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Where Do I Stand? by Thianna
19 - A First
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Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.


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A/N: Thanks to McChick and 2zen2 for betaing this chapter

CHAPTER 19 – A First

1900, China … Boxer Rebellion

It took a few days, but I was finally able to convince Angelus that Europe was getting boring and that we needed to go east for something more interesting. Of course the poofter would never admit that it was my idea to come here in the first place.

Interestingly enough something intriguing was occurring in China. Apparently, a little rebellion was brewing which suited the rest of our little family just fine. There was so much chaos happening that the humans were easy pickings. The fear and destruction around us was quite intoxicating in itself, which pleased our sires to no end. I, on the other hand, was glad for it because it afforded Elizabeth and me some time to seek out this seer we were told about.

We eventually found him. He was a fairly old man, but he was far from what one would call a weakling. I’ve learned long ago that looks could be deceiving, especially when it came to persons wielding some form of magical ability. I could feel the magical power emanating from him like ripples in a pond. He didn’t seem surprised to see us and despite everything going on outside, he seemed calm. He gave us a fair smile and the only time a frown crossed his lips was when he had taken Elizabeth’s hand.

“The path you walk is a strange one and far from easy. What you seek, I cannot give you,” he told Elizabeth.

“It’s a bloody curse and from what I’ve been told you can easily undo it,” I interjected.

“It is not mine to undo. It is anchored into place and warded with strong magic—magic that I cannot undo.”

“What do you mean you cannot undo it? The one that led us to you wasn’t as powerful. I can tell. I can feel the difference in the magic you bear. You’re powerful.”

The old man smiled. “Skill is important in weaving magic but there are always ways around things. With the proper ingredients or perhaps … help from someone, anything is possible. I cannot undo what has been done. And even if I could, it is not my place to do so.”

“Bloody hell! But why not?!” I was pacing now. I was pacing and Elizabeth was calm, just sitting there. Why wasn’t she angry? Why was I the one complaining about this? Shouldn’t she be fuming?

“Things have happened for a reason.”

“A reason? What soddin’ reason is there? She was bloody cursed. Tell me what fucking reason can there be to curse her so. Someone intentionally did this and you’re not willing to help.”

“What has happened here was not my will and it is not my place to interfere.”

“Then whose will is this then old man? Tell me who the bloody hell thought that it was a great cosmic idea to curse her with a soul?”

“It is the will of those beyond you or me. It is the will of those that have existed long before you were a thought. They have watched over this land for eons and they have the power to do whatever it is they wish. This is her fate. This is their desire.” The seer focused his attention on my mate, ignoring me as I sputtered and mumbled under my breath. “Child, things have happened for a reason. But life is not completely devoid of choices.”

“What the hell is that suppose to mean? You’re talkin’ in riddles old man.”

“You will understand in time.”

“No, I want to understand now. We want answers now!” But before I could even think of curling my hands into fists and aim them at the old man I found myself being flung against a wall. My features shifted in anger but I was held firm as if someone’s hand kept me pinned. I looked at the seer and the same calm expression was still on his face. I didn’t even see him move a finger or flick a wrist.

Elizabeth stood up and bowed politely to the seer, and then she made her way towards me. “It’s late Spike. It’s time to go.”

“But …”

She didn’t say another word. She just walked passed me and headed for the door.

I felt the hold on me loosen and I let out a low growl at the old man. It didn’t seem to bother him one bit.

“It’s all about choices. She is strong. How strong are you, demon?”

“I love her.”

“How much?”

How dare he ask me that question? I was here wasn’t I? I had searched high and low for answers, put my neck on the line to get us here, would have been willing to endure a beating for her and have done so in the past. But the truth was, his words made me think. What was pushing me forward to find a way to alleviate her pain? Wasn’t it because helping her would return my angel to me? If she were to lose her soul, I would be with Sera again. And now? Now that a powerful seer and warlock said that her soul was anchored in place, what was I going to do? How do I feel about her now?

I didn’t want to doubt my feelings so I just shook my head in frustration and rushed outside after Elizabeth. But she was long gone. There was no trace of her except for her lingering scent. “Bollocks! Damn it Elizabeth!”


