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Who Whatting How with Huh? by Spikez_tart
 
Spiralgyrations
 
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Who what


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DISCLAIMER: All belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy or whoever, no copywrite infringement intended.
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Excellent Banner by nmcil. Here's more -- whedonworld
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A Big Tart Kiss to the kind persons who nominated this story at Spark And Burn and Spuffy Awards. Reviews are always appreciated, especially if you were laughing so hard at work that your Boss gave you the evil eye or you snorted pop up your nose.
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Chapter 13 – Spiralgyrations


Spike hustled Buffybot out into the alley and nearly knocked over two fools wearing Little Mermaid and Hello Kitty masks. They smelled vaguely familiar, but he didn’t have time to suss out who they were or what the two of them were doing. He had to get rid of Buffybot before Real Buffy caught him with her.

Buffybot slammed Spike against the nearest wall, whipped a stake out of the back pocket of her tight skirt and touched it to Spike’s chest. “Do you want to play this game instead?” She leaped into Spike’s arms, wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him hard.

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Buffy circled around the room looking for Spike. She had more plans for revenging herself on Mr. Trickster. Plans that could not be put into action in a public place. “Where is he now? I’m getting a leash for him or one of those prisoner bracelets.” She turned back to the bar and saw Spike -- no, Spikebot talking to someone wearing a Sponge Bob Square Pants mask. Which, okay, weird.

“Spikebot, it’s time to go home,” Buffy said.

“I must finish robbing the bartender, then you can show me the Naughty Nurse program as you promised.” Spikebot flashed his vampire face and snarled for the bartender who was making a frozen daiquiri and didn’t appear to be impressed.

Buffy pulled on Spikebot’s arm and pretended her face wasn’t bright red at the mention of Naughty Nurse. “I thought I told you not to rob -- no, I told Spike – I told one of you not to rob the bartender. What’s going on here? Why are you robbing the bar, too? And,” she added in a low voice, “What do you know about Naughty Nurse?”

“Warren instructed me to ask the bartender for money and to say ‘GRRRRR!’” Spikebot said.

Sponge Bob squeezed himself into the crowd at the bar on the opposite side of Spikebot, propped his elbows on the bar and pretended to be looking at something across the room with his left eye. “Spikebot, hit your fist on the cash register,” he said in what passed for a quiet voice in the noisy room.

Spikebot slammed his hand on the top of the machine. The cash drawer sprang open and made a beep.

“Cut that out, Spikebot!” Buffy said.

“That’s right,” Warren said. “Take the money out of the drawer and hand it to me.”

Spikebot handed Warren a wad of cash.

Buffy placed her fists on her hips and faced Sponge Bob who was backing towards the door. Sponge Bob ran out the back door, followed by Buffy, who kicked his butt and jerked him to his feet by his ear.

“Just a minute, Slayer. This is not what it looks like. I can explain,” Sponge Bob said.
Buffy jerked his mask off. “Warren? You’re robbing the Bronze with my Spikebot? How lame is that?”

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Spike came up for air, which took a little time, because Buffybot was a very good kisser and because Spike was horny after dancing with Real Buffy. When he opened his eyes, Buffy, the Other Not So Nice Buffy, was standing next to them, tapping a stake against her thigh and holding Square Pants Sponge Bob by the ear.

Spike dropped the Bot and shoved her behind him. “I can explain.”

Buffy socked him in the eye. “I hate you!” She dropped Warren and ran down the alley.

“Wow, Spike, she hit you,” Warren said. “The Slayer hit you and you’re still standing up.”

Spike felt certain the only reason he was still standing up was because Buffy’s punch had paralyzed every nerve in his body. “Bot, stay here and guard Warren until the police get here. Then, go to my crypt and no more running about town.” Spike ran after Buffy leaving Buffybot behind, standing alone in the alley and looking miserable.

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“This has been a very disappointing evening,” Buffybot said to Warren. “Spike and I had a date, but he ran away.”

“That’s a shame, Buffybot. Well, I’ll just be going,” Warren said. He attempted to sneak off.

