Hmm. I'm not sure who I agree with here. Buffy is really showing some strength by not talking to them and not relying on their opinions. However, in a way, she isn't, because she is't really saying "No, I have a different opinion," she's simply not giving them an opportunity to voice theirs at all, so she doesn't have to actually disagree with them.
However, Spike is sort of doing the same thing - pushing her to so something she doesn't watnt to to. Is he, therefore, any better than her friends? They are trying to control her out of love for her as well, aren't they?
I do happen to think she needs to talk to Dawn, at least - if only to tell her that she's OK and just needs some time to process. Dawn hasn't shown the same controlling tendencies as the rest of the Europe contingent of Scoobies. Of course, if Dawn was in on keeping information from Buffy, that's going to be REALLY bad, but it doesn't really strike me as very likely.
Buffy has a hard time seeing that there is another option besides the two her black-or-white vision gives her. She needs to understand that there's a middle ground between shutting her friends out completely, and letting them utterly steamroll and manipulate her. It's not either/or, and she still needs help figuring that out. Likewise she has some funny ideas about what it means to be strong, or to be independent, and needs to work on those concepts too.
Spike's point of view is primarily that of a person who needs, needs, needs to belong and to care for the people around him. He's just lost everyone from Angel's crew and can't imagine taking friends or family for granted, which is how he's interpreting Buffy's behavior. He's trying to encourage Buffy to adopt that middle ground, where she lets her friends in but doesn't defend her every choice to them.
Does Buffy want to do this? No, of course not. Denial is her ocmfort zone, after all. But does she need to? Spike has always understood her at least as well as she understands herself, and far better than the Scoobies are known for understanding Buffy at all. There's a reason he was getting those messages that "she needs you", and most of that reason is showing up right here.
Thanks for a great review!
...I was going to address your point about the scene itself, but I'm too busy glowing.
Stonking update. If we needed proof Spike was really back, we have it now and he's not even upto full strength yet. Buffy needs someone to tell her how it is and sometimes make her face her fears. Luckily Spike'll be happy to face them with her. Wonder what Dawn's upto...Loved it.