Nominated for Best Fluffy Spuffy and Best Romance at Spuffy Awards. - Thanks Nice Person!
===========================================
DISCLAIMER: Joss said I could borrow the Spikebot for a few weeks, but sadly the characters belong to him.

===========================================

Last week on WWHH? Buffy almost slipped up and let the cat out of the bag on her extracurricular activites with her robot. She also found out what Spike had been up to, or did she? *** Buffybot changed her shirt and got ready for her Hot Date. *** Doris considered her career options. Heck, nobody every got anywhere working for other people.

===========================================

Chapter 11 – What Buffy Doesn’t Know



A black Lincoln Crown Victoria sat on Revello Drive across from the Summers’ residence with its engine running. Occasionally, the car shook violently and voices were heard.

Dawn Summers strolled down the street, lugging her school bag. After Buffy left the house, she’d walked over to Janice’s house to drool over the yearbook pictures of Tyler and some other boys they knew. She hadn’t told Buffy where she was going, but what Buffy didn’t know, did not hurt Buffy. Besides, she’d only cut one class today and she was feeling carefree and virtuous. For once, that old gas bag, Doris wouldn’t be calling her sister to snitch on her.

She was unlocking the front door when Spike got out of the black car parked across the street and walked up to her.

“Spike? It’s the middle of the day. How come you’re not all Roasting on an Open Fire?”

“I do not understand you,” he said. “You are Dawn. You are Buffy’s sister and the Key.”

“And, you’re a robot. Spike said there wasn’t a Spikebot. Where’d you come from?”

“I came from Warren.”

“Oh. Wasn’t he the same guy that made the Buffyskankbot?”

Spikebot looked puzzled. “I do not have the information you are seeking. Please come with me. We can get in the Lincoln Crown Victoria belonging to Warren’s mother, along with Warren and Jonathan and Whatshisname, who is recovering from an injury to his pee wee.” He took Dawn’s arm and pulled her toward the black car.

“Hey, where are we going? I don’t think Buffy would like me to go with you.” No way was she going to get into a strange car with a weirdo robot, even if it did look like Spike.

The front door of the Crown Vic opened and Warren jumped out. “Shove her in the backseat, Spikebot.”

Dawn screamed. She took a big breath and screamed again in case any part of the Revello neighborhood missed her first scream.

“You want to hurt Dawn,” Spikebot said to Warren. “Dawn is in my Friends of Spike Folder. Dawn was not in my Friends Folder, but her profile is linked to Buffy’s profile and when I moved Buffy to my Friends of Spike Folder, Dawn’s profile moved, too. Dawn is my friend. I cannot hurt Dawn.”

Warren slung his arm around Dawn’s neck. “We’re not going to hurt Dawn. We’re just going to take her for a ride to see another friend.”

“No!” Dawn struggled to pull away, but Warren gripped her harder. “Let go of me!”

“Come along, little Key. Glorificus is waiting to give me a big wad of cash when I bring you to her fabulous bachelorette pad.”

Dawn’s eyes grew wider and she screamed again. She fought to free herself, but Warren was stronger. Warren pulled her hair with his other hand and tried to force her into the backseat of the car.

“You are hurting Dawn,” Spikebot said. “You should not hurt Dawn.”

“Help me, Spikebot!” She dropped her school bag and kicked Warren in the shin.

Spikebot picked up her bag. “I will help you. What do I do?”

“Hit him! Hit Warren with the bag!”

Spikebot clunked Warren on the head with Dawn’s bag that was filled with heavy books. Warren dropped to his knees and Dawn ran back to the house, crying and shaking with fear. Spikebot followed with her school bag.

Just as Dawn arrived at her front door, Buffy ran up. “Dawn! Are you all right? Spikebot, get her inside.” She unlocked the door and turned back to the street, but Warren and the black Lincoln were gone.

“I don’t think I’m a robot,” Spikebot said.

“Buffy, they almost got me. Warren. He was going to sell me to Glory.” Dawn’s knees buckled.

Spikebot caught her and carried her into the house. He placed her gently on the sofa and brushed back her hair. “Will you be able to reset your configuration?”

Buffy pushed Spikebot aside and gave Dawn a crushing hug. “I’ll take care of Warren. Just wait until I get my fists on him. Thank goodness the Spikebot was there to help you. Maybe you should keep him with you all the time.”

After the joint consumption of a six pack of Little Dubbie spice cakes, Dawn had recuperated enough to talk. “Buffy? How many people are looking for me? If Warren knows, then other people must know, too.”

Buffy touched Dawn’s hair and tucked a strand behind her ear. Dawn hated having people fiddling with her hair and especially having her hair stuck behind her ears. People seemed to think that having long hair gave them a license to fiddle.

“I doubt Warren will tell anybody. He’ll want to sell you to Glory himself. Don’t worry. Spikebot and I will guard you until Giles or somebody figures something out. Maybe Spike can spend the night here, too.”

