Chapter 3: We Were Dreamers Not So Long Ago

“Hey, who’s ready for moving day?” Buffy asked in a chirpy voice as she entered the crypt without knocking. When she got no response, she headed down the ladder to Spike’s lair.

His possessions were strewn all over the place, even messier than usual. Dirty clothes on the floor in a semi-circle around the bed, books that had once been stacked in tall piles but had toppled over and been left there, weapons that Spike claimed were left out within easy reach in case of attack, but were really just lying around because he was too lazy to put them back in the coffin he used as a weapons chest.

“What’s going on?” she asked, taking in the decidedly not-packed-up crypt. There was no way Spike was just leaving all this stuff here. “You’re supposed to be moving in.”

Spike’s voice came from a dark corner. “Decided to stay here instead.”

“Why? I thought we had an arrangement.”

“Just be in your way.” He emerged from the shadows, obviously drunk, a bottle of something in one hand while his other hand dug around in his pocket. “Here,” he said, handing her another wad of bills. “Take this. Should be enough to cover you for a little while at least.”

Buffy backed away in surprise. “Spike! I thought we – I don’t understand.”

He looked at her with hooded eyes, his voice a husky growl, his words slightly slurred. “You really fancy explainin’ to your boy what I’m doin’ there?”

“My… what are you talking about?”

“Saw you with ’im at the Bronze.”

She swallowed hard, and her face clouded over with guilt. “Oh.” She didn’t owe him an explanation, not really, but she felt an overwhelming urge to justify herself to him anyway. “It’s not… what you think.”

“No?” Spike paused, bottle at his lips. “Looked like his tongue down your throat.”

“He – he kissed me, yes. It doesn’t mean he… that we…”

Spike stared at her, his eyes hard, but she couldn’t miss the hopefulness he tried to hide. “Then you won’t be datin’ him again?”

Buffy froze, her lips parted to respond, but unable to give him the answer he wanted. “I – I don’t know.” She watched Spike’s face fall. “We’re not together now… but he likes me, and I – I don’t know… maybe…”

Spike nodded, a “that figures” expression on his face. “So, when you say you don’t want a relationship right now, what you mean is, you don’t want a relationship with me, right?”

“Spike, it’s not –” She cut off her protestations with a sigh, realizing that he was right, and he wasn’t going to allow her to let him down easy. “Yes,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t… love you the way you want me to. It’s just –”

“No, you’re not, Slayer, so don’t look at me like you just killed my puppy,” Spike snapped. He’d been on the receiving end of rejection too many times for her apologies and excuses to cushion the blow. “Don’t want your pity.”

Buffy’s head dropped into her hands, rubbing furiously at her eyes and her temples. “I didn’t… forget what you said. Before, about being the Slayer and – and needing someone who…” She took a breath. “I told him. I told Jacob.”

Spike busied himself with peeling the label off his bottle, balling up the bits of paper and throwing them on the floor. “How’d he take it?”

“Really well, actually.”

Spike snorted. “Yeah. Soldier boy took it well, too. Right up ’til he developed that big ol’ inferiority complex and had to get his rocks off with vampire whores.”

He knew as soon as the words left his mouth that he was going to pay for it. But she’d hurt him so badly, and maybe she didn’t intend to, but how was he supposed to feel, watching her kiss that blighter? Like having his guts ripped out, and he’d never been the type to sit back and let himself get thrashed. He couldn’t hit her with his fists, so he had to hurt her with words.

The anger surged up in her so quickly that Buffy had already punched him before she could decide whether she was really mad at Spike for saying it or Riley for doing it in the first place. “Don’t you – Leave him out of this!”

His head snapped back with her blow, and he shook it off slowly. “You’re right. Why learn from your mistakes when you can just make ’em all over again?”

“Riley wasn’t a mistake!”

“Is that so?” Spike made a show of looking around his crypt. “He’s not here though, is he, pet?”

Buffy’s rage boiled up under her skin, making her face flush. She fought it down, knowing he was deliberately provoking her. It would be easier for him if he could hate her, if she could just beat the affection of out him, but she knew by now that there was no limit to his love, and testing it would only make them both unhappy.

