Chapter 12: Blood


No one was more puzzled over the events of the night than Buffy. She couldn’t quite get her mind around what had actually happened. She’d had sex with Spike, and liked it.

And they had talked. What had that been about?

Had Spike told her the truth, or had it all been lies? Certainly he had given her some good advice on dealing with Angelus, hadn’t he? Or had he merely been cautioning her to obey so that he could get what he wanted – or was he really trying to tell her something important? Surely that one part, Spike’s own conflicted feelings about his sire, his willingness to help her against him, surely that was a lie?

But most important to Buffy at the moment was what Spike had said about her blood. He’d said it was an aphrodisiac, and Angelus hadn’t even bothered to contest it. Everything that had happened had begun with her blood. It wasn’t until he had nearly drained her that Angelus’s behavior towards her had changed. And it wasn’t until after she had been forced to drink her own blood that she had begun to return those feelings.

If it was true, then that changed everything. If her blood really was that strong an aphrodisiac, then none of it was real. Angelus’s feelings for her, her own conflicted feelings for Angelus, were all being influenced by the narcotic effects of her blood.

It would be an easy explanation. Something she might even be able to tell her Watcher. She had been drugged, addicted. That was why she had let herself fall into a relationship with the unsouled vamp in the first place. That was why she couldn’t seem to gather the resolve to leave him. To stake him.

But Spike’s revelation didn’t entirely make sense to Buffy. For one thing, it didn’t really explain why Angelus was reluctant to kill to her outright. She hadn’t understood Spike’s cryptic reference to her as a goose.

Unfortunately, Willow was no where to be found, so she had to make do with Xander. He might not know, but at least he wouldn’t question her. Giles was far too canny to answer her questions without wanting to know why she asked. And there were so many things going on in her life right now that she didn’t want her Watcher to know about. She tried to stay as far away from Giles as possible.

Catching him on the way to lunch, Xander claimed to understand the reference. “Let’s see. Goose that laid the golden egg. From Jack and the Beanstalk, or maybe it was Puss and Boots, I’m not sure. You’ve never heard of this?”

Buffy shook her head. “What I want to know is what was so special about this goose, and why didn’t the farmer, or whatever, kill it? Was it a pet or something?”

“No. See, it’s like this.” Xander was proud to be the teacher for once, the answer guy. “The goose lays golden eggs. If you kill it, well, you get a nice roast goose dinner, but then, no more golden eggs. Think about it Buffy. One goose dinner, or golden eggs every day for the rest of your life – or the goose’s life at any rate. How long do geese live anyway? Does anyone really care enough to find out? I mean, have they done studies? Why’d you… ”

“So, you’re saying they kept this goose around because of its special abilities – it was magic or something, and its eggs were special, valuable. All the other geese were still just food.” She put her hand to her neck. “And if the goose got too old to lay eggs anymore, roast goose here we come.”

“Pretty much, yeah. What’s the big?”

“Oh, it was just something one of my teachers mentioned,” she lied so easily now. “I didn’t get the reference. But it was like he expected everyone knew what he was talking about, and I didn’t want to interrupt and look like an idiot, which is why I came to you.”

Buffy smiled happily at Xander. She thought she’d come up with a pretty good explanation on short notice. No way was she going to tell Xander who had really made the reference to the fairy tale, or exactly who the goose was supposed to represent. Abruptly pushing aside her untouched lunch, Buffy rose to leave, “I need to find Willow.”

As usual, Willow was in the library. Fortunately, for once Giles wasn’t there. “Wills, how about we go somewhere we can talk? Where we won’t be interrupted. You know, girl stuff.”

Once she and Willow had the girl’s room to themselves, Buffy barricaded the door. Anyone who came along would think that the bathroom was under repair, or they’d be in on the ruse and know that whoever was in there didn’t want to be disturbed. Buffy knew several cheerleaders who claimed to do it all the time. She told herself that she didn’t feel bad. It was a big campus, whoever needed the facilities would have to find another restroom. She’d just have to try and make sure that no one noticed her sneaking out of the supposedly closed restroom, or rumors would start flying.

Once she was certain that they wouldn’t be disturbed, she went straight to the point.

“Willow, what do you know about blood?”

“Blood? You mean like menstrual blood? Buffy, surely you know all about the birds and the bees by now…?”

