Made by nmcil




Chapter Nineteen:




Three days had passed since Buffy’s last escape attempt, judging by Reem's daily prayers. Buffy used small pieces of food to count the days. There was no guarantee they'd get out of here soon, and she felt better knowing how long she'd been away from home. She just hoped she wouldn't be here more than a week or her calendar would start growing mold. She'd thought about breaking off a small piece of the plastic forks, but she feared it would be seen as another way to escape, however that could be. The food was hidden in her corner, behind her bed so that no guard would notice it. She wasn't sure how they'd react and didn't feel like testing it.

It was bad enough dealing with their arrogance when they took her to the bathrooms. Nonetheless, those trips, despite the guards, were the only thing Buffy looked forward to these days, if just to see something other than the empty four walls in her cell. She never crossed paths with any of her troop during bathroom visits. She would cast a longing eye at the small slots in the doors, wishing she could peer inside, but knew better than to disturb the straight-line walk.

Despite Buffy's previous failed attempts at escape, she wouldn't admit defeat. She tried to think of a new plan, but the sound of Reem singing aloud made her lose her train of thought as she became more interested in the songs.

Noticing her listening, Reem stopped with a laugh. "How about some songs you understand?"

Buffy preferred the Arabic songs, since Reem's music choices included Beyoncé and Avril Lavigne. "How about I sing?"

"Whatever you like. As long as I can dance to it."

Reem's dancing was better than her voice, which wasn't that bad, just adequate, if a little thin. Her dancing could have been much better if her body was more lithe, but it was still lovely the way she moved her hips to nonexistent music. Her hands swayed in the air elegantly while her hips and legs did all the work.

"You dance well."

"Want me to teach you?"

Their third day had been wasted on learning a Middle Eastern dance style that Reem called 'gulf dancing', and ended with Buffy being the superior dancer.

After dinner, Buffy decided to pass the time with something useful, like teaching Reem how to fight. If they were to get out of here one day, she'd need a capable sidekick.

Even though Reem had spent more than three months on her own, she knew nothing about fighting. She wasn't flexible enough, and she couldn't make up for that with a strong punch. Her arms were weak and her kicks were feebler than Andrew's Star Wars jokes. Buffy found herself missing Dawn so much. She hadn't been this much of a pain on their first day of training.

"What's it like being in love?" Reem swung a clumsy foot at her that was easily dodged.

"What?" Buffy breathed. They had been training for a couple hours, and it was starting to wear her out.

Reem's inept swings kept coming. "I've never been in love with a guy before. I wanna know what it's like."

"Well, it's complicated." Buffy avoided another swing with effort. She held up her hands, declaring a time out, unable to talk and dodge at the same time without her Slayer powers. She sat on her bed and rested her head against the wall with the pillow propped against her back. "Depends on how you see it. Being in love when I was a teenager was different than being in love in my twenties."

Reem sat, crossing her legs on her bed. "I'm guessing adult love is the harder one?"

"It is." None of her relationships had been simple, but Spike was a whole new level of complicated. Even though he said he loved her, she could see that it wasn't the same. He wasn't the same guy, and it troubled her. Back when they'd been in Sunnydale, Spike had always said what she couldn't say, what she didn't want to hear. But these days, he barely talked about them, never said what she wanted him to say. She wanted him, but couldn't tell him that, at least not directly; it wasn't her to say those things. And she hated herself more for it.

"So, you want to be in love?" she asked, lying down on her back. No more thoughts about Spike and her love life.

"Not really. Just curious." Reem flung her legs up and cycled in the air. "I wouldn't hear the end of it if Mom caught me with a boyfriend."

"How bad would it be?"

"She'd probably hire a famous serial killer." She grinned. "Maybe raise one of those monsters from the dead… any suggestions?"

Glory, the Judge, Adam, the Master; suggestions of demons she'd killed came rushing into her head like waterfalls. As for famous human criminals, those she wasn't much of an expert on. "There's Gary Gilmore. Mom said there used to be a Christmas song about him."

"Never heard of him. Then again, the only Gilmores I know are a juvenile mother and a mature daughter."

TV nights with Xander. Those were pleasant memories. They'd watch everything; the good and the bad, horror movies, chick flicks, documentaries, cartoons, even Animal Planet. As long as they had their tea and cookies, they could get through anything. But mockery was off limits if they were watching Star Trek, unless they were the later seasons. A small smile tugged at her lips; she missed the geeky goof.

