she loved. Willow finally spoke, breaking her out of her daze. “I’m so sorry, Buffy,” Willow murmured, her eyes full of unshed tears. “I don’t know how you could do that to me,” Buffy commented, “It was so horrible not knowing anything. How could you do that?!” “I never meant for it to happen,” the witch answered tearfully, “I just wanted to make things better… I wanted to make things okay between me and Tara.” “Where is Tara?” Buffy asked suddenly, “I haven’t seen her for days.” “She- she broke up with me,” Willow stuttered out, “She’s staying in the dorm.” “Oh,” she fell silent, part of her knowing she should offer her friend consolation, but part of her reluctant. It was funny how a few days without any memory could totally shift her perception of the people around her. Which only brought a vision of the vampire to the fore, only for her to force it away just as quickly. No, no going there right now. “Willow, I just… I don’t really know how to understand all this right now.” “I know. I, just, God I’m so sorry, Buffy. I never meant to hurt you.” “Maybe you didn’t… but this isn’t the first time you’ve thought of yourself first,” Buffy murmured lowly and the witch looked at her with horrified eyes. “Buffy, I never-“ She held up a hand, stopping her friend. “Don’t. It’s too late now.” She sighed and dropped her gaze to the floor. “Will, I think you need to move out… get some space and clear your head.” Willow gave her a pained look, her wide eyes swimming with tears. “I…I understand.” She gave the witch a hesitant smile and sighed once more. “I’m sorry it came to this, Will.” The witch said nothing in reply, struggling with her tears, and Buffy turned away and headed back to her sister with a heavy heart. When did everything start going so wrong? The two sisters made their way through town and back to a house that was eerily quiet without the numerous additional inhabitants it had had in the last few days. Buffy went through to the kitchen and put the kettle on, leaning against the counter and looking around at the familiar room. Dawn soon joined her and slid onto a stool, watching her warily. “Are you okay?” she asked hesitantly. “That’s kind of a complicated question right now, Dawnie,” she murmured and turned back to fixing her drink. There was silence for a few short moments before Dawn spoke up again. “Is Spike okay?” She tensed at his name once again but forced herself to relax and turned back to her sister, sure she was blushing. “I think so. We both… it’s been hard, the last few days.” Dawn nodded and sank her gaze to the counter, tracing patterns in the tile. “Maybe you should go visit him after school tomorrow,” Buffy suggested quietly and Dawn’s gaze snapped up to hers. “You don’t like me going round there,” she remarked with a frown. “Well, this is…different. You could, you know, check on him.” “Why don’t you check on him if you’re so worried about him?” Dawn countered and Buffy froze, unsure what to say in answer. Luckily she was saved by the boiling of the kettle and she quickly turned away to fix the drinks, hoping to get away without answering. “Buffy,” Dawn murmured, and she stiffened ever so slightly, “Did your opinion about Spike change at all these last couple of days?” She was silent for a long pause and then she forced herself to turn back to her sister. “Things were different lately,” she admitted, “I… We got on well. But now we have to face all that past again and… well, it’s complicated, Dawnie. I don’t really want to talk about it right now.” “You stuck up for him in front of Xander.” “I know.” “Would you do it again?” She paused for a second and then gave a shaky nod. “I think I would. Spike… he’s not dangerous and he’s…he’s not a monster. Not anymore.” Seemingly satisfied, Dawn nodded and gave her a small smile. “I’m going to bed. Night, Buffy.” She quickly left the room, leaving Buffy alone with her thoughts and, in particular, her memories from the last few days. How on earth was she going to fix this? With a sigh, she rested her elbows on the worktop and sank her head in her hands.

Chapter #13 - Semblance of Normality

Semblance of Normality ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was amazing how quickly her life got back to normal- or at least as normal as her life could ever be. She went out at night and slayed and spent her days searching for a job to support her and her sister. She found herself remembering those blissful days of ignorance more and more often and some days she almost wished she had never regained her memories. Things had certainly been a lot easier without them. Now things were strained between her and her friends and she just couldn’t find it in her heart to make things better. Her life revolved around slaying, job-hunting and Dawn. She had no room for anything else… at least that’s what she tried to convince herself. The illusion faltered every time she woke from a restless sleep plagued by images of white-blonde hair and soft touches and breathtaking kisses. So far, she had successfully avoided the vampire for the week or so that they had been back to themselves, getting regular updates from her sister. She knew she was being a coward, but she was confused and had no idea what she would say to the vampire if she saw him again. Things had been so easy between them for those four days, but how could they ever be like that again? Unfortunately, as she had known, she could not avoid the vampire forever. Especially when she patrolled the cemetery where he lived on almost a nightly basis. Not that it was intentional, she persuaded herself- there was just a lot of demon activity in his cemetery. One night during patrol, she stumbled upon just this type of activity in the form of three slimy demons and what looked to be some sort of ritual. She jumped straight into the fight- after all, slaying was about the only thing she seemed to be able to do right lately. She was struggling to keep all three demons at bay though and when one managed to scratch her stomach with its long claws, she began to realise that throwing herself headlong into this fight hadn’t necessarily been her best idea ever. She scanned the area, looking for something to help her out, but as she was momentarily distracted, she was tripped and went down hard, quickly rolling onto her back and kicking out at one of the demons. This was not good. She took a kick to the side and groaned, rolling again and trying to get away from the demons. She finally managed to flip herself to her feet but moments after took a blow to the face that had her stumbling backwards. She collided with something hard and spun round to take on the demon- and froze. “Spike,” she gasped, eyes wide as she looked up into the vampire’s face. He stared down at her and then looked up, quickly spinning her back round as the demons came at them. She moved away from him and he moved to her side, ready to fight. When the demons came at them, they were ready and they took on a demon each, sharing the third demon. Spike soon took out his demon, leaving them with one each, and suddenly the odds in their favour were much better. She was soon able to kill her demon, breaking its neck and letting it fall to the floor. Only moments later, Spike had killed the last demon and he kicked it aside, taking out a cigarette and lighting it before seeming to remember that she was there. He turned to her, bright blue eyes regarding her intently, and she froze on the spot, unable to move. “Slayer,” he murmured with a slight nod and she smiled weakly. She definitely hadn’t missed being called that. “Hi,” she got out. She still hadn’t moved and he finally moved instead, coming up to her and stopping about a foot away. “How’ve you been?” he asked softly, eyes searching her face. “Okay,” she answered, “Trying to get back to normal, you know.” He nodded and then looked away, his gaze falling to the floor. She bit her lip and turned her gaze away as well, both of them falling into an awkward silence. “Bit tells me you’re looking to get a job,” he spoke up after a long silence. “Yeah,” she answered, raising her head and meeting his – worried? – gaze, “My mom’s money is all gone.” She saw his expression darken with anger and couldn’t help but be a little pleased that someone else shared her anger, irrational though it may be. “Well, least you haven’t got the witch to support as well.” “Wow, Dawn has been keeping you well-informed!” she commented and he shrugged, taking a drag of his cigarette. She was reminded of how she had called him Mr. Cool and suppressed a smile. He sure did know how to hide his emotions well when he chose to. “S’good to see her,” he murmured, his eyes not meeting hers, “Missed her lately. We were close… before.” He glanced at her and that one hesitant look sent a shock right through. She looked away quickly, ashamed at just how much her heart sped up with that one slanted look. How did he do this to her? “Erm, so, I should get going,” she stuttered out nervously, avoiding his gaze even as she raised her head. “Right. Guess so.” She risked a glance at him and was about to go, but something held her back. “How… how are you doing?” she asked softly and his eyes darted to hers, wide with surprise. When he saw she was serious, his whole expression softened into that look of awe she knew well. “I’m fine, Slayer,” he murmured. “Buffy,” she corrected and he raised an eyebrow, “I… I don’t like it when you call me ‘Slayer’. It reminds me of when… well of what we were like before.” She saw him swallow hard and then he nodded, his eyes still wide as he watched her unerringly, his gaze burning into her. “Erm… I really should get going.” “Yeah,” he muttered absentmindedly, head tilting as he watched her. Her heart sped up and she couldn’t help but glance at his lips, remembering with perfect clarity just how he tasted. With wide eyes, she took a little step back and nodded, trying to force herself into motion. “N-night, Spike.” “Night, love.” She turned quickly on her heel and strode away from him, her heart pounding in her chest.

