I hope Buffy doesn't believe Angel's misguided beliefs.

A brave move by Buffy and it may just set her on the right path.

Sorry I missed this one. Just haven't been online that much lately. I saw your new update and had to read it. Of course you know it's been a favorite of mine since the first chapter. Don't know why the show never took into consideration that Spike could have had them all killed by other means, if he chose to. It will always to a sore spot for me and having Angel put his two cents worth in, is just infuriating. Still keep my fingers crossed for them and a family. Great work, thanks.

I had to read this story from start to finish! it took me two days to finish this (life gets in the way LOL but that still is fast) and i cant even begin to express my love for this story! i wanted to cry, scream, groan in fustration but it was so beautifully written. the details and the way you can explain things were so real. the love was so beautifully done, and i cried for spike in ch 45 i believe its when he breaks down and crys in front of dawn. arr i just over all love it and cant wait for an update! u have so much talent its beautiful! gah love it! my favorite spuffy story by far.
-gaby

Finally!!! Angel mans up about it!!!

Oh, she wants him alright, who wouldn't? ;)

Awesome chapter. Even now Angel tries to control what Buffy thinks...

I mean really can anyone stay out of Buffy's business. And I was so pissed that she would go and see Angel. If anything he just helped to push the Council's view of demons with no soul down her throat. She knows in her heart the truth about William/Spike. She just has to open herself to the real possiblity. Great chapter.

"...his battered face beautiful in the strangest way."

Covered in sexy wounds, huh? ;-) Totatlly pictured Spike's face in the elevator after Glory's torture session.

Buffy's dream: I love dreams. I took an honest-to-god Freudian dream interpretation class in school (I know that most people these days poo-poo Freud, but, on some things, he knew what he was talking about). A dream is not simply the fulfillment of a wish. If dreams were all the fulfillment of a wish, then all of them would leave us feeling warm and fuzzy. They don’t. Dreams are an attempt to fulfill a wish. A struggle between two things is often the focus of a dream. Obviously, Buffy’s struggling between the ideas that Spike is or is not her William. Is Spike a demon that wears the face of the man she loves, or is he William harboring a demon? Deep, deep, deep…deep down, Buffy knows he’s still in there. Buffy’s dream suggests that her subconscious knows it to be possible. Now, all we have to do is convince her not-so-sub conscious :-P

Buffy confronts Angel: When I read this, I think I heard a collective “FINALLY!” from the mouths of every Spuffy shipper on the planet. We all know that his I’m-not-Angelus routine is a load of transparent crap :crap: The show never tackled the issue, and it’s nice to see it in print if not on screen :-)

I’ve got many, many ideas about the whole human, soulless vampire, souled vampire issue, but those are waaaaaay too complicated to get into here. But you did bring up something that I hadn’t previously thought of. It’s possible that both the human’s abilities to love and to hate stay intact when vamped: "The part that had hated. Yet…it wasn’t just hate was it?... 'What about the part that loved?'"

I always looked at it as one or the other. Probably because of Angel and Spike. Soulless Angel was a sick bastard. I always felt that Angel’s grasp on good--even with a soul--was tenuous at best. After all, Liam wasn’t exactly an altar boy…or maybe, he was, but not in the figurative sense :-P Spike, on the other hand, loved just as deeply with or without a soul, as a human or as a vampire (I love him :happy: ) The idea that the abilities to love and to hate are both inside at the same time opens up a whole realm of stuff: Did Angel(us) still love Buffy when his soul took a vacation? Was it his love for her that made his soulless self hate her? Did he hate her because she made him love? How does Angel or Spike decide which one—love or hate—has the reigns at any given moment? Does choosing love or hate determine their ability to control the demon, or is it all a crapshoot? So thought provoking.

"'Do you think Spike is any different?'"

Damn skippy, he’s different ;-) Angel(us) would choose hate over love anytime. Spike, on the other hand, can’t even help but to love the Slayer whom he’s supposed to hate :-P

Playing catch-up yet again.

Giles and the Scoobies are being their typical delightful selves! Thank god for Tara and Anya (and Dawn, of course).

I am actually stunned that Angel told her the truth, or close enough to it. I would have put money on him trying to perpetuate the lie.

I'm glad Buffy is starting to realise that William and Spike are, to some extent at least, still the same man. Obviously time and experiences have changed him somewhat from the man she knew, but that would be true of anyone.

