Last Time: “You’re a good man. I know you don’t see it yet, but I do.” She nodded. “I do.” Buffy made up her mind. She stepped away and reaching down to pull his hand into hers, led him over to the cot they’d shared the night before. “Maybe we could both get a little happy.”




Spike reached for her as he sat on the edge of the bed, but she pulled back and shook her head. She was smiling playfully, but he still felt a touch of panic. He was too close to having everything he’d ever dreamt of not to be worried about losing it. “Buffy?”

“Lie down. You’re supposed to be resting so that your ribs can heal.” She laughed at the horror her words brought to his face and then bent down to give him a light kiss. “I’m not going anywhere. I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t mind.”

“I do.” She rolled her eyes as she sat down next to him and gave his shoulder a light push. “Now lie down and let me take care of you.”

Spike lay back on the cot and stared up at her in open-mouthed shock.

She giggled. “Speechless? Who’d have ever thought that was possible? I—”

Gripping her shoulders tightly, he pulled her mouth down to his for a kiss that had her trembling with need in seconds. She moaned softly and clutched at the blankets. When she felt him start to sit up, she pulled away. Her breath came in quick pants. “You.” She pointed at him. “Stay down.”

He took in her flushed cheeks and glazed-over eyes and smirked. “Bit late for that, love.”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy moved to straddle his thighs and pin him to the mattress. She whispered in his ear. “I still have the rope, Spike. If I have to tie you down to keep you from hurting yourself, I will.”

Spike couldn’t hold back the shiver that ran through his body at her words. He’d rather be the seducer. He wanted to demonstrate all the ways he could touch her, just how hard he could make her come. He wanted to see the surprise on her face when she realized just how well he knew her body.

She slid her hands beneath the hem of his t-shirt and he decided that her way could work just fine.

Buffy pushed his shirt up his chest slowly. Slow, she had decided, would be just the thing. “This—is a really ugly shirt.” She smiled.

“Yeah? Seem to recall that you’re the one that told me to put it on.”

“Mmmm.” She nodded. “And now I want to take it off you.” She watched his Adam ’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. “For medical purposes, of course.” He raised his arms up and she pulled the shirt up over his head. “Got to give you a full check-up.” Tossing the shirt to the floor, she leaned back and titled her head to study him for a moment. She bit her lip. He was a beautiful man; his current injuries couldn’t really detract from his over-all effect on her.

She was startled a moment later by Spike’s insistent tugging on her own shirt. She took it off quickly and let him pull her down on top of him.

He kissed her hard and fast. “Let’s play naughty nurse some other time, yeah?” He kneaded the muscles on her back for a second before unhooking the strap of her bra. When she sat up to pull it off he caught hold of her waist and waited until she made eye contact. “Just be with me. Please, just be here with me.”

He spent decades building a façade. All he’d thought he wanted was a little pride, a touch of the dignity that he’d been denied as a human. But for her he’d beg. He’d done it before and would do so again, though he knew that she would never know how hard it was. He knew that she just thought it was who he was, that he was weak, perhaps. But it was only who he was for her. He’d worshiped Dru. He’d spent a lifetime trying to earn her full attention, but he’d never begged. Not really. He’d never laid himself bare and let her rip up his heart. Only Buffy got to do that. He hoped she wouldn’t do it again.

Her eyes glistened. He was right, she was distancing herself. The game made it easier to pretend that what was happening wasn’t a big deal. He deserved more. She nodded. “I am—here, I am.” She watched him for a moment. He didn’t bother to hide the awe in his eyes, but his brow was furrowed and he looked more than a little lost. She could tell he was trying to figure out what to say. Feeling just as helpless in that arena, Buffy decided that action would have to suffice. Grasping his hands, she guided them up to cup her breasts and was greatly relieved when he took over.

Spike rubbed his thumbs across her nipples and smirked with masculine pride at the gasps he drew.

Buffy suspected that they should be taking their time; she’d made a fuss earlier about how it would have to be different this time. She just couldn’t wait anymore. She ached for him in a way she’d only thought possible in over-the-top romance novels. She only pulled away for a second to tug off the last of her clothes, but she saw the momentary fear flash in Spike’s eyes and knew that he was still waiting for her to turn and run. She cupped his face between her hands. “I’m here, Spike.” She shrugged. “William?” A part of her thought that his given name seemed more fitting for the moment but she didn’t know if he liked it. Smiling, she admitted softly. “I don’t know what to call you. You’re different-with your soul-you’re different, but you’re still…”

“Either. Whichever you like-it’s fine.”

“I like both.” She gave him a smile as she said it, hoping he would understand that she meant she liked all of him.

His heart swelled; it the perfect answer. He hadn’t even thought about it until that moment, but it was true. He needed to hear her say both of his names. He needed her to accept that he wasn’t human, but that his soul always would be. He needed to hear the woman he loved whisper his given name with affection just as much as he needed to hear her shout the moniker he’d claimed in passion.

He trembled. She was naked, gorgeously and wonderfully naked, sitting on his thighs and saying sweet things. Worried that he’d do something wrong or that he’d push too fast, he kept his hands resting gently at her waist, rubbed his thumbs across the soft skin on her stomach and waited for her to make the next move.

She gave him a hard kiss before whispering a confession. “I’m worried that I’ll hurt you. I don’t want to.”

