Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Joss Whedon and all those folks. Alas.

Sorry for any delay. Thanks to my readers who encourage me to blow off housework for writing. 

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Chapter 8
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Tara found her tongue first. “What have we done?” Her eyes were full of shame and sadness as she fixed them on each of her friends in turn. “We’re supposed to be her friends and we’re the ones tormenting her.”
 
“We couldn’t have known,” Xander said. His face had drained of color as he tried to take in all the implications.
 
“We could have done a séance first,” Anya said with her usual bluntness. “Do it with a true medium and they’re pretty effective at finding out where someone is.”
 
Willow sat down on the sofa and buried her face in her hands. “This is all my fault. I didn’t think to check. I just assumed she must be in hell.”
 
“So what’s the plan now?” Angel asked. “Are we just going to leave her up there with him?” Buffy’s rejection of him cut deeper than he wished to admit, and his concern for the Slayer was rapidly being swallowed up by his irritation at the whole situation.
 
“For now, yes,” Dawn said, suddenly stepping forward. “Before Spike came here tonight she was curled up in a ball staring into space. Now she’s talking a little. Explain to me why this is wrong.” She folded her arms defiantly, daring the assembled Scoobies to cross her.
 
“Dawn, you don’t know him like I do,” Angel said with barely concealed impatience. “He can’t be trusted.”
 
“Hmm. Then why did you trust me and the rest of us to him all summer? You couldn’t be bothered to come up here and help or anything. Spike did. So why is he suddenly so dangerous? Jealous much?” Dawn retorted.
 
Angel sputtered. “Jealous? Of him? Please.”
 
“This isn’t helping,” Tara said suddenly. She stood up next to Dawn. “So far, Buffy is most calm when Spike’s near. Do we want to help Buffy, or do we want to fight about who helps her?” The others had no immediate answer. “Willow, Angel, I’m sorry, but both of you freak Buffy out right now. I don’t see how surrounding a traumatized person with people who frighten her is going to make things better.”
 
Angel’s brow clouded with anger. “Fine. I’ll leave. But I’m not going far. I’ve still got a few things to discuss with Florence Nightingale.” He turned and stormed out, slamming the door behind him so hard that the pictures in the hallway rocked a bit.
 
“But… Tara, you don’t mean I should leave too?” Willow said. “I sorta live here, don’t I?”
 
“I think that we should all leave, at least for the night,” Tara said firmly. “Dawn and Buffy will be safe with Spike, and when Giles comes tomorrow we can get some more advice.”
 
“Absolutely not!” Xander stormed. “Are you insane? You’re going to leave them with him? He could be up there telling her anything at all!”
 
“Get OUT!” Dawn screamed. “You’re making everything worse! You haven’t listened to anything! You’re being stupid and… and… stubborn and…” The teen was too furious to even get her thoughts out. “Don’t you get it? She was with my m…mom and you p..pulled her away from that and hurt her!” Tears of rage began flowing down Dawn’s reddened face.
 
The others were shamed into silence. “Xander, we need to go,” Anya said quietly, tugging on his arm. Xander stared around at the others for a moment, his mouth opening and closing, but in the end he couldn’t think of anything to say. He picked up his coat, looked once more at the stricken faces of his friends, then silently turned to follow Anya.
 
When the door closed behind them, Dawn turned to Willow and Tara. “Please. Just stop scaring her. I can’t take it. Please,” she begged.
 
Tara gathered Dawn close. “We’ll go find a hotel room for the night. We’ll call tomorrow and see how things are going, alright?” Dawn managed a nod as she sniffled. Tara went upstairs with Willow trailing reluctantly behind her.
 
As they packed some clothes, Willow tried one last time to reason with Tara. “Tara, baby, are you sure this is necessary? I mean, what if we just… stayed out of her room for a couple days or something?”
 
“God, Willow, listen to yourself!” Tara exclaimed. She rounded on Willow, who took a slight step backward in the face of Tara’s intensity. “We hurt her, okay? We need to own that.”
 
“I do, I get it!” Willow said. “I only want…”
 
“To help,” Tara finished. “I know. Willow, I’m only going to say this once. I am not going to stand by and watch you throw spells at Buffy any more. I won’t stand for it. You’ve got to stop or I don’t know if I can stay.”
 
Willow’s mouth dropped open. “You.. you’re going to leave me?”
 
