BSV Forum - General - Off-Topic

Internet Dating..

Feb 27 2007 06:26 am   #1Spikes Slayer2

hmm.. well i think this is pretty off topic.. shoot me if im not supposed to put this in here..

 

Ive been talking to this guy on the internet for a few months, we've exchanged photos and mobile numbers and things are going great. We seem to have clicked (no pun intended ) and im meeting him at the end of the month.. Unfortunately we dont live in the same place, in fact we live about 12hours drive away from each other.. He wants to give the whole long distance thing a try and so do i but he told me today he wasnt sure about it because he doesnt want to see me get hurt. What is he thinking? Im so lost.. torn between these feelings i have for him and the not having a relationship because of distance thing...

I need your advice guys... and girls... Tell me what i should do..

 

SS2

"If i lay here; if i just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?" - snow patrol
Feb 27 2007 06:40 am   #2Blood Faerie

Well, I've had the good and the bad. My ex-bf Tim was an RPing buddy of mine who I met because his previous gf had lived near me and he came to meet her, and then swung by to visit me. So I met him offline once be we dated and stuff, and he visited me a few times and once flew me up there.

But, I once had an online bf who was dating me and was going to visit and kept putting it off, and giving excuses. Then I found out it was because he was 15 yrs older than what he told me (which was a big difference at the time when I was 20 and he said he was in his 20s but turned out he was in his 30s, you know?) So yeah, I dunno what to tell you, so don't get mad. I'm just saying that because I always get suspicious when someone starts giving me excuses, but he may be telling the truth so I'm not trying to be the bitch telling you to dump him.

Unfortunately, we had big vampires in the next room, and I didn't think they'd wait while we had hot monkey sex. ~Cerulean Sins :: (Anita to Jean-Claude)“Is there anything your bloodline does that doesn’t involve getting naked?" ~Danse Macabre :: I’m dating three men, living with two more, and having occasional sex with two others. That’s seven men. I’m like a pornographic Snow White. I think seven is plenty. ~Danse Macabre
Feb 27 2007 07:05 am   #3Eowyn315

Hmm... I have to be honest, I've never had good experiences with internet dating. I was possibly thisclose to being one of those statistics you see on 20/20 when I got involved with a guy I met on a forum. He lived completely across the country (he was from Seattle, I was living in NJ) so I never actually met him - thank goodness! I later found out that he was a creep who'd tried to initiate relationships with other women on the forum and had a tendency to get stalkerish if rebuffed. Needless to say, I ended things, and am no longer a part of that forum, but you really just never know about people.

I did have a less movie-of-the-week experience, but it didn't really turn out any better. The guy and I hit it off really well, we met in person and still liked each other, but he was a lot older than me, and I didn't want to tell my parents about him - both because of the age thing and because they wouldn't like me dating a guy I met online. So eventually, he broke it off because I wouldn't "come clean" - which was totally my personal issue, but still, a general lesson to keep in mind. The relationship changes when it goes from online to real life - and if you're not prepared for that, you might get hurt.

I'm not a fan of long-distance relationships in general, regardless of how you met, because I want my honey around to cuddle up with! But if you think you can do it, that's your decision. It seems like things are long-distance for you now - how does that feel? Are you satisfied with talking to him on the phone/online and only seeing him occasionally? If you are, go for it. If you think you'll want more, maybe hold off on the long-distance thing.

A few words of precaution - it sounds like you're meeting him for the first time, right? Chances are, he's exactly who he says he is, but if you bring a friend (just in case) he ought to respect that. I may sound overly suspicious - and possibly hypocritical, since I do spend time getting to know people on forums and communities like this - but I've met dozens of people from those communities, and none of them have been weirded out that I brought my mom or a friend along. And I'm not dead yet, so I say bravo for me.

Writing should feel easy, like a monkey driving a speed boat.
Feb 27 2007 07:24 am   #4Blood Faerie

Yeah, the one I found out was lying to me... its a good thing he was too chicken, huh? And had also found out afterwards that several other girls from our online community were in different stages of "dating" him, as in still being wooed or were dating for awhile... and we all had that "John Tucker Must Die" moment of finding out about one another.