“No, Willow. And can I say, ewww. I mean regular people blood, as in vampire food. I mean, like why do vampires have to eat people, and not cows or pigs or something? Are there like different kinds of blood, like flavors or something that makes some better than others?”

“Oh. I see what you’re thinking. Like, how do vampires choose potential victims? Is it some specific thing they look for, or is it all just random? Good thinking Buffy. I’d guess that it is some combination of both. Like, if you’re being picky maybe you’re in the mood for seafood or Chinese, but if you’re just hungry, you’ll settle for one of those doublemeat burgers.”

“Yeah. I get that Willow. But are there differences, real differences I mean?”

“Well, certainly people blood and animal blood are very different. They did experiments with that, oh, at least a hundred years ago. Not interchangeable. But to a vamp? I don’t know if it makes a real difference. Probably tastes different though. Lots of things probably affect that. Most likely what type of diet the person or the animal had. Is that what you want to know?”

“Let’s focus on people blood. It’s not all the same, is it? I think I remember something from some an old episode of Doogie Howser about it.”

“That’s right, Buffy. People blood also comes in different types: O, A, B and AB. There’s also a positive and negative factor, but that’s more rare. For the most part it doesn’t matter, unless you need a transfusion. But I suppose that to a vampire each type may taste a little different. Don’t know how they could tell though, until they bit you. And then it wouldn’t really matter, cause hey, already opened.”

“Is there any way I can find out my type? I mean if I’m something unusual…”

“Sure. It’s easy to do. They used to do in high school biology classes all the time before bodily fluids became such a big phobia. I can do it in the Chem lab. Why are you so curious all of a sudden?”

This was the hard part. Buffy had decided that she needed to confide in someone, and Willow was only one she could think of. “I know you’re gonna freak Will, but Angelus has bitten me.”

“What! Are you okay?” Buffy could tell by her flushed composure and fluttering hands that Willow was panicking. She just sat and stared at her friend for a few minutes until she calmed down. For someone who was really bright, sometimes Willow could be kind of dense.

Finally Willow got a hold of herself. “Oh- stupid question, of course you’re okay. Cause you’re here, talking to me, you can’t be lying dead in an alley somewhere. Why aren’t you dead in an alley somewhere? I mean, if he got close enough to bite you, you should be dead, right?”

“I guess so,” Buffy admitted. “I was stupid Willow, I know. But I’m beginning to think that there’s something special about my blood. Maybe because I’m the Slayer, maybe not. All I know is that Spike said something about Angelus not killing the goose that laid the golden egg, and I’m beginning to feel like I’m the goose.”

“Spike? You’re talking buddies with Spike now?”

“No. Well, yes…but…”

“Buffy, what is going on?” Willow stood and looked down at her friend with her resolve face. She was going to get to the bottom of this. “I know there’s more to this than you’re telling me if you’re having conversations with Spike and letting Angelus bite you.”

Withering under Willow’s stare, Buffy hid her head and mumbled, “I’m sleeping with him.”

The redheaded girl let out a shriek that could probably be heard in the gym on the other side of the school. “With Spike?”

“No. Angelus.” Buffy hid her face in her hands, and then amended her confession, but so softly that she was almost positive that Willow didn’t catch it. “Well, Spike too, but just the once.” She opened her fingers just a bit and peered out at Willow to gauge her reaction. “The first few times I really didn’t want to.”

“Ewww. Wait a minute, does that mean…more than once? And you wanted to?”

Buffy just shrugged her shoulders. She still wouldn’t raise her head and look Willow in the eye. “Well, I suppose that answers the question of why you’re still alive. But I still don’t understand why you haven’t dusted him, Buffy. What gives?”

Buffy sighed. How could she explain what she didn’t understand herself?

“I’m not sure, Willow. At first, well, I thought there was still something of Angel left in Angelus, and I loved him so much, it only seemed natural to love Angelus too. And he’s tried to be good Willow, really he has. He’s given up eating people and everything.”

Willow was not convinced. “And you know this because he told you so? Did it never occur to you that he could be lying?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that? Do you all think I’m stupid? I know, because I know, okay. I patrol every night. I know who’s out there feeding and who’s not. Besides, Spike confirmed it.”