Poor Spike is hurting, but that was ineviatble, wasn't it? *cuddles him*

Looking forward to seeing where you go from here... I am hoping that they can start the healing and getting back together process... but I don't imagine you are going to make it that easy on us. LOL

You are killing me with this story, in a good way, but still!

And yet another chapter to add to the reasons why I think this is one of the best pieces of fan fiction out there.

So amazing!

For the first bit, all I can say is this: I still have faith :)

And Angel...I always suspected that Angelus was hellbent on destroying Buffy not just because of the humanity/love thing, but because he killed Darla, the woman he loved first, for her. Great dialogue and explanations.

terrific last three chapters - so glad that I waited awhile before checking the updates - so nice to have more than one new part of this story to read. This work just keeps getting better and better - Hope that Spike's early vampire days and his desparate longing and love for Elizabeth will eventually find their way into the current era.

Glad to see that the theme of how much of the human and vampire are connected is being explored - I never accepted that there could have been so much separation between the human and demon nor the use that Angel made of his ensouled state to excuse many of his actions - particularly as souled humans are just as capable of acts of total horror and destruction to life. The Soul for me in the series always took the form of the potential for all people to live from their best part vs the primative instinct as well as the force that is vital for the development of humanity into a higher level of exsistence, both in their individual life and as part of the social structures of their societies.

Sure hope that you have another update soon -

wowsa! Buffy is making some real moves right now. I really love her in this chapter, and thus far I havent since part on of this enchanting tale! Excellent job as always, and SO SOON! I can't wait for more!

if she could only understand, all of him belongs to her. but then this fine read would be much shorter and that would be a tragedy. very good chapter, thank you.

i love love love this story!!! this chapter was great...i wish they had something like this on the show. can't wait for more!

Awesome! Love where this story has gone since i last read it - been out of action for a while hence the lack of reviews. Really loved what has happened to Spike, the bits of canon threaded in. also love the reunion, so very good!

Awww, man, you stopped. Grrrr UB. I really enjoyed this chapter. Angel finally coming clean... yay! Though I wish Buffy punched him in the nose for lying, that would have been priceless. Though she did see Spike in action before the chip. He was around her mother alone and didn't try to kill her, he helped her stop Angelus. So she's seen just a small bit that he can do without the chip.

Can't wait until she returns to SunnyD and what comes next. I hope she goes and speaks with Spike.

Can't wait for more!

As light dawns on marble heads. Well, Buffy's anyway. The rest of the Scoobies, not so much. Let's see what she does with the information.

Oh the big question ...as everything seems to coalesce in Buffy's mind. And it seems to me that Angel is still controlling! Where does he get off?! I hope Spike has words with him somewhere along.

As light dawns on marble heads. Well, Buffy's anyway. The rest of the Scoobies, not so much. Let's see what she does with the information.

She wants to know the truth of history, so she goes to ANGEL?? Just talk to Spike, you ninny!!!

Okay, reading rest of chapter...

Whee!!!! He admitted it!!!! Ah, but Angel, you're wrong about Spike....you're not counting what he would do for love, and frankly, you know he'd do anything for love. Spike would go back if he had no other course, no other options.....but if Buffy makes him an offer...he'll rise to be anything she wants.

Ooo, ooo, ooo, you gotta continue!!! Will she talk to him now? Give him a chance to just tell the story of his past? Just listen? Spike's like a mirror...if you come to him calm and respectful, he'll give that back. If you're hostile, he'll rise to meet it. Eeeee!

wowsers.
powerful stuff you've got going on in this chapter. Buffy leaving her friends, Angel's words...lots to think about while we wait for an update.
Love thought-provoking reading!

Very intersting turn of events. I'm really pleased to see Angel admitting his deceptions; I think this is the first time I've ever seen anything like this conversation in a story and it's qite a relief. I like the way you are getting her to look at the hard issues. Great saga; thanks!

I continue to be completely enchanted with this story. The dream sequence is killer. The interaction with Angel very in keeping with his character I thought, and your attempt to reconcile canon's take on the effects of soul (whether it's absolutely necessary for change in a vampire like Angel, or hardly at all as with Spike) is certainly a believable one. Points for tackling the issue. Most writers skirt around such points of contention, whereas you turn it into a handy plot device :)

It means something, it means something!!! Ok, I'm done shouting at Buffy through the computer. Never does any good anyway. It's good to see Angel living up to his champion status and telling the truth. Oh, and "...the dimmest, slightest spark of something that might have been hope." Almondy goodness, or a hint of greater things to come? Guess we'll have to wait until we see the end of that cliffhanger sentence...