“There is a demon-summoning warlock out there stalking me,” she said, her voice low and intense. “I have a reporter trying to get the scoop on the Slayer, I can’t feed my little sister, or keep a roof over our heads, and not too long ago, my best friend tried to kill me in a vivid hallucination!” Her tone had risen until she was nearly shouting by the end, both out of frustration and an attempt to conceal the tremble of the tears she was holding back.

Spike couldn’t respond, momentarily too stunned that she’d called him her best friend to process anything else.

“So, no – maybe this isn’t the right decision. Maybe I’m fooling myself. But I don’t care,” Buffy said, realizing as she said it that her mind was more made up than she’d thought. She wasn’t stupid. She knew this wouldn’t solve her problems, and might even make them worse. But she wanted it. Wanted this guy. This life. “I am hanging on by a thread here, and I just want to be able to pretend – just for a little while – that I’m like every other girl. So, please, let me have this.”

“Fine,” Spike replied shortly. “Hope you enjoy your little fantasy.”

They stood in awkward silence for a moment, then Buffy ventured, “So… I guess that’s it, then. You’re not moving in.”

“Got that right,” he scoffed. More seriously, he added, “Look, Slayer, coulda handled you wantin’ to stay just friends. But this? Not gonna take a front-row seat to you bein’ with somebody else.”

“I know.” She drew in a breath. “I know. I should go.”

“Take the money.” Spike held out the cash again.

“I – I can’t accept this, Spike. It’s not fair.”

He thrust his hand at her with more force. “Take it, so your goddamned sister doesn’t starve.”

She looked at it for a moment, then snatched it out of his hand as though once she’d decided, she couldn’t bear to spend time dwelling on the transaction. She shoved the wad of bills in her pocket and hurried up the ladder, her face a portrait of self-loathing.

As she disappeared upstairs, Spike drained the last few swallows from his bottle of Jack, then, with an anguished growl, dashed the bottle against the crypt wall.

*****

“That’s crazy. So, we’re actually on a Hellmouth? Like, right now, we’re just standing on the mouth of hell. Just hanging out, and hey – there’s hell.”

“Well, technically, it’s under the high school,” Buffy corrected Jacob with a smile. “But yeah, you’ve got the general principle.”

“And that’s where all the vampires and demons come from.”

“They don’t actually come out of the Hellmouth. They’re kind of drawn here, by the evil.”

“Like moths to a flame,” Jacob mused.

“Evil moths. Evil flame. So, this is the Magic Box,” she said, stopping outside the shop. “Our friend Anya runs it. She’s an ex-vengeance demon, and she gets a little upset if you say something species-ist, so just be careful about that, okay?” As they headed inside, she continued, “This is kind of our headquarters, where we do research and plan and stuff.”

“It’s also a place of business,” Anya chimed in. “Please buy something.”

“That would be Anya.” Buffy stopped short as she realized the man whose purchases Anya was ringing up was Spike. She hadn’t seen him in the two days since their argument, and she really wished the first time didn’t have to be when Jacob was with her. It would seem like a deliberate slap in the face.

But there was nothing to be done about it now. “Hi,” she said hesitantly.

Jacob flashed Anya a smile, which quickly died away when he caught sight of Spike’s scowl trained on him. “Spike,” he said, uncertainty in his voice.

Spike opened his mouth to make a vicious retort, but Buffy’s pleading expression stopped him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, so softly that only his vampire hearing would pick it up. “Please, not here.”

He ran his eyes over her, his expression never changing. “Yeah,” he muttered, snatching up his bag.

“Thank you for not stealing!” Anya said to his retreating back. “And have a nice –” The basement door slammed shut. “…day.”

“The funny thing?” said Xander, reaching into a bakery box for a doughnut. “That was Spike being friendly.”

“This is Xander.” Buffy led Jacob over to the cluttered research table. “He’s Anya’s fiancé, and one of my best friends. He and Willow have been fighting vampires with me ever since I came to Sunnydale.”

“Hey, man, good to meet ya,” Xander said, wiping powdered sugar on his jeans before shaking Jacob’s hand.