“If that’s what it takes to get you to stop and just… just stop,” Tara said, fixing Willow with eyes both determined and sad. The whole exchange was breaking Tara’s heart, but she had let Willow go too far without saying anything, and she couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t speak now.
 
Willow fought back tears. “Tara… baby… I’m sorry. I need you. Please don’t go I’ll… I’ll stop. I promise, I’ll stop.”
 
But can you stop? Tara wondered, searching Willow’s eyes. Or are you just fooling us both? Still doubtful, Tara turned back to the duffle bag and put the last of her clothes in it. “We need to leave. Are you coming?”
 
“Yeah,” Willow whispered. She picked up her own bag and walked slowly out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Tara followed her, looking back at Buffy’s closed bedroom door for a moment. Dawn was in the living room, curled up on the couch. Willow started to say something to her but Dawn turned away, shunning her. Frowning, Willow made her way out to the car.
 
Tara stopped at the doorway to the living room. “Are you going to be okay?” she asked.
 
“I’ll be fine,” Dawn said. Then she added, “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
 
Tara came over and gave Dawn a kiss on the forehead. “Let us know when Giles gets here.”
 
“I will,” Dawn said, giving Tara a quick hug. Tara walked out, taking one last quick look up the stairs. Dawn followed her gaze, wondering what to do next.
 
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Spike had taken Buffy to her room, closing the door and leading her over to sit on the bed. The sound of angry voices from downstairs startled Buffy into covering her ears and squeezing her eyes shut, trying to block everything out. Spike looked at her with pity, as he took off his coat and draped it over a nearby chair. He moved over to her and knelt before her, looking up into her face. “Buffy. Look at me, love.” With her hands still over her ears Buffy opened her eyes slowly, squinting at the brightness of the overhead light. “That’s it, pet. I’m here, yeah?”
 
“Angel,” she whispered, still shaking and trying to block out sensations.
 
Spike noticed her squinting and got up. Spying a candle on her nightstand he lit it with his ever present lighter, then turned off the overhead light. “Expect you’ll like that better.” Buffy nodded, still covering her ears. “They’ll be gone soon as well,” he said, kneeling back down in front of her and running his hands up and down her arms. “Know you still like it quiet.” His low, smooth accent did its work, and she gradually started to relax. “Gonna take care of you. I promise. Just like I promised to take care of Dawn. I keep my promises.”
 
“D..Dawn?” Buffy asked uncertainly. The word seemed to trigger something in her mind.
 
“Dawn, your sister. Little slip of a thing with dark hair who was in here earlier.” Spike looked around the room and spied a picture of Joyce, Buffy, and Dawn on the dresser. He fetched it and brought it to her. “Here are my Summers girls. You, Dawn, and your mum,” he explained as he pointed out the faces.
 
Buffy took her hands off her ears and took the picture frame from him, wrinkling her brows. “Mom,” she whispered, running her fingers across the image. “Warm place.”
 
Spike winced involuntarily at the hopeless tone in her voice. “You were with her there, huh? Your mother was a good woman. Can’t imagine her anywhere else.”
 
“T..take me b..back?” she managed to say, her eyes pleading with him.
 
Shit. Spike’s heart shattered at the sound of her begging to return to her reward. I couldn’t watch her die again. I’m a selfish bastard at heart and I couldn’t watch her die again, even to save her. Forgive me Slayer. The irony was not lost on him. He had always wanted to kill this Slayer, and now when she would welcome it, when it would in some twisted way be the right thing to do, he couldn’t. “Buffy, I can’t take you back. I don’t… I…” His voice broke and he found he couldn’t go on.
 
“Angel?” she asked, confused. Her savior seemed as sad and unsure as she was, and she didn’t understand why.
 
Spike smiled ruefully and shook his head. “Let’s get one thing straight here,” he said. He took her hand and placed it on his chest. “Name’s Spike, yeah? ‘S what I like to be called. Do you understand? I’m Spike.”
 
“Sp…Spike,” she said as she furrowed her brow. Spike seemed a funny name for an angel, but if calling him Spike meant he would stay around, she would call him whatever he wanted.
 
“That’s it,” he said with a smile. “I’m Spike, and I’m going to take care of you. I swear on all that I am, I’ll not leave you until you ask me to go.”
 
Buffy smiled tentatively, understanding that he meant to stay. “Spike,” she repeated.
 