“Yes, the other part of this puzzle that makes absolutely no sense. You’re having conversations with the evil vampires you are supposed to kill. Worse yet, you’re sleeping with them and allowing them to drink from you? And you don’t see how wrong this is? We need to talk to Giles, Buffy. They’ve got you so deep in thrall that you don’t know what you’re doing.”

“No, Willow, no,” Buffy was the panicky one now. “I can’t talk to Giles about this. It was hard enough to come to you, and you’re my best friend. I don’t think it’s thrall, Willow. I really don’t. But it may be something else that is making me act this way, and I need to find out. That’s why I was asking about the blood, Willow.”

“But it doesn’t make sense, Buffy. Even if Slayer’s blood is different, you’ve been the Slayer for what, two years now? And plenty of Slayer’s have been drained by vampires. I don’t have the numbers, but I’m sure that at least a quarter of all Slayers have been killed by vampires.”

“That may be true, Willow. But how many of those vampires had the option to keep coming back for more? It’s almost like I want him to drink from me, Willow. Sometimes I crave it.”

“That’s just really creepy, Buffy. Why don’t you calm down and tell me how this all started.” Willow sat down by the window ledge and motioned for her friend to join her. “After he changed into Angelus, and after that thing with the Judge, I know you were ready to stake him. Now I find that you’ve changed your thinking so far in the other direction that you sound like you’re ready to take up housekeeping with him.”

“You’re right, Willow. It was after that. That ghost possession thing at the school, that really threw me. And then Angelus got me alone, and I think he tricked me. He convinced me that a part of Angel was still alive inside of him. And I fell for it.”

“But you know now that’s not true,” Willow protested. “Giles said…”

“I’m not sure that everything Giles says is true, Willow. I’ve seen some pretty strange things recently. But it doesn’t even matter anymore.” Wringing her hands, Buffy stood and faced away from Willow. She couldn’t possibly admit what she was about to admit to her face. “I want him, Willow. Angelus. Sometimes I…it’s like I crave him, and I don’t know why. And after what Spike said about the blood…”

“When did you talk to Spike, and if you’re craving Angelus, how does Spike get into this conversation?”

Buffy’s voice was small and tenuous. “Cause I kinda slept with him too.”

“Buffy, how could you? I could almost understand Angelus. I mean, you were in love with Angel, and they are sort of the same person. But Spike’s done nothing but try to kill you since he got here – it’s a wonder that you are still alive, tarnished virtue and all. Buffy, what were you thinking?”

“I was thinking it was nice to stay alive – and so was Spike for that matter. It’s not like it was his idea.”

“Back up there. Whose idea was it?”

“Angelus. It was his idea of punishing me for killing a new fledgling he had made – like I’m gonna stop doing what I do just because he thinks he owns me now.”

“From what I’ve been hearing, I’m beginning to think that he does. I mean, you don’t even try to stake him, or Spike. You sleep with him. Then you sleep with Spike. I mean, you’re not acting rationally. I think we need Giles.”

“No, Willow. No. It was all I could do to tell you, and you’re my best friend. Even so I think you’re about ready to have me committed. Besides, I couldn’t tell Giles about…well, any of it really.”

Buffy was really desperate now. She couldn’t stand the idea of discussing her personal life with her stuffy old watcher. “Besides, I think that I know what’s making me act this way. From something Spike said. There’s something in my blood. It’s like a drug. None of this started happening until Angelus tasted me.”

That wasn’t strictly true, but Buffy certainly wasn’t going to go into that with Willow. “Spike said my blood is an aphrodisiac, and Angelus didn’t even question it, so it must be true…”

“Even if it is true,” Willow protested, “it might explain their behavior, but not yours. It’s the same old blood you’ve always had. Ever since you were chosen anyway, if that makes a difference.”

Her voice was small, “But he makes me drink it, Willow.”

At Willow’s flinch she tried to explain, “Not, directly. But he’ll drink a little, and then kiss me and push the blood into my mouth until I have to swallow or choke.”

At least that was how it started. She didn’t mention how she was now beginning to crave it also.

“I thought at first that he was doing it just to gross me out, but now I think that it helps him control me – reduces my inhibitions, makes me suggestible, something.”

“Well, we can look at some of your blood under the microscope. See if there is anything in it that is different from normal blood. That might be helpful.”

“Sure, Willow. Whatever you think might work. I’m getting desperate, I’ll try almost anything. Anything that doesn’t involve having a really awkward and gross conversation with Giles.”