Chapter #14 - Giving In

Giving In ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She gasped awake and sat up, clutching the covers to her chest, her body half-convinced that the touch she had dreamt had been real. Taking long, deep breaths, she settled back on her pillows, staring at the ceiling. This feeling wasn’t going away, she recognised that now. She could try to ignore it, try to avoid the vampire- but nothing was getting rid of this yearning inside her. She wanted him and it scared her. Even before the memory loss, they had been close and that kiss they had shared after the singing had shaken her more than she had let on to him. She had gone for an instinctive defensive response, trying to pretend it meant nothing. But then there had been that spell and she had been so in tune with him, and now… Before the spell, she had wanted to forget their one kiss and had almost succeeded, but now she couldn’t close her eyes without reliving every second of their time together. And it wasn’t just sleeping together that had her so antsy. He had been everything to her for those four days: friend, confidant, lover. She remembered his comforting embrace, his soft, hesitant kisses, and let out an unconscious sigh. She knew before the spell there was no way she would have been considering what she now was. Before the spell, she had been hung up on appearances and what her friends thought of her. Funny what a few days of objectivity could do for you. In four days she had seen just how petty her friends were; how easily they would lie to her, deceive her; how convinced they were that they knew what was best for her. And Spike… well, objectivity did strange things. Under the influence of that spell, he had been nothing like the Spike she had long hated- even though nothing had been stopping him. He had known he was a vampire, but somehow he had also known that he did not kill. And he hadn’t even tried. Before her mind could quite catch up, she was throwing herself out of bed and pulling on the first clothes she could find. She paused for a moment in front of the mirror, brushed her hair back from her face, and then made her way out of the house- glad that Dawn was staying at her friend’s. In no time, she was across town and slipping through the gates of Restfield, spotting Spike’s crypt- and she hardly knew how she had got here. All she knew was that she needed to see him, to talk to him- to see if what they had shared during those four days had been real or just a product of the spell. Her stomach was churning with nervousness as she reached his crypt and pushed the door open, making her way in quietly. It was night but she was well aware of Spike’s recent lack of nocturnal habits and so hoped to find him at home. She could sense him straight away and with a look that confirmed he was not upstairs, her eyes went to the hole in the floor. She hesitated for a moment before heading for the ladder and climbing down it carefully, taking a deep breath just before she rounded the corner. She moved round the corner- and almost collided with Spike, the baseball bat in his hand stopping inches from her face. “Buffy.” He stepped back and she took a shaky breath, giving him a weak smile. “Hi.” “What are you doing here?” he asked in bewilderment, moving to place the bat down, “Oh. Got a demon problem?” “No,” she answered and he paused, frowning at her in confusion. Now that she was here, she was not entirely sure what to say and she bit her lip nervously, looking at everything but the vampire. “Buffy?” She raised her gaze to the vampire’s and felt a rush at the look of affection he failed to hide. “I wanted to talk to you,” she blurted out in a rush and he raised an eyebrow, partly amused. “In the middle of the night?” “I couldn’t sleep,” she answered with an embarrassed shrug. He raised his eyebrow again and gave her a half smile as he moved to sit on the edge of his bed. She really took him in then and gave a tiny smile at his bare feet even as her heart sped up at the sight of his half-buttoned shirt. His hair was messy and several strands were escaping from the hold of his gel- but he looked relaxed, a look she didn’t think she’d ever seen on Spike before. “Buffy?” he called, and she realised she had been staring at him- and that she had not spoken. “Erm… do you mind if I sit?” she asked, stalling more than anything. With another surprised look, he shook his head and she moved to sit next to him on the bed, unable to stop a vivid image of what they had shared in this bed from crossing her mind. She turned to him and smiled slightly, twiddling her hands nervously. She looked away again when he arched an eyebrow at her and turned her gaze to the room. “I like what you’ve done with the place,” she commented. He chuckled and she turned to him in surprise. “Telling me you came here in the middle of the night to talk about my décor?” “Well… no…” she got out embarrassedly. His eyes met hers, his gaze turning serious. “What then?” “I…” she trailed off, having no idea what she wanted to say. His closeness wasn’t exactly helping her think clearly either. She got to her feet once more, not missing his amused look as she began to pace slightly. “Well, I… the thing is… I was thinking…” She trailed off and growled at herself for being such an idiot. She was a grown woman, for God’s sake. She stopped in front of the bemused vampire and forced herself to meet his gaze. “I was thinking about what happened… between us.” If he had been surprised before, now he was dumbfounded and he went completely still, his mouth gaping slightly. Having to tear her eyes away from his, she dropped her gaze to her hands. “What happened was… being with you was-“ “A mistake. I know.” Her head snapped up and she frowned. “You thought it was a mistake?” she asked quietly and his eyes flew to hers, full of confusion. “I- No. But, Buffy, you… you hate me.” “I don’t hate you,” she whispered in answer, shaking her head slightly. He rose to his feet then, stopping just inches from her, his eyes ablaze as he looked down at her. “Buffy, what are you saying?” She ducked her head, unable to hold his gaze, and took a deep breath. “Being with you was… amazing,” she whispered, forcing her gaze back to his as she spoke the last. “Buffy,” he breathed in awe, his eyes flooding with love. “I don’t even just mean the… you know,” she murmured, meeting his gaze boldly now, “Every day I just… You made me feel safe.” She gave him a shaky smile and reached out to rest her hand on his arm, unable to go any longer without touching him. “No-one’s ever made me feel safe like that before. That’s usually my job, you know?” she commented with a crooked smile. He said nothing, but she saw him swallow hard, his eyes searching her face as if he couldn’t quite believe her. “What I said that night is still true now. I feel lost… except when I’m with you.” She lowered her voice to a whisper, meeting his bright gaze, and swallowed hard. “Then everything makes sense,” she whispered, leaning up and brushing her lips against his. He was completely still for a few seconds, but then he was kissing her, his arms winding round her and pulling her against him- their kiss quickly turning hungry. His mouth dropped to her neck and she clung to him, hands twisting in his shirt as he pressed soft kisses to her skin. “Oh, Buffy,” he murmured, “My sweet, darling girl.” Her heart was pounding in her ears now as she went limp against him, relying on him to keep her on her feet. He pulled away, his eyes fixing on her with a look of such hunger. “Buffy,” he murmured, raising one hand to her hair and brushing over it gently. She closed her eyes at his touch and her lips parted helplessly. Now she had given in, she knew there would be no going back and when his lips found hers again, she drew him close, wrapping her arms tightly around him. He guided her gently backwards and lowered her to the bed, following her and hovering over her. She saw the hesitation in his eyes and reached up to trace her fingers over his cheek, loving the way he moved into her touch, his eyes closing briefly. “Spike,” she whispered, drawing his gaze to hers, “I want you.” His eyes darkened and she smiled ever so slightly as he dipped his head and caught her mouth in a passionate kiss. Her hands slid down to his front and she began to undo the few fastened buttons on his shirt, pushing it aside to run her hands over the hard planes of his chest. Supporting himself on one hand, his mouth teasing her with sensuous kisses, he slid one hand down her side and under her top, his hand cool against her burning skin. She gasped at the feel of his skin and wriggled out of her top, anxious to feel skin against skin. She pulled his mouth back to hers, deepening it instantly and running her hands down his chest to his jeans, her fingers fumbling with his belt. He caught her hands though and pinned them above her head, giving her a heated look before dipping his head and teasing her with a soft kiss, before moving to leave a trail of kisses down her neck and across her collarbone. Closing her eyes, succumbing to him and arching her back as his cool mouth slid over her, his hard body pressed against hers, she knew that what she had quickly figured out first time round was definitely true: sex with Spike was always going to be mind-blowing.

