Chapter 10 - All's Well. (d. The Gang's All Here)
Sunday, May 5th, 2002
Anya was keeping watch for the arrival of the rest of the Scoobies when she saw Warren, Andrew and Jonathon come into the Bronze. Xander was sitting with his back to them, for the minute unaware of their presence. In the interest of cutting down on any injuries that might have a detrimental effect on her sex life, Anya decided not to say anything unless they looked like they were going to cause trouble or leave.
"Xander, how soon are you expecting Buffy to get here. I know you said meet at eight and it's five past now, but when do you think she'll actually walk through the door?"
"Ahn, she'll get here when she gets here. She probably just had a problem getting her hair to sit right or something. She'll be here soon and if she isn't it'll be for a good reason, like she's run into the Nerd Herd or something."
"Not really the most likely reason for her being late at the minute."
"Huh?" Seeing his wife's expression he glanced over his shoulder in the direction of her gaze.
Warren looked as if he was picking a fight with a guy the best part of a foot taller than him. Two guys who looked like they could play on the same football or basketball team as Warren's target moved up behind him.
"It looks like we might not need Buffy after all, hon." Then he spotted Andrew and Jonathon by the bar. ".But, I think I'll just go watch the door and make sure we don't have any unscheduled departures."
Warren's voice could be heard over the music in the bar now. "You heard me, meathead. Take a walk. Warren started to turn toward the jock's girlfriend ignoring him and his friends.
The jock shouted a threat in response before trying to yank Warren away from his girlfriend, but however hard he tried Warren didn't move a fraction of an inch.
"This isn't high school." Warren landed a blow on the youth's chest using the palm of his hand and the jock flew backwards across the room landing in a heap at least ten feet away. Xander watched bemused until he realised what was happening. Warren had obviously built a robot which looked like him, so that it could come here and create an alibi while he was off on some nefarious mission, but were Jonathon and the other one robots too?
"Only one way to find out." Xander walked up behind Jonathon and tapped him on the shoulder. When the diminutive geek turned round Xander sucker-punched him square in the jaw. Jonathon folded quicker than the machinery at a commercial laundry, leaving Xander facing a very nervous Andrew who was holding onto his cocktail glass with both hands.
"Hey, you're not just meant to hit us like that. You're meant to be one of the good guys."
"You know that would have bothered me too, if it weren't for the fact that you kidnapped one of my best friends and turned the other one invisible before you tried to frame her for murder and finally poison her. Now, I just don't give a damn."
Xander hauled his arm back to deliver the killer blow on the blonde he felt his elbow being squeezed in a vice-like grip. Then a familiar English accent made itself heard.
"You really should let him go. It would be awfully bad manners to damage the groom before the honeymoon's over."
"Yeah," cut in Buffy, "and you don't want to make the bride angry."
Xander felt the grip on his arm loosen and turned to see Warren standing between Spike and the slayer. Deciding that the robot was in for an ass-kicking Xander turned to resume his discussion with Andrew only to find he was making a hasty retreat towards the door. Or he was, until Dawn kicked him in that place where Spike had trained her to kick any guy who was doing something she didn't like. She definitely didn't like the idea of him getting away.
"Slayer," Warren turned to face Buffy turning his back on Spike in the process, "fancy meeting you here and all prettied up in your party clothes."
Spike grasped the collar of Warren's jacket in both hands. "You too," he replied, "but brown just isn't your colour." He yanked his hands apart, ripping the jacket off the head geek's back in shreds as the material was caught in a tug of war between two beings with superhuman strength. ".Or anybody's colour for that matter."
Buffy was quick to take advantage of the distraction caused by Warren's unwilling strip tease, landing a forward kick to his jaw and following up with a palm strike to his nose and an elbow strike near his eye. "You know, Spike, just because brown's a bit pedestrian doesn't mean it doesn't suit some people." The pair continued to circle around the geek using fluid motions practised and honed over months of patrolling.
"You think so, pet? Oscar Wilde said, "One should be a work of art, or wear a work of art." Warren here, just doesn't qualify on either count. I can't help thinking that he must have no self-image at all to want to dress up to look like a three-week old turd. But that's just my opinion." Staying at Warren's back, Spike drew something from his pocket and Buffy heard the click as a slim narrow blade clicked into position ready for use.
She smiled, knowing Spike had found what he was looking for. "Okay, you're right, but now you made it so we can see more of the shirt. Can we say lost in the seventies? Or is it more sixties? Your call, Spike, you were there." Buffy feinted with a palm strike and then brought her leg arcing round in a graceful roundhouse connecting with her opponent's temple.
"Is that all you've got, slayer? And what's with the fashion commentary?" Warren didn't even have to steady himself, he just continued to turn to face Buffy's attacks. He seemed to think he was immune to anything Spike or anyone else might do. He just kept watching for an opportunity to go on the offensive, finally trying to land a punch on the slayer, but she twisted to one side letting it go past with minimal effort.
"I'd say seventies, love." Spikes left hand moved across from right to left in a horizontal slashing move and Buffy caught the glint of metal in his hand at the end of the stroke before the blade retracted back into the handle. His right hand grabbed at the middle of Warren's back pushing him forward. As he began to overbalance the geek reached behind his back and Buffy stepped to one side so that as he fell over next to her she could grab the hand dislocating his shoulder as he fell the rest of the way to the floor. Xander missed that part though because he was too busy watching the lilac glow that briefly flared from Spike's eyes.
