Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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CHAPTER 17 – Open Up


… Fall 1898 …

She was in a fit of giggles as I wrestled her to the floor. Not wanting to be outdone, she rocked her body and found a way to exchange our positions. She now sat proudly on top, her hands splayed against my chest in support as she looked down with hungry eyes. I was about to comment on her magnificence … about to tell her how much my body wanted her and needed her. But the words never came. They faded away as she rubbed herself against my crotch, teasing my sex with her own. It didn’t take long for the position to feel quite uncomfortable as my need obviously strained against the fabric of my trousers. The need to be sheathed inside her was slowly becoming unbearable.

“Luv, you’re bein’ evil.”

“I thought that was how you liked me.” She said with a mischievous grin as she lowered her head, letting her hands caress my body before she fumbled with buttons and freed my erection. She grasped it firmly in her hand as she planted a soft kiss on the head before letting her tongue dart out and lavish it with affection. She let tongue and soft caresses tease me, causing unconscious moans and hitched breaths to escape from my throat. I let out a gasp as she took me fully into her mouth, letting her tongue draw lazy patterns on the base of my shaft alternating it with the slight sucking motion of her cheeks.

She knew what to do. She knew exactly how to make my body scream for more. She worked deftly with tongue, lips, fingers and even fangs to bring me to the height of pleasure.

With a smile that bordered on mischief and satisfaction, she hovered over me. Her long hair falling from her shoulders to tickle both my nose and cheeks. Then with a giggle, I felt her moving away. My hand quickly caught her arm and pulled her back. “And where do you think you’re goin’ luv?”

“I’m … Um …. Mmmm …“

I placed my hands on her waist and pushed her down on me as I thrust myself inside her. “Still thinkin’ about leavin’?”

She looked at me with determination as she matched my thrusts with her own. One finger traced down the middle of my chest but I didn’t realize she broke skin until I felt her lapping up at the blood that had gently seeped out. The feel of her tongue on my skin just added to the sensation and I reciprocated by plunging myself deeper into her. Her muscles tensed up and soon her back arched back as her sweet voice screamed out my name.


**

I could hear whimpering coming from somewhere but when I opened my eyes all I could see was black. The darkness was thick, never-ending and seemingly impenetrable. It felt like nothingness. It was like being detached from the world. I tried to make sense of what was happening or at the very least determine where I was. Then something moved against me and it was only then that I realized the body lying in my arms. It was a woman, but her long honeyed locks veiled her features. Was the whimpering coming from her? I knelt down on one knee and carefully balanced her so she wouldn’t fall to the ground as I pushed her hair from her face. Green eyes and soft red lips came into view and I rejoiced at the realization that it was my beloved Sera. But my joy was short-lived as I saw the expression of utter terror etched into her lovely face. What could have frightened her so? My fingers brushed against her cheek, coaxing her to look at me.

“William? Where are we? Where were you?”

“Wot do you mean, pet?”

“I waited patiently for you but you left. Oh William, I have missed you so much.” She said burying her face in my chest.

I looked at her curiously. “I’m here, pet. You know I would never ever leave you.”

She looked up with fearful eyes. “It’s so dark. It’s so dark and lonely. I’m scared…”

I wrapped my arms around her affectionately. “You know I’ll keep you safe, luv.” I moved to tighten my hold on her but then I felt nothing but air. Panic set in at what just happened. I turned and hit something soft, but it wasn’t her. It was a pillow.

Sleep filled eyes tried to focus as my gaze rested on pillows which were devoid of my mate. “Sera?” Silence followed and though sleep beckoned, the need to make sure she was safe was more important. “Sera?”

“Um … yes?”

My eyes darted to the source of the sound and my fears abated upon seeing her. She seemed hunched over something but I couldn’t see what and sleep was pulling me back into the land of dreams. “Come back to bed, kitten. It’s still too early.”

“Bed? Um … I … I will…”



**


I held on to her tightly, hoping that it would be enough to comfort her as tears fell from her eyes. I was at a loss. I had no idea what she was feeling since she had cut me off. For the past two days, I’ve pleaded with her to let me back in. What did I do? Why did she abruptly close off both her feelings and the claim from me? But three days ago everything seemed perfect. The hunt was good and the bed play afterwards was one of the best we’ve had in months. She was aggressive, willing and hungry for contact. I lost count how many times she bit me, at times to draw blood, at times to tease and bring both of us to added sensations and pleasures.

Now, she was aloof and it was a miracle that she was letting me hold her. Yesterday, when I took her hand to kiss it, she hissed then spat my hand away and had such a look of fear on her face.

“Sera? Are you feelin’ any better now pet?”

Her sobs had subsided but that could just be out of fatigue.

