Voices In My Head

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She was walking through a dark alley, houses looming over her on both sides. There was noise all around and the faint light of a raging fire lit up the night sky. She could hear screams far away but here, it was quiet. She came out into a clearing and spotted a small Chinese girl, dressed in ragged trousers and a shirt, a knife gripped in her hand.

“Slayer,” a voice whispered and the girl fell into a fighting stance, her mouth set in determination.

And suddenly she was moving forward, towards the girl, this Slayer. The girl said something to her in her own language and she frowned but continued on and felt a tug of a smile on her lips. It was like someone else was in control of her body. Something shifted in her and then she was flying forward towards the girl. She struck and she felt the girl’s head snap back with the blow. The fight was on. She found herself laughing as she moved, ducking the Slayer’s blow and kicking her legs out from underneath her. It was a good fight but she could tell the girl was weakening.

Nevertheless, she struck out with the knife and she felt herself hit and raised her hand to her face. When she pulled her hand back, it was covered in blood- and to her horror, she moved her fingers to her mouth. Once again, someone else seemed to be in control. She found herself flying at the girl again, more viciously than before and in no time, the girl was overcome. She had the girl in hands that didn’t seem like hers and was staring at the back of her neck. She squirmed in horror again as she leant forward and bit into the girl’s neck. She could feel the blood running down her throat and felt herself sickening- even though whoever was in charge of her body was definitely enjoying the meal. Finally, the girl was released to sag to the floor and she looked up to see Drusilla smiling at her.



Buffy started up in bed, breathing heavily as she hugged the sheets to herself. What the hell kind of crazy dream was that? She knew from the things around her in the dream that she had seen something in the past- but it was not her past. Someone else had definitely been in control. And she had a horrible feeling that she knew just who that person was. But why was she dreaming Spike’s past? Maybe it was just an after-effect of Willow’s spell. She was sure it would go away soon.


Knowing that she would not sleep after that dream, she climbed out of bed as quietly as she could, hoping not to wake Willow, and made her way along to the communal kitchen. It was still dark outside and she sat at the counter, a glass of water in her hand, staring out into the darkness.



She walked forward, her arm looped around the form next to her. They made their way to another pair- Angelus and Darla.

“My little Spike just killed ‘imself a Slayer,” Drusilla purred and she felt herself moving into Drusilla’s touch, even as her eyes fixed on Angelus’s.


She started out of the memory, dropping the glass she was holding and causing the water to spill out all over the counter. She scrambled to get a cloth and cleaned up the mess with a shaking hand. She knew what she had seen was a continuation of her dream and it worried her that this was carrying over into her waking mind. What the hell was going on?


She made her way back to the room and was glad to see that Willow was up and about when she got back.

“Morning, Buff.”

“Hey.”

She moved to her bed and sat on it, hugging a cushion to herself as Willow went about making her bed.

“Will, can I talk to you?”

“Sure,” Willow exclaimed, turning to her and settling on her own bed opposite Buffy, “What’s up?”

“It’s about the spell.”

She saw Willow’s face drop and frowned as her friend burst forth with an apology.

“I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean for any of that to happen. I can do the forgetting spell if you want?”

“No, Will, it’s fine. Really. I just…do you know if there are any after-effects?”

“Like what?”

“Like…well, I had this weird dream. I think I was reliving Spike’s past.”

“Oh.”

“That’s not normal?” she asked worriedly.

“Well, I- I don’t know. I never…I didn’t think there’d be after-effects. Maybe we should call Giles.”

“No!” she got out quickly, “I…Maybe it’ll just go away.”

“Okay… If you’re sure.”

She nodded and Willow smiled, rising to her feet and moving to her desk. She gave a sigh and collapsed back on her bed. This thing would surely stop in no time and she’d be back to normal. She hoped.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She sat in her psychology lecture but could not absorb anything of what Professor Walsh was saying. Her eyes drifted around the room and rested momentarily on the figure of Riley Finn. Well, whatever chance she had with him was well and truly blown after her meeting with him whilst under Willow’s spell. He thought she was engaged to some older guy called Spike. She sighed and went to turn her head away but just at that point, as if sensing her eyes on him, he looked up and caught her gaze. Frozen, she could do nothing but stare and before she could bring herself to smile or react normally, he smiled and lowered his head again and she sighed. Why hadn’t her friends kept her in Giles’s house while she’d been stuck under that spell? But then, separating her and Spike was probably a better plan, what with all the slobbering all over each other.