Spike noticed that her lips were dry, and observed the enormous dark circles under her eyes. He spied the glass of water Willow had brought on the dresser, although she had taken away the uneaten sandwich. Fetching it, he wrapped her hands around it, and she drank it all in one long gulp. Get the impression she hasn’t had anything to eat or drink since they brought her home, he mused. “I should go get you something to eat,” he said aloud.
 
“Stay. Please?” Buffy said plaintively. She could hear the voices of the witches coming up the stairs to their room and it frightened her. If he leaves they’ll come back and they’ll hurt me again…
 
Figuring she wouldn’t starve if she waited a few more minutes, Spike sat down next to her on the bed, wrapping an arm around her protectively. “I know you’re afraid of Red… Willow, rather,” he began. “But she isn’t actually trying to hurt you deliberately. In her own messed up way she’s only trying to help you.”
 
Buffy shook her head. “No… not help. Hurt,” she insisted. She tried desperately to put her fears into words. “Tra… trapped. Dark.”
 
“I know, love,” he said as he stroked her hair and once more fought the urge to kill Willow. “Woke up in your coffin in the dark, then couldn’t get out of your nightmares. Wish I could have spared you all that. You didn’t deserve any of that.”
 
He knows, she thought gratefully, moving even closer to him. He understands. She didn’t understand why he called himself Spike, and she didn’t understand why he couldn’t take her back to heaven, but she felt some deep connection with this lean, pale creature, and it was her only anchor in this chaotic world. Another question formed slowly in her whirling mind and she said, “Not hell? Where…?”
 
“You’re in Sunnydale, love. Although I could understand how you might mistake it for hell,” he quipped. “California. You were born here, well, in California that is. For better or worse, this is home for you.”
 
“Home,” she said, trying to wrestle her brain around what that meant. Home is where Mother was. Where love is. Home is where people love you. She looked up into the searching blue eyes of her angel, and once more saw the love that burned there. Is he home too? “Y.. your home?”
 
Spike half smiled. “I wish it was sometimes. But my home, such as it is, was where you first found me.”
 
Buffy wrinkled her brow in dismay. There was so much she didn’t understand. This angel named Spike said she was home, but it was all so unfamiliar right now that she wanted to curl up and cry again. At that moment there was a knock on the bedroom door and she nearly jumped out of her skin in terror. She clutched Spike’s arm so hard he was sure he would find finger marks later and let out a low moan of distress.
 
“Shh, it’s all right,” Spike said. He gently pried her hand off of his arm and went to the door. When he opened it, there was Dawn, looking nervous. “Hello, Nibblet.”
 
“The others are gone,” she said uncertainly. “Angel and Xander and Anya went back to their apartments and hotels, and Willow and Tara went to find a room for the night too.”
 
Spike breathed a sigh of relief. “At last, someone shows some sense around here. Come in, Dawn,” he said, stepping back out of the way.
 
“Are… are you sure it’s okay?” Dawn wondered.
 
In response he took her hand and led her over to the bed. Buffy scooted away, ending up against the pillows hugging her knees and looking at Dawn warily. “Sit down here, Bit,” Spike said, and Dawn perched awkwardly on the edge of the bed. Spike sat down between the two girls and coaxed Buffy over to sit next to him. “Buffy, this is Dawn. She’s your sister. You asked me to protect her, remember?”
 
Buffy bit her lip as she contemplated this information. Tentatively she reached out a hand to touch Dawn’s hair. Dawn sat absolutely still, instinctively knowing that she had to let Buffy get used to her. “Dawn,” she whispered.
 
“That’s me,” Dawn said quietly. “I missed you, Buffy.”
 
Buffy kept searching Dawn’s face. A memory flashed into her mind. She was crying. She was wearing a long dress and she was crying and there was blood. I turned away from her and then… The memory faded as quickly as it came, and Buffy shook her head lightly, trying to hold onto it. Something had happened, but the girl had survived somehow. She turned to Spike. “Safe?” she asked.
 
“Yes, love,” Spike replied. “You’re safe here, and Dawn won’t hurt you.”
 
“Dawn...safe?” she asked, tensing with the effort of trying to express herself.
 
“We all kept her safe while you were… while you were in heaven,” Spike said, not sure if it was the right thing to say.
 
A cloud passed across Buffy’s face. “Heaven,” she said sadly. “Warm. Love th.. there.”
 
“Was… was mom there with you?” Dawn asked in a small voice.
 