He blew out a quick breath. “The ribs’ll mend, pet.” He shook his head and his eyes pleaded with her not to leave.

Buffy shook her head. “Not your ribs. I mean that too, but—mostly I just don’t want to hurt you anymore.” Her hand came down to touch his chest above his heart as she said “you”. “We’ve had enough of that. I want—I want us to be good to each other. I want to be good to you.” She reached down and rubbed his sweat-pant covered erection with a tender hand. “Will you let me?”

His realization of just exactly what she was asking permission for nearly made him whimper. He could barely think for wanting her, and she was asking if it was okay. He groaned and wondered how she could possibly need to ask, how she could still not understand that he was hers. Smothering her protests with a kiss, he flipped them both over and looked down at her intently. “Always.” His voice was hoarse. “I’ll always want you. I’ll always love you.” He didn’t wait for her to respond. He knew that she couldn’t repeat the words. Shaking with need, he freed himself from his pants and settled between her legs. “Always.” He met her eyes with his before pressing into her with a single long thrust.

“Oh god!” Buffy clutched at his shoulders and gasped in pleasure. “So good.” She gazed up at him in amazement and wondered if it had always been this great. She remembered good, but what she felt at that moment was so much more. It couldn’t have been this good before, she decided. If it had felt like this she wouldn’t have been able to walk away. She whimpered as he pulled out and gasped almost triumphantly when he slid back in. “Yes. Oh Spike.”

The wonder in her eyes was almost too much for him. Spike trembled with the effort to hold himself together and to maintain a slow and steady rhythm. He didn’t want to finish too quickly, but knew he wouldn’t be able to hold out long. His ribs ached and his muscles were still weakened from the days of starvation and torture he’d faced at the hands of The First’s minions, but the greater challenge was pushing back his body’s sheer joy at being home. “Missed you so much. Never thought—never thought I’d get another chance.” He kissed her hard, pushing his tongue into her mouth to mimic the actions of his body. Her moan a pleasure drew out one of his own and he rested his forehead against hers. “Won’t last much longer, pet—want to—oh bloody hell—I want to be here all night, love, but—”

“More nights. Other nights.” She promised breathlessly as she struggled to keep her actions gentle. She could feel him trembling above her and knew that it was only partly caused by lust. She scooted to the side and gave him a light push. “Lie down.” She continued before he could argue, as she was certain his pride would force him to. She kept that pride in mind when she spoke. “I want to ride you senseless. Now. Lie. Down.”

He complied almost instantly.

Buffy grinned in secret triumph as she moved to straddle his hips. She settled herself on top of him and then paused quite suddenly. “Did you need a break?” She bit her lip to keep a straight face as she watched the shock and frustration from her teasing play across his face.

Catching sight of the slight upturn of her lips, Spike caught on to her game and quickly pressed his hips upward, surging in to her warmth without a word.

She gasped softly in surprise and pleasure. “Oh.”

“I’m already all broken, love. You got me all wrapped around your finger- no need to tease.”

She made a show of pouting at that and he loved it, loved seeing her playful side. He’d been sure always that it was there, but she had only rarely shared glimpses of it with him. He moaned and let his head fall back to the pillow as she began to move on top of him. She smiled down at him and he was in heaven.

“You are…you’re amazing, love.”

Her head dropped down to nuzzle the soft spot below his ear and she whispered, “You are.” She kissed him hard, urged on by a possessive voice in her heart that reminded her that he wasn’t just amazing, he was amazingly hers.

With his arms wrapped tightly around her and the feel of her hot skin sliding against him, he came. He shouted her name as he lost himself and his other face pressed forward. Spike moved quickly to pull himself back but wasn’t fast enough to prevent Buffy from nicking her tongue on the sharp point of his fang. He heard her small gasp and paled with disgust. “I’m so sorry, love…I--” He dropped his gaze to bed and avoided her eyes.

Buffy’s brow furrowed as she pulled his face back to hers and pressed her lips to his.

He pulled away again, shock widening his still amber-colored eyes. “You’re bleeding!”

She raised a single eyebrow. “You mind?”

He stared at her, frozen. “I shouldn’t, I--”

“I want you to.” She brought her lips to his and gently coaxed him back into a kiss. She felt the tension in his shoulders as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pushed her tongue into his mouth.

He tried to hold back, to only lightly touch her tongue with his own, but he couldn’t. As soon as he tasted the coppery droplets he moaned deeply and pulled her tongue more fully into his mouth.

She clung to him as he suckled on her tongue. She wasn’t surprised to feel his returning arousal, but was quite stunned by her own. She was certain that she shouldn’t like him feeding off her. She did. It was a minuscule amount, she knew that, but still, in a small but sure way she knew that she was feeding him. She was giving herself to him and it felt natural. She smiled against his lips.

He was still licking at her tongue, though she was sure that the tiny wound had long since stopped bleeding, when she settled herself back onto his erection. Before he could express his surprise, she pressed her tongue against the tip of his fang just enough to draw blood.

He knew then, though he wasn’t sure that she did or even if she ever would, he knew in that moment that she loved him. She had to love him at least a little bit; he decided as a wave of astonishment crashed over him, she would never share herself like she was if she didn’t. He was still in awe several moments later when they both finally found completion together.

He wanted to tell her that he knew. He wanted to tell her as she cuddled up against his side afterward and when she pulled the blanket up to cover their still naked bodies, but they both fell asleep before he found the right words.