"I wish my relationship with my mom was like Lorelei and Rory," Reem mused. "There are no relationships like that in real life, are there?"

Buffy thought of Andrea on Xander's lap, smiling innocently at any gesture or coo directed toward her. Buffy had promised to be a better mom when they'd been in the hospital, but what guaranteed that she could? Being a better mom meant being there all the time - wasn't that what everybody said? Buffy wouldn't be able to do that, not while facing death every day and taking care of hundreds of girls in a big isolated castle. She didn't want Andrea anywhere near that lifestyle, wishing her nothing but a happy, healthy, and normal life. Buffy being around her would only wreck that, and probably put her in danger. Seemed no matter how hard she tried, she'd never win.

"I guess not."

"I'll make it happen," Reem said. "I'll be more understanding to my daughter."

What if Andrea chose Buffy's way of life? Buffy barely wanted Dawn involved in it and was happier now that her sister was living the normal life she deserved. There was no way she'd want Andrea wasting her life and future by fighting demons and stopping apocalypses.

"It's harder than you think," she said. "Being a mom."

"Do you have a kid?"

Buffy paused a little before she answered, "Yes."

Reem gasped. "Really?"

"Yeah." There was a hint of annoyance in Buffy's tone.

"How come that never came up?" Reem bolted up, her legs swinging from the bed. "We've been stuck here for three days and you've never said a word about having a kid."

Reem's exclamation met only silence.

"Buffy?"

Buffy turned to her side, facing the wall and giving Reem her back. "I don't wanna talk about it, okay?"

"He's illegitimate, right?"

"She. And that's none of your business."

"It wasn't your business when you asked about my personal life."

"You didn't mind."

"Because it helped. Talking about things helps. You should try it."

Buffy let out a loud, bitter laugh, her hand gripping the pillow tightly.

"You feel like you don't love her?" Reem asked.

"Who are you? Dr. Phil?" Buffy snapped.

"You've got so many responsibilities that you can't bear to have more."

Buffy covered her ears with her pillow but she could still hear Reem's voice.

"She feels like an unwanted burden because she's not the future you wanted."

"I'm serious," she shouted, head still under the pillow. When she felt Reem's hand on her shoulder, her instincts took control. She kicked Reem and yelled, "Leave me alone!"

She heard a loud bang, followed by Reem's scream. Buffy pushed herself up and found Reem clutching her head with a pained expression. She must have hit it on the edge of the bed. Scared, Buffy ran to her and examined her head through the mass of hair. Her scalp was reddish where it had hit, but thankfully there was no blood.

"You like running away from hard truths, don't you?" Reem whispered.

"I…" Buffy couldn't talk, embarrassed at how immature she had behaved.

"You know, with a big castle full of Slayers under your charge, I can see how hard it must have been for you to balance between work and home."

"How did you…"

"My last roommate actually talked to me." She raised an eyebrow and Buffy forced a smile. "She said you're a hard worker and you take your job seriously. With the way you helped Spike catch me I can see what she was saying." She smiled tenderly. "I could see respect in her eyes, and I'm sure the others have the same respect for you, too."

Buffy looked elsewhere and thought about Leah, Satsu, Rowena, Renée, and the others looking up to her and expecting her to know all the answers to everything. It was too overwhelming, even more so than when her own friends used to see her that way. She'd tried never to let that faze her, though; still kept protecting and training those girls, kept giving them all her attention. They were her responsibility, her victory on her last day in Sunnydale.

"But Buffy," Reem interrupted her thoughts softly. "You should remember that charity always begins at home."

Buffy looked down at the cold concrete floor. "It's not that simple."

"Life is never simple."

Buffy frowned, eyes still on the floor. "You're eighteen years old. What do you know about life?"

"Probably not as much as you do. And maybe what life means to me doesn't apply to your definition of it. To me, life is just a test; if I nail it, I'll go to heaven. If I fail, I'll go to hell. The afterlife is what matters." She shrugged. "That is, if you believe in the afterlife."

Buffy snorted. "I do."

"Well, there you have it, then."

They sat in awkward silence, Reem trying not to rub her aching head. Buffy was a little touched.

"I miss Andrea," she admitted in a low voice.

"Is that her name?" Reem asked gently.

Buffy nodded.

"May Allah keep you together."

Buffy's smile was watery. "Thank you."




