Chapter Three:





"Duck!" Spike snapped.

This time, though, she didn't. She was too overwhelmed by the shock that she lost her sense of reality until a kick smacked into her head, causing her to fall to the ground. Everything went a little loopy for awhile; the only thing she felt was the stinging in her palms and knees. She could hear sounds of banging and kicking for a few seconds before the sound of a vampire dusting. Buffy took a long breath, trying to make sense of everything.

"You okay?" he whispered, standing right behind her. She turned her head to look at the hand extended to her, but stood on her own and dusted her clothes clean, wincing when the cuts in her hands touched the fabric.

"Buffy?"

The hesitation in his voice brought her back to reality, a somewhat hazy reality. She looked at him and barely blinked, then focused on the angles of his face, which had always been sharp. Somehow, they were not quite as she remembered. "That bang was too hard," she finally murmured. "Clearly shows that I'm not dreaming."

Spike bit his lip and stuffed his hands inside his pockets. He did a lousy impression of a shrug, his shoulders inches away from his face. Then he started walking away from her, but didn't get far as he stood in front of the dumpster, his back to her.

"When?" she asked softly.

"Can we discuss this later? I came here on a mission."

"A mission?" Buffy repeated dully. "You mean you're not here for me?" She didn't understand this. Any of it. Was Spike sent by the Powers That Whatever for some unfinished business or something? One that once he took care of it, he would be gone again? Was that why he didn't seek her? Because he didn't want to hurt her when the Powers took him away again?

Buffy couldn't stop the questions in her head, especially when Spike stayed silent for such a long time.

"Spike…"

"Look," he cut her off, turning around. The expression on his face was weird. It didn't look like him at all. "There's no time for chit-chat. I need to find this girl."

"What girl?"

"Bitch put a curse on Angel. Been following her sodding arse for a month."

"Angel? A curse?" She felt dazed; like too much was happening so that she couldn't connect one thing with the other. There were two parts of her nagging at each other. One demanded to know how the hell Spike was standing in front of her. The other called upon duty. Angel was in danger because of a girl. Last thing she'd heard was that Angel had joined the most evil law firm in the world, which in itself was a lousy decision she did not approve of. She never interfered, though, mostly because of the chaos she was living, but also because she and Angel chose different paths long ago. Interfering with his world meant him interfering with hers, and she was not having any of that. Not anymore.

Buffy knew that finding the girl who hurt Angel should be her first priority. That was when the epiphany finally hit her. "Was that girl by any chance a blonde who looks Middle Eastern?"

Spike looked at her with optimism. "Did you see her?"

"Yes, she was running away from a vampire trying to rape her," she explained. Something stung inside. She shouldn't have phrased it like that because it sounded familiar. At least she could have left out the rape part.

Spike snorted, looking like he didn't catch the similarity. "Rape her, she said," he remarked, shaking his head. "Chit done in five heads into dust three days ago."

Buffy knitted her eyebrows. "You mean…"

"Another crazy Slayer is who she is."



~*~*~*~




The girl had disappeared, and the groceries along with her. Now that sucked big time. Still, it wasn't as frustrating as standing shoulder to shoulder with Spike again. It didn't feel like old times. Spike was back, and yet she couldn't recognize him, couldn't feel connected to him the way they used to. She felt a little betrayed, too. Spike was on a mission to save Angel, and that meant Spike had gone to Angel, not Buffy. He had been following a Slayer for a month, a Slayer who was not her. A whole month when he didn't have the decency to call and inform her that he was not a pile of dust.

"So, you’ve been alive for quite some time, haven't you?"

"Not now, Buffy." Spike wandered, appearing to look around for the thief Slayer.

Buffy grabbed him and spun him around to meet her eyes. "Now," she muttered. "Now, you tell me everything."

His eyes were mirrors of ice that lacked emotion. "You're a smart girl. You figure it out." The words felt even colder.

Her grip on him tightened, desperate for the connection she knew. "You were with Angel. And now he's in trouble," she said. Her mind picked up so much more without Spike having to explain a thing. "Does that mean you were working with Angel in that evil law firm?" For some reason she felt disgusted, deceived even more. She couldn't keep the emotions from reflecting themselves in her expression.

"As I said, smart girl," he commented, jerking himself away from her hold. "So now, figure you want nothing to do with me."

He started walking away from her, but….

He was not going to walk away. He was not leaving her without explaining himself. And for God's sake, he was not going to drama-queen his way out of this.