Chapter #15 - Content

Content I'm sneaking another update in today, mainly because I really need to do some revision and this story is stealing all my time! :-) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She couldn’t remember ever feeling this content. She shifted her head against Spike’s shoulder and let out a little sigh as she felt him press a kiss to the top of her head. “I never dreamed this might happen,” he murmured, his arms tightening ever so slightly around her. She tilted her head and met his soft gaze, taken aback at the emotions spilling out of his expressive eyes. “I’m sorry about last time,” she whispered and he arched an eyebrow in question, “Running out on you.” “S’okay, love. Bit of a bruise to the ego, but I understood.” “What a time to get your memories back!” He chuckled and pulled her close, brushing his lips against her forehead. “God, just stake me now. I must be dreaming. This can’t be real.” “It’s real,” she whispered, reaching out and twining her fingers in his, “It’s very real.” He guided her face upwards, his eyes searching hers, before dipping his head and catching her lips in his. It was almost like he was testing her and she leant into him with a sigh, losing herself in his kiss. He pulled back again though, his fingers grazing over her cheek as he watched her with a gaze full of awe. “God, Buffy… what you do to me.” “I know the feeling,” she whispered with a smile. “I still can’t believe you’re here,” he murmured, studying her features as he twirled a strand of hair around his fingers. “I haven’t been able to sleep in my bed for days,” she admitted with a blush, “Not since I stayed here with you.” He smiled widely - a smile she realised she had never seen on Spike before - and then leaned down to kiss her softly. It was when he kissed her that she knew she was truly lost. When he was kissing her, she could forget about everything else… and damn but that was intoxicating. She could lose herself in his kiss and for just a few precious seconds, she was not the Slayer; she had no responsibilities. She was just Buffy. She pulled away from him, gasping for breath even as she smiled softly, resting her head against him as his hands trailed over her hair and shoulders. He pressed a kiss against her forehead and she smiled, just breathing in the scent of him. “I could stay here forever,” she murmured, her lips brushing his chest. “Can I get that in writing?” he murmured with a soft chuckle and she giggled, moving to rest against him again. “Sure,” she answered lazily, closing her eyes and smiling blissfully. “Might want to let the li’l Bit know.” She laughed lightly and moved to roll onto her back, resting on his arm. “She’s the only one I care about anyway.” “Things that bad with your friends?” he asked, his hand skimming over her shoulder. She sighed and closed her eyes briefly, shifting her head to touch his shoulder- instantly soothed by the touch of his skin. “Let’s just say we’re not really on good speaking terms right now.” She fell silent and sighed again, wishing she hadn’t started to think about it: the whole thing just got her down. Spike pulled her to him though and pressed a kiss to her forehead and she wrapped her arm around his waist, burying her head in his neck. “You know Giles is leaving?” “Nibblet told me.” She sighed again and felt him tighten his arms around her. “He seems to think it’ll be good for me.” “Fool,” Spike murmured, his voice muffled against her hair. She gave a half-laugh, shaking her head slightly. She was silent for a moment and then she spoke up. “This is what I like about you. I can actually talk to you.” “Glad I can be of use.” She smiled and lifted her head, making out his bright eyes in the dim light. “When did that happen?” she asked with a soft smile, “When did you become the only one I could talk to?” “Not quite sure myself,” he murmured with a smile, “But I’m bloody honoured.” Smiling, she reached up and pressed her hand to his cheek, inhaling sharply as he turned his head and pressed a kiss into her palm. “I remember what I said, you know,” she whispered, catching his gaze, “That I wouldn’t forget what you did for me. I haven’t. It still means a lot.” “Wondered if that li’l conversation was going to be forgot.” She shook her head and smiled sadly. “Those days gave me a lot of clarity actually. About things like caring about what people think… and about deception. I’m so tired of pretending to be happy and of everyone pretending that everything’s okay and we live this normal life when it’s just a stupid illusion.” He was silent and she raised her gaze to his sheepishly. “Sorry, I’m getting all ranty, aren’t I?” He just smiled and brushed a hair back from her face. “It’s adorable.” This was what real friends did, wasn’t it? They listened and let you rant and didn’t care- they still loved you afterwards. “Buffy? Love?” She realised she had been staring at Spike and quickly snapped out of her daze and met his concerned gaze. “I’m fine,” she got out, “I’m… I’m better than fine.” He raised an eyebrow and she leant in close, brushing her lips over his before catching them in a soft kiss. His arm tightened around her, pulling her against him and she let out a moan against him, pressing herself tightly against him. He deepened their kiss and she clung to him, one hand gripping his arm as she drew him closer, her other hand twisting in his hair. He rolled her onto her back, covering her, and pulled back, watching her with eyes dark with desire. “I could definitely get used to this,” she murmured, tracing a hand over his shoulder. “Oh yeah?” She met his gaze and nodded seriously, willing him silently to believe her. “Same,” he answered with a boyish smile, dipping his head and kissing her hungrily.

Chapter #16 - Talking

Talking ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She woke with a smile on her face and knew she hadn’t felt this good in a long long time. She stretched slightly and her smile grew as her arms collided with a solid form and an arm slipped around her waist, pulling her back against cool skin. “Mornin’.” She couldn’t stop the tremor his sleep-coated purr sent through her and her smile widened. “Morning,” she whispered, blushing shyly. He pressed a kiss to her neck and she moved into his touch, closing her eyes in bliss. “This dream seems to be never-ending,” he whispered, a hand rising to brush over her hair. She turned over, holding the covers to her chest modestly as she took in the sight of him, all bed-tousled hair and bare-chested as he propped himself up on one elbow. Unable to resist, she reached out and placed a hand on his chest, giving him a nervous smile as her eyes met his. “Not a dream,” she murmured. He traced a finger over her collarbone, his eyes burning into her. “Guess not. You feel real.” She nodded, swallowing hard at the lump that look seemed to prompt in her throat. He was looking at her like she was the most precious thing in this world. “You okay?” he asked. “Yeah,” she answered shakily, “I just… I never imagined it being this nice between us.” He smiled lightly and brushed a hand over her hair. She caught his hand and pressed a kiss to it, her cheeks flushing. She still could hardly believe she was really here, in Spike’s bed with him. She forced her gaze to his and her look turned serious. “I’m going to have to go soon,” she whispered with a sigh, even though every part of her wanted to stay with him. “Right.” “Giles is leaving tomorrow morning. I have to spend time with him,” she explained, pushing herself up- the covers still clutched over her chest. She turned to look for her clothes but his hand on her arm drew her attention back to him. “Buffy,” he started uncertainly, “If that’s the only reason you’re here… just tell me now.” “What?” she asked, confused. “If you’re only here ‘coz you’re hurting about Watcher Boy-” “Spike, no!” she interrupted, turning back to him with a frown, “How could you even-“ She cut herself off and reached out to touch his shoulder awkwardly. “I’m not here because of that. I’m here because… because I had to see if what we had during the spell could be… real.” He was watching her with bright eyes, his hand catching hers where it rested against him, his fingers tracing her skin. “Thought it might just be ‘coz we were two confused people with no-one else?” She ducked her head with a blush and nodded. He caught her chin and guided her eyes back to his. “Know we haven’t had the best luck with magic, love, but I think those four days were a blessing in disguise. We could get to know each other again, with none of that history.” He looked uncertain, his eyes showing her just how nervous he felt. “I just… I’m scared it won’t be that easy now,” she whispered. She sighed and dropped her eyes from his to the bedspread. “Spike… I-I know this isn’t fair but… I don’t think we can tell the others about this.” She raised her eyes to his with a pained look, not missing the flash of disappointment in his eyes. “I understand, love,” he murmured, drawing his hand away from hers and avoiding her gaze. “I don’t think you do,” she whispered, catching his arm before he could turn away from her, “I just… I want some time to figure out what this is… to get to know each other better… without having to fight with anyone.” He was silent, his eyes fixed on hers as he reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to ruin this with arguments and stress,” she whispered, her heart pounding in her chest as she waited for him to speak. Still silent, he sat up, his hand resting on her neck as he held her gaze. He leant over and kissed her then, his lips so gentle against hers, his fingers grazing her skin. He pulled back, leaving barely inches between them, and met her eyes again. “I love you, Buffy,” he murmured softly, “I’ll do anything you want if it means I get to have you.” She closed her eyes, almost as if she could absorb all of his love and carry it around with her. She opened her eyes again and raised her free hand to his face. “I’ve got an interview tomorrow afternoon… but maybe you could come to dinner tomorrow night. Just me and Dawn.” “Love, I don’t think I can hide in front of your sister. She knows me too well.” “You won’t have to,” she whispered, tracing her fingers over his jaw. He frowned in confusion even as he returned her caress, his hand ghosting over her shoulder. “You said we weren’t telling anyone.” “I meant the others. Not Dawn.” “You mean we can tell Dawn?” he asked softly, his voice heartbreakingly hopeful. “I don’t think I could hide it from Dawn either,” she whispered with a smile. He captured her mouth in a hungry kiss, holding her tightly against him as she wrapped her arms around him - the sheet forgotten - and kissed him back hungrily. They parted breathlessly and he looked at her in awe, those blue eyes shining. “I love you.” She exhaled sharply and then smiled softly. “I know.” He closed his eyes and leant his forehead against hers. She could practically feel the happiness radiating from him and she smiled, reaching round to run her hands through his hair. “Leave your hair like this tomorrow,” she whispered and he jerked back, raising an eyebrow, “I like it.” He rolled his eyes but smiled and leant forward again to kiss her. She pulled back after only a few short moments though. “I really should go.” With a sigh, he released her and she scrambled over to the edge of the bed, holding the covers to her once more as she searched for her clothes. She dressed quickly, feeling his eyes on her all the time, and finally turned back to him with a soft smile. “Until tomorrow?” “Definitely,” he purred, his eyes dark with want as he looked at her. She turned to go but paused and after a moment’s thought, leant back over the bed and kissed him quickly before righting herself. “Bye,” she murmured, her eyes locked on his as she tried to force her body backwards, away from the bed. “Bye.” She finally tore her eyes away from his, sweeping a gaze over his bare chest before turning and making her way out of the crypt.