Dawn stuffed another Dubbie cake in her mouth to avoid speaking. This was going to be bad. She was going to have to tell Buffy she’d had skanky sex, not with a robot, but with Spike. Although, now she thought of it, wasn’t it somewhat higher on the creep-o-rama scale to have sex with a total hottie undead vampire than a never living Sack O’ Silicone? “Have you seen Spike today? Did he talk to you?”

Buffy snorted. “I saw him this morning. He was drinking human blood he’d stolen out of the hospital and he had all my p – pink tee shirts– in his bed – lair. I really let him have it. He’s got his nerve stealing my stuff.”

So that was the way Buffy was going to play it. Pretend it never happened. She’d probably excuse her lies on the theory of protecting Dawn’s sensitive young ears. Dawn wasn’t having it. “Yeah,” Dawn said. “Especially after you slept with him.”

Buffy’s face flamed red. “What are you talking about? I never slept with Spike. Ever.”

“Don’t bother to lie, Buffy. I caught him coming downstairs this morning and made him admit it. It’s chill. Really. I think you and Spike are cool together. Dumb butt Spike tried to get me to believe you slept with the robot. As if.” Dawn tossed her head in the Spikebot’s direction.

Buffy did not look well.



Buffy went to the kitchen to refill Dawn’s glass of milk and get additional Little Dubbie Snack Cakes. What was going on? She had sex with the Spikebot last night. True it was gross, but it wasn’t Spike. She hadn’t slept with Spike. Had she?

If Spike was here this morning and in bed with her this morning, where was the robot?

She went over all the time she’d spent with the Spikebot since she’d picked it – him – up at Warren’s hideout. Go to the abandoned house – check out the Bot – get kissed by the Bot, okay, weirdy point number one – take the Bot to the Magic Box. They’d walked in the bright sunlight with the Bot from Warren’s lair to the shop, so that had to be the Bot. Giles commented on how Spike wasn’t Vampire Inferno when they arrived. Fight with the Bot. His fighting was lame. Weirdy point number two. He’d pretended to be hurt when he’d socked her in the jaw, but a few minutes ago, Spikebot dropped twenty pounds of books on Warren’s head without a twinge. Sit around the Magic Box with the Bot – and leave the Bot alone for five minutes while she went to the can … Wait, Spikebot went downstairs to the basement for a few minutes. Could Spike have pulled the switch then? He could have been waiting in the basement and sent the Spikebot out through the sewer. What next? Leave the shop – walk home in broad daylight and swing together at the park. Which swinging blew her theory since, once again, Spike didn’t flame up. Then, she took Spikebot to visit Spike, who wasn’t home, which made no sense because Spike was always home in the daytime, except when he was at her house filching her underwear. Then, they killed a couple of vampires and Spikebot knew Italian – which let Spike out – and they came back to the house and – Ohmygod! She’d told Spike or Spikebot how lonely she was and how she wished Spike would ask her out on a date!

She returned to the living room and took a hard look at the Spikebot. He didn’t look exactly as good as she remembered. His eyes weren’t quite as blue and his clothes didn’t fit as tight. She considered asking him to unzip his pants for a positive identification, but couldn’t with Dawn sitting there. She wanted to question him, but if she did, Dawn might start thinking about what Buffy had been up to and since Buffy didn’t know herself what she’d been up to, she didn’t want to open up any cans of slime worms. Also, she didn’t want her sister to think she’d been having sex with a robot. It was bad enough Dawn thought she’d had sex with Spike.

Buffy did the only thing possible.

“I don’t know what Spike told you,” Buffy said, her voice as cool and calm as her heart was not, “but, I didn’t get groiny with him. Spike Him.” She started to say she hadn’t had sex with Spikebot Him either, but he was sitting on the chair absorbing every word of their conversation and staring at her without blinking, which was so skin crawling. “And, how’d you figure out that it was Spike, and not the robot?”

“Easy. I told him to make me a poptart. No reflection on the toaster. Also, he nearly caught his hand on fire.”

Every instinct told Buffy that Spike was involved and was pulling some trick, but she didn’t see how he’d managed it. Maybe there was some other way to tell what he’d been up to … Something niggled at Buffy’s brain. Reflections. Mirrors. Yes, something about the mirror when she hadn’t seen something she expected to see or did see something she didn’t expect. And, Willow said something about Spike and mirrors, didn’t she? She bit off a consoling hunk of spicy snack cake.

“Does the Spikebot have a reflection?”

“Of course. It’s a machine, not a vampire.” Dawn picked up the last Little Dubbie. “I’m going to have an incredible stomachache if I eat one more snack cake.” She took a bite.

Buffy dragged the Spikebot into the front hall and shoved him in front of the mirror. “Yep. Spikebot is full of image. Damn, I wish I could remember.”

BZZZZZZZ. BZZZZZZZ. BZZZZZZZ.

A strange buzzing sound came out of Spikebot’s head. “What’s that buzzing, Spikebot?”

He clapped his hands over his ears and ran out the front door before Buffy could stop him. After he was gone, Buffy went upstairs to change into clothes suitable for Bronzing and accomplishing Spike’s slow and painful death.