The vampire wasted no time forcing the nerd to admit defeat. "You managing okay there, Warren? It must hurt like hell to go back to being you when for ten minutes you actually had a pair."
"Warren's not a robot?" Xander asked confusedly. Anya appeared next to her spouse. "Are you okay, sugar bun."
"No." answered Buffy. "Warren's not a robot, and Spike can we find out where the others are before you do the gloating?"
"I got one." Dawn's voice carried across the room and she pointed down to where Andrew was still writhing on the floor in agony. Her sister glared at her, obviously displeased at her participation in events. "Wha-a-t? He's just a geek. Even I can take out a geek. It's not like he's dangerous or anything."
"Jonathon's over here." Xander indicated the form slumped at his feet.
"Buffy?" The slayer turned to see what was troubling the vampire. "Now that we actually have these guys here what exactly are we planning on doing with them?"
Frustrated, the slayer stamped her foot. "I don't know. I wish the police would just turn up with all the evidence they need to convict them of everything they've done, but so far they're oblivious and I don't know what we can do about them. Maybe those guys could press assault charges."
"Doubt it, pet. They're never going to stand up in court and admit to being thrown round the room by someone that much smaller than them."
Xander, reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out what he found there. "Just this once, Ahn." He pressed it into her hand.
Anya made her way to the ladies toilets and locked herself in an empty cubicle. She looked down at her necklace and put it on. "Done," she said. For an instant her face changed and then she took the necklace back off, returning to her husband's side and slipping it back into his pocket.
Buffy and Spike were still arguing about what to do with the three of them, Spike being in favour of Buffy pounding them into enough of a pulp that they wouldn't dare try anything in her town ever again. Since Buffy didn't really go along with that plan, the argument was fairly pointless. Dawn, meanwhile, was making sure that Andrew wasn't faking his disability using the simple expedient of administering further forceful kicks every couple of minutes. Jonathon still didn't seem to have come to but Xander was keeping a watch on him just in case, while Tara and Willow did the same for Warren.
This was the point where a dozen police came through the door brandishing arrest warrants.
"Catch!" Xander caught the leather pouch Spike threw at him as if it were a bomb.
"Call it a wedding present," the vampire added.
"What, how, what, why?"
"What is it? The orbs of Nezzla Khan. How did we know you were married? Tara did a location spell when you both disappeared. Once we knew you were both in Vegas the rest was pretty easy to work out. What do they do? They're what made Warren super strong and why give them to you? 'Cos I reckon it must be pretty hard to be the only guy around who hasn't got some sort of edge. And because they might help keep you alive and healthy and I've got at least one friend who has a vested interest in making sure you stay that way." He smiled at Anya who grinned happily back.
"So you knew Warren was human but you still got in a fight with him? You drew a knife on him? You would be locked up too if it wasn't for the discretionary blindness of the population of Sunnydale."
"Yeah, that's the risks you have to take."
"Your chip could have gone off."
"There was never any intention to hurt him, just strip him down till we could get at his balls. The only way it would go off was if I hurt him by accident and those things might make you strong but they won't make you quick and they don't give you any fighting ability. If you're slow and your two opponents are quicker and they're trained and you're not... Besides I'm not sure someone using them would still detect as human."
"Just the same they could have thrown your ass in jail, south facing window."
"They'd have to catch me and hold me first."
"Between twelve of them when you can't hurt them. I wouldn't be betting on those odds."
"In that case I'll make it real simple for you. Until we got those orbs off him, Buffy was potentially out-classed. She needed back-up, so I was there. As far as consequences go, I don't give a shit. Every time she needs help and I can help I will be there."
"Hey," the slayer interrupted before the bickering could turn into a fully-fledged argument. "You don't have time to argue," she told the vampire. "You've got four thirsty women waiting for you to buy them a drink and then I seem to recall a promise involving the dance-floor."
"You're wish is my command." Spike turned to Anya. "Congratulations, kitten. I'm happy that you're happy."
"Did Buffy just ask Evil Dead to dance?"
"She just asked Spike or more correctly reminded him of a previous promise, but it looks to me from the way they're holding hands like she's decided he's not evil any more."
"What? Not again, she can't make us go through that again."
"Xander, she was the other half of Spike's wish. If they're together now, it's because she's following her heart. Can you sit here the day after we got married and say that you would deny your best friend the same opportunity you got? She might be making a mistake. Personally, I don't think so, but either way it isn't your place to interfere. It's her choice and she knows him better than you do. You only have to see them fight together to know that. They fight like it's a dance or like they can read each others minds. Trust her, Xander. If you try to interfere, the relationship that will suffer most is the friendship between you and her. I know. I've seen these sort of cases. I remember, one time back in the 1600's."
If you are under the age of 17, please use your head and do not read fics that are labeled "NC-17". Parents, I cannot control what your children are reading, so please be advised that the majority of the fics archived here are NOT suitable for those under the age of 17.
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I am in no way making any profit from this site. This is for pure entertainment purposes only.
Concept: (c)bringonthebloodshed.com (2004), Code & Design: (c)Diabola (2006), Graphics: Selene & Always