Chapter 18

Buffy ignored it the first time she felt pains in her stomach. The second time was a little harder to ignore, but she kept it to herself. The third time had her clutching her abdomen in agony as she fell to the floor, which caused Spike to come running.

“Love, what’s wrong?” he asked with concern, kneeling by her side.

She shook her head. “I don’t know, but it really hurts. I think something’s wrong with the baby.”

Spike got her to the hospital as soon as he could, waiting for the doctor to tell him what was wrong. It wasn’t a long wait, and with the doctor’s words, Spike knew that nothing would be the same again.


* * * * *


“What happened? Is Buffy okay?” Willow asked in a panic.

Spike took a deep, unneeded breath as his gaze landed on all her friends. He called them to come to the house after they returned from the hospital, only wanting to say what he had to the one time, while Buffy was upstairs resting. “She’s been having some intense abdominal pains for the last few weeks, only coming clean when they got too hard for her to hide. Apparently, Buffy has this condition, I forget the medical term for it, but it means that she could hemorrhage during labor. If she goes through with it, she could die.”

Gasps sounded throughout the room at the news.

Joyce had tears in her eyes. She knew that there was a possibility of Buffy dying at a young age, but she never knew it could be like this. “What is she going to do?”

Spike ran his fingers through his hair. “She hasn’t said anything since we got home. I don’t know what she’s thinking.”

“Then let me clarify for you,” Buffy said, entering the living room. “I’m having this baby.”

“But, Buff, you could die,” Xander claimed.

“The doctor only said there was a possibility, and that’s just not good enough for me. There’s a chance I could go through with the labor and be perfectly fine. It’s a chance I’m willing to take. This baby is a part of me and Spike. It’s a miracle, probably the only child we’ll get to have together. I’m not getting rid of it, no matter what.” She glared around the room, daring anyone to argue with her as her eyes finally landed on Spike. “Don’t tell me you actually agree?”

He shook his head. “I want this baby as much as you do, but not at the cost of your life.”

“Unbelievable, well, it looks like you’re just gonna have to deal with disappointment. I’m keeping the baby, this discussion is over.”

They watched her walk away, no one knowing what to say after that.


* * * * *


Spike spent the next few days thinking about how his life had changed. He first came to Sunnydale to cure Dru, and ended up finding the one thing he never knew he wanted. Buffy was everything to him, if he lost her, he was afraid that he would be tempted to take the ring off and wait for the sun to rise. That just wasn’t an option, there was still Dawn and if Buffy wasn’t around, she would need him. He had to be there for her, but living without Buffy wasn’t something he ever wanted to experience. So, he called the one person who would possibly understand.

“Hey, it’s me, can we meet somewhere? We need to talk.”


* * * * *


“Are you still mad at me?”

Buffy glared at him. “What do you think? You basically said that you wanted me to have an abortion.”

He sat down beside her on the bed. “You know that’s not what I want. I love you, and I already love this child, but I’m always going to put you first. Just think about Dawn, think about what losing her mother would do to her, she already lost her father.”

“That is such a low blow, Spike. You’re not going to make me feel guilty about wanting to keep my child. Remember what you told me Drusilla said? Not to believe everything you hear, maybe this is what she was talking about. I’m the Slayer, I’ve dealt with way worse than this before, and I know in my heart that everything will be okay. I have to believe that.”

Spike placed a tender kiss to her forehead, holding the tears back that were threatening to come forth. “My brave girl,” he whispered, pulling away to look at her. “I have to go somewhere for a little while, but I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

She raised her eyebrows in confusion. “Where are you going?”

“Nothing for you to worry about, I’ll tell you when I get back. You just get some rest, all right?”

Buffy was still curious, but only nodded in response.

He gave her a small smile and with a quick kiss to her lips, left the room. Spike just hoped he knew what he was doing.


* * * * *


“I’m glad you made it.”

Angel sat down in the booth across from Spike, wondering once again why they were meeting in a diner a little out of Sunnydale, but Spike refused to meet him in LA. “What’s this all about?”

Spike thought of how to start the conversation. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see, believe me, the feeling is very mutual, but I didn’t know who else to talk to. Has anyone told you anything that’s been going on?”

“Buffy called a little while ago, told me you two were together, I think she needed closure or something. I wasn’t pleased about it, but I told her I would accept it if she was happy. Are you two not together anymore?” he wondered.

“We still are, but that’s not what this is about.” A pause. “Buffy’s pregnant with my child.”

Angel’s eyes widened. “How is that possible?”

Spike shrugged. “Still not sure on that one, we just consider it to be a miracle.”

Angel agreed. “I can understand that. Darla, she uh, came back recently and ended up pregnant with my child. His name is Connor; he’s a very healthy baby boy, looks just like his mother. Darla sacrificed herself just so he could be born.”

It was now Spike’s turn to be shocked; he never would have seen that coming. “Okay, I guess we have more in common than I thought. How do you handle it? Raising the baby on your own?”

“It was hard at first, but then I realized I’m not really doing it by myself. My friends have been a huge help, for a little while I wouldn’t even let any of them hold him, but Cordelia really came through.”

Spike sensed a little something in his grandsire’s tone at the mention of the former cheerleader, wondering if there was more going on with them, but he got back to the point. “The thing is, we got news from the doctor that Buffy could possibly die if she goes through with the birth, and you know Buffy, she’s going to do it. I want this baby so bloody much, but what if we lose her? In just a couple of months, she’s become my whole world, how can I let her go now? I know there’s a chance that everything could go fine, but what if it doesn’t? I can’t lose her.” He couldn’t stop the tears from coming now, and hated to show Angel such weakness, but was finding it hard to care at the moment.

Angel couldn’t believe this was the same vicious killer he used to know. Right now, he just looked like a distraught man who feared losing the love of his life. “Buffy’s strong, if anyone can get through this, she can. You just have to hope for the best.”

Spike nodded, wiping at his eyes. “I’m trying, but God, this is torture. How the bloody hell did you do it? I witnessed most of your relationship. You two had this whole great love going on. How were you ever able to walk away from her?”

Angel let out a sigh. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I’m glad I did. We obviously weren’t meant to be together. If I stayed, things never would have been like they are between you two. For one thing, I would have probably ended up losing my soul again, which reminds me, and don’t think I can’t notice it. How did you get yours back?”

“Went through gruesome trials, demon granted me a wish. I did it for her, to be the man that she deserves.”

“I have to admit, you have really changed. I can see that you would do anything for Buffy. I never thought I would say this, but she’s lucky to have you,” Angel commented.

That got a smile out of Spike. Not that he cared for Angel’s approval, but he always did have some respect for the elder vampire, so it was nice to hear, even though he was really the lucky one. Now he just prayed that everything would work out.