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Who Whatting How with Huh? by Spikez_tart
 
The Apocalypse Can Wait
 
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Who what

DISCLAIMER: All belongs to Joss. If only he'd let me have Spike for a night or two.
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Last week on WWHH? we found out what Monty Python was Really up to. *** Buffybot got a combout and checked out some cool magazines. *** Slook decided on a new career. *** Spike nearly got scorched, but Buffy saved him, and he introduced Glory to a new skin care product.
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Reviews are greatly appreciated! Feed the writer, please.
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Chapter 21 – The Apocalypse Can Wait


Buffybot peeked out of the linen closet where she and Spikebot had resumed their Love Lessons and looked both ways. Nobody in the hall. “I’d better go. There’s an apocalypse to prevent. Real Buffy may need my help.”

Spikebot put his arm around Buffybot’s neck and stole another kiss. “The apocalypse can wait. I want you to show me the next nine positions.”

“You’re a very fast learner, but we should try Number Eight again first.”

Spikebot pulled her back into the linen closet and slammed the door shut.

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Overhead a blue ring of energy crackled and expanded, opening the first ring of dimensions.

Spike’s sun block spritzed onto Glory’s face. The sun block turned to goo and dripped off Glory’s chin. She wiped the sun block off her face and looked at her goo-coated hands. She wiped her hands on her dress, but the goo stuck. “What have you done, stupid vampire? I’m all gooey. I can’t go home looking this way.” She looked again at her hands. The flesh on her fingers was melting and dripping away. “I’m Melting!”

“Buffy!” Giles yelled. “The dimensions have opened!”

“What can I do? I fight with weapons,” Buffy said. “Willow! Tara! Do something!” She waved around one of the cheap swords she’d given to the others before the fight began.

Xander took the sword out of Buffy’s hand, walked to the spot where Doc stood and chanted the ritual spell. He hacked off Doc’s tail and pitched it into the reflecting pool. The tail passed through the fiery shaft of red light and the blue ring of energy vibrated and rotated faster. A small dragon shot through the rings as they separated.

“Damn,” Buffy said. “I need my sword.”

“Hold out your hand and call for it,” Giles yelled as he dodged the flames gouting out of the dragon’s mouth.

Buffy held out her strong right arm, palm extended. “CALADCHOLG!” she screamed. The air around her hand sparkled and fizzed and with a flash of blinding white light, the sword leaped into her hand – whole and beautiful and shining. “Spike! Give me a boost!”

She ran and leaped into Spike’s arms. Using her momentum, he tossed her up into the fiery rings. She thrust her sword through the rings and the dimensions banged closed. She fell back into the reflecting pool with a huge splash.

Spike pulled her out of the water, lifted her up and whirled her around. Buffy held out her sword and slashed a couple more columns, bringing down the entire back half of the building in a spray of rainbow arcs.

“We did it!” they said together. Buffy found it necessary to give Spike a very sloppy congratulatory kiss while the rest of the gang assembled in a circle and watched Glory liquefy into a large, pinkish puddle. Buffy didn’t notice when she dropped Caladcholg into the water where it sizzled and faded away.

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Buffybot banged open the linen closet door and collapsed against it. Her hair was snarled in wild disarray, her lipstick was smeared and her capacitance, temperature and frequency ranges had all exceeded their maximum tolerance points. She stumbled out into the hall, walking with a spraddle.

Spikebot came out of the closet, zipped up his black jeans and shrugged on his leather coat. “Do you have to leave so soon?”

“I think my High Isolation Voltage has overloaded. I must seek Willow.”

He put his hand on the back of her neck and looked deep into her Optically Coupled Isolators. “Can I see you again?”

“We could meet later at the Magic Box.” She tried resetting her microprocessors, but the Logic Compatible Output Sinks appeared to have scorched.

Spikebot hitched up his pants and gave Buffybot a swift goodbye kiss. “Later, then.”

Buffybot waved her fingers in a feeble way. “Much later.”

Before she had had time to pull up her To Do list and put a large checkmark beside Have Sex with Spike, a warning buzzer sounded in her brain. “Evil – Evil – Evil.

“Oh! I must Kill Evil as Needed.” She rushed towards the crash and splash of fighting.

When she arrived in the whirlpool room, Buffybot looked around for Evil. The gang was standing around a puddle of pink glop. All the poonlarps were frozen into a glob of pie gunk, Glory was nowhere to be seen and a loose demon tail floated in a pool of water. The two Dawns were wet, Tara and Willow were sucking each other’s faces. Xander was licking pie off his fingers. Guy-iles was leaning on a red axe.

Then, she saw Spike, with his arm around Real Buffy, sloshing his way out of a big pool of water. They stopped to have a kiss with tongues and no wall slamming. Her brain whirred.

“Spike is Evil. It’s my duty to kill Evil. It’s my duty to be nice to Spike. It’s my duty to kill -- It’s my duty to be nice --. It’s my duty -- It’s my duty -- ” The previous stress on her many robotic parts and the logical conundrum of killing and being nice to Spike at the same time locked down her brain. “I must kill. I must kill. I must kill.” She took a stake out of the back of her skirt and raised it over her head and dashed towards Spike.

***

Buffy kissed Spike again. Her eyes glittered with tears. “Thanks for saving my sister.”

While they were gazing in each others eyes, and Spike was trying to think of something clever to say, or at least something that wouldn’t break the mood and result in a Buffy black eye, the Buffybot tapped Buffy on the shoulder.

“Pardon me, Real Buffy. I must kill Evil.” She raised the stake above her head and plunged it to Spike’s chest.

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Doris finished getting her comb out from Slook and headed to the whirlpool room where the big ceremony was taking place. She wanted to look her best for the big day. When she arrived, she saw Two Buffies, Two Dawns, a puddle of bubblegum pink goop and Doc’s tail floating in the reflecting pool. She returned to the locker room for her large orange plastic purse and let herself out the back door.

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Buffy grabbed the stake in mid arc and snatched it out of Buffybot’s hand. “What do you think you’re doing? You can’t kill Spike.”

“I must kill Spike,” Buffybot said. “He is Evil. And, tricky.”

“He’s officially not Evil any more. He didn’t rat out Dawn. He made a Dawnbot to fool Glory and he killed Glory with the icky spray stuff he got from Warren. He saved the day. He is tricky.”

Spike pulled a horrified face. “Wait one bleeding minute, Slayer. I am too Evil. I’m the Big Bad and don’t you forget it.”

Buffybot grabbed for her stake, but Buffy tucked it into the back of her skin tight jeans. “Maybe you should Ixnay on the Evilay until Robokiller By Popeil here gets her brain unscrambled. Go see Willow, Buffybot.”

Buffybot shambled off, tripping over her own feet more than once to stand by Willow.

Spike shuffled his boot on the floor and looked embarrassed. “Buffy, about me pretending to be the Spikebot. I shouldn’t have pretended --.”

Buffy clapped her hand over his mouth. She saw the group staring at them and listening to every word. “If you say one more word, I’ll flame you out myself.” She lifted her hand and pulled him aside.

“You knew? I mean that it was me, all the time and you still --.”

Buffy considered whether she should admit Spike had completely taken her in with the Spikebot ruse. She decided she didn’t want him to have the upper hand, even if she was in a forgiving mood. “Of course I knew. There’s a mirror in the bathroom.”

“So you knew and you still had sex with me?” Spike broke into a big smile. “What do you say we get out of here and go have a quick --.”

“Coffee,” Buffy said. “We can have a quick coffee.”
 
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