Buffy nodded. “Mo… mom. Loved me. Want to… g..go back.” This time the tears slipped down her cheeks, and Dawn’s as well.
 
“I want her back too,” Dawn said. “But I really need you here. I need you to take care of me.” Dawn got up and moved slowly over to kneel in front of Buffy. “I love you too. Just like Mom. Please come back.” Dawn reached over to wrap her arms around Buffy, burying her face in Buffy’s midsection. Buffy was startled at the intrusion, but awkwardly stroked Dawn’s hair as she tried to figure out what was going on. She said she loves me, and the angel protected her, so she must be good, but why can’t I remember?
 
The display of love and loss nearly broke Spike. The poet in him conjured up a dozen mournful verses about lost souls and fallen angels as he watched the two sisters, one seeking family, and the other seeking her own identity. The tableau could have continued indefinitely if Buffy’s stomach hadn’t growled. Dawn sat up with a quirky half smile on her tear stained face. “Guess you’re hungry, huh?” Dawn noted.
 
“Yes,” Buffy replied with a sniffle. Dawn got to her feet and offered Buffy her hand. Buffy hesitated, then timidly grasped Dawn’s hand and allowed herself to be led downstairs, followed closely by Spike. Spike rummaged around in the fridge and freezer and found a frozen pizza. Twenty minutes later the pizza was being served, accompanied by a salad Dawn had made. After a hesitant sniff at the new food, Buffy started eating, first slowly and then with gusto. Spike was pleased to see her appetite was still very much in Slayer mode. After the pizza was gone, Spike said, “Bit, I think your sis could really use a bath, but I don’t think I’m the best person to help out with that. Think you can walk her through it?”
 
“Of course,” Dawn said. She got up and offered Buffy her hand again. “Come with me, ok? We’ll get you cleaned up.”
 
Buffy looked questioningly at Spike who nodded and said, “Go with Dawn, love. She’ll take care of you.” Buffy followed Dawn, looking back at Spike twice for reassurance as she followed her sister upstairs. Dawn led Buffy to the bathroom and sat her down on the toilet seat while she filled the tub with hot water and fragrant bubble bath. “You need to, um, get undressed,” Dawn said awkwardly. Buffy seemed confused until Dawn started to lift the edge of her shirt, when understanding dawned. Buffy slowly took the rest of her clothes off. Dawn was dismayed at how pale and skinny her sister was – not at all like the tanned, toned Slayer she had been. “Here, get in,” Dawn said, guiding Buffy to step in and sit down. A smile broke over Buffy’s face as she sank into the warm, lilac scented bubbles closed her eyes in utter contentment. Dawn chatted about school and teachers as she washed and rinsed Buffy’s hair, and showed her how to use a loofah to scrub off the remaining dust. Buffy had no idea what the dark haired girl was talking about, but this experience was closer to the warm place than anything she had yet encountered. When the bath grew cold Dawn helped her get out and get dry, wrapping her in a warm robe and sitting behind her on the bed to brush out her hair.
 
“That looks more like the Slayer I remember,” Spike remarked as he joined them in the bedroom.
 
“Spike,” Buffy said with a smile.
 
“Feeling better?” he asked. Buffy nodded, still smiling. Still not all there, but I think she’ll come round if we give her time. She was more relaxed than she had been since she had arrived at Revello Drive, and seemed perfectly content to have Dawn brush her hair and stay close to her. Buffy yawned as Dawn finished causing Spike to remark, “Been a long day for all of us. We should all probably get some rest.”
 
“Good idea,” Dawn said. She got up and came around to sit next to Buffy. “Would you like me to stay here with you?” she asked.
 
Buffy shook her head. “Spike? Stay?” she pleaded. “Safe… w..with a..angel.”
 
“I’m no angel, pet, but if it makes you feel safe, I’ll stay here.” He turned to look at Dawn. “Are you okay with that? You know I won’t…”
 
“I trust you, Spike,” Dawn said. She gave Buffy a quick hug, then got up and gave Spike one as well. “Let me know if I can help.”
 
“You’ve already helped plenty, Nibblet. Now get some sleep, yeah?” Dawn nodded and left, closing the door. Spike kicked off his shoes and walked over to the bed. He tucked Buffy in tenderly before climbing in beside her. She rested her head on his chest and fell asleep almost at once, leaving Spike once more to revel in her touch. 

TBC