Author's note: Yay! :D I just got a notification that I have been nominated over at SunnyD awards for the best AU. Whoever liked this story enough to nominate me just made my day. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, I really appreciate it!

Beta'd by dawofme and Mabel Marsters- two very talented ladies.






Awesome banner by xaphania



Chapter 23


Rain began to pour down and by the time Buffy crossed the threshold of Giles’ apartment, her hair hung in a sodden mess and her clothes clung uncomfortably to her skin. She closed the door and let her feet to carry her to her room.


“Hey, B. Feel like watching a flick?”


Buffy stopped in her stride and turned to face Faith who was sitting on the couch. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.


Faith stood up and hurried over, looking at her with concern. “Is everything alright?”


“I…” Buffy blinked and shivered.


“You better ditch the wet clothes before you catch your death.”


Buffy’s chin wobbled and before she knew it, her knees buckled and she was sobbing so hard it was difficult to catch her breath.


“Shit, what the hell happened?” Faith knelt down and brushed the hair off Buffy’s face.


Buffy launched herself into her arms and Faith held her, stroking her back.


“W-William is… h-he’s…” Buffy gasped for breath and tried to calm herself down.


Faith sighed. “I know you miss him, but you can’t go on like this, Buffy. It’ll drive you crazy.”


“N-No… i-it’s not…” she sniffed. “He’s Spike.”


Faith leaned away and stared at her. “Wait. Spike as in… the Aurelian vamp with the major issues? The one you’ve been hassling Giles about tracking down?”


Buffy nodded in misery.


“Well, that’s… What are you going to do?”


“What I have to,” Buffy whispered.


“You know… Whatever you decide to do in the end, I’m hundred percent behind you.”


“What do you mean what I decide to do? It’s already been decided. I don’t have a choice.”


“Hey, I’m all for a good slay, you know that. But… think about what it’ll do to you.”


Buffy shifted and tugged at her t-shirt in a futile effort to separate it from her skin. “I’m sorry I got you all wet.”


Faith glanced down at her damp top and winked. “Never apologize for getting me wet, girlfriend.”


Buffy crinkled her nose. “Ew.”


Faith grinned.


*******


Two weeks later, Buffy brushed the dust off her clothes as another vampire met his demise under her hands. For the second time this week, she could feel Spike’s eyes on her. Did he think she wouldn’t be aware of his presence? Of his eyes hungrily following her every move?


If he thought that it would unnerve her and give him some kind of advantage, he was sorely mistaken. Whatever he was planning, she was ready for him. And she was getting tired of playing hide and seek.


“I know you’re there,” she said and faced the direction from which she could feel his vibes tugging at her senses.


Silence was his only response for a few seconds before the shadows seemed to melt away to reveal him. Moonlight caressed his smooth pale skin, accentuating the sharpness of his cheekbones. The whiteness of his hair.


“Looks like you caught me. What are you going to do about it?” He bit his bottom lip. “Gonna punish me, Buffy?”


He was beautiful, otherworldly so, and it was hard not to succumb to the lie. To the seductive draw of his eyes, the soft pout of his lips that she knew so intimately.


“I don’t want to play any games.” She gripped the stake in her hand and lifted her chin. “And stop saying my name like that.”


He stepped closer, graceful and deadly. Her skin prickled and she resisted the urge to take a step back. She hated the hold he had over her. That she couldn’t help but look at him and see William.


“Like what?” He tilted his head, his eyes bright with intensity that made her skin itch. “Like I love you?”


She squeezed her eyes shut for a second and hissed from behind her clenched teeth, “You don’t. You can’t love me.”


His nostrils flared and she watched his face harden. “And yet, all I can think of when I look at you is how much I wish I could stop. No such luck, luv. Guess you’ll have to kill me first.”


Her stomach tightened painfully at the thought. What if she could never do it? She’d had him pinned and ready to be dusted the last time, and what had she done? She’d run away. And the blood of the people he’d killed since then now stained her own hands. All because she was too weak to end this.


“You think I won’t?”


He shrugged. “You couldn’t do it before.”


“It’s not like you put much of a fight either. Do you want me to kill you?”