Chapter #17 - Out In The Open

Out In The Open Serious fluff warning from here on out. Couldn't help myself :-) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ By the next afternoon, she was ready to burst with anticipation. The day had definitely been an emotional one: after bidding Giles goodbye, she had fled from her friends, unable to spend another moment around them. She was still feeling eerily numb about Giles’ leaving, but then they hadn’t exactly been on best terms lately and they both seemed to feel it as they shared an awkward goodbye. Then she had rushed to her interview, her nerves making her on edge before she even got to speak to the manager. It was her fifth interview of the week and she wasn’t exactly hopeful - she didn’t think she had the experience to be a PA - but the thought of that evening somehow kept her going through the interview. By the time late afternoon came, she was watching the kitchen door as she prepared dinner, counting the hours until the sun would set. When Dawn burst through the door after school, her heart leapt- and sunk again when she realised it was just her sister. She gave her sister a smile and went back to preparing the dinner. “You’re cooking?” Dawn asked, “You never cook.” The girl leant over the counter, looking at the recipe she was following. “And you definitely never cook things like that! What’s going on?!” Dawn exclaimed with a laugh. Unable to meet her sister’s eyes, she kept her gaze on the potatoes as she spoke up. “Spike’s coming to dinner.” Dawn was silent for a painfully long time and then she spoke, disbelief in her voice. “Spike’s coming to dinner?! Are we thinking of the same Spike? Vampire… blonde hair… black clothes?” Buffy raised her head and nodded, ducking her head again in an attempt to hide the blush on her cheeks. “Why?” Dawn asked pointedly. “Well, I thought it would be nice.” “You don’t do nice things for Spike,” Dawn remarked and she raised her head, exclaiming in protest. “Hey! That’s not fair. I do. I…” she trailed off awkwardly and then forced herself to meet Dawn’s gaze, “Okay, I don’t. Didn’t, in the past. That’s going to change.” “Are you okay?” Dawn asked with a grin, reaching out and pressing her hand to Buffy’s forehead, “You must be sick. Want some medicine?” She brushed her sister off and turned her back on her, blushing furiously now. “I’m not sick. I… Me and Spike are kind of… seeing each other.” There was silence and she spun round to face Dawn again with an anxious expression, almost wanting to laugh at her sister’s look of shock. “You’re what?!” She dipped her head again, blushing. “We’re sort of, you know, together. Or trying to be anyway.” Biting her lip, she raised her eyes to Dawn once more, a little relieved that her sister had at least closed her gaping mouth. “You … and Spike. Together,” she got out, eyes still wide with surprise. “That’s kinda the plan,” she admitted with a smile. “Since when?” “Well, erm, sort of yesterday… but, erm, I guess before that.” “When you lost your memories?” “Erm, sort of before that too,” she admitted with a sheepish smile and a blush. “What?!” Dawn exclaimed at only the volume a teenager could master, “Why didn’t you tell me?! You’ve been together all this time and-” “We weren’t really together… not until yesterday. But we, erm … we kissed before that.” Dawn was watching her with an intent look and wow, she didn’t know talking to your fifteen-year-old sister about your love life could be so embarrassing. “We’re, erm, we’re closer now than, you know, before.” “That was the trigger wasn’t it?” “What?!” she burst out, eyes going wide at her sister’s deduction capabilities, “No, of course not.” “It was, wasn’t it?!” Dawn exclaimed with a proud grin, “Something happened between you and then you remembered. I knew you were both acting weird!” Dawn was practically bouncing with excitement and she caught her by the arm, trying to calm her down. “Look, Dawn… you can’t tell anyone.” “No-one?” “No. We’re… keeping things quiet just now.” “You don’t want the Scoobies to know.” “After Xander’s reaction to me just spending time with Spike, can you blame me?” she exclaimed and Dawn turned serious, shaking her head. “What Xander said was wrong.” “I know. And if ever tries to say anything like that again, I’ll… well, I’ll do something,” she finished awkwardly. They fell silent and she moved back to the counter to prepare the food. When she glanced up at Dawn though, her sister was grinning. “So, is Spike a good kisser?” Blushing furiously, she threw a handful of lettuce at her sister and refused to answer, fixing her gaze on the salad she was preparing. By the time the sun had set, she was practically buzzing with nervous energy- not helped by the fact that Dawn was walking around with the hugest smirk on her face. When there came a knock on the kitchen door, her heart started to race but before she could move to answer it, Dawn jumped up and threw the door open, surprising the vampire standing the other side by throwing her arms around him and hugging him. “Spike! I’m so happy!” His gaze met hers over Dawn’s head and she smiled softly, mouthing a ‘hey’. When the teenager finally released him, he looked down at her, twitching an eyebrow. “What you so happy about then, li’l Bit?” “You and Buffy! This is so cool!” Spike sent her a surprised look and she shrugged, smiling at her sister’s exuberance. “Missed the big announcement, did I?” he asked softly, stepping into the kitchen and shutting the door behind him with a smile. “It was very embarrassing,” Buffy admitted with a crooked smile, a flush heating her cheeks as she finally took in the joy of being in his presence again. Her eyes swept over him and landed on his hair and she smiled softly. “Dawnie, why don’t you go lay the table?” she suggested with a smile. She half-expected her sister to argue but instead, Dawn collected up plates and bounded out of the room with a wide grin. “I do want dinner some time tonight so don’t play kissy-face all night!” she called over her shoulder, leaving the two in silence. The vampire stepped forward nervously and with a small flourish, pulled a small bouquet from behind his back. “For you,” he murmured, his blue eyes finding hers. “Thank you,” she whispered with a smile, taking the flowers from him, her fingers brushing against his. “How did the interview go?” he asked in the same low tone, taking another step towards her. “I’m not sure. Just gonna cross my fingers and hope,” she answered with a little shrug. They were silent and she looked up at him, the sight of his hair prompting another smile. “You didn’t do your hair,” she whispered. “What the lady wants, the lady gets,” he answered lowly, his fingers just grazing her arm and sending a shock through her. “And if the lady wants a kiss?” she whispered with a coquettish smile. “Well, that I can do.” His eyes dropped to her lips and darkened imperceptibly as she tilted her face towards him. She could feel his breath on her lips and took a deep breath herself, the hand with the flowers holding onto the counter, steadying her. “Man, are you still not done?!” They jumped apart at the sound of Dawn’s voice and Buffy couldn’t help but glare at her sister’s back as Dawn rooted around in the drawer and came out with a selection of cutlery. She flashed them a mega-watt grin and then flounced out of the room again. “I’m regretting telling her already,” Buffy murmured, her eyes on the door her sister had just fled through. “She’s just happy for you. Knows you’re going to be properly looked after now.” She turned back to him with a soft smile, her eyes meeting his. “That a promise?” she whispered. “Guaranteed.” He stepped forward once more and reached out to cup her cheek. Before any more interruptions could ruin this moment, she leant up and pressed her lips to his, leaning into him and resting her free hand on his chest. His hand moved to her hair and he kissed her back sensuously, taking his time despite the fact Dawn might come back in at any time. They finally parted and her eyes flew open, her gaze meeting his as he brushed a hand over her shoulder. “I was worried I might never get to do that again,” he murmured lowly. “I wouldn’t play games with you like that.” “Glad to hear it.” “Can we eat yet?!” Dawn shouted from the dining room and they shared a little laugh. “I guess we better get food to her before she gets worse.” He smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Just tell me what you want me to do.” “Maybe you could sort these out for me?” she suggested, holding out the bouquet to him. He nodded and took it and she turned back to the dinner. They finally sat down at the table a few minutes later, Dawn grinning at them as they came into the room. Buffy settled next to him, ignoring Dawn’s grin, and gave him a soft smile as she began to dish out the dinner. They quickly ate their dinner but remained at the table, talking and laughing. Buffy didn’t think she’d felt this relaxed, this happy in too long and with a contented sigh, she sank back against her chair, more than aware of the vampire’s arm draped across the back of her chair. He flashed her a smile and then turned his attention back to Dawn. “Maybe we could do this again,” Dawn spoke up, drawing her attention from the vampire, “But we could invite Tara.” “You’ve seen Tara?” Buffy asked. To be honest, she had completely forgotten about the witch, what with everything else that had been going on. “I saw her at the mall the other day,” Dawn explained, “She looked sad.” There was a moment’s silence and then Spike spoke. “Always did like Glinda. Got a sensible head on her shoulders. Just a shame some of that didn’t rub off on her girlfriend.” She tensed at the thought of her friend but instantly felt Spike’s hand brush her shoulder and she sent him a sad smile. “I guess Willow just needed to learn for herself.” “I hear she’s gone cold turkey,” Spike murmured, his thumb rubbing her shoulder soothingly- as if he knew how much this conversation bothered her. “Apparently so,” she mumbled with a shrug. They fell silent again and Buffy just wanted to sink her head against the vampire and curl up in his embrace. “So, what’s for dessert?” Dawn spoke up, breaking the silence, “I could definitely go for ice-cream. Anyone else?!” “Sure thing, Dawnie,” Buffy answered with a grateful smile, getting to her feet and beginning to tidy the table, glad of the distraction.