"How long have you been alive, Spike?" she demanded. He raised a finger and opened his mouth, but she didn't give him a chance to speak. "And if you even make a joke about vampires not being alive, so help me God, those fangs of yours are gonna be my new necklace."

Spike closed his mouth, and then let out a humorless chuckle. "Of all the fantasies I had, this is the worst way I could imagine us meeting again."

Buffy approached him, arms crossed, resolve face in place. "If you were wishing for a meeting with hugs and kisses, you should've done the right thing."

"Right," Spike drawled. "And that would be…" he trailed off with a crinkled brow.

"I'm sure Angel's got some phones in that law firm of his."

"Yes, phone." Spike chuckled again. It was getting annoying. "After that grand finale, a phone call wouldn't make much of an entrance." He crossed his arms, a finger rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Weren't you supposed to be in Rome anyway?"

She frowned. "Grand finale?"

Spike shrugged. "Big sacrifice for the world. School collapsing on top of my head, only man standing." He paused, watching her, his eyes looking more like the Spike she knew, and his tone softened. "Watching our hands burst into flame."

She felt her fingers flutter as emotions rolled off her in waves. An old heat washed over her as old feelings were coming to life, feelings that rarely came to the surface. The thin line of her mouth twitched but eventually remained firm. Her loose fingers clutched onto her bony arms covered in cotton fabric.

"Nothing I do will top that," Spike went on in a hushed tone.

Emotions within her battled between elation and fury, but mostly the latter. She wanted to punch him, beat him to a pulp. She even thought of pulling his hair painfully.

"Jerk," she muttered, shaking a little.

He had the nerve to look stunned.

"I don't care about that!" she screamed. Like a vivid flashback, she could see herself waking up in her room after the demon attack, feeling more dead than alive, greeted by an angry Xander and a worried Dawn. When Xander started yelling at her, she yelled back, saying things she knew she didn't mean. His slap had brought her back to full consciousness, and finally made her see the tears on Dawn's cheeks and hear her desperate tone begging Buffy to never do something so suicidal again.

Her blood started to boil as she thought of Spike in LA, playing champion with Angel, while she almost killed herself with sorrow every single night.

"Well, I do," he said, but not with a yell, even though there was a little bit of irritation mingled there. "You'd like to think that everything I do links to you, but the sacrifice… that one didn't. Or at least, part of it."

She observed him, her fingers clutched to the sides of her arms so hard she almost ripped off her shirt. "You've changed."

"Yeah, grew a personality."

It was like a punch in the face. Her whole body was still, though inside her heart was shattering. "Do you resent me that much?"

Spike's angry expression dissolved into regret. "No, Buffy, no," he whispered gently. "It was always me. I resented me." She didn't move, and remained silent, waiting for more explanation. He sighed. "All my life, I followed the women I loved. It was time I stood on my own."

She raised an eyebrow. "By following Angel?"

"It wasn't about Angel, all right?" He swung an arm in annoyance before he pointed a finger at himself. "It was about me choosing my fight."

"And that would be by Angel's side."

He stared at her with an expression full of aggravation, and then shook his head. "Forget it." He walked away. "I've got things to do."

Watching him walk away hit her like a thunderstorm. She was about to call to him when her cell phone rang. She quickly picked it up. "Hello?" she said a bit too fast, watching Spike's back, almost faded away into the darkness of the night.

"Buffy, where are you?" Xander asked with concern, his voice loud.

"Fine, just ran into a vampire."

Spike stopped walking and looked over his shoulder at her. Her eyes were on his, and something like an unknown message passed between them. One she had grown to forget over the years. Xander was talking, but she didn't hear a word. She was trying to read the ones in Spike's eyes. However, they didn't remain long on hers as Spike turned and disappeared behind the building.

"Buffy!"

She jumped slightly. "Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

"I am," she answered, her gaze on the spot where Spike had vanished. "I am."





~*~*~*~



Her eyes went from one shelf of canned fruit to another, because she knew she wasn't in a state of mind to fetch fresh ones. Buffy cursed Thief Slayer again, from fresh fruits and vegetables- which had taken her a whole hour to pick out- to ones that were canned. Not only that, fruits and vegetables were only her first stop. She had yet to look for milk, cheese, meat, baked goods, oils, dressings… they really shouldn't delay grocery shopping to the end of the week. Or maybe they should start to eat less.

Her hand went to her pocket, feeling the Scottish version of British pounds. Good thing she didn't bring a purse. Her money was safe in her pocket.