“You fight vampires, too?” Jacob asked him. “What’s your special power?”

The other man looked sheepish. “Oh, uh…”

“Xander doesn’t need special powers,” Buffy jumped in. “He holds his own without any kind of powers.”

“I also provide much needed humor and carpentry,” he said with a smile.

Jacob leaned over and said, “So, tell me honestly, from one regular guy to another. Am I in over my head?”

Xander laughed. “I think we all are, a little bit, but Buffy’s got our backs.”

“That’s ’cause you guys’ve got mine.” She gave him a grateful look, and then turned back to Jacob. “Okay, come on, I’ll show you the back.”

Buffy took hold of Jacob’s hand and towed him toward the back room. “And this is the training room, where I… train.” She watched as he marveled at her assortment of weapons and training equipment. “Well, that’s everything. That’s the full tour.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many pointy weapons in one room before.”

“That’s just because you haven’t seen my bedroom yet.” Realizing what she said, Buffy turned a bright shade of pink. “That… wasn’t supposed to be sexy.”

“Duly noted.” He grinned at her. “So, you’ve got Willow and Tara, Xander and Anya, your what’s-it… Watcher, Giles, your sister…”

“Yep, that’s the gang. The Scoobies. I think Xander came up with the name back in high school.”

“Where does Spike fit in?”

She opened her mouth, but it took her a moment to recover her voice. “Spike? Uh, well, he’s kind of the muscle… I mean, sometimes he does research, too, but he’s really more of the fighting type.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “He, uh, has super strength like me, which is why I ask him to look out for Dawn a lot.”

“So, he’s kind of a guy Slayer?”

“Nooo, not… quite. He’s… different.” She hurried to the door. “Look, I don’t really wanna talk about Spike. Why don’t we go back out to the store?”

As she escorted him out, they found Giles waiting for them. “Buffy, I’m glad you’re here.”

“Hey, Giles. This is Jacob. Jacob, Giles, my Watcher.”

“Pleased to meet you, sir,” Jacob said, extending his hand.

Giles shook it, a look of puzzlement on his face. “Who – who are you?”

“We’re kinda dating,” Buffy reminded him. “This is our second first date. He’s coming over to cook dinner, but I wanted to bring him around to meet the gang first.”

“Ah, yes, of course,” Giles replied, still seeming troubled by the young man’s presence. “Well, it’s lovely to, uh… Buffy, may I speak to you for a moment?”

“If this is the secret identity talk again, save it. The people who are in my life have a right to know who I am.”

Giles looked mildly startled, but he nodded. “Yes, of course, Buffy. If you feel it’s… anyway, there is another matter. This is – well, I’ve spoken to the Council, and – they asked me to give you this.” He held out a plain white envelope.

Buffy’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. “What is this, more ridiculous orders from on high, destined to get me killed? Or maybe a letter of recommendation for my next temp job? ‘Slays well with others, but has difficulty with authority.’”

“There aren’t going to be any more temp jobs,” he replied. “I mean, unless you particularly enjoyed them…” He trailed off at her expression of wonder.

“Giles, what – is this what…?”

He nodded. “Your first paycheck. Go on, open it.”

“All right, Buff. It’s about time!” said Xander.

“Oh, Giles…” She tore open the envelope and looked at the check. “I can’t believe this.”

“I had hoped to get it to you sooner,” Giles explained. “When you first came to me about your money troubles. But it took a bit of work to convince the Council, of course.”

Buffy’s face broke into a huge grin and she threw her arms around him, eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “Giles… I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

*****

“You gonna put that in the bank, or just look at it?”

Buffy glanced up from the breakfast bar, where her fingers were tracing the edges of her paycheck. “I’m thinking of framing it. If it weren’t for all those bills…”

“Hard to spend when it’s hanging on the wall,” Jacob pointed out, chopping vegetables for dinner.

“You don’t realize what this is… The Watchers’ Council – well, they’ve always seen the Slayer as their property, a weapon. Not much better than a slave, really. To actually get a paycheck, it’s…”

“Pretty special. But from what Willow told me, it sounds like you’ve always been a pretty special Slayer.”