~*~*~*~





Reem was making a little progress in her fighting lessons - now her kicks actually hurt - but there was still a long way to go before she became a decent fighter. Gulping down the water in her glass with a long swallow, Buffy rubbed her hand against her mouth and stared at Reem. She looked more tired than Buffy, lying on her back and not moving a muscle.

"I'm not much of an athlete," Reem said. "But I'd always considered joining a gym class. I stopped thinking about it when I received the Slayer powers."

"When did you know you had them?" Buffy asked. At Reem's confused look, she clarified, "the powers."

"I think at school. I was able to protect myself from this bully… well, she was big, and she wanted to... anyway, it was scary. I left her with a broken arm… I was more shocked than happy about protecting myself… thought it was a miracle from God. But then I started to realize that I was twice as strong as I used to be. It was cool and creepy at the same time… I didn't know why or how it happened."

"Did you tell anyone about it?"

"No. I wanted to, desperately, but I was afraid of what would happen if I did. Mom would freak out if she knew. She'd probably think that no one would want to marry me, being this strong." She let out a bitter laugh, and then a reluctant sigh escaped. "I’d just had enough of having Mom controlling my life. I had this super strength and I wasn't using it… figured it was God giving me a chance to rebel. I just needed the perfect timing to run away. Saudi Arabia was the worst place to do it… but not America."

She looked at Buffy. "We went to California for summer vacation. I was hesitant at first, but then I met this girl who was working in a restaurant. She ran away from home and said it was the best thing she ever did." Reem bit hard on her lip and seemed to silently curse that girl. "I thought it was another sign from God, so I pretended to have a headache, and then I went to the hotel. I took everything I needed and I left."

Buffy stretched, her muscles still tight from training. "And then your parents went straight to Angel."

"I guess," Reem said. "He found me the next day at a coffee shop. He tried to reason with me, told me that my parents hired him to find me. I tried to fight him, gave him a strong punch in the jaw, and then he'd showed me his true face. It was the first time I saw a vampire. I was surprised when all the people around me started clapping and whistling. Angel is this hot shot vampire in LA."

"So I've heard." The hottest news last year was the vampire who'd rescued LA from being sucked into hell. Angel's name was known all over Los Angeles, but the rest of the world couldn't believe the stories the press and the people were telling when there was no sign of LA being sucked into hell.

"I managed to run away. When I asked around about him, I was told that he always gets the job done. I knew I had to do something before he found me again."

"So, you went to Wolfram and Hart?"

"Wolf what? No, I went to his investigation agency. It's in a huge hotel."

"But… but Angel was working in a law firm last I heard of him."

"Not anymore, apparently."

Spike had said nothing about Angel leaving Wolfram and Hart, not that he was a great source of information. She'd always had to dig the info she wanted out of him, and she'd never asked how Angel was doing.

She frowned, confused by the sudden feeling of guilt and shame. It wasn't like she'd always kept track of what went on with Angel's life after he'd left Sunnydale. Same could be said for him. They'd moved on, gone their separate ways. There was no need to crowd into each other's space.

She rested her head against the wall and exhaled, reminded of Spike's comment about her being a hypocrite for not asking about Angel. Twisting the conversation to make her feel bad when it should have been him. He was the one who kept away…

She stopped that train of thought with an inward groan. Yeah, the horse was bloody dead.

She looked at Reem with narrowed eyes. "So, you cursed Angel because you were afraid he'd find you. Why didn't you curse Spike, too?"

Reem shrugged. "He didn't have anything worth envying. Unless you count his wit. He threw a few sharp ones at me. I was tempted to kill him, if I’d known how."

"You don't know how to kill a vampire?" Buffy was too shocked for words.

"Now I know about the wooden stake through the heart thing. At the time, all I knew about getting rid of vampires was the cross, holy water, and the sun."

"How did you finish off five vampires at the same time?"

"They were at the right place at the right time. And I discovered I'm really good at throwing poles."

"Oh. So, it was a lucky shot."

"Don't sound so relieved."




~*~*~*~





A few more days in Cell Hell, and Reem wasn't improving as much as Buffy wanted. Reem was still incompetent, and she'd started getting bored with the sessions. She was more interested in learning about Buffy's life than learning how to swing her leg without falling on her butt, and distracted Buffy with girly chats.

"We had to hurry, so we didn't wrap it up. We actually ran to the hotel like we were being chased by wolves."

"Why didn't you take a cab?"