She gazed at a display of canned carrots, her mind racing somewhere else, away from vegetables and Thief Slayers.

Suddenly, she grabbed her cell phone – another advantage of not bringing a purse -and instantly called Dawn. It rang a few times before her sister picked up.

"What?" Dawn hissed on the other line.

"We need to talk."

"Buffy, I don't have time. I told you, Jimmy Walter invited me to the biggest party in the history of Berkeley. And that's tonight. So I really need to get some shopping done with the girls."

"Dawn, please, it's important."

"Can't you talk to Xander?"

"No! That's out of question…"

"Did I mention whose party I'm invited to?"

"Did I mention that Spike is alive?"

There was a pause, and that was when Buffy realized that she had won Dawn over.

"Wow," Dawn gasped after a few seconds of silence. "Um, good thing you didn't tell Xander."

Buffy thought so, too. There was a time when Dawn was friends with Spike. That made it easier. And while it had been a long time since Buffy had heard Xander badmouth Spike, she never saw them as friends. Not to mention the fact that Xander's feelings for her had re-blossomed since she had gotten pregnant.

There was an annoying knocking sound at the other line. "What's that?" Buffy asked.

"My friends. They're here for the shopping trip." There was knocking and muffled voices. "Whatever," Dawn said, annoyed. "So, Spike, he's back, and…"

"He's different…." The knocking was getting on Buffy's nerves, aside from the noise that was already bugging her in the grocery store. She never thought Dawn would be Miss Popular in college. "I guess he really didn't believe me… when I told him I loved him."

"Maybe he didn't. I mean, why would he say something like that if he didn't think it was true?"

Buffy bit her lip, then noticed two girls gazing at her with curiosity. She jerked her head for them to mind their own business and turned her back to them.

"Did he tell you how he got back?" Dawn asked, sounding a little apologetic. "I mean, he's in Scotland, so he must have been looking for you."

Buffy shook her head. "He said he came to Scotland for something else."

"Oh... well, how did he act when he saw you? Did it seem like he was happy to see you?"

The icy blue eyes flashed before her vision. The cold tone. The cold behavior. The way he looked at her as he walked away. The past tense he used when he talked about the women he 'loved.' She closed her eyes shut.

"I don't know."

"How can you not know? It's Spike. You can see love and devotion miles away."

"He… he actually wanted to hide it from me that he came back." Something painful squeezed inside; the bitter anger and the feeling of betrayal came back. She opened her eyes to see a picture of a child before her, smiling innocently. She reached with a finger to touch the cold, soft plastic of the diapers bag.

The knocking from the other end of the line started again and sounds of annoyed, screaming girls were heard. Buffy could picture Dawn's face contorting with aggravation. "Then maybe you should just forget about him and move on," Dawn said.

"Move on…" Buffy repeated, still numb from thinking about Spike, until what Dawn had said sunk in. "What?" she whispered, shocked.

"You had a baby with Xander. You should think about what's best for your daughter."

Buffy's finger poked at the baby's nose, ripping the plastic. "Xander and I…" she started.

"I gave you my opinion," Dawn interrupted. "The decision is up to you. Now, excuse me, I really need to go."

Buffy looked at her cell phone, stunned. Dawn had hung up on her. Her hand almost crushed the cell phone in anger. She turned around and looked at the bananas a few steps away from her. Black took over yellow; they were old and ruined. She cursed that Slayer again; if it wasn't for her, she wouldn't have run into Spike. If she had known about this Slayer, she could have had taken her out and this whole mess wouldn't have happened. Someone was to be blamed for this and Buffy knew who it was.

Xander had some explaining to do.



~*~*~*~



"Why didn't you tell me about the rogue Slayer?" Buffy questioned Xander angrily, hands firmly on her hips. She had bought nothing on the second visit to the grocery store. The night's events were more important than the lasagna Xander wasn't going to make, after all.

She had found him feeding Andrea a bottle of her pumped breast milk when she stormed in. Startled, he looked at her with a frown. "What rogue Slayer?"

"There's no way Leah and the others wouldn't have detected her. And we all know they've been informing you of any new activity lately." Buffy had called Satsu before she left the grocery store. It seemed that they were ordered by Mr. Harris not to contact Buffy with any new information, whether it was a new villain or a new lost Slayer.

Xander looked back at Andy in a dismissive gesture. "Look, it's not something they can't handle."

"Damnit, Xander, the baby's out," Buffy said, irritated, trying not to yell so she wouldn't make Andrea cry, feeling angrier at how calm and indifferent he was acting. "I'm back on my feet. If anything, right now we should be back in the castle."

