Chapter Sixteen



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All thoughts of the night that lay ahead were unfortunately pushed aside as soon as she walked into her house, hand in hand with Spike, only to find her mentor waiting for her. Giles took one look at their joined hands and took to cleaning his glasses, as if hoping he had seen wrong.

“Giles!” she got in surprise, “You’re back.”

“Indeed. Chao-Ahn is upstairs, settling in.”

He had replaced his glasses by now and his gaze fixed on her, making her feel like all the years they had known each other had disappeared and she was back to being that teenager who her Watcher despaired of.

“Good,” she got out, a momentary desire to release Spike’s hand quashed as he tried to slip away. She held him tighter and threw a tiny glance in his direction. He stopped then and turned back to Giles with her.

A tense silence filled the room for a few seconds, before Willow spoke up, forcing a cheerful smile.

“So, we just got back from the Initiative.”

If only she hadn’t decided to go down that particular conversational route. Buffy could just imagine how Giles was going to react to the news of Spike’s chip.

“The Initiative?” he asked curiously, looking around at their small group, “What for?”

She paused, not knowing what to say, her voice stuck in her throat.

“Well, Spike had a chip problem,” Xander spoke up and suddenly she saw her friend’s interference for what it was – support. For her and Spike.

“Has it been fixed?” Giles asked, eyes fixing on the vampire, his voice betraying that he believed not.

“It didn’t need fixing,” Buffy finally found the courage to say, “It needed removing.”

Giles said nothing for a long time after her comments and she could only brace herself. He polished his glasses slowly and then replaced them, a sad smile stretching across his face.

“I see.”

The silence settled in again but he spoke up.

“If you’ll excuse me, I should check on Chao-Ahn.”



Before she could say anything, Giles was gone and she watched him trudge up the stairs, looking older than ever. He seemed almost… sad. She could hear the murmur of her friends’ voices but all she could think about was that look in Giles’ eyes when he fleetingly met her gaze on the way to the stairs. She had hurt him – and she had no idea how.

She felt a gentle tug on her hand and she turned to find Spike watching her, head tilting to take her in better, his eyes softening into an expression of understanding.

“Go on,” he whispered, nodding to the stairs.

He understood, of course he did. He had seen that pain in her Watcher too and knew that she had to fix it. She smiled her thanks and leaned forward to brush a kiss over his lips.

“Later, I promise,” she whispered to him, pulling back and flashing a smile at her friends before turning to the stairs. She had to take a deep, steadying breath but then she was moving, quickly making her way up the stairs. She could hear the low murmur of girls’ voices coming from Dawn’s room and she turned towards her own room, her heart thumping with something like fear.

She pushed open the door and a startled Giles rose to his feet, his glasses clutched in his hand, his expression one of weariness.

“Oh Buffy! I’ll just…“

He gestured to the door but she stepped in and closed it behind her, smiling softly.

“I think we need to talk.”

Giles regarded her with surprise for a moment and then he nodded, head tilted ever so slightly as he looked at her. Maybe it was a British thing.



Before she could even think about what she wanted to say, Giles spoke up, drawing her eyes to his.

“So you’ve resumed your… relationship… with Spike?” he asked softly.

“Yeah,” she answered just as quietly, moving to sit on her dressing table stool.

“I guess I should have seen this coming,” Giles mused with a faraway look, before turning his attention back to her.

“Not necessarily,” she murmured, “It was kind of a surprise to me, really.”

He smiled and settled on her bed, a few feet away from her.

“Not deep down though,” he commented, his words a statement, not a question.

She paused before answering, considering her words, before finally starting.

“Things are different now,” she pointed out, “Everything’s different.”

“His soul,” Giles mumbled, nodding to himself, his glasses once again being subjected to a rigorous polishing.

“Not just that,” she spoke up, drawing his eyes back to hers, “I’ve changed, Giles. You weren’t here, you didn’t see what kind of person I became.”

“I’m sure it was only as a consequence of the exceptional circumstances surrounding your… resurrection.”

“I wish I could blame it on that,” she got out with a laugh and Giles regarded her with a sad look.

“I wasn’t a very nice person last year,” she confided in him, turning serious once more, “I just got so caught up in… well, life, I guess. And people I cared about suffered.”

“Including Spike.”

“Yes.”



There was a silence between them and she examined her Watcher, wishing she could read his thoughts as he sat in silence, his gaze fixed on the carpet pensively. He shook himself a few moments later and raised his eyes to hers.

“Are you happy?” he asked quietly, gaze fixed on hers, “Truly?”

“Yes, Giles,” she whispered, “And I know it’s not the right time but I… there’s never going to be a right time. I have to take this chance.”

“Of course.”

“And I haven’t forgotten about anything. I’m still going to fight. I’m going to do my duty and I’m going to beat this evil. Being with Spike isn’t going to get in the way. Just in case you thought it was.”

Giles smiled and rose to his feet, coming to her side and laying his hand on her shoulder.

“I know you would never forget your duty,” he remarked with an affectionate smile, “You are an amazing Slayer, Buffy.”

She flushed with his praise and smiled back, resting her hand over his.

“However,” Giles spoke up and she felt her heart sink, “I don’t want you to think there is no time for anything else.”

Her head jerked up, her gaze flying to his.

“The situation is dire, it’s true. But don’t get so wrapped up in it that you lose yourself… don’t start to push those who care about you away.”

She smiled and shook her head, knowing that her Watcher knew her too well to say these things as a joke.

“I just want you to remember that.”

“I will.”



There was a moment of companionable silence and then she rose to her feet, enveloping a surprised Giles in a tight hug.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He returned her hug and patted her back, before releasing her.

“I just want you to be happy, Buffy,” he said gently, “Even if I have my doubts.”

“We can trust Spike.”

“I hope that’s true,” he answered, “Because we shall need his help, everyone’s help, before the end.”

“I know,” she said with a firm nod.

He smiled weakly and squeezed her arm before moving away. She watched him leave with a smile and then her thoughts drifted down into the basement, to the vampire waiting there for her. She turned quickly and left her room, pulling the door closed behind her and heading slowly down the stairs, her whole body thrumming with anticipation. She gave a little wave to her friends where they sat in the living room and headed for the basement door, her heart lurching as she wrapped her fingers around the handle. A few moments’ hesitation and then she was moving, opening the door, stepping inside, and pulling the door shut behind her.