"We didn't think. We were so scared Mom would be back at the hotel before we got there. Sadeem thought it would be better to wrap the gift with something since the box was small, so we used a flowered paper from Raneem's diary."

"And then what happened?"

"We thought she'd punish us for going out by ourselves, but she just accepted the present, and her face lit up when she saw the keychain. It was very simple, but I think the carved 'Our Dear Mom' got to her. She actually laughed when we told her how we got it… she…" Reem trailed off, her gaze on her crossed legs.

There was a waver in her last word that made Buffy concerned. "Reem?"

"She was really happy. Leaving the hotel room unsupervised didn't matter."

Guilt drew invisible lines on her face, so that Buffy couldn't help but hug her.



~*~*~*~




She inhaled the darkness. So dark, yet she could see everything. Over here, darkness resembled light. There were no lamps or time or quantity; it was an internal light that no one felt but those who pressed tightly on their eyelids. She knew that most had their own versions of her world. She'd be lying to herself if she thought she was the only one. There was no Chosen One when it came to escaping every night, those who begged sleep to take them to different dark and psychological dimensions. Their eyes would be wide open in order to see dark as light, great light shining under the blanket without a sun or a fire or a lamp.

She turned her head to the other side and found Spike on the other bed. He was writing something in a notebook on his lap.

""What are you doing?" She forced the words out. She wanted to add an angry 'here', but her lips felt too heavy to move and her 'What are you doing?' sounded more like 'Wha ye ein?'

"Writing a poem about your little dilemma." The way he was moving the pencil looked more like he was drawing childish circles. He held the notebook closer to his eyes and read, "One day I'll lose gravity. I'll fly. I'll fly. I'll raise my head up high. Won't look down as they look for me. Trying to figure out my enigmatic death."

He showed her the page. She couldn't read it. It looked like gibberish, and that made him scoff. "Try and write something better." He handed her the notebook and the pencil.

She moved the pencil in one straight line. When she was done, the straight line had disappeared and the page looked blank.

Spike threw his head back and laughed louder than her dull ears could handle. "There isn't a straight line," he ridiculed. "Not in your life." He grabbed the notebook and tore off the paper that had his poem, then ripped it into small pieces. "Is that poetry? Silly bint. Don't reduce life into silly, brief words. Better stop before your bleedin' poetic muse starts over again."

"My…" she protested.

"It's your dream, isn't it?"

She shut her eyes tightly. A brand new world appeared before her. Flying silver balls, colored giant buildings with dark windows, traffic signals. It was past three o'clock in the morning. At the highest point of this universe, she saw her face gazing down at the long streets. She was flying now and calling out to people - jerks, liars, hypocrites, thieves, betrayers. She kept on flying and left them forever. Now she knew how to escape those colored faces that fear the night. She was able to see the dark.

Her eyes still closed, she turned to her left side and heard her heartbeat. It was so clear. She imagined her heart sleeping next to her and playing like an energetic kitten. She was terrified, couldn't bear to listen to this sound.

"Afraid it'll stop?" Spike asked.

"My heart?"

"Yes, your heart. Think it's immortal? It'll stop one day."

She swiftly rolled over to lie on her back. Her fingers tangled together on her forehead.

"I'm not asleep yet," she mumbled.

"Maybe you slept a little," Reem said.

"I swear I didn't." She turned around to face Reem but it was still Spike sitting on her bed.

"A whole year with your soddin' head on that cursed pillow," Spike muttered.

"I was in another world, dimwit," she retorted.

"Were you now?"

"You don't get it. No one does. Why do you think I stay away?"

She squirmed and twisted her legs to the left and looked like a spray gun, her legs the handle. She internally laughed at the image and thought about shooting fire to get rid of the dull feeling under the blanket. She changed the position of her legs and pulled her behind a little to look like a bat glued to a bed of rocks. She laughed inside again. She couldn't sleep now. Was there a position that looked like nothing?

"Don't fool yourself," Spike barked. "Whatever you think, you belong to the world of shit. Can't change that. Got a load of shit inside you. Even kings and queens, low lives and upper class, all got their shit. Don't run away. Get up!"

She snapped her eyes open. The room didn't look as glamorous as her free world. Everything in this realistic room was still. Nothing was flying around. Spike's words still rang in her ears, making her wonder, what if her gravity-less world was surrounded by others? They all have their shit inside. What if it got out? Without gravity, her sweet world would be filled with filth.