He smiled sadly, and the vulnerability was so reminiscent of the way William used to smile that it made her heart skip a beat. “Didn’t want to hurt you.”


She laughed though there was no humour in it. “You didn’t want to hurt me? You’re a vampire! All you do is cause hurt. Stop pretending to be William.”


His eyes narrowed. “I’m not pretending anything. Yeah, I’m hardly the man I used to be, but I am William. Been through a lot, thinking you were dead. Wished so many bloody times that I could have died that day. ”


Her fingers started to shake and she tightened her hold on the stake. “It would have been better if you did.”


Spike glanced away from her, but not before she glimpsed the pain betraying how much her words cut him. “Nothing’s stopping you from ending it now.”


It would be so simple to cover the distance, to plunge the stake into his chest. He was an abomination. So why did her feet refuse to move?


“Show me what you’ve got then, Slayer.” He spread his arms and smirked, but the mirth wasn’t mirrored in his eyes. Those eyes that were exactly like William’s. The blue of his irises always reflecting the tumultuous feelings inside.


She moved forward to attack him, but her heart wasn’t in it. Her every hit was deflected and she realized their strengths were evenly matched. She punched, he ducked, she kicked, and he danced out of the way or shoved her away. Why wasn’t he fighting?


“Fight back, damn it!”


“Can’t,” he said and as she came forward to attack him again, he shoved her away and she tripped over her own feet. Buffy tumbled ungracefully right on her ass, getting the wind knocked out of her in the process. Before he could move to restrain her, she kicked his legs from under him and straddled him, immediately pressing the stake on his chest.


He gazed up at her expectantly. She growled at her own inability to kill him and instead rammed the stake into his shoulder with as much force as she could muster.


“Bloody hell, that hurts!” He growled. “Just kill me and have it over with!”


She seized the stake and pulled it out, throwing it angrily away. “Can’t.” She echoed his earlier words.


He clutched at his shoulder, the blood flowing thickly from the gaping wound, and she cringed at the sight. Then she remembered she was still sitting on top of him and scrambled to get away. She couldn’t believe he had the nerve to pout.


“Don’t leave on my account. I was just getting all comfy here,” he said with a smirk though his voice was tight with pain.


“Stop doing that… stop acting like we’re friends. Like we’re anything. You’re just a demon.”


“Yeah? That the Council talk you’re spewing or do you really believe it?”


“Tell me, how many people have you killed?”


Spike averted his eyes.


“That’s what I thought,” Buffy said, her voice shaking. “I might not be able to kill you right now, but give me time and I will. I can’t let you roam around killing people. If you cared about me at all like you claim to, you’d leave and never come back.”


“I did.”


Buffy stared at him blankly, and he gingerly lifted himself into a sitting position. “I…did leave. Was looking for a Slayer and came to Bath… feels like forever has passed since then.” He laughed bitterly. “Turns out it’s you. Bloody hilarious if you ask me. Knew I had to go, swore to myself to never come back, to spare you… knew you’d react this way if you sussed out what I was, didn’t I? But I… guess I couldn’t stay away. Had to see you, feel you…”


He lifted his hand and traced her fingers. She jerked her hand away as if burnt.


“No. Don’t touch me!” Feeling his skin brushing against hers with the shy gentleness made her long for his embrace. She couldn’t let him close. She wouldn’t.


He sighed when she rose to her feet. “Buffy, let me-”


“No no no no. There will be no letting you do anything. Stop acting… human. You’re only doing it to confuse me, t-to hurt me. I can’t do this.”


She turned to leave, ready to flee when his fingers closed around her upper arm.


“Please, don’t go. We need t-”


“I said… don’t touch me!”

She jerked her arm away from his gentle grasp, breathing heavily. There was nothing more she longed for than to bury her face in the crook of his neck and cry for what they had lost. She felt so old, so helpless and so insecure about they way he made her feel. It was like being presented with everything she’d ever wanted. To have William back. Yet, she could never have him and seeing his face was like having the salt rubbed into her wounds.


She cast him a glance over her shoulder as she walked away, pretending not to see the defeated slump of his posture, pretended not to be affected by the rejection written all over his face.


Her heart clenched when his quiet voice drifted to her ears.


“What can I do to make you love me again?”


She never turned around.


TBC