Chapter #18 - Stress Relief

Stress Relief Yeah, continuing with that fluffy soppy theme... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dawn soon left them, scooting up the stairs with a wide grin and a wink at her sister. Blushing, Buffy picked up her glass of wine and took a long drink, avoiding the vampire’s gaze. When she finally dared to look at him, he was smiling at her and he reached out to brush a finger over her cheek. “How ‘bout we go relax in the front room?” he suggested and she nodded, rising to her feet and grabbing the bottle of wine and her glass. They went through to the living room and he sank fluidly onto the sofa as she placed the bottle down on the small table and joined him. With a sigh, she sank back into the cushions and flashed him a shy smile. “So how did the interview really go?” he asked softly. She gave another sigh and drained the last of her drink before sitting forward to pour more wine into the glass. She took a sip and let out a shaky breath, her eyes fixed on the glass in her hands. “I really don’t know what I’m going to do, Spike. I don’t think I’ve got a chance of getting this job. I’ve tried almost everything… The only place left is that fast food place. The Doublemeat Palace.” She gave a shiver of disgust at the thought of working in the place and turned towards the silent vampire. “I’m sorry. We were having a nice evening. Ignore me.” He sat forward and took her glass from her, placing it down on the table and turning back to her, his hands coming to rest on her arms. “You can talk to me, you know that. And I want you to.” She dipped her gaze from his bright one and nodded slightly. “I just don’t want to burden you with all my problems.” He caught her chin and guided her eyes back to his. “That’s what I’m here for, Buffy. And I’m not going anywhere. You lay it all on me, love. Let me help you.” With a teary smile, she leant forward and sank her head against his shoulder, letting out a sigh of content as his arms wrapped around her tightly. “Might not have the answers, but at least I can make you feel better, yeah?” he murmured, brushing a kiss over her hair. “You really do,” she whispered, tightening her arms around his waist. “Well, good,” he answered and she could hear the smile in his voice before it turned serious, “Just want to be by your side, Buffy. Want to make you happy.” She pulled away slightly and met his soft gaze, raising one hand to touch his cheek. “I want to make you happy too,” she whispered, “I know I haven’t been good to you-“ “Buffy-“ “But I’m going to make up for it. I want to be your friend… and, you know, more than that. I’m going to be so good to you and-” He cut her off with a kiss that took her breath away, his hands twining in her hair as he pulled her close. She slid her arms around him, pressing her chest against his and applying just enough pressure to make him lie back. As his back hit the sofa, he broke their kiss gently and looked up at her, one hand brushing over her hair. “You already make me happy, Buffy,” he got out softly, “Just being with you… seeing you look at me with something other than hatred… you don’t know how much it means to me.” Having no words to answer him, she leant forward and pressed a gentle grazing kiss to his lips. She then pulled back and rested her head against his chest, shifting to curl up against him. His arms wrapped around her tightly and his lips just rested against her forehead as she closed her eyes, taking in the sweet feeling of calm that flooded her whole body as she relaxed for the first time that day. His hand was brushing over her hair absentmindedly, his breath cool against her forehead. And just like that, the emotions she had been suppressing all day burst forth and she let out a choked sob. “Buffy?” he asked in surprise, shifting to try to look at her, but she buried her head in his shoulder, her hand twisted in his shirt. “Buffy?” Fighting her tears, she shook her head, unable to look at him for fear it would set her off. “Come on, love,” he coaxed softly, his hand trailing gently over her hair. She sniffed and shifted closer to him, hiding her face against him as his arms tightened around her. “I don’t know how you do this,” she choked out, still fighting her tears, “I’ve cried more in the last two weeks than I have for years.” “I make you cry?” he got out, surprise evident in his voice. Her head snapped up and she shook her head quickly, reaching out and touching his face. “No. I didn’t mean it like that.” He was watching her with bright eyes and she sniffed her tears back, wiping a hand across her eyes. “I just… I don’t know. I guess I just feel relaxed around you.” “But you’re not crying ‘coz you’ve realised I’m a bad vampire?” he asked with a teasing smile, even though she could see he was half-serious. “You’re not a bad vampire,” she whispered in reply, “You’re a good man. And I wouldn’t have coped without you since… well, you know.” He smiled wryly and leant forward to press a kiss to her forehead. “Do anything to take away your pain, love,” he whispered against her skin, “Even let you cry into my best shirt.” She laughed tearfully and wiped helplessly at his shirt where she had left a wet patch. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t have to be. I’m glad you trust me enough to cry in front of me,” he answered, brushing a thumb over her wet cheek. “I trust you with my life, Spike.” She didn’t ever think she’d live to see the day Spike was made speechless but apparently that day had come: he was staring at her in shock, his mouth gaping slightly. She couldn’t help but giggle softly and he snapped out of his daze. “Buffy,” he breathed, his fingers stroking her cheek. She turned serious and met his gaze full-on. “I know the chip’s broken, Spike.” He frowned slightly, head tilted as he looked at her. “What? The chip…” She looked away with a slight blush, playing with one of the buttons of his shirt. “You bit me, remember?” she whispered, “When we slept together.” He was silent and she looked up, surprised to find a shocked and confused look on his face. “Spike, the chip is broken, isn’t it?” “I didn’t think so,” he whispered, shaking his head. “Oh,” she got out, pushing herself away from him and sitting up as he pushed himself up too, “Maybe it was a fluke then. I mean, it worked before… and it didn’t really hurt or anything-“ “Buffy,” he murmured, touching her shoulder and drawing her eyes to his, “Listen to me, okay?” He cupped her cheek, his bright gaze meeting hers. “I don’t know what happened with the chip then… but you have to know that I would never hurt you. Never.” “I know,” she answered simply and he froze, obviously having expected more of an argument. “Buffy?” “You’re not the monster Xander thinks you are. Not anymore. You’ve changed and I just wish I’d seen it before.” He was silent, wide eyes searching hers but then he caught her and dragged her half onto his lap, his mouth finding hers in a rough kiss. She moaned into his mouth and he deepened their kiss, his tongue teasing hers as one hand slipped under her top and rested against her back. She twisted her hands in his hair, holding his mouth close as she kissed him back hungrily, alight with his touch. She broke away reluctantly, panting for breath as she rested her forehead against his. “Will you stay with me tonight?” she whispered. “You think I’d ever say no to that?” he answered huskily, drawing her back down for a sensuous kiss. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ She let out a sigh of content and relaxed against the form behind her. He pressed a kiss to her neck and she moved into his touch lazily. “I think you should be marketed as stress relief,” she murmured, eyes closing as his hand ghosted over her side, his lips still teasing the skin of her neck. He chuckled and nuzzled his nose against her hair. “This is a personal service. Only for you.” “Mmm, lucky me,” she whispered, smiling as his fingers twined in hers. “I think I’m the lucky one,” he answered, pressing another kiss to the back of her neck, “Never thought I’d be here.” She felt him shift and she rolled onto her front, smiling at him softly. “Nothing special about my bedroom.” “It’s yours.” He stroked a hand over her bare shoulder, his eyes shining in the dim light. “You’re really a soppy romantic, aren’t you?” she teased. “Never lied about it,” he replied with a smile, pulling her forward to press a kiss to her lips. “Do anything for the woman I love.” “I know,” she whispered seriously, leaning into his touch and finding his mouth again in a kiss that quickly grew passionate.