“Spike said I should wait and give you to a police officer. Please don’t sneak away. That is annoying.” Buffybot zapped him with the internal Taser points installed in her index fingers. Warren slumped to the ground just as the Sunnydale Police Department vehicle rolled into the alley.

Buffybot dusted her hands off to ground the electrical charge after tasing Warren, and straightened her leather skirt. “Off to Spike’s crypt for sexual pleasures by the barrel and no running about town.”

Spikebot came out the back door of the Bronze, looking for Warren. He saw Warren being shoved into the back of the police car. Warren was wearing handcuffs and shouted something from inside the car, but Spikebot couldn’t hear him.

“Spike,” Buffybot said. Spike had come back for her. She felt much better. “You’re back. Can we start our date?”

Spikebot toed the pavement with his boot. “I would like to start our date. Can you teach me how to be a good lay at this time?”

“Yes, I can. First, I shove you against the building, like so.” Buffybot slammed Spikebot against the side of the building. “Then, you kiss me.”

Spikebot pecked her on the lips.

Buffybot frowned. This was a disturbing development. This was the kind of kiss she would give to her sister, who was Dawn, not the kind of kiss she expected from Spike who was a Sex God. “Have you forgotten everything? Kiss me like this.” She kissed Spikebot passionately, then broke off the kiss. “You try it.”

Spikebot grabbed her arms, “First, I push you against the wall,” BAM! “Then, I kiss you very hard.” He shoved Buffybot against the wall and kissed her the way she’d shown him. He broke the kiss. “How was that?”

Buffybot’s head spun. She saw little gold and blue electric sparks in front of her Opto-isolators and felt tingly all over her neoprene skin-like covering. “That was excellent, although I’m not sure if I’m experiencing high voltage overload from your excellent kissing, or from bumping my head against the brick wall. Maybe we should try it again without the slamming against the wall.”

Spikebot kissed her again, softly, but every bit as passionately, this time. He also put his tongue in Buffy’s mouth the way he saw Rocky do with her mate on the cave people movie called One Million B.C. Warren and Jonathan and Whatshisname who was also known as Penis Breath, liked to watch.

“Lions and Tigers and Bears!” Buffybot said. “That was a bloody brilliant kiss. I think we can go on to the next part.”

Spikebot blushed, or at least his Alabaster White Neoprene Skin-Like Covering with the Enhanced Ultraviolet Ray Protective Coating No. 35 turned slightly pink. “What is the next part?”

“Catch me!” Buffybot jumped into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. “Put your hands on my firm behind. No, hike up my skirt first. That’s correct. Now, I nibble on your neck and you say ‘You know I can’t bite you’ and I say ‘I think you can. I think you can if I let you, and I want to let you. I want you to bite me and devour me until there's no more.’”

Spikebot hiked up her skirt and said “You know I can’t bite you.”

Buffybot skipped ahead to the next line of the program and unzipped his pants. “I think you can. I think you can if I let you, and I want to let you. I want you to bite me and devour me until there's no more.”

Spikebot ran his hands up her skirt and cupped her firm behind, which was soft and tender as well as being firm. “Why did I just say I know I can’t bite you? I’m pretty sure I could bite you if you think you’d like me to.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “It’s Line 98 of the program, but you can bite my neck if you’d like to and I will add an extra 30 second timing loop to the program.”

Spikebot vamped out and lowered his fangs into Buffybot’s neck. He punctured two holes in her neoprene skin-like covering and a tiny jet of oil spurted into his mouth.

“Oh! That felt very exciting, but I think I’m leaking oil!”

Spikebot licked the spot where he bit her neck and pressed the punctures closed with his fingers. “There, you are no longer leaking.”

“I am flustered. Your biting made me get flustered and I forgot what comes next. Oh! I remember. We were on Program Line 137. You put your hand between my lower extremities and put your fingers in my Tight Little Cunny, oh yes, like that, only deeper. Yes! And then, I pull down your zipper, except I pulled it down earlier because I got confused. So, I can just pull out your Manly Part.”