Buffy snatched a piece of carrot from the cutting board and popped it in her mouth. “What’s Will been saying?”

“How you’re different from all the other Slayers, because you have friends and family, and you let them help you. You do things your way, instead of taking orders.”

“I’m her favorite Slayer. She likes to brag.”

“You’re my favorite, too,” he said, leaning over for a kiss. He could feel her smile under his lips, and he kissed her again. They’d just started to gravitate towards each other, lips parting as the kiss deepened, when the slamming of the front door interrupted them.

“Hey, Dawnie,” Buffy greeted her sister as she stomped into the kitchen. “You remember Jacob, right?”

“We met briefly,” said Jacob. “When I picked your sister up for a date?”

“Hi,” Dawn said suspiciously.

“It’s nice to see you again, Dawn,” Jacob tried.

“Yeah.” She turned to go but Buffy stopped her.

“How was school?”

“The usual. Pain, death, boredom.”

Buffy nodded with the sage wisdom of experience. “Well, that’s high school on the Hellmouth. Don’t go anywhere. Jacob’s making dinner tonight.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Dawn…” Buffy warned.

“I’m not hungry!”

“We’ll be right back,” she told Jacob, grabbing Dawn by the elbow and dragging her out to the living room.

“You’re hurting me,” Dawn whined, yanking her arm out of Buffy’s grasp. “Non-superpowers girl here, remember?”

“This is a nice gesture that Jacob’s doing. Would you try to act like you appreciate it?”

“I’m really just not hungry. Spike just took me for ice cream.”

Buffy sighed. Of course he did. Leave it to Spike to manage indirect sabotage of a perfectly good evening. “Would you please just be nice? For me?”

Dawn crossed her arms over he chest. “Is he the reason Spike’s not moving in?”

“That was Spike’s decision, not mine.”

“It’s because of him.”

Buffy hesitated. “Yes.”

“I’d rather have Spike.”

“Spike will still be around. You haven’t even given Jacob a chance,” Buffy insisted. “Please, Dawn. Don’t make this hard.” She gave her sister a knowing smile. “There’s something in the kitchen I think you’ll want to see.”

Dawn looked grumpy, but curious. “What?”

“Guess who’s finally getting paid for being a Slayer.”

Dawn squealed. “No!”

“Yes!” Buffy swept her up in a hug and spun her around. “Giles gave me my first paycheck.”

“Can we go shopping?”

“Dinner first.”

*****

Spike was already well on his way to an alcohol-induced haze, so he wasn’t aware that a woman had approached him until a familiar voice said, “Is this seat taken?”

He glanced up to see Susan Rodriguez leaning coyly on the bar stool next to him. He raised one eyebrow and gestured for her to take it, so she slid onto the stool, conspicuously brushing against him as she did.

“What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” Spike asked, gazing around at the mostly demon patrons of the bar.

“I’m a reporter,” she replied, her voice like honey. “I go where the story is. But your concern is appreciated.” Straightening her posture, she added in a more aloof tone, “And by the way, I made it out of the woods just fine after that demon attack. Thanks for asking.”

Spike shrugged. “Got a bit distracted that night. ’Sides, I figure Buffy woulda said something if you hadn’t shown up for work.”

“Mmm, and how are things with Buffy lately?” she asked. “She come to her senses yet?”

Spike ground his teeth, wondering if she knew, if Buffy had mentioned the new boyfriend at the newspaper office, and Susan was using it to get what she wanted. “Not as such, no.”

“Shame.” He felt her hand slide up his thigh, and then a gentle squeeze sent an involuntary pulse of desire to his groin.

Spike eyed her appraisingly. “If it’s a story you’re after, pet, I’m not feeling very chatty.”

Susan smiled and leaned in close enough so that he could feel her hot breath on his neck, her other hand resting on his back. “I’m not looking for information.” Her fingers tightened again on his thigh.

“All right, then,” Spike replied, his jaw set with determination. He turned his head toward her, and his face lit up with a charming, seductive smile. “Can I buy you a drink?”