“Do you think you can tell me now what’s wrong?”

She said nothing.

“Do you think you’ll feel up to comin’ out and feedin’ tonight, luv?” At the mention of the word feeding, she pushed me far away from her.

“No! No feeding. Feeding is wrong.”

“Sera, what are you talkin’ about? You’re bein’ unreasonable. Please, luv you need to come with us tonight. You’ve been in this room for three days now. I know you must be hungry.”

“ It doesn’t matter now. Nothing matters now. Dirty. … Everything dirty and sad and hurting. Feeding is wrong.” She said wild-eyed. I tried to take a step towards her, but she only increased the distance between us.

“Please luv, you need to eat. Your hunger is makin’ you delirious.”

She shook her head in fear. “Hungry yes, but it doesn’t matter. Mustn’t hurt anymore.”

“Kitten, I don’t understand what you’re talkin’ about, but if you don’t go out and feed tonight, you’ll get weaker. Please, if you’re not goin’ to tell me what’s wrong, please at least come with us to hunt.”

“NO! NO! NO!”

“Fine, just the two of us then. We’ll leave Angelus and the others behind. I still can’t stand the soddin’ git anyway, especially after what he did. Just the two of us luv. We’ll feed and you’ll get better.”

“Nothing will make it better. Have to be quiet now. Have to be still or they’ll find me.”

“Find you, pet? Who will find you?”

“Shhh. … I said quiet. They’ll find me. They’ll hurt me.”

“I’m not goin’ to let anyone hurt you. Please Sera just let me back into the claim. Let me help you.”

She looked at me with pleading eyes and for one second I thought that she would heed my request. But all she did was turn away from me and then she started talking gibberish again.

“Forget. … I forgot something. Mother would be angry if she found me this way. Feel dirty. Feel angry. Need to be clean. Need to be all shiny …. Sunshine…”

I took a chance and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She shrieked and moved further away from me. I quickly pulled my hand back and took a deep breath to calm myself.

“I’ll be quick tonight, pet. I’ll be back soon.”

I slipped out of the room and stealthfully exited the house, thankful that I didn’t encounter the other members of our family. I was in no mood to explain to them what was going on with Sera for a number of reasons. Her blatant refusal to feed or hunt would be a show of weakness which Darla rarely overlooked. Then, her closing of the claim link from me was something Angelus would surely just love to take advantage of, especially after what he pulled. The poofter would take this as an opportunity to break us apart. Sera’s refusal to open up to me, would be a sign that the claim link had the possibility of being broken and Angelus was just the git that would want to exploit that weakness just to irk me.

I was on alert for the hour that I was out to feed. I didn’t linger more than a block and a half from the house, afraid that Sera might have the mind to run away. What was I going to do? Three days now she hadn’t fed. Three days now she has shut me out making me feel incomplete and partly empty without her. I racked my brain, wondering what it could be that had made her turn from me. My perfect angel was rejecting me and I didn’t understand why.

As my second victim fell to the ground, I knew I couldn’t hold out any longer. I was far from satisfied, but there were more important things than feeding at the moment. I rushed back to the house and stood outside the door to our room, somewhat thankful that at least she didn’t leave. I knocked softly and waited for her to acknowledge my presence.

“Come in…”

The weakness in her voice struck me to my core. I needed to do something before she got any worse.

“Sera?”

“No, please don’t call me that. Never call me that again. I hate it. I hate that name.”

I closed my eyes and steeled myself for the sting that she just threw into my heart. She loved that name. She loved that I gave it to her. “But that is your name. That is what you are called by, my angel.”

Her eyes narrowed. “No. Don’t you dare call me that!”

My jaws clenched and my eyes closed. She was my angel but now even that she rejected. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to make her feel the ache of what she had just done, but that would lead me nowhere. So I let it slide. “As you wish pet. Elizabeth then … “

“Yes. Elizabeth. That was my name.”

“Can I come closer?” I wanted to just pull her in my arms and take away whatever it was that was ailing her. I touched her shoulder, but the subtle cringe that shook her body caused me to pull my hand away. With a sigh, I took a step back. Why was she rejecting me?

“What am I?” she blurted out.

“What do you mean, pet?”

“What am I? Why am I alive? Why am I here?”

I knew I needed to tread carefully. “What do you think you are, luv?”

“We are dead. But why are we here? Why do we kill?”

“To survive. It is ‘ow we exist.” I said trying to make it sound necessary.

“They’re telling me I’m evil. They’re telling me I should be punished.”

“Who is?”

“Everyone, that is why I have to be quiet.”

“Ser … Elizabeth, please I want to help you. Please luv, let me back in. I need you with me. I can help. Let me in. I feel like I’m dyin’ without you.”