I focused all my senses on finding her. She rushed out so quickly that I didn’t have time to figure out how she felt with the knowledge that her soul was going nowhere. Instead, I was busy being selfish about my own feelings on the situation. Streets, buildings and people were all a blur as I rushed down streets and small alleyways to look for her. Fear, anger, death and blood were around me and my demon wanted to partake in it. It should be feasting, but at the moment Elizabeth was my first priority.

As I ran down another crowded street I picked up another scent that seemed to be intertwined with Elizabeth’s. Something didn’t feel right. With all the panic and chaos going on, there was no way a fleeing human could follow a straight path, not for long anyway. The human scent I picked up seemed to walk with purpose and I feared that whatever Elizabeth was following couldn’t be human.

Blue eyes burned golden as the demon inside felt utterly desperate to find her before any of the scenarios that had invaded my thoughts could become reality. The trail continued down a few more streets, turning and twisting till it pulled me into a temple. I paused by the entrance mesmerized by the scene before me. It had been months since Elizabeth had fought anyone or anything. I always thought she was more beautiful when she danced. She had delivered death and destruction with her skill but ever since she was burdened with a soul the fire inside her seemed to have been extinguished as well. But now she was fighting, pouring all her energy into this dance against this one girl—this Slayer. My demon knew and accepted the fact quietly before the full weight of the situation truly sunk in. Elizabeth was fighting a Slayer! Why now? Why had she allowed the Chosen One to follow her? Every single time we had come upon a Slayer, my mate always found a way to turn my attentions elsewhere. She would rather run away then have to face the killer of our kind. I knew she had the skill. She was good at blending in and disappearing into a crowd. But she was fighting the young girl in this abandoned temple which meant that she had let this happen. Why did it seem like she was welcoming this fight with open arms?

I dared not distract her with my thoughts through the claim but I felt around trying to find the reason why she was so willing to challenge this girl. Then I caught a look of desperation. It was the look of defeat and lack of any inkling of hope. It was the same look I had seen on past victims when they knew it was useless to struggle against me—against the demon that was taking their life away. But I never thought that I would see that look on her face. I would never accept that look from her.

The Slayer had her against the wall and I moved quickly, pulling the small girl away from my mate. The Chosen One gave me an annoyed look before moving forward to assault me with punches and kicks. She was strong as I always imagined a slayer to be. And so I took over the dance.

She was quick as well as strong. With a quick flick of her wrist she nicked the top of my eye with her sword. If I had not been quicker, she most probably would have been able to take out my eye. But I hardly felt the sting as blood poured from the wound. The demon inside was rejoicing. Finally I was facing an adversary worth playing with. And so the dance continued. Blow against blow, kick against kick. She knew how to dance too. She used the entire temple as our dance floor, pushing me against fallen columns hoping to trap me unawares. But I fought back with purpose. The chaos outside seemed to melt away till there was just this and every muscle in my body was tingling.

When I had knocked her sword away she quickly reached for her hidden stake. She lunged for my chest but I was able to avoid her attack. I defended myself and was able to knock the stake from her hand. Unarmed, she seemed to double her efforts to try and push me away from her to give her time to reclaim her precious weapon. She was leaning down to grab her stake when I caught hold of her arm and twisted it behind her back then pulled her body roughly against me as I lowered my fangs and embedded them into her flesh.

I wasn’t prepared for the taste of her blood, its richness almost made me moan as it coated my tongue. Her heart beat was still beating strongly but I knew that wasn’t going to last much longer as I drank deeply. When I pulled my fangs free she turned to me and gave me a look. She said something I didn’t understand but her words didn’t matter at the moment. It was that look she gave me … one of slight peace that her life was over but there was slight regret as well that she was defeated. I let her limp body fall to the ground and took a moment to relish in the kill.

I felt my mate move forward but she was furious as her hand flew to my cheek. “She was mine! How could you Spike?” She was now gently pounding her fists on my chest. “I needed her. Needed her to end this all.”