Unfortunately, we had big vampires in the next room, and I didn't think they'd wait while we had hot monkey sex. ~Cerulean Sins :: (Anita to Jean-Claude)“Is there anything your bloodline does that doesn’t involve getting naked?" ~Danse Macabre :: I’m dating three men, living with two more, and having occasional sex with two others. That’s seven men. I’m like a pornographic Snow White. I think seven is plenty. ~Danse Macabre
Feb 27 2007 09:12 am   #5Diabola

To add some positive expiriences here: One of my exes was someone I met online (albeit not via a dating-chat or anything), and we were together for two years. My boss meet his girlfriend on one of those single-websites, they have been together for about six years now, lived together for five, have a two year old son - and seem to be very happy.

But I think you were mostly asking about his "first yes, then no" comments about having a long distance relationship, right? Guess the best thing you can do it try and talk to him about it. Ask why he thinks you'd get hurt by that, and if you think he's being silly, then make that clear to him. My sis's ex at first refused to get together for the same reason, and she didn't understand his reasoning either. Without getting him to explain himself, it's impossible to know where something like that is coming from. Has he seen someone struggle with a long distance relationship? Is he covering up for the fact that HE is scared of getting hurt? Is he trying to make excuses? Could be any of a whole bunch of reasons, and as long as you don't know WHY he is suddenly worrying about the long distance thing, you won't know how to react.

Good luck.

Btw, considering this part of the forum is called "Off-topic", I'd say it's the perfect place for an off-topic question. No reason to worry.

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits." - Albert Einstein
Feb 27 2007 10:59 pm   #6The Space Between

My last two exes were introduced to me via the internet.

My sons' father and I were together for 4 years and my most recent ex and I were together for two and a half.

It all depends on the people and how much communicating you do. Talk to him, find out his reasons...it might just be a case of cold feet on his part or he could be hiding something. Either way, talk talk talk talk talk and then decide.

~*~ The Powers offer no sympathy for the way things are...Human deeds are left in human hands. It's what one does with what's left that makes any difference ~*~ Jenny Calander as created by HollyDB
Feb 28 2007 02:00 am   #7Immortal Beloved

I actually met my husband online almost 7 years ago.  It was through an online dating site that doesn't even exist anymore.  We talked on the phone A LOT before meeting in person.  We were actually 800 miles apart at the time.  We ended up meeting in a totally different state than either of us lived in, but I actually knew that I wanted to marry him before I even met him in person. After that, we traveled back and forth until I couldn't take it anymore and moved to be with him.  I have another friend who met her husband on the same website.

It depends on the two people whether or not it can end up working, but that's actually true no matter how people meet.  If he's getting cold feet, he might be afraid of what you'll think of him in person.  If you do end up meeting in person, just be safe and careful.  I met my husband before the psychos figured out that they could meet people via the internet

Give me Spuffy, or give me death.
Feb 28 2007 04:43 am   #8Spikes Slayer2

wow, thanks for all the advice guys!

I am being careful and im not trying to rush into this and i am taking a friend when i meet him. Its hard to explain, but i just know that he's not a psyco or anything.. i cant reall explain it.. its just one of those things that you KNOW..

we have talked and talked and talked and talked. On the phone for at least an hour at a time and on the net.. Plus messaging until ungodly hours of the morning..

 

hmm.. im still thinking about it, thanks again guys

"If i lay here; if i just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?" - snow patrol
Feb 28 2007 08:48 am   #9Guest

Long distance thing never works, firstly when you want to see him or when he wants to see you; you have to either chat or talk via phone and no matter what people says you cannot live a relationship online, it probably won't work. On the other hand not all relationships have to work, if you can be happy with the time you spend together and not care for the other stuff I don't think it will be a disaster, I mean as long as you don't fall for the guy. And of course there is a cheating on thing. I don't want to be a shovenist idiot but come on no man can be faitful in a long distance relationship.

But every relation has its problems, and you cannot be happy without taking risks.

Take care;

Sour