Chapter #19 - Things Are Looking Up

Things Are Looking Up ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She was woken from her deep sleep by her sister’s shout. “Buffy! Phone!” She groaned and rolled over lazily, peeking out from under her arm to spy the clock on her bedside table. Eight o’clock was way too early for phone calls. Her head fell to the pillow again and she snuggled up against the cool form at her side, smiling gently as his arm wrapped instinctively around her waist. “Buffy?!” Dawn called again, much louder this time and accompanied with a knock at her bedroom door. “Sleeping,” she mumbled. “Someone important’s on the phone. They want to talk to you.” With a groan, she managed to wriggle her way out of Spike’s tight grasp and dragged herself to the edge of the bed, pulling on a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. “Buffy?!” “I’m coming!” she called out, pushing herself to her feet and moving to the door quickly. Dawn had disappeared when she opened the door and she headed down the stairs to answer the phone. “Hello?” she spoke, trying to wake herself up as she propped herself up against the table, wiping a hand across her tired eyes. She’d have to grumble to Spike about her lack of sleep later. “Buffy Summers?” “That’s me,” she answered, wondering which utility company was threatening to cut her off today. “Hi, this is Vanessa from Elite Power.” “Oh,” she got out, straightening with the name of the company she had had the interview with just the other day, “Hi.” “I’m calling about your interview the other day.” “Right. Yeah.” There was a painfully long pause and then the woman spoke. “I’m afraid we’ve found someone else for the PA job.” “Oh, right,” she murmured, her heart sinking. She’d have to pay a visit to the Doublemeat Palace later. “But we’d like to offer you another job.” “What? I mean, excuse me?” “We were impressed by you at your interview, but you just didn’t have the relevant experience for the PA position. We’d like you to come in for a chat about an office clerk job, if you’re still interested?” “Yes, yes of course,” she answered quickly, “What sort of job is it?” “Your duties would be filing, answering the phone, writing letters. I’m sure it’s probably a bit basic for someone with part of a college education but-” “I’ll take it,” she interrupted, “I mean, I’m interested. When should I come in?” “Are you free today at all?” “Yes,” she replied, her heart racing. “Two this afternoon?” “That’s great.” “Excellent. I’ll see you later.” “Yes… Thank you.” “Goodbye.” “Bye,” she answered somewhat absentmindedly, hanging up the phone and turning with wide eyes as she felt a presence behind her. “Who was it?” Dawn asked excitedly. “A woman from Elite Power.” “Was that the PA job or the receptionist thingy?” “PA,” she answered, still a little dumbfounded, “I didn’t get it.” “Oh,” Dawn whispered, her face falling. “But they offered me another job!” she added quickly and saw her sister’s face lift instantly, “I have to go in this afternoon to see them.” “Oh my God! You got a job?!” “I got a job!” Dawn threw herself at her and the two sisters shared a tight hug, both practically bouncing with excitement. “This is so cool! I knew things were going to get better!” Dawn exclaimed and Buffy pulled back to smile at her. “As soon as I get my first paycheck, we’re going clothes shopping!” Dawn shrieked in excitement and hugged her again tightly. Buffy pulled away abruptly, her eyes darting to the stairs. “God, I have to tell-“ she cut herself off with a blush, “I mean, err, I should get dressed so I can go to Spike’s and tell him.” Crossing her arms, Dawn gave her an unimpressed look, one eyebrow arched. “You really think I don’t know Spike stayed?” the girl asked, struggling to suppress her grin. “Okay, okay. Shut up and stop grinning!” Dawn flashed her a wide smile and she rolled her eyes, before dragging her sister into a brief clumsy hug and rushing up the stairs. She threw the door open, and came to a standstill at the sight of the sleeping vampire, an affectionate smile crossing her face. He was on his side, one arm still slung where she had been lying, the covers draped around his waist. She smiled and shut the door quietly, moving over to the bed and sitting on the edge. The vampire made no sign of registering her presence and with a smile, she leant over to press a kiss to his cheek. “Spike,” she whispered, brushing her lips over his ear, “Wake up.” He did not move and she frowned slightly- trust him to sleep like the dead. “Spike,” she said a little louder, tracing her fingers over his shoulder and pressing a kiss to his neck, “Come on, wake up. I’ve got good news.” He murmured something unintelligible in his sleep and shifted onto his back, but did not wake up. Moving to kneel on the bed, she shook him gently by the shoulder. “Spike. Wake up, sleepyhead.” Before she could react, he grabbed her arms and pulled her against him, letting out a laugh. “You faker!” she exclaimed, even as she relaxed into his touch and raised her head to meet his bright gaze. “You think I could sleep through the noise you two were making?” She poked her tongue out at him and reached forward to kiss him softly, just grazing his lips with hers. “Did you hear the good news then?” “Hear my girl’s going to be a sexy little office worker,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her tightly. “Hopefully.” “So what time do you have to go in later?” he asked, moving his mouth to nip teasingly at her neck. “Two.” He moved his head to look at her clock and then turned back to his ministrations. “That means we have at least four hours to celebrate,” he whispered huskily, his lips caressing her neck as a hand came to rest on her behind. “Spike!” she protested breathlessly, making no move to shift him, “Dawn’s just downstairs.” “She was just across the hall last night,” he murmured, one hand sifting through her hair as he pressed soft kisses to her neck, his other hand kneading her behind. “But she’s awake now,” she murmured half-heartedly, closing her eyes and just enjoying his caresses, “She could come knock on the door.” “If she’s got any sense, she won’t,” he almost growled, guiding her head up and catching her mouth in a passionate kiss. Knowing it was helpless to argue – and not really wanting to anyway – she sank against him, kissing him back hungrily and moaning as his tongue found hers. In one swift movement, she was below him and he was already working on removing her top, never pausing in his scorching kisses. She was sure she had never been this sex-craved before but there was something about Spike that brought it out of her. She felt free with him. Breaking their kiss, she gave him a coy smile and before he could blink, she had reversed their positions, straddling him and pinning him to the bed. His look of surprise lasted all of two seconds before a lascivious smile spread across his face and he gave her a heated look. She leant down and kissed him hungrily, teasing him with her tongue before trailing her lips to his neck and gently scraping her teeth against his skin. He moaned and his hands tugged at her top, pulling it over her head and discarding it. With a vixenish smile, she caught his wrists and pinned them to the bed, trailing her mouth down to his collarbone. She continued on her path, lowering her mouth to the hard muscles of his chest and running her tongue over his smooth skin. He moaned lowly with almost every sweep of her tongue and she shifted lower, releasing his wrists and supporting herself as she pressed a kiss to his navel. She glanced up at him, only to find his eyes closed in pleasure, a strained expression on his face. Smiling, she lowered her head and pressed a kiss to his hip and then pulled the covers from him in one swift motion. Her hair brushed against him and he let out a harsh breath, which turned into a moan as she passed her tongue over his hipbone. She moved lower and paused, hovering just above him, her eyes moving to his. His eyes were burning with desire and he reached out to thread one hand in her hair. The look he was giving her almost took her breath away but she met it, letting out a shaky breath. Even though she was the one between his legs, she felt like she was being worshipped with that look and she closed her eyes with a serene smile before lowering her head.

Chapter #20 - Interruptions

Interruptions ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They were patrolling the next night and she felt like she might float away- for the first time in a long time, she felt light-hearted. She was starting her new job next week and she could finally stop worrying about paying the bills. The salary wasn’t phenomenal, but it was enough to support her and Dawn. With a smile, she looked at the vampire by her side and on an impulse, reached out to take his hand. He tightened his fingers around hers and threw her a soft smile. “It’s good to see you so happy.” She smiled widely and squeezed his hand, leaning into him slightly. “I’m just so relieved. Everything seems to be working out.” “You deserve it to,” he answered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, “You’ve had too much to worry about for someone so young.” “That makes you sound old,” she teased, smiling as he released her hand but draped his arm around her shoulders. “I am old.” “Still looking pretty good for it though.” “Glad you think so,” he murmured with a chuckle, drawing her against him. She smiled and wrapped her arm around his waist, breathing in his scent. They walked along in comfortable silence and she wondered just how everything had turned out so well. A little voice in her head whispered that it was since she had separated herself from her friends, but she shook it away. She didn’t want to think about them. She just wanted to enjoy the evening with her boyfriend. With the thought, she raised her head to look at the vampire and smiled widely. He caught sight of her smile and raised an eyebrow in question. “What?” “I was just thinking… you’re my boyfriend.” “That so?” he asked, unable to stop his own wide smile. “Unless you don’t want the job?” He chuckled and drew her to him, leaning down to kiss her gently. “Couldn’t ask for anything better in life.” “You really are soppy,” she commented with a laugh. “Complaining?” “Never.” He pressed another kiss to her lips and then returned to his former position and they continued through the cemetery. She let her head rest against his shoulder, unable to wipe the smile from her face. She had definitely done the right thing giving Spike a chance. He made her almost deliriously happy- and at the same time, he calmed her when she was worked up. In the few days they had been together, she had grown quickly used to the sweet feeling of being cherished and wondered how she could have ever not wanted it before. She had been so blind, so prejudiced against him for being a vampire and she was angry with herself for the time she had wasted fighting her attraction to him. And all because it had been drilled into her that vampires were evil. She shook her head slightly- she didn’t want to think about those things now- and tightened her arm around Spike’s waist. She knew she could not hide from her friends forever, but for now, she was content to stay away from them and be with the people she cared about most. They were halfway through one of the cemeteries when they were jumped by a group of vampires. When they got to their feet and fell into a fighting stance, the hapless vampires realised just who they’d jumped and one took off across the cemetery. She shared a look with Spike and shrugged, turning her attention to the remaining vampires. “This is going to feel real good.” Spike chuckled and ducked a hit from an attacking vampire as she leapt forward and staked one instantly. That set them in motion and soon they were fighting with all they had to take down the vampires. She glanced at Spike a few times to check on him but he was caught up in the fight, all fists and fangs and passion as he fought. She was almost distracted by the sight of him but ducked a kick in time and spun to stake the vampire who had come at her. She threw herself at the remaining vampires and took them out in no time, brushing herself down and turning to watch Spike as he fought the last vampire. They were almost evenly matched but she could clearly see Spike had the advantage and watched him with a smile as he dragged out the inevitable, clearly enjoying the fight. She leant against a nearby gravestone and waited, unable to tear her eyes away from him as he fought the other vampire. Finally, he retrieved a stake from his duster and spun, driving it home and turning the other vampire to dust. He tucked the stake back into his duster and turned to her, slipping back into human guise. When he saw her watching him, he tilted his head and gave her a soft smile. “What?” She rose to her feet and moved towards him. “I love the way you fight,” she murmured, her eyes meeting his as she stopped in front of him, one hand coming to rest against his chest. “Likewise, sweetheart,” he answered, one hand combing over her hair, “Always have done.” “You always said it was like dancing,” she whispered, leaning into his touch. “And am I right?” “Maybe,” she replied quietly, closing her eyes and smiling softly. He took his cue and leant down to kiss her, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her against him. She wound her arms around his neck, smiling against his lips as he peppered her with soft kisses. She leant back and met his bright gaze. “Staying with me again tonight?” “If you want.” “Definitely.” He smiled and caught her again in a hungry kiss. Before they could get too carried away though, she pulled away reluctantly and gave him a warm smile. “Come on,” she said, holding out her hand, “Let’s get back.” He smiled and slipped his hand in hers. She lay back on the bed and smiled as he stretched out beside her, one hand lazily tracing patterns on her stomach. He lowered his lips to her neck and she leant into him, closing her eyes with the feel of his cool mouth on her skin. “You’re so beautiful… so warm.” Meanwhile, her fingers were making quick work of the buttons of his shirt and she soon guided it over his shoulders, leaning forward to kiss his neck. He moaned at the touch of her mouth and she smiled against his skin, their legs tangling as they tried to get closer. She managed to tug his shirt off and helped him with her own before lying back on the bed, drawing him with her and kissing him softly, teasing him. Her skirt was next to go, she kicking it off impatiently as he tried to guide it down her legs. She giggled helplessly but then he was back, leaning over her, his eyes dark with desire, and she let out a shaky breath. “I love you,” he whispered, but before she could make any answer, he dipped his head and kissed her. She twined her arms around him and held him close, loving the feel of his cool skin under her hands. She was getting quickly lost in the feel and taste of him- but suddenly, there was a loud bang on the front door and she jumped, pulling away from him. They both tensed, listening again, and there came another thump, and another. “I should go,” she whispered. “Buffy… be careful,” he murmured, seeming to be listening hard. She quickly sat up and pulled on a pair of shorts and grabbed the nearest top she could find- Spike’s shirt. She hurried out of her room, hastily buttoning the shirt, and found a bleary-eyed Dawn just emerging from her room. The knocking at the door was almost frantic now and Dawn sent her a worried look. “Dawnie, stay here.” Dawn nodded seriously and stopped at the banister, watching her as she descended the stairs slowly. She was tensed, ready for a fight, but as she spotted a face through the small windows on the door, she frowned in confusion and rushed to the door, throwing it open. “Xander!” she cried, “What are you doing here?! You scared us. I thought you were a demon!” She took him in and frowned at the bloodstains on his shirt and the cut on his cheek. “Xander?” He shook his head, seeming to remember himself, and with a quick glance at her attire, spoke up breathlessly. “We need your help, Buffy. The Magic Box was attacked.” “What?! When?” “Just now. A demon. Anya got hurt. It thought she was the Slayer.” Taking a calming breath, she brushed her hair from her face and nodded. “Okay, calm down. I’m coming. We’ll sort it, okay?” He nodded, strangely quiet, and she turned to the stairs as she heard movement. Spike had just emerged from her room and placed a reassuring hand on Dawn’s shoulder before moving halfway down the stairs, dressed only in his jeans. “You hear that?” “Yeah. Sounds like someone’s after the Slayer,” he murmured with a frown. “You think you can go to Willy’s, see if anyone’s saying anything?” “Sure.” She gave him a soft smile as he headed back up the stairs and then turned back to the still quiet Xander. “I’ll be one minute.” She jogged up the stairs, calling to her sister. “Dawnie, get dressed. You’re coming with me.” Dawn nodded and disappeared into her room and she rushed into her own room. Spike was waiting for her and stopped her as she moved to her wardrobe. He cupped her face in his hands, his bright gaze meeting hers. “You don’t have to do this, you know.” “I do,” she whispered, “It doesn’t matter who it is. Someone got hurt and it was my fault.” “Buffy-“ “I have to fix it.” He sighed but drew her close, wrapping his arms around her and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Just be careful.” “Always.”