“Why? Have I failed you so miserably that you’d think this was the only way?” I said placing my blood soaked right hand against her cheek.

Her eyes closed at the intoxicating smell of Slayer blood. She made a move to pull away from me but I snaked my left arm around her and held her close.

“Don’t fight it, luv.”

“But ... she …”

“Shhh ... None of that. She was not a helpless human, luv.”

“She was still … “

I silenced her lips with a punishing kiss. Perhaps it was selfish of me but I wanted to feel her around me. Maybe it was the fight, or maybe Slayer blood, or maybe just the need to know that my mate still wanted me, all of me. Whatever it was, I wanted to take her and be one with her right then and there.

I turned us around and pushed her against a wall as I ground my desire into her. “Want you. Always want you.” I said tilting my head to nuzzle the claim mark. Her body was tense against me, her palms pressed against my chest as if trying to tell me she didn’t want me so close. But I persisted, kissing and teasing the claim mark until she moaned and surrendered her body to my touch.

Her hands pushed suspenders and trousers down, freeing my desire in one swift move. I lifted her skirts up and pulled her left leg to wrap around my hip as I slid into her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me to her lips. Her tongue sought entrance and as she lavished her affections on me I realized that her tongue was seeking something. Slayer blood . The words were sent through the claim. I pulled away from her lips and brought my blood stained hand to her mouth. She lapped at it quickly, mewing in delight at the richness and power that Slayer blood contained. Her eyes burned golden and I could smell that the blood had intensified her need to be with me. She pushed us down, straddling me on either side.

I could feel her desire through the claim and for once was overjoyed that she wanted to be so fully intimate with me. How long had it been? Months? This was the first time she had agreed to join with me. I could feel that she actually wanted me, desired me. I knew that even though my need was great, I would have stopped myself if she didn’t want it. I would not add to her worries and guilt by forcing myself on her. I had done it often enough the past few months, just holding her or bringing her pleasure without partaking in the act myself. But now she was telling me she wanted to feel me and hear me proclaim my love for her with words and actions.

She moved with and against me. Her moans and sighs were music to my ears and the demon inside me rejoiced that it was joined with its mate once again. She rocked her hips slowly, enjoying the feel of my shaft buried deep inside her. She closed her eyes and placed one hand against my chest to steady herself as she moved on top of me, her body knowing exactly what to do to heighten the pleasure that was building inside of us both, till neither of us could stand it anymore and it spilled forth like a huge tidal wave hitting against a cliff. Despite the explosions and cries of terror that I could hear from the outside, the only sound that truly registered in my brain was the sound of her heavenly voice screaming out my name.

I waited for her to recover before I rolled us over and looked down at her with hungry eyes. I needed more and I was planning on taking her as many times as possible.

Fumbling with fastenings, I pulled more clothing away from her body, exposing much desired flesh. I found my way towards the curve of her bosom and planted kisses along the line of her cleavage while I cupped one breast with my hand, letting my thumb tease an already hardened nipple. She whimpered out of need, buckling her hips forward since I hadn’t moved inside her. I flashed her a devilish grin before pulling myself away from her. She gave me a questioning look as her hands gripped my hips urging me to thrust down. I raised an eyebrow and lowered myself, teasing the length of her slit with what she wanted inside her.


“Yes, kitten?”

“Please … “ She moved her head up and crushed her lips against mine, slipping her tongue inside my mouth obviously wanting me to reciprocate the same action but with her aching need. “Spike? … Stop that. ”

“Stop what, luv?”

She gripped my hips again and urged me down as her hips bucked up against me. But I pulled slightly away from her wanting to see that look of need on her face so different from that look of desperation that painted it earlier tonight. I slowly leaned down to lick her lips then moved to trail kisses along her jaw line before I found my claim mark on her neck, teasing it with blunt teeth, lips and tongue. As she moaned her desire, I buried myself deep into her in one swift move making a surprised gasp escape her lips. It had been so long since I felt her uninhibited around me so I was being selfish. I was taking my time and enjoying every single moment we were joined. It had been too long and I was dead set on hearing her sing my name as many times as possible.

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