Just as Buffybot grasped Spikebot’s 12VDC Continuous Tubular Pull Solenoid and pulled it out of his tight jeans and was about to connect his solenoid to her Cermet Potentiometer, which Spike called her Tight Little Cunny, her Love Peach and her Honey Quim, among other things, a loud buzz sounded in Spikebot’s brain. It reverberated with Buffybot’s audio receivers and made her ears hurt.

BZZZZZZZ. BZZZZZZZ. BZZZZZZZ.

When the buzzing stopped, she continued making the connection and had just settled her Potentiometer onto Spike’s Tubular Solenoid, which he called his Big Cock, when Spike’s brain buzzed again.

BZZZZZZZ. BZZZZZZZ. BZZZZZZZ.

Spikebot made several erratic wheezing noises with his mouth and moved his Big Cock inside Buffy’s Tight Little Cunny and he was pretty sure he was going to short circuit his brain any second when the Single Conversion Hitec RCD Crystal Receiver in his front memory banks buzzed again.

BZZZZZZZ. “Spikebot, buddy? Can you hear me?”

“Who was that?” Buffybot said. She dug her fingers into Spike’s shoulders and rocked herself up and down on Spike’s Big Cock which caused her Tight Little Cunny to overheat. It felt – Wow!

“It is Warren. He talks in my head sometimes. Can I kiss you again? I liked that part.”

Buffybot nodded and they locked lips and touched each other’s tongues.

Warren buzzed again. “Spikebot, I’m in the City Jail. Look it up on Google and get over here pronto.”

“But, I am getting a good lay,” Spikebot said. “I think I am going to short circuit.”
“I’ll short circuit you myself if you don’t get over here and break me out.”

With great reluctance, Spikebot lifted Buffybot off his Tubular Pull Solenoid, which he saw in his program dictionary could also be referred to as his Manly Part or his Big Cock, and set her down on the pavement. He smoothed down her skirt which had rucked up very high on her pretty legs while he was rubbing his Manly Part in her Tight Little Cunny. “I am sorry, but I must terminate our date. I have to break Warren out of jail. What is jail?”

Buffybot massaged her forehead with her fingertips. Her forehead was wrinkled up from a condition with which she was not familiar, but she believed to be similar to a Boatload of Sexual Tension. “Jail is where bad people go. Warren is bad because he robbed the bartender in the Bronze, so he is in jail. He should stay there. Then, we could finish our date.”

“Robbing is bad. I robbed money from Wedgy Chalk the clerk at the Thank Heaven Convenience Food Mart and I robbed my leather coat from Contagious Clothing the One Stop Spot to Shop for Goth and also three six-packages of beer bottles from the Kwik LiQ All You Can Drink.”

“That was Evil, especially robbing money from Wedgy Chalk the clerk at the Thank Heaven Convenience Food Mart who is your very own cousin twice removed.”

“Removed from what?”

“You are Evil and I will have to kill you,” Buffybot said. This was a very disturbing turn of events. She much preferred Spike to remain in his Good Lay Program so he could rub his solenoid inside her potentiometer.

“I would rather not be killed. I would rather you touched my Big Cock again with your Tight Little Cunny. That was much better than robbing, except for the Grrr Argh part. Do you think I could Grrr Argh while we are touching?”

“I could re-position the Phase Inductance Controlled Rectifier in your Anterior Memory Banks to a 1.8° step angle, and you would receive an electrical short in your core memory PROM to let you know when you are doing something Evil. Then, I wouldn’t have to kill you.”

Spikebot sighed. “I like your modification plan much better. Would it be okay if I kissed you again?”

“Yes, I think it would.”

Spikebot leaned in close and touched his lips to Buffybot’s. He grasped her hips with his hands. He hoped this was a good thing to do and within acceptable parameters of the Good Lay Program.

BZZZZZZZ. “GET OVER HERE!!!!”

Spikebot jerked his head up, zipped up his pants and ran down the street.

Buffybot leaned against the building. “Darn his sinister attraction.”




 
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