full 3/4 1/2   skin light dark       
 
The Long Walk by Holly
 
The Long Walk
 
 
 
This is for nikilicious05. I was chatting with megan_peta, and she had the idea for gift-fics, so I was admittedly inspired by her. But nikilicious05 has had an impact on all of us, and though this isn't much, I thought I'd try to repay her for all the kindness she has shown me.

The Long Walk


Author: Holly (holly.hangingavarice@gmail.com)
Rating: G
Timeline: During Touched.
Summary: The journey of a thousand miles…

Disclaimer: The characters herein are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. They are being used out of love and respect, and not for the sake of profit. No copyright infringement is intended.



*~*~*


He honestly didn’t know how he’d gotten here.

The past few months felt like a blur of reality. Of the millions of things that could have come of Africa, the thousands of possibilities he’d entertained while lying on his back and staring at the stars, wondering if Buffy saw the same sky, he’d never thought his path would lead him to her door. To this house. To this moment.

What she deserved. He’d gone after an intangible out of anger and regret, self-loathing and the fear of what would come of a future he couldn’t predict. The unthinkable had been attempted, a terrible conclusion to a relationship he both craved and resented. And if he was entirely truthful, while his unforgivable crime had been the breaking point, seeking out a soul had been in his thoughts much longer than he liked to consider.

What would have happened had he had the stones to change his life sooner rather than later. How things might have changed. Where they might be now.

Looking at Buffy now, Spike, for the first time, found himself overwhelmed with gratitude for the messy violence of the past, the hurt and the heartache, the sins and the penance for those sins. He’d never be at peace with what he’d done to her, but for what it had done for him, where it had led him, and where he was now…he’d like to think he would have gotten here eventually, but there were no guarantees. Not with Buffy.

Their relationship had changed, there was no denying that, nor was there any fooling himself that it would blossom into anything more. The solace he enjoyed now, though, was unlike anything he’d touched in his life. There was understanding for the first time. Trust for the first time. Genuine need for the first time.

There was honesty, and that was something, too, honesty for which he’d fought too long to squander.

“Would you stay?” she asked softly.

Spike’s heart hadn’t beat in nearly two centuries, but in her eyes he felt it thunder. He felt remade.

“Would you…just hold me?”

Words locked in his throat, he barely had the strength to nod. Hold her. How he’d yearned to hold her.

He’d never felt such bliss.

Just hold me, she’d said.

I can do that, he thought.

The distance between them at that moment seemed magnanimous. The floor trembled with each heavy step, and though she grew closer, though the tunnel wasn’t as long and frightening as it had once been, he couldn’t escape the weight of the journey. Drawing closer, inhaling her scent and trying with every fabric of himself to keep from crying, he knew he still had miles to go. Miles to go before he slept.

Still, nothing could take away that moment’s perfection. Buffy fell into his arms, snuggling up tenderly at his side. She didn’t flinch when he closed her into his embrace. She collapsed into him.

And it was the most perfect moment of his life.


fin