Chapter #21 - Outbursts

Outbursts ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She now sat at the table in the middle of the shop, her eyes focussed on the book in front of her and the picture of the demon that had attacked the shop. The shop was eerily silent even as Willow and Xander went about clearing the mess the demon had created as Dawn attempted to help. Anya was sat on a chair close by, nursing a deep wound on her arm. Even she was unusually quiet and Buffy let out a little sigh. It was like waiting for a thunderstorm to break: you could see it coming but didn’t know when it would suddenly burst upon you. She was just waiting for Xander to burst after what he had witnessed at her house. She shifted her gaze from the book and rubbed her eyes tiredly. This was getting them nowhere and she just hoped Spike would be back soon. She had never pictured the day when she might need Spike’s presence to tolerate her friends. She sighed and leant back in the chair, her gaze moving to the bowed heads of Xander and Willow. They looked to be whispering something and when Xander glanced at her, she braced herself for the outburst. He righted himself and she found her gaze dropping to the book in her lap, if only to hold him off for a few more minutes. “So, Buff, this is it, huh? You’ve chosen a vampire over your friends?” With a sigh, she raised her head and met his narrowed eyes. “You making me choose, Xander?” “Maybe I am.” She placed the book down and sat up a little straighter, her eyes fixed on her friend now. “I wouldn’t, if you ever want to see me again.” “We just don’t understand!” Willow burst out, “We haven’t seen you in days. You’ve been acting weird and now we find out you’re spending all your time with Spike!” “I wonder why,” she muttered to herself, crossing her arms across her chest before facing her friends again, “Maybe I am. What’s so wrong about that?” “He’s a vampire, that’s what’s wrong!” Xander exclaimed, “Or maybe the lack of heartbeat does it for you, hey Buff?” Glaring at him, she rose to her feet, her fists clenched tightly. “Do you know what? It’s none of your business,” she bit out. “It used to be.” “Yeah, then I got a clue and realised I didn’t want to be around people who tried to control my life.” “And he doesn’t try to control your life?” “No,” she ground out, struggling to restrain her temper, “I don’t care what you think. You don’t know him. You’ve never even tried.” “I know enough. He’s a vampire.” “Anya was a demon once too, you know.” He threw a look at his fiancée and then turned back to her. “That’s different. She’s human now.” “Oh, so that makes it alright?” “She has a point,” Anya added glibly and Xander glared at her. “Ahn, you’re not helping.” She shrugged and moved away, going over to the cash register. Xander turned back to her, obviously ready with his next line of attack. “You put us all at risk because you were too busy screwing your vampire.” “How dare you?!” she cried, pointing at him angrily, “You’d be dead now if it wasn’t for me. The number of times I’ve saved you!” “You weren’t here earlier when that demon tried to kill Anya.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I was your personal bodyguard service.” She saw him clench his jaw and couldn’t help a burst of satisfaction. She was sure there had been a time when Xander hadn’t been so thick-headed, but apparently things had changed. “I just don’t see what your problem with Spike is. If he’s so very bad, why did you work with him all summer? And let him look after Dawn?” They were all guiltily silent and she nodded. “Just what I thought. But suddenly I’m back and he turns bad again, is that right? Is that what you decided?” Laughing to herself, she turned away from them, unable to believe how ridiculously hypocritical they were. “Yeah, he’s real bad. I guess I must have missed that when he was making me feel better about my life and helping me.” “And it got him into your pants, so I guess he succeeded,” Xander muttered. “Is that what this is about? You think it’s about sex?” she asked incredulously, letting out a burst of laughter. She shook her head and turned back to her friends. “It’s about having someone I know I can rely on one hundred percent. Somebody who cares about Buffy, not the Slayer.” “It’s dangerous though, Buffy,” Willow spoke up quietly, “You never know what might happen. If the chip stopped working…” “I trust him,” she said simply, meeting her friend’s worried gaze. “This is ridiculous!” Xander burst out, laughing bitterly, “This is just some stupid infatuation. You’ll remember what he’s really like and this little fling will be over.” She was silent for a long time before she turned to her friend, arms crossed. “You think this is just a fling?” she asked seriously, “I haven’t been this happy in a long long time. You think I’m just going to give that up because you think it’s wrong? You seriously think I might walk out on someone I love… for you?” There was silence in the room and it was only then she registered the new presence in the room. Turning slowly towards the door, her heart began to beat wildly as she met the vampire’s awed look. Blushing slightly, she gave him a shy smile- after all, that wasn’t exactly how she had planned on telling him how much she cared. And she wasn’t sure she had even really thought about it until she had blurted it out. “Erm, did you find anything?” she asked him, hoping he would read in her eyes that they would talk later. “Nothing. No-one’s bragging or anything.” “We’ve got a picture to go on,” she murmured, holding the book out to him as he moved to her side. “Grolax demon. We fought three of them a little while back, do you remember?” Oh yeah, that had been the night of their awkward meeting, the first time they had seen each other after regaining their memories. It seemed ages ago now. “You think they’re looking for payback?” “Could well be,” he murmured, his eyes never leaving her face. She nodded, looking away and then back at him. “We could do a sweep,” she suggested. “Sure.” She turned to her friends and spotted her sister with a frown. “Dawnie… we’ll have to get you home… or maybe-“ “We’ll look after her,” Anya spoke up and everyone turned to her in shock, “What? It makes things easier and obviously they need to talk.” Blushing, Buffy grabbed up her jacket and nodded at the ex-demon. “Thanks. We won’t be long.” As soon as they were out of the back door, Spike caught her hand, halting her and drawing her gaze to his. “Did you mean it?” he asked huskily, his eyes searching hers. “I… I think so,” she whispered hesitantly, nodding slightly. “It wasn’t just to make the boy back off?” he murmured, stepping closer and stroking his hand over her arm. She shook her head, her heart pounding in her chest at the look he was giving her. “I meant it. All of it.” He stepped even closer and let out a shaky breath, his mouth coming to rest against her forehead. “Say it again,” he pleaded softly. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and relaxed into his loose embrace. “I… I love you, Spike.” She didn’t miss the tremor that went through him and she moved closer to wrap her arms around his waist. He tightened his arms around her and buried his head in her hair. “I love you, Buffy. Love you so much.” “I know,” she whispered, holding onto him tightly. “Must be someone playing with me,” he murmured against her hair, “This can’t be real.” She pulled back and smiled softly, reaching up to trace his jaw. “It’s real, trust me. So real that real life is going to get in the way. We really need to do that sweep.” He nodded with a sigh and released her reluctantly, but caught her hand in his. She smiled and twined her fingers in his as they made their way along the alleyway and out into the street.