Second update in a week! And Buffy's beginning to have a breakthrough...finally. And I love what you did with the Angel scene.

Interesting conversation, and of course Angel sees it all only from his own point of view. Too bad Buffy didn't ask him about Spike in the early days.

I squealed in delight when I saw the update. I'm sooo glad that Buffy is starting to question the black/white area and realize William is still in there (and to know that Angel wasn't so innocent in the Angelus fiasco). I'm hoping she decides she wants him. I know she does, but she has to realize that for herself. Keep up the great work!

A new update, and so soon after the last! The muse must be treating you well. Finally Buffy is waking up! Yes her William is still there, always has been, he just has attitude now. ;)

Thank you for pointing out the fact that, yes Giles does tell a lie from time to time, when he feels its called for. Hypocrite. I'm glad Angel came clean with her. You've got me starting to chew my nails, wondering which way you are going to go with this pregnancy thing.

*“They believe it is quite unlikely,” Giles said. “The PPD results will take longer…up to seventy-two hours. However, a positive result of that seems highly unlikely as well.”*

Sure its quite unlikely..but not entirely impossible! Argh! The wait is nearly going to kill me, cause you can drag this out for chapters if you want. *sigh*

But don't you dare rush it! I love every chapter and every word in it. I have complete faith in your talent and your direction with this story. My favorite part for this chapter was by far the dream scene. With the fav. line being...*He looked at her with eyes the color of topaz, and in a voice slightly slurred by his descending fangs, he whispered hoarsely, “I should kill him.”*

Beautiful job as always!

And the fifty chapter mark is reached! You're a goddess. BTW, love the chapter in many ways. Love the confrontation with Angel and all the little revelations, both massive and subtle. Its about time Angel came clean.
I wonder if Buffy will ever find out all the things Angel is responsible for, the things he's done to Spike. Now that's a whole other confrontation.

Now, what will the Slayer do? Will she take back whats hers?

YES, GOD YES!!!!!!! FINALLY she uses her brain. Okay...in perspective she hasn't been back long and was in a lot of shock an pain. GO Buffy!! Now that she knows she can take on the naysayers as needed. Her William is there with some nasty stuff on his odometer but still her William. She knows that now and can begin to at least deal with reality.

Angel finally told the truth (and Giles is clearly revealed as a liar....SOSOSOSOSOSO glad she did snap to that in the last chapter (thought she had but wasn't certain).

Damn...so much gold here as in all the story.


"if I weren’t in some way responsible for those things…didn’t you ever wonder why I felt guilty for them" INDEED. And why SHOULD they seek "redemption" or feel guilt if the human truly is gone? Should Buffy have felt guilt for things done when Faith was her body? It would be the same thing if the Council/Giles/Angel lie were truth. Amazing that Angel admitted it though. THANK YOU!

This is just superb as always. Every word, every syllable, nuance is perfection.

*happy sigh*

Of course they aren't home free yet by a long shot. There is much hurt to clear up done to Spike both in the 1800's when she played fast and loose with the truth and since her return (especially that last encounter now that he understands what she meant). They also have to deal with the idiots who believe they know what is best her and it isn't William/Spike. Dolts!

Excellent.
Kathleen

so, I just started reading this story 2 days ago and I'm already here, so that's should tell you how much i'm hating it XD

Right now I'm overwhelmed with love for every word of this story so can't get all critic on you, just thought i should tell you how wonderful this is.

A new chapter so soon!!! What a lovely and welcomed surprise. I don't know if it still exists since Dru ripped it apart but I hope that Spike managed to salvage the HIAWATHA book that Buffy gave him. To have kept and treasured this book would, hopefully, open Buffy's stubborn eyes as to the truth and the depth of how Spike could and can love.

Ah, excellent chapter! I didn't expect an update so soon! Buffy confronts Angel, yay! I'm glad the whole, "same person, soul/no soul" thing is out in the open. But will Angel tell her that Spike was still hung up on her after he was turned?

Why doesn't she go to Spike with these questions? He's never lied to her! ARGH! I'm so unbelievably frustrated with Buffy right now, I want to strangle her! So.... good job then! Can't say I'm not emotional invested in the story!!! PLease update again soon!!

Thanks for the update!