With haunted eyes she bore into me. “It will hurt. Don’t want you to hurt. Why do I love you? You’re evil like me. Evil is bad. You’re bad. Mustn’t stay … mustn’t love evil.”

I pushed down the lump that formed in my throat. Her broken sentences were hardly intelligent but her meaning didn’t bypass me. They stung. They stung much more than her admission earlier that she hated the name I had given her. Somehow I was losing her when I didn’t even know who or what was making her slip away from me. Biting back the tears that wanted to burst forth, I knelt down in desperation in front of my sweet angel and with imploring eyes, begged once more that she return to me. If she was to flee from everything that I had given, I at the very least deserved to know how she really felt. If I was to be replaced by another love, I would rather feel the utter coldness of her unfeeling heart.

She looked down in sorrow. “Are you strong enough William? Can you share what it is I feel?”

“Anythin’ luv. Whatever it is please … I claimed you because I love you. I vowed to share everythin’ with you. Please luv, let me in.”

She closed her eyes then urged me to stand and follow her. She took a seat on the bed that not three days ago we shared in carnal bliss. She took my hand in hers and brought it to her cheek.

Slowly the dark cloud that hindered the claim was being lifted. She was opening herself up to me once more and the fact of having her being fill my mind comforted the demon inside. But it was short-lived. She pushed forth a comforting feeling of love within the claim but I realized it wasn’t for me. It wasn’t for Spike. It was for her image of what William was to her. Then there was the feeling of absolute self-loathing of what she was now. Her utter hatred for being undead compounded by the fact that she still bore some feelings for me, her undead lover. Then there was guilt. There was guilt for having killed and for relishing in it. She felt guilty for killing men, women and children for survival and for pleasure.

“I waited for you. I waited and thought you that you finally grew weary of me. But then they came. They said you loved me. They said I would be your bride. The precious thing was taken from me… but it’s here now. ... my precious. .. my spark… my soul.”

Her words lay thick in the air as her emotions spoke volumes through our link. But not having a soul of my own only made it somewhat harder to truly understand why she felt such hatred. Perhaps I was being selfish because all I could think about was why she was questioning her love for me. Then subtle and almost unnoticeable, there was one doubt that I was starting to pick out. Just as she saw herself as a monster, she was beginning to see me in the same light.

I stood up and made my way towards the other side of the room. I knew that it wasn’t what she needed at the moment. She needed me to be beside her and tell her that everything was going to be alright. But it hurt too much. She was my mate. She was my love and my angel, and now she despised me.

“NO!”

“What do you mean by that, pet?’

“I do not despise you!”

I let out a small chuckle. “Sure could have fooled me pet. I can feel it. I’m evil right. A monster? Guess what pet? I’m not goin’ to pretend to be somethin’ I’m not, but I never thought that there would come a time when you’d think so lowly of me.”

“I’m confused William. I don’t understand anything and these voices ... voices in my head. Can we just end it hun? Can I go home now? They’re waiting for me I’m sure. But I won’t go to heaven. No… been bad…. Killed … “

Her eyes glossed over then she moved to the table where a dagger lay. It was the same dagger I had given to her a few years back when she had this amusing interest for blades. She looked at the dagger with eerie fascination then put it back down. Her fingers flew to her clothing, removing layer upon layer till she was clad in nothing more than her own flesh. “Have to dig it out. Remove it by digging it out.” And before I could even react, she plunged the blade into her breast. Blood dripped from the fresh wound and then gurgled out as she pulled it away. She raised her arm back up and plunged it in deep once more.

“No Elizabeth. Stop. That won’t help.” I rushed towards her, twisting her wrist to let go of the hilt. I pulled the dagger out and threw it on the table. With my tongue, I lapped up at her wound, effectively sealing it.

“Why are you here? Why haven’t you left?”

“Because even though I don’t understand your actions and despite the fact that I’m angry because you despise me, I… I still love you. I’ll always love you. You are my mate. You are mine!”

“So that’s all it is then, obligation through the claim?”

“Bloody ‘ell woman. ‘aven’t you been listenin’ to me? Can’t you feel the truth in my words? In my claim? It won’t falter.”

She looked up at me in wonderment. “How could you?”

“I don’t care what you are or what you’ve become. I love you Elizabeth. And it will take more than a soul to drive a wedge between us. I’ll take care of you luv. Always.” I said pulling her against me. I could feel her cringe ever so slightly as I wrapped my arms around her. “I won’t let go, luv.”

She started to whimper. Her body soon relaxed and she let herself go as her whimpers turned into sobs. From what I could pick out from the claim, this was by no means a solution. She was still hurting, and I doubt that the guilt would ever go away. Her soul. Who could have cursed her so?