Chapter #22 - Wiping The Slate Clean

Wiping The Slate Clean ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They hit Restfield about twenty minutes later and sure enough, found a similar scene to the before: a group of the slimy Grolax demons preparing for some sort of ritual. “Wow, these guys never get the hint,” she quipped to the vampire beside her. “Might have to teach them a lesson, pet.” By this time, the demons had spotted them and the one who appeared to be in charge growled loudly. “You were supposed to get the Slayer out of the way!” it shouted at a smaller member of the group. “I thought I did.” Shaking her head, she put her hands on her hips. “Takes a lot to take a Slayer out, trust me.” As she spoke, the five demons were lining themselves up, obviously sizing up their opponents. She risked a glance and a smile at the vampire. “This is just what I need to let off some steam.” He smiled and slipped into game face with a slight growl, golden eyes fixed on the demons. She turned her attention back to them and took a deep breath, preparing herself. She gave her companion an imperceptible nod and they both advanced on the demons. She was less than a metre from the leader- when suddenly all five of them disappeared into thin air. “Huh?!” she got inelegantly, spinning round to see if this was all a trick and they were going to pop up behind her. “Bugger!” the vampire exclaimed, “Hoped we’d get to them before they had the chance to do that.” “Huh?” she repeated, turning her attention to the vampire. “Dimension-hoppers, love. When things get sticky, they leg it to the next dimension.” “Oh. Could have let me know that a bit sooner.” “You had all the info about them in that book,” he commented and she gave him a sheepish smile. “You know me and books. I wasn’t really paying attention. I was just using it as an excuse to avoid speaking to Xander.” He rolled his eyes and kicked at the bones the demon had left behind. “Well, I don’t think they’re gonna be back. Idea of fighting the Slayer scared them off, I guess.” “How disappointing,” she moaned, pouting, “I was really looking forward to kicking some demon ass and imagining Xander’s face while I did.” He chuckled and moved towards her, reaching out to run a hand over her arm. “’Fraid you’ll have to save the violence for another night, love.” She pouted even more and he smiled, drawing her into his embrace. He grazed his lips over her pout before moving them to her neck. “I could think of a few ways to get rid of all that excess energy though,” he murmured, one hand slipping under the back of her top as he pressed butterfly kisses to her neck. “You’re terrible!” she commented with a laugh. “What?!” he protested, “I was rudely interrupted earlier.” She smiled, leaning into his touch and resting one hand against his chest. “My crypt’s just over there…” he coaxed, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses up her neck to her ear. She moaned but pulled back a little way. “We have to get back to Dawn.” “She’ll be fine.” “Spike…” He groaned, but released her and stepped back. “Bloody hell, Slayer, not nice to get a vamp all worked up,” he moaned, giving her a heated look. “I didn’t do anything!” she protested. “It was that lip,” he practically purred, a soft smile crossing his face, “Gonna get it.” She giggled and put her hands to his chest as he caught her around the waist. “You’re not supposed to remember that,” she teased, “Slayer lips and all that.” “Happen to have grown a lot fonder of Slayer lips since then.” She smiled and they shared a gentle kiss- until she realised what she was doing and pushed him away again. “This is not getting back to the shop.” He sighed but fell into step beside her, reaching out and twining his fingers around hers. “Spike…” she spoke up about halfway back. “Yeah, love?” “Is it wrong that I kinda miss my friends? Even though they were stupid and controlley and all? And I still kinda want to hit Xander?” He laughed and squeezed her hand. “’Course not. You lot have been through a lot together.” “But they said bad things about you,” she sighed, leaning into his side. “Find I don’t really care. Learned to ignore that kind of thing a long time ago.” She smiled sadly and wrapped her arm around his waist, resting her head against his shoulder as they slowed their steps to prolong their time alone. “My poor William,” she murmured playfully. “Got what I want,” he continued, squeezing her against him, “They can go bugger themselves for all I care.” “You’re so British!” she teased and he scowled down at her before pressing a kiss to her forehead. They were silent for a moment but then the vampire spoke up. “Look, love, you want to make it right with your friends, do it before it’s too late.” “But-“ “And don’t worry about me. I just want you to be happy… Even if they are a bunch of uptight idiots.” She laughed and shook her head slightly, even as she tightened her grip on him. “Love you,” she whispered. “Love you,” he answered, pulling her tightly against him and grazing a kiss over her hair. They reached the shop once more and shared a look before she disentangled herself from his embrace and opened the back door. As soon as they were both through though, she took his hand and held it tightly as they went through into the main room. The group looked up as they entered and she saw Xander’s gaze drop to their joined hands but she refused to let go and they settled into two chairs, their hands still joined. “Any sign?” Willow asked quietly. “Yeah. We found them. Then they went poof,” Buffy sulked, unable to prevent a little pout with the words. “Don’t think they’ll be back,” Spike added, “Scared of the Slayer.” “I didn’t even have to do anything,” she commented with a sigh, “Demons are so lame.” When the vampire beside her cocked an eyebrow at her, she gave him a sheepish smile and amended her words. “Some demons are so lame.” He rolled his eyes at her but couldn’t help but smile and she squeezed his hand in hers as they turned back to the group. Everyone had fallen silent and she knew it was her opportunity to say something, but now she had the chance, she faltered. Spike squeezed her hand and when she looked to him, he nodded towards the group. She frowned but he gave her a pointed look and biting her lip, she turned back to the room. “Erm, guys,” she called hesitantly, drawing their attention to her, “I wanted to, erm, talk to you.” They were watching her intently now and she cleared her throat nervously, her fingers laced tightly around Spike’s. “Look, I… I hate the way things are right now with us. You guys have always been there and I hate that things got all awkward.” “We only ever wanted to help you, Buffy,” Willow remarked quietly. “I know. But sometimes your helping really wasn’t what I needed,” she commented, “I love you guys, but this is my life… and I’m going to live my life the way I want to.” She saw Xander’s gaze drift to the vampire beside her. “And I’m going to spend time with who I want to,” she added, squeezing the vampire’s hand as she met Xander’s gaze, “And if you love me, you’ll respect that.” There was silence but she thought she saw acknowledgment in Xander’s expression. “We’ve all made a bunch of mistakes in the past. All of us. But can’t we just forget that? If two former enemies can forget their past and move on, why can’t we? Can’t we just wipe the slate clean and try to make a new start?” There was another long silence but then Willow spoke. “I’d really like that,” she answered, meeting Buffy’s eyes with a tearful gaze. “Me too,” Xander added and Buffy turned to him with a tearful smile. “Really?” He nodded and rose to his feet and she got to her feet, glancing at the vampire before heading over to her friend and enveloping him in a tight hug. “I love you, Buffy. I just want you to be safe,” he whispered. They were soon joined by Willow and she hugged her two friends tightly, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill over. “We missed you,” Willow murmured tearfully. “I missed you too,” she whispered, hugging them tighter before releasing them both, “But I needed the space. I needed time to work out what I want from my life.” They nodded and she glanced at the vampire, sending him a watery smile. “I’m off again,” she muttered, wiping her cheeks. He smiled affectionately and she moved over to him as he stood, wrapping an arm around his waist and burying her head in his shoulder as she tried to calm herself. She felt him tense and she looked up, surprised to find Xander just a few paces away. He met the vampire’s gaze and she looked between the two men worriedly. “You better look after her,” Xander commented, “Or you’re gonna have me to answer to.” “You know I will,” Spike answered seriously, squeezing her against him, “Always.” The other man nodded and then somewhat reluctantly held out his hand. Spike looked to her and then moved his arm from around her and shook the other man’s hand. An awkward silence descended over the room and she sank to her chair, the vampire soon joining her. “So, Buff, Dawnie says you’ve got a new job?” Xander asked, moving to sit opposite them, Anya at his side. Willow and Dawn moved to the bench beside the table and sat too. Looking around the group, Buffy smiled widely and launched into a detailed explanation of her new job. THE END ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Possibly the soppiest ending I've ever written, but it had to be done! Thanks to everyone for reading and for all the lovely feedback. I've already started a new story so watch this space...