One Step Forwards, Two Steps Back

((A/N: Please don't hate me!!))
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She climbed the familiar steps, as always ignoring the jeers and catcalls, and knocked on the door. After a few seconds, it opened and Riley appeared, obviously taken aback to see her.

“Buffy.”

“Hey,” she answered softly, “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” he murmured dazedly, stepping back to let her in.

She moved into the room and perched on his desk chair with a slight smile as he settled on the bed opposite her.

“How are you?” he asked politely.

“I’m fine. You?”

“Yeah, good. A bit, you know, lost. A lot of free time with no Initiative-stuff to do.”

She smiled wryly and fixed her eyes on him.

“Riley...I, err, I owe you an apology about...before.”

His eyes rose to hers, watching her intently.

“I was a bit...tense, you know. What with Adam...and Spike bugging the hell out of me.”

“Willow told me the claim...it’s gone.”

“Pretty much,” she admitted, continuing with forced cheerfulness, “I’m so glad I don’t have to listen to every single thought he has anymore.”

Riley smiled and she reached out to take his hand in hers.

“I’d really like if we could at least be friends,” she murmured, “And, you know, you could help with patrol...if you wanted something to do.”

“I’d like that.”

She smiled softly and slowly retracted her hand from his.

“I guess I’ll see you soon.”

“Definitely.”

He conducted her to the door and when the door finally shut behind her, she let out a sigh of relief.



Her next port of call was her friends. As usual, they were taking up space in Giles’ house, doing nothing in particular.

“Hey Buff!” Xander greeted her as she came through the door, “How’s it going?”

“I’m good.”

“You look worried. Sure all is well?”

“Oh yeah, I’m good, promise. I just...I went to see Riley. Mainly to apologise.”

“Riley?” Willow repeated, picking up on their conversation.

“Yeah. I kinda...missed him, you know. I know he wasn’t ultra-sensitive guy about the claim thing, but now it’s gone.”

“You think you might get back together?”

She gave a careful shrug as her heart clenched in pain.

“Maybe. It might be...nice.”


“Well, he’s still really into you,” Willow exclaimed with a smile, “And I think he missed you too.”

“Well, we’ll see what happens. I’m just happy to go with the flow.”
And try to forget about an amazing night spent with the man I really love.



They were in the Bronze later that night and she forced a wide smile when Riley joined them at their table, even as she felt her heart sinking. Her plan was working sure enough- and breaking her heart in the process. When Riley asked her to dance, she plastered on another soft smile, throwing a glance at her beaming friends, and took his hand, letting him lead her onto the dancefloor. She forced herself to stay close to him as she danced, even when his hand came to rest on her waist and made her want to cringe. She had to do this. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath- and was bombarded with images of the night before. She quickly snapped her eyes open again, trying to calm her pounding heart. Then, Riley was speaking to her, his mouth close to her ear.

“I really missed you, Buffy.”

“I...I missed you too,” she lied, moving into his embrace.

His arms wound round her, cradling her against him, and she wrapped her arms loosely around him, resting her head against his shoulder. She forced her body to relax but refused to look at him, keeping her eyes on the crowd. And then she felt it- that tingle at the back of her neck- and she knew Spike was watching her.

She didn’t want to see him but somehow her eyes singled him out in the crowd: leaning against a wall, the light of his cigarette illuminating his features, his blonde hair standing out from the darkness around him. And even though she didn’t want to see it, she didn’t miss that pain and anger in his eyes, mixed with something that might have been understanding. She dragged her eyes away from him, her whole body tense. She was doing this for both of them.



She should have known she’d have to face him: she just didn’t expect to be confronted just outside Giles’ the next night.

“Slayer,” he ground out, stepping into her path.

“Spike, I don’t have time for this.”

“Can’t bear to be away from Captain Cardboard?”

“Get out of my way,” she answered, pushing him out of the way and getting a few steps closer to Giles’ door before he caught her arm, stopping her.

“What are you doing, Slayer?”

“You only asked for one night. You had one night. That’s it.”

He seemed stunned by her words and for a long moment, said nothing. She took the moment to pull her arm free, turning towards the door.

“Never knew you were a slut.”

She tensed at his words, trying to resist the urge to hit him.

“Never knew you were this pathetic.”

She moved forward but he caught her arm again, spinning her around to face him, his features dark with anger.

“Bitch.”

“Oh, sorry. Expected me to be all over you, right? Last night was just wrong,” she bit out, hating herself with every word.

“You felt something, I know you did,” he got out, his voice unsteady and she hated herself for that flash of pain and uncertainty in his eyes.

“Yeah, I felt pity. That was it.”

His eyes flashed with pain and she tore her arm away.

“You bitch. You’re lying. This is just wrong.”

He was confused and angry but she was already at the door, opening it and turning back to him.

“Boo hoo. Go write a poem about it, William.”

He recoiled as if she’d slapped him and she slammed the door shut on his face, holding back a wave of sickness in her stomach.

“What on earth was that about?”

She jumped at the sound of Giles’ voice and spun round to face the group in the living room.

“Nothing,” she lied, “I just really hate him.”