Now Xander looked at her with anger. "What about Andy?"

"What about Andy?" Buffy asked, confused.

"How can we take care of her if we're swamped with big bads and training Slayers and hiding from governments?" Xander placed the bottle aside and threw a dry towel on his shoulder. He held Andrea over his shoulder and started gently patting her on the back. "Buffy, we barely had a life of our own when we were there. We were completely isolated from the world."

It made sense, Buffy thought. The only reason Xander had gotten to date Monique was because she was a Slayer. Victor, too, had been introduced to her through Monique, and she hadn't really met anyone else outside of the castle until she got pregnant.

Buffy watched as Andy threw up some of her lunch over the towel on Xander's shoulder, normal life right in front of her.

"We can get other Slayers to baby-sit her…" Buffy suggested weakly.

Xander glanced at her but was still occupied with Andrea. "If you wanna miss her childhood, Buffy, then fine," he said, holding Andrea close, looking at her pointedly. "I don't."

Buffy raised an eyebrow, unsure. "What're you saying?"

"I'm saying I quit."

Buffy shook her head uneasily. "That wasn't what we agreed to. We both said we'd move back to the castle as soon as I was well enough to go back to work, remember?"

He looked down at Andrea. "Guess I changed my mind."

She wanted to be angry and thought she should, but that wasn't what she felt. "Just like that?" She tried for an indignant tone, but couldn't keep the quiver out of her voice.

He didn't look at her, his gaze remaining on their daughter.

"You're not serious about this," she said desperately.

"I am." He looked at her. "I have an interview for a new job next Monday."

She bit the inside of her mouth, watching him stand up, rocking the baby with tenderness that didn't match the heated discussion they were having. "When were you planning on telling me this?" she whispered.

"I'm telling you now." He turned around to face her. "If you wanna get back to the castle, then be my guest. Andy and I will stay put."

Buffy stared at him a few seconds, watching the determined expression on his face suddenly change into concern, and she realized that her eyes were becoming teary.

"Buffy," he started in an unhappy tone. "I'm not abandoning you. I will always be there for you. Heck, if you were a prisoner in some kind of demon administration, just give me an orange bandanna and a couple of nun chucks and I'll cowabunga my way to the rescue," he said, trying to lighten the mood with a joke. No success. "I just…" He looked at the baby in his arms. "I have to put her first."

Buffy nodded. She didn't trust herself to speak. She only knew one thing, though. The life she had come to know had started to get complicated the minute she laid eyes on Spike. Again.




~*~*~*~



Buffy lay awake that night, mind spinning over too many changes that she couldn’t comprehend. Seeing Spike again was the greatest shock of them all, a shock that changed her life in a night. She was just getting the hang of her new life as a mother, not worrying at all about what was happening with her Slayers, and then just when Spike showed up, everything fell apart. It had always been a Spike thing.

Suddenly, her cell phone started ringing. She looked at the caller before she answered.

"Dawn?"

"Back from the mall. I hated the way I talked to you before I hung up. Bet I sounded like a bitch."

Buffy smiled. "Well, that's a very mature confession."

"Thanks." There was a pause. "So, how're you doing?"

Buffy closed her eyes, snuggling into her comfortable blanket. "Confused," she answered quietly.

"That sucks."

"Yeah."

"Have you told Xander yet?"

"No… if Spike wants nothing to do with me, there shouldn't be a reason for unnecessary tension between me and Xander." Especially when said tension was already there.

"How do you know he wants nothing to do with you?"

"It's just… all this time, Dawn, and he kept away from me. All the pain and regret and…."

"Mourning sex with Xander…"

"One mourning sex with Xander. You make it sound like a hundred." Buffy switched to the left ear, agitated. "Anyway, it hurt. That he didn't trust me enough to accept him back."

"I think you better talk to Spike."

That was a little unexpected. Buffy sat up straight, cell phone on the right ear again, as if that ear could hear better than the left. "You think so?" she asked.

"Hey, I'm not crazy about the idea. I don't think I care about Spike, or you being with him, like I used to. But if that's what you want, I'm there."

Buffy's lips curled up into a smile. "Thanks, Dawn."

"Don't mention it. Now I gotta model the new dress. Kenny is gonna lose it when he picks me up." There was a gleeful excitement to her tone that made Buffy smile, even though she was trying to force her mind from wandering into the disturbing activities that usually happened at frat parties.


~*~*~*~