“D’you like it?” he asked, his eyes fixed on her as she turned the ring on her finger.

“It’s…beautiful. And it reminds me of you.”

He smiled and leant up to kiss her, his mouth cool against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him closer as his hands rested on her waist.

“Eww! Stop it!”

She reluctantly drew away from her fiancé at Xander’s voice and smiled at him apologetically before she turned to her friend, ever aware of Spike’s cool fingers against her skin as he slipped his hand under her top.



“Buffy, the lecture’s over.”

She started and turned to Willow in surprise, looking around at the quickly-emptying room.

“Are you okay?” Willow asked worriedly.

“I…I’m fine,” she murmured, gathering her belongings together. After-effect, that’s all this is. It’ll go away soon. With a smile at her friend, she led the way out of the room. As she was leaving, she spotted Riley just in front of them.

“Will, I gotta go fix something.”

Willow looked towards Riley and smiled knowingly, before turning in the opposite direction. Buffy rushed over to Riley and called out to him.

“Riley!”

He turned to her and she was glad to see a genuine smile cross his face.

“Hi.”

“Hey. I just wanted to say sorry for the other night. I was a bit…excited.”

“Yeah, well, engagement and all.”

“About that…erm…it was nothing. Just a…a joke, you know?”

“A joke?”

“Yeah. I’m not really engaged.”

“Who’s Spike then?”

“Just some guy. Not even a friend. I…sorry.”

“I’m still a bit confused, but hey, I’ll deal,” Riley commented with a smile, “So, did you want to go out somewhere tomorrow night?”

“That’d be good.”

“Cool. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

“Great. See you then.”

With a smile, she turned and made her way back to the dorm, a skip in her step. Things were getting back on track.


Riley was spot on time and she smiled as she opened the door and spotted the flowers he had brought.

“Here. For you.”

“Oh, wow. Thanks!”

She smiled and invited him in as she tried to find something suitable to use as a vase.

“They’re beautiful,” she remarked, smiling as she found a tall glass and placed the flowers in them. She turned back to him then and moved towards him.

“Shall we get going?”

Her hand was on the door but he stopped her with a hand at her arm.

“Buffy, wait.”

She turned to him expectantly and was surprised when he leant down and kissed her hesitantly. She smiled against his lips though and kissed him back eagerly, her hands on his arms. He parted from her with a soft smile and she looped her arm through his as they left the room. She could feel something gnawing at the back of her mind- something like boredom- but she shook it away, focussing on the man next to her.


The Bronze was packed as usual and she sat with Riley at one of the only free tables, watching the crowd with a smile.

“This place is packed!” Riley shouted, leaning close to her to be heard over the music.

“It’s always like this, trust me.”

He laughed and his hand just rested against her back as he took a sip of his drink. She could feel eyes on them though- on her- and the tingling in the back of her neck told her exactly who was watching them.

Could you have found anyone more boring, Slayer?

She shook her head, unnerved by Spike’s voice, clear as anything inside her head. Well, that’s probably what he would say. She refused to look for him though and instead let her hand rest on Riley’s leg as she leant in towards him.

“D’you wanna dance?”

“Sure,” he replied with a smile and got to his feet, taking her hand in his as she got to hers.

Bet cardboard’s more exciting than him.

She frowned but when Riley turned back to her, she smiled and moved closer to him, moving to the music. She raised her arms in the air, moving to the music as Riley’s hand rested on her hip, her eyes fluttering shut.



She was looking across the dancefloor, her eyes fixed on a blonde head. The figure moved and she saw her own face, younger, brighter, flushed from the dance.



She jolted back to reality and shook her head, unable to stop her eyes from moving up to the causeway above the club. And sure enough, there was Spike, surrounded by a billow of smoke. For just a few moments, their eyes met and she saw that annoying smirk spread across his face and quickly turned back to Riley.

“You okay?” Riley called out, moving closer to her.

“Fine,” she answered with a wide smile and she moved closer, wrapping her arms around his neck as they danced.

Trying too hard, Slayer. Obviously didn’t learn from the last time.

She froze as the voice sped through her head and glared up at the causeway before dropping her eyes, a frown on her face.

“Buffy?”

She raised her gaze to Riley and forced a weak smile.

“I think I need a drink.”

He nodded, his face a picture of concern, and took her hand to lead her over to the bar. She found her eyes flicking to the causeway once again and she frowned. She had to figure out what was going on, and soon.