She grimaced, not daring to shut her eyes again.

Faint sobs cleared the fog around her, and there was Reem sitting on her bed, softly crying. Buffy rubbed her eyes harder than usual. Spike, the idiot, had again managed to ruin something else she liked without even being here.

She sat up straight when Reem hiccupped. This was the third night in a row. Reem was curled up on her bed, her knees bent and pressed against her chest and her arms folded around her legs with her head buried in her knees. Buffy was beside her in an instant, a comforting hand on her shoulder. She didn't say a thing. The open sobs at night, the silent tears in the morning, the prayers that had gotten longer and more frequent with each passing day… Reem couldn't hide the guilt inside anymore. Her regrets were unleashed after being repressed for so long.

"I'm so scared, Buffy."

"We'll get out of here. I promise."

"But that's the problem. I'm scared to get out." Her red face and tearful eyes peered at her. "What I did was so awful. Very, very bad. Girls don't run away from home like that…" She trailed off, her perfect Californian accent slipped noticeably.

Buffy brushed a gentle hand over Reem's hair, taking in that fearful gaze and trembling form. "Reem, I ran away from home once." That seemed to lessen the sobs a bit. "I was seventeen and… it was unbearable. I was expelled from school. Mom had just discovered I was the Slayer and… didn't take it well. I sent my boyfriend to hell." Reem's eyes widened with shock. Buffy smiled sadly at the ugly memory. "I left everyone I knew in the dark, didn't tell them where I was, and didn't reassure them I was still alive. They were worried sick, but they took me back when I returned."

Reem shook her head violently. "It's different. America isn't like Saudi Arabia; different cultures, different people. It's all different."

Buffy frowned. "Maybe. But your mom liked your Mother's Day gift even though you broke the rules. Sure, she'll be really upset and angry; that's to be expected, but eventually… she'll accept you back, because she loves you. Loving you is the reason she'll be angry."

Reem looked away. "You don't understand how it works in my country."

"Or maybe you're selling your parents short. They may surprise you."

She didn't look convinced, but she didn't argue, choosing to sniffle quietly instead. Buffy rubbed circles on her back, unsure how Reem's family would react once they met again. If there was one chance they were going to hurt their daughter over it, Buffy would take her to the castle with her, like she had with other abused Slayers she'd sheltered.

They stayed in silence for a while, and Buffy glanced at the ten pieces of food in the corner. She'd accepted the idea that she'd be rescued, but she’d waited a long time and she was still here. Maybe it was time to work their lazy brains for a good plan.

"Who'll be the first person you'll go to? If we get out," Reem said quietly, drawing circles on her pillow.

Buffy made herself comfortable, her head resting against the wall. "Andrea."

"And then Spike," Reem said confidently.

Buffy twisted her lips. "Not really."

"Why?"

"Last time we talked… it ended badly."

"Why is that?"

"He didn't get it," she said, looking down at her worn-out hospital gown. "And… he probably doesn't think of me the way I think about him."

"They say," Reem started and waited until Buffy met her gaze, "the way to an Englishman's heart is through his stomach."

Buffy blinked. "Is that supposed to be advice?"

"Frick," Reem cursed. "Forgot you're the freak who likes a vampire." She cast Buffy a sweet smile, hoping she wasn't offended. Buffy wasn't.

Reem shifted her weight until she sat facing Buffy. "Better advice is: be yourself because there's no pleasing some people." She nodded wisely.

Buffy smiled. She'd always tried to live up to others' expectations of her, but she hadn't cared what Spike thought of her. Surprisingly, he’d still wanted her after all the crap she'd put on him, but she knew better than to expect that he would be the same understanding vampire she knew back in the day.

Now he was the one with the high expectations. He could barely stand the sight of her after she'd listed her failings. He didn't even want to hear her reasons, but then, she wasn't obligated to tell him, right? Why did she even care what he thought of her when he couldn't care less about her anymore?

There was a 'tick' sound coming from the door. Buffy knew it was one of the soldiers peering inside from the small slot. They did that every little while, probably to make sure no one attempted suicide. Buffy busied herself with untangling Reem's hair while her companion closed her eyes and enjoyed the gentle caress.

All of a sudden, the door was jerked open. Both Buffy and Reem jumped at the violent move and turned around. Buffy's eyes went wide with shock.

Spike